Muslim bf not telling his parents about me

[ses]

I was in love and wanted to marry a Muslim man for many years. We eventually became fwbs because I was so infatuated and couldn't let go even though he was toxic to me. He was born/raised in the United States but had a religious upbringing (and was highly respected in the community) so he could never reconcile sex and his faith. I remember one incident where he asked if there were any brown people at the motel desk. After a few months of hot and heaviness, he broke it off via text and told me he was planning to marry a Pakistani woman. I'm sure your boyfriend is a great guy, but unless you're willing to convert or practice his religious traditions with him, like fasting and celebrating Eid, I would be careful moving forward.

 

My current significant other is also South Asian but more assertive about my place next to him. He's had opportunities for an arranged marriage as well out of deference to his parents but that wasn't him. He's an American, born and raised. I was never hidden, and he's always been open about his feelings towards me and our future in front of family and friends. I'm really happy I met him at the right time.

 

You need to be open about your feelings. Don't accept second-class treatment.

[elaine567]

There is a huge difference between some interfaith marriages and other interfaith marriages.

Islam is a way of life it impacts on every aspect of life. Family, tradition and culture, are very important, as is marrying the "right" person.

 

Where does this man's family originate as some countries are more "conservative" than others?

[burritosntacos]

I was in love and wanted to marry a Muslim man for many years. We eventually became fwbs because I was so infatuated and couldn't let go even though he was toxic to me. He was born/raised in the United States but had a religious upbringing (and was highly respected in the community) so he could never reconcile sex and his faith. I remember one incident where he asked if there were any brown people at the motel desk. After a few months of hot and heaviness, he broke it off via text and told me he was planning to marry a Pakistani woman. I'm sure your boyfriend is a great guy, but unless you're willing to convert or practice his religious traditions with him, like fasting and celebrating Eid, I would be careful moving forward.

 

My current significant other is also South Asian but more assertive about my place next to him. He's had opportunities for an arranged marriage as well out of deference to his parents but that wasn't him. He's an American, born and raised. I was never hidden, and he's always been open about his feelings towards me and our future in front of family and friends. I'm really happy I met him at the right time.

 

You need to be open about your feelings. Don't accept second-class treatment.

 

That's the thing. He doesn't even take fasting that seriously and has broken it in the past. If he was as religious as his parents, I would have ended it because I would think he'd take the arranged marriage route. But we've had conversationsome in which he says he doesn't believe and doesn't want to take that route.

[NuevoYorko]

So not a single mixed religion relationship between a Muslim and a Christian has ever worked out well? Ridiculous. You do need to understand that not all people who associate themselves with any religion necessarily live their day to day lives by following to the letter the words written in a book thousands of years ago.

 

This is not all about religious differences. It's about him having (choosing) to hide their relationship and her from his family. This would wreck most relationships even if they had the same religious outlooks.

[burritosntacos]

So my bf recently told his mom about me. So essentially, I'm not all that worried anymore that he was just using me since I think this shows he actually wants to pick me. He said she wasn't too happy with him at first but then simply urged him to try and get me to convert to being Muslim if we eventually get married. ALSO she told him not to tell his father (who I'm guessing is much more conservative)

 

Bf told me he's conflicted. Said he feels awkward making me convert and doesn't want to force me to do anything but also sees this as the best way for him to keep somewhat of a relationship with his parents so they don't completely hate him.

 

I'm equally conflicted. My parents are very irrational, not willing to see his religion as anything but negative (which makes me pretty mad, but I could talk about that all day).

 

I guess I just want people's thoughts/opinions/advice with this new update.

[LD1990]

The more I hear about religion, the happier I am to be an atheist.

 

His mother is saying you should give up your religion, which for all she knows could be a very important part of your life, so you can make her and her husband more comfortable. If you want to see the hypocrisy in this, just have your boyfriend tell mommy dearest that he was thinking of converting to Christianity for you. Something tells me that wouldn't go over too well.

 

If you stay with this guy, you'll either have his mom and dad as a constant thorn in your side, or you'll have to give up part of your identity to make them happy. And you can get used to those sorts of situations, because Muslims aren't exactly known for treating women as equals.

[Gaeta]

Do not do that.

 

I know a woman that dated this Muslim man, he was a sweetheart the 2-3 years they dated. She changed religion to marry him and didn't think it was a big deal. Turned out at the moment they got married he turned all traditional on her and her life became a living hell.