VirginiaBob Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 This is not the place for you to be holier than thou, especially against those who fall both to the right AND the left of you on the rules continuium. What you've said in this thread, effectively, is that your way is right and everyone who deviates from your way in any direction is wrong. Yea, to tell you the truth, she sounds more controlliing than anyone I've met. It sounds like her boyfriend is forced to follow all of her rules, but isn't allowed to make any rules of his own. Link to post Share on other sites
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob Yea, to tell you the truth, she sounds more controlliing than anyone I've met. It sounds like her boyfriend is forced to follow all of her rules, but isn't allowed to make any rules of his own. What rules did I say I have for my BF? NONE. There shouldn't be rules. Bottom line. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by IhavenoFREAKINclue What rules did I say I have for my BF? NONE. There shouldn't be rules. Bottom line. So he's allowed to mount other chicks? Link to post Share on other sites
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Of course not, That's not what a relationship is. Him and I are committed to each other and each other only. Its not a rule, its what a relationship is. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by IhavenoFREAKINclue Of course not, That's not what a relationship is. Him and I are committed to each other and each other only. Its not a rule, its what a relationship is. lol.. That's a rule, sweetie. Hate to break it to you. Link to post Share on other sites
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Maybe its a general rule of relationship but its not a rule him nor I established. Its unwritten that you don't sleep with others while committed. Just like you know you don't tell a woman she's fat. Unwritten rule. But rules set forth by the people in the relationship are ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
airbus Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 I think she means that her and her partner basically play to the definition of what a relationship is. Link to post Share on other sites
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by airbus I think she means that her and her partner basically play to the definition of what a relationship is. Thanx baby! Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by IhavenoFREAKINclue But rules set forth by the people in the relationship are ridiculous. To you, maybe. A lot of people would disagree with that statement. Link to post Share on other sites
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 To you, maybe. A lot of people would disagree with that statement. Agreed. Link to post Share on other sites
airbus Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by IhavenoFREAKINclue Thanx baby! It's alright. I wish my gf would play to the rules properly... like 'talk things through with a partner' All I get from her is 'i'm never making any changes for a b/f' Well, thats all fair and well if you want a relationship to fail but I dont see why I have to make them for her though. Link to post Share on other sites
scratch Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by airbus It's alright. I wish my gf would play to the rules properly... like 'talk things through with a partner' All I get from her is 'i'm never making any changes for a b/f' Well, thats all fair and well if you want a relationship to fail but I dont see why I have to make them for her though. Because you fear that if you don't meet her demands, she'll leave, and you're happier bending to her will to a degree you (intellectually) realize is unreasonable than being without her. If I am wrong, you'll stand up to her and deal with the consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
airbus Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 I want the relationship to work. I kinda just wish she would wake up! I try and stand up to her, all I get from her is 'you're being silly!' Then we argue and I feel guilty. I am a nice guy really! I suppose I sound stupid, and maybe I am, but I try so hard to work things out. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Well not to be mean but maybe she's not the one that needs to wake up. Link to post Share on other sites
scratch Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by airbus I want the relationship to work. I kinda just wish she would wake up! I try and stand up to her, all I get from her is 'you're being silly!' Then we argue and I feel guilty. I am a nice guy really! I suppose I sound stupid, and maybe I am, but I try so hard to work things out. Did you disagree with me, or just re-word it in a more flattering light? Hey, if you're happier with the way things are than by risking that fight (and not backing down when she tells you you're being silly), by all means, keep it the way it is. It would be stupid to break up if you want to be with her. But would it be possible to be nice and also stand up for what you think is right? Is it worth the risk? Link to post Share on other sites
airbus Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Believe me, I know what you're saying! Everytime I try and have this discussion she changes the subject or says 'you always do this! You're doing my head in!' We argue and then she says stuff like 'I regret getting with you' It's just a never ending story! We've argued, but I suppose like she said, she wont ever make any changes for me. I guess i'm not worth it or something? Link to post Share on other sites
airbus Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 Well not to be mean but maybe she's not the one that needs to wake up. Oh... I'm the one who calls her, i'm the one who texts first, i'm the one who is always there for her when shes upset, i'm the one whos made all the compromises, don't you think she should wake up to that and give me credit where its due? Infact, some credit for putting up with all this and still being with her might be nice aswell. I'm aware of the situation, why do you think I keep bringing it up to her? Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by airbus Oh... I'm the one who calls her, i'm the one who texts first, i'm the one who is always there for her when shes upset, i'm the one whos made all the compromises, don't you think she should wake up to that and give me credit where its due? Infact, some credit for putting up with all this and still being with her might be nice aswell. I'm aware of the situation, why do you think I keep bringing it up to her? That's not what I mean man. What I mean is that she's made it pretty clear what her stance is on everything and that she's not willing to compromise with you. I meant you should wake up and accept the fact that you won't be getting credit for all that and that she's not going to see it your way. I'm not saying you're wrong and she's right, just that maybe you should be with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
scratch Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 I'm not saying you're wrong and she's right, just that maybe you should be with someone else. Or, accept his fate as her bitch. Airbus has repeatedly dodged my questions" 1. Is giving this girl the ultimatium "either we're going to be equal or we're through" is worth the risk that she'll end it? 2. Would you rather be with her and keep the status quo than be with someone else? Don't tell me you know what I'm saying, answer the questions. Link to post Share on other sites
airbus Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Very well, I thought I gave a rather political like answer to your questions. Tanbark, I understand what you mean now, and yeah you could be right.. Scratch, 1) Is it worth the risk? In a way it definitely is worth the risk, and in another respect (for example if I wanted to leave her) it wouldn't be worth the risk. 2) I'll use this question to elaborate on something I said previously, however I would in some respects prefer to be with someone else who would treat me alot better! However, I was discussing this earlier with my counsellor. Rather than have my g/f leave me (over your previous question) I would much prefer to meet someone else first and leave my g/f for them. I know this sounds awful, and certainly is, however it would make the leaving easier on me, for the very reason that my g/f would say 'why are you ending it?' and I could say 'because my new g/f......... everything I required you to do, but you refused to do it!' This is awful, I know, but at the end of the day i've never cheated and i've never left a g/f before, but if I left her in that sort of way, it might be such a shock to her that she might wake up to what shes lost and it might give her a better insight into future relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Airbus Lets also be clear that she's not willing to compromise on something she ought not be doing. She's got you by scruff of your neck, mate. Testicles next. Be a man. A fear of being alone and staying in that kind of relationship is what college girls do. Why on earth does it matter to you to be alone for a while? Link to post Share on other sites
scratch Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by airbus Rather than have my g/f leave me (over your previous question) I would much prefer to meet someone else first and leave my g/f for them. I know this sounds awful, and certainly is, however it would make the leaving easier on me, for the very reason that my g/f would say 'why are you ending it?' and I could say 'because my new g/f......... everything I required you to do, but you refused to do it!' This is awful, I know, but at the end of the day i've never cheated and i've never left a g/f before, but if I left her in that sort of way, it might be such a shock to her that she might wake up to what shes lost and it might give her a better insight into future relationships. See, was that so bad? Thanks for being so honest. I sympathize with your feelings here to a great degree, and have been in that position dozens of times. However, over 90% of the time I plan to hold out for the new one and then dump the old one, the old one beats me to it, and I kick myself for waiting. My advice: if that's your wish, the best play is to end it now. Even if you don't have a new girl totally locked down, just tell the ballBuster, "I've developed feelings for another, I haven't cheated on you, but I need to give things a chance with her." Don't say that petty crap about how the new one is better - it's implicit. Maybe you'll be able to convert the new target, maybe not. But you'll have your dignity, and will forever be the guy who stood up to the ballBuster. She'll not forget you anytime soon. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 What scratch said. And, IMHO, leaving her for no one makes a stronger statement than leaving her for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 What scratch said. And, IMHO, leaving her for no one makes a stronger statement than leaving her for someone else. Agreed. Link to post Share on other sites
airbus Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Well, I can see what you mean regarding to the 'leaving her for someone else' comment, however every boyfriend shes had has left her for someone else. I just think that if I did the same and layed down the reasons of exactly why I was leaving, it might leave a bigger mark and wake her up. Although that could be a bad idea, as everytime a b/f has left her before she has tried to kill herself. Thanks for the advice. I won't be hearing from her over the weekend, as the weekend is 'her time with friends' (yep, feel like a monday to friday boyfriend) so i'll think this over and do what I feel is right on Monday when I see her next. Link to post Share on other sites
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