Lauracake Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Wow poppy, I've read lots of your posts, you know secretly over the months. I was amazed at how strong your resolve was, I wanted to be you. I think your 'recovery' has been a massive messages to So many people, both those that post and many like me who don't. You know, your human and that is totally ok to feel nostalgic etc. I seem to remember it was 8 years or so? Your incredible and I know it probably means nothing on a random message board but you inspired me to finish everything and go NC many months ago, honestly you did. Your strength has been astounding for many people.dont think you've slipped up, curiosity is ok now and then. I know I would vomit if I ever saw exmm facebook, pure torture but sometimes you need that to keep you in the here and now. Your amazing poppy, please don't forget how inspiring you have been x 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Onlywhenitrains Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 I have messed up!!!! I was feeling maudlin and introspective about xMM and some other issues. This is the time of year when we used to spend a lot of time together as I am always on holidays. I unblocked his FaceBook and looked at what he has been doing for the last 9 months. There were smoke signals left all over it for me.... yes I DO know they were for me. I left him unblocked for 24 hours and sure enough, he picked up on it. He left several cryptic messages on his Face Book. We were never friends there but he would leave posts for me. It was destructive and the Face Book is blocked again. It is very easy to slip back, even after 9 months. I am writing this here, rather than contact him. The urge to email him is strong, although it would change nothing at all. It has left me quite miserable. Thanks for reading and understanding. Poppy. Poppy, you are human! I know how hard holidays are, just this past holiday season I did have a couple of meltdowns of crying and looking at his pictures etc. But, it passes eventually and you gather your strength after those moments. You are still NC. Keep it going! You are very strong person, and you have been an inspiration to me, and I believe to many others on LS. Stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 (((((((((Poppy)))))))) big hugs!! So you took a step back.......but you did not contact him. You did not respond to him. It's hard to change patterns. As this was a pattern for you a time you would normally spend together, its difficult to change the pattern. I'm glad you posted here and not to him. Link to post Share on other sites
jennifernyc84 Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Hi Poppy, I wanted to let you know how uplifting you've been for me. You've given me some of the best advice I've received on LS. Your post are always so strong and uplifting, and I admired that. I must say, seeing you slip up, makes me feel so much better about my slip ups. I hope you don't take that the wrong way. I just mean that, seeing how strong you are, and how reassuring you are, even the strongest of us need to be picked up sometimes. It's made me feel not so bad about the times I've slipped up. Hey, we're all in this together. You messed up. No big deal. Someone on here told me to dust myself off, straighten my tiara and try again! I loved that post so much. I'm going to suggest the same for you. Wishing you the best Poppy. ((((((((( HUGS!! )))))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 (((Poppy))) You are human as am I. I still peak every once in a while at MOW's social media. Not sure why I still do it, it reminds me of the person who cannot look away from an accident. Sometimes I think curiosity gets the best of us. It is always best to stay NC but easier said than done. At least you did not contact him per say, just glancing at social media which I know is referred to as 'pain shopping' and I hate pain shopping. It hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Hi Poppy, I wanted to let you know how uplifting you've been for me. You've given me some of the best advice I've received on LS. Your post are always so strong and uplifting, and I admired that. I must say, seeing you slip up, makes me feel so much better about my slip ups. I hope you don't take that the wrong way. I just mean that, seeing how strong you are, and how reassuring you are, even the strongest of us need to be picked up sometimes. It's made me feel not so bad about the times I've slipped up. Hey, we're all in this together. You messed up. No big deal. Someone on here told me to dust myself off, straighten my tiara and try again! I loved that post so much. I'm going to suggest the same for you. Wishing you the best Poppy. ((((((((( HUGS!! )))))))))) Some of us that seem strong are really not what we appear. It's easy for me to appear a tower of strength because he does not care. If I unblocked his FB and Instagram, I'd see the same picture from 2014 of his family. I suppose one day it will be a new family picture but there would be no cryptic messages for me. I really don't think I will ever hear from him again but I am just like everyone else here. As much as I've love to get an email phishing to see how I am doing, I've never been able to stay away. I'm not sure we really ever get over anyone, it just feels that way because don't see them and over time, we think we've moved on. My friend walked in on his girlfriend and his friend in bed, this was 15 years ago. He ran into her on the street, walked by without a word to her, and he said all the feelings came right back, like it was yesterday. The pain, shame, hatred. That is why you have to have NC, as if they were dead. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Jemima1234 Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Poppy - I read this the opposite way to you- rather than you slipped up you actually stopped yourself. You looked at his Facebook yes but still stayed no contact. I think you are amazing. I also believe your xMM obv does love you- and you him - but it just was not to be. Hold on to the good memories, remember the pain too and keep moving forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I have messed up!!!! Hey Poppy. The way I read it, you've 'messed up' only ONCE after nine months of cold turkey NC in the face of a long term hardcore habit. That's actually pretty admirable restraint in my book! My Dad was a smoker for almost all his adult life. He quit cold turkey in his 50s due to health concerns and never had another smoke for the rest of his life. I remember one morning years after he had quit him recounting to me that he had dreamt that he had a cigarette. 'No matter', he said to me. 'Sure, they are things about it that I remember and miss. But I know how bad it is for me. I have no regrets and will never go back.' It was just a dream Poppy, a peek. A momentary lapse. No matter... Here's to a fabulous 2017!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poppy47 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 Wow poppy, I've read lots of your posts, you know secretly over the months. I was amazed at how strong your resolve was, I wanted to be you. I think your 'recovery' has been a massive messages to So many people, both those that post and many like me who don't. You know, your human and that is totally ok to feel nostalgic etc. I seem to remember it was 8 years or so? Your incredible and I know it probably means nothing on a random message board but you inspired me to finish everything and go NC many months ago, honestly you did. Your strength has been astounding for many people.dont think you've slipped up, curiosity is ok now and then. I know I would vomit if I ever saw exmm facebook, pure torture but sometimes you need that to keep you in the here and now. Your amazing poppy, please don't forget how inspiring you have been x Laura, Thank you for you kind words. If I have inspired you to get out of a rotten dead end relationship, then every moment of NC has been worth it for that alone. You must have a lot of inner strength to keep up the NC, No I haven't slipped up but the holiday season can be a tough time for anybody. I am on holidays from work and my mind is not as busy as usual. Keep on Laura. Warm wishes. Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poppy47 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 Thanks everyone for your overwhelmingly kindness and support. It's great that we can support each other on LS, from all over the world. Affairs are the loneliest places on the planet. This is a safe place to come and let out the hidden emotions. I am sooo glad I didn't go further and contact xMM. No doubt it would have started all over again as he hadn't stopped thinking of me. He will be upset all over again now and I regret that a lot. However, back to 100% NC and never going back there again. Poppy. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poppy47 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 So, it's 5 days since I reblocked xMM on FB and woke up feeling half way decent this morning. Did a long walk and going out to lunch with a friend. NC appears to be back on track with little harm done by my recent bout of festive nostalgia. Cheers, Poppy. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 And our heavy use of computers, email, and smart phones perhaps contributed to this feeling: even now there are times when my phone 'dings' to let me know that a text has arrived and a sort 'flash' within me triggers that old familiar feeling: "that'll be her...". Like I'm some laboratory mouse in an experimental maze, anxiously responding to a scientist's stimulus in the hope of scoring another pellet. Strangely enough, I think this is going to be the hardest thing for me, not seeing the flashing green light signaling a text message. I think I fell in love with that green light. Weird huh? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 (edited) meant to start own thread....sorry Edited January 8, 2017 by Sunshinechica Link to post Share on other sites
Girlfromcali Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 Strangely enough, I think this is going to be the hardest thing for me, not seeing the flashing green light signaling a text message. I think I fell in love with that green light. Weird huh? It's not weird. I slept holding my phone because I would wake up to a text message that said "good morning, gorgeous". It still makes me cry to think about it. And I hated getting text messages from anyone else. It's like anyone else texting me ruined everything. No wonder nobody texts me anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 Strangely enough, I think this is going to be the hardest thing for me, not seeing the flashing green light signaling a text message. I think I fell in love with that green light. Weird huh? Not at all. Texting is addictive. My therapist told me. It doesn't matter who it is, social media. Why do you think everyone is glued to their phones? It's a real thing. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 It's not weird. I slept holding my phone because I would wake up to a text message that said "good morning, gorgeous". It still makes me cry to think about it. And I hated getting text messages from anyone else. It's like anyone else texting me ruined everything. No wonder nobody texts me anymore. He said "Good morning baby" every day. But the thing is, it's better to here that from the person next to you rather than your phone. It does get better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poppy47 Posted January 8, 2017 Author Share Posted January 8, 2017 It's not weird. I slept holding my phone because I would wake up to a text message that said "good morning, gorgeous". It still makes me cry to think about it. And I hated getting text messages from anyone else. It's like anyone else texting me ruined everything. No wonder nobody texts me anymore. I think MY xMM must have been sending texts to everybody on LS. LOL. Just a light hearted aside. Popppy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 Some of us that seem strong are really not what we appear. It's easy for me to appear a tower of strength because he does not care. If I unblocked his FB and Instagram, I'd see the same picture from 2014 of his family. I suppose one day it will be a new family picture but there would be no cryptic messages for me. I really don't think I will ever hear from him again but I am just like everyone else here. As much as I've love to get an email phishing to see how I am doing, I've never been able to stay away. I'm not sure we really ever get over anyone, it just feels that way because don't see them and over time, we think we've moved on. My friend walked in on his girlfriend and his friend in bed, this was 15 years ago. He ran into her on the street, walked by without a word to her, and he said all the feelings came right back, like it was yesterday. The pain, shame, hatred. That is why you have to have NC, as if they were dead. Know this feeling well. TOTALLY SUCKS! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts