Author jadeblossom Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 If you walk away now, at least you'll have your dignity, because YOU'RE the one that left. It'll be one of the hardest things you do.. but it's worth it. Yeah, I know. I feel like I'm grasping at my dignity every single day when I wake up in the morning. One morning I'd be on top of things, confident that I can and will walk away, doing everything that shows I'm walking away. That was yesterday. Today, I seem to be back to square one. I'm just so tired. And yeah, I know what you mean, this is the most stressed I've ever felt in my whole 26 years of living. I wake up in the mornings feeling so tired and weary. I wake up in the middle of the night and automatically everything floods back and I can't fall asleep. I'm so so tired of this. I keep catching him looking at me when I'm working. He looks at me with those puppy eyes and keeps telling me he's going to go crazy if he can't have me. He keeps telling me things between him and his wife are "not bad but not good" and that he has no feelings for her anymore. I know I have to be strong. I plan to leave the office by the end of this year. But I don't know how long I can hang on to my decision and stay firm. It's only July. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by jadeblossom I know I have to be strong. I plan to leave the office by the end of this year. But I don't know how long I can hang on to my decision and stay firm. It's only July. Why not arrange to leave as soon as you can? You can't get over things with fresh wounds opened every single day Link to post Share on other sites
Author jadeblossom Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 Besides, if he did leave his wife for you, do you honestly think that it would be ONLY you forever? I did ask him this question before... I asked him that since he's with his wife now and has feelings for me, what if we were together next time and the same thing could happen to me too... he replied that I and him are more compatible now that he's older and knows what he wants (he and his wife were their firsts and met in college) and that he has learnt his lessons from the first relationship and would not make the same mistakes if he ever had a next relationship with me. I don't know if I'm stupid for listening to that and thinking that it means something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jadeblossom Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 Why not arrange to leave as soon as you can? You can't get over things with fresh wounds opened every single day I just wish I could. My contract with the company ends at the end of the year, and I can't break the contract or I would incur a significant monetary penalty. So in a way, I'm trapped and forced to deal with the situation every single day. Anyhow this was something he and I were talking about today. If I did leave the company, it wouldn't mean that we would just cease to exist in each other's lives the day I leave. There's still the phone and email and I think if we really wanted to see each other we would be able to. So, distance doesn't really solve the problem. But if I could leave now it would help a little. But I can't. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by jadeblossom Yeah, I know. I feel like I'm grasping at my dignity every single day when I wake up in the morning. One morning I'd be on top of things, confident that I can and will walk away, doing everything that shows I'm walking away. That was yesterday. Today, I seem to be back to square one. I'm just so tired. And yeah, I know what you mean, this is the most stressed I've ever felt in my whole 26 years of living. I wake up in the mornings feeling so tired and weary. I wake up in the middle of the night and automatically everything floods back and I can't fall asleep. I'm so so tired of this. I keep catching him looking at me when I'm working. He looks at me with those puppy eyes and keeps telling me he's going to go crazy if he can't have me. He keeps telling me things between him and his wife are "not bad but not good" and that he has no feelings for her anymore. I know I have to be strong. I plan to leave the office by the end of this year. But I don't know how long I can hang on to my decision and stay firm. It's only July. I fully understand what you're going through. Although mine was a LITTLE different. I was a waitress, and he was the cook. Facing him every single day was horrible. The way I got over though, was I just started making fun of him, getting my girls on my side Little immature, but it got me over it, and again, I worked in a restaurant Maybe if leaving your job would make it a lil easier, you should consider that.. Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by jadeblossom I did ask him this question before... I asked him that since he's with his wife now and has feelings for me, what if we were together next time and the same thing could happen to me too... he replied that I and him are more compatible now that he's older and knows what he wants (he and his wife were their firsts and met in college) and that he has learnt his lessons from the first relationship and would not make the same mistakes if he ever had a next relationship with me. I don't know if I'm stupid for listening to that and thinking that it means something. BUT, he's not going to leave his wife, so YOU should do your best to move on and find someone that will be there for you and YOU ONLY. I think he wants you to hang on, but you don't need that. You deserve better. Do people at your workplace know you're having an affair with each other? Must be so awkward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jadeblossom Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 BUT, he's not going to leave his wife I keep reminding myself that he's not going to, but everytime he says that things are bad between them and he looks at me that way, I just ignore the truth in my mind, I just want to believe that he would. Then I feel so guilty that I want that. Do people at your workplace know you're having an affair with each other? I think people do talk and say we are abnormally close for a superior and subordinate (sigh, yes he is my boss). But I doubt they actually think we're having an affair. Or at least I'd like to think so. Most people think I have a boyfriend outside of the workplace. I feel like I'm going mad. It's just terrible when one day you feel like you're in control of your feelings, and the next day you feel that you're in a downward spiral. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jadeblossom Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 BUT, he's not going to leave his wife I keep reminding myself that he's not going to, but everytime he says that things are bad between them and he looks at me that way, I just ignore the truth in my mind, I just want to believe that he would. Then I feel so guilty that I want that. Do people at your workplace know you're having an affair with each other? I think people do talk and say we are abnormally close for a superior and subordinate (sigh, yes he is my boss). But I doubt they actually think we're having an affair. Or at least I'd like to think so. Most people think I have a boyfriend outside of the workplace. I feel like I'm going mad. It's just terrible when one day you feel like you're in control of your feelings, and the next day you feel that you're in a downward spiral. Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 You have to snap yourself out of this, or you will just keep spiralling downwards. I would say put some distance between you, but that is going to be basically impossible at work. Outside of work though, I think you should find other things to occupy your time and mind. It's going to be hard, and heartbreaking, but in the end you will realise that leaving this relationship will be relieving, and it will give you the opportunities in life that you deserve - marriage, children, loyalty, trust, the list goes on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jadeblossom Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 Facing him every single day was horrible. I know. Did you feel as though you were waking up to go to battle everyday? I feel like that. A battle against my emotions. And his puppy eyes. Maybe if leaving your job would make it a lil easier, you should consider that.. I'll be able to leave on 31st december. I've already told him that I need to leave. Otherwise I would go mad. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by jadeblossom I keep reminding myself that he's not going to, but everytime he says that things are bad between them and he looks at me that way, I just ignore the truth in my mind, I just want to believe that he would. Then I feel so guilty that I want that. I think if he's your boss, you do need to leave. All MM seem to say the same things. They're such scum. 'We don't even sleep in the same bed', we're only together for the kids, we don't even love each other anymore, you make me so much happier than she ever could. Ya see, they're great at the games. They seem to prey on the girls with low self esteem. They make em feel special. Most of them never intend to leave their wives. And even if they do, if he'll do it to her, he'll do it to you. I think your best bet is to just find another job and move on.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jadeblossom Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 Yes, leaving this relationship will be a relief. I think the first thing I need to do now is to look through the recruitment pages for a new job. And try to find a way to get out of the contract. I don't know how much longer I can take this. 6 months is too long a time. I'd be dead by then with the amount of stress I'm going through every day. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by jadeblossom Yes, leaving this relationship will be a relief. I think the first thing I need to do now is to look through the recruitment pages for a new job. And try to find a way to get out of the contract. I don't know how much longer I can take this. 6 months is too long a time. I'd be dead by then with the amount of stress I'm going through every day. I wish you the best of luck, I really do. But like I said, you'll come out of this a better and stronger person. Just don't get sucked back in. I know easier said than done, but just stick to your guns. You can do better than him, and you deserve better.. Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by jadeblossom Yes, leaving this relationship will be a relief. I think the first thing I need to do now is to look through the recruitment pages for a new job. And try to find a way to get out of the contract. I don't know how much longer I can take this. 6 months is too long a time. I'd be dead by then with the amount of stress I'm going through every day. I think you should discuss this situation with the Personnel Deparment or the CEO (or whoever deals with the contracts). Not only do they have to keep it confidential, but they may also look at changing the contract to shorten the length of time you have to stay there for. You don't have to go into the fact that you are having an affair, but let them know that you are in a very uncomfortable position. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jadeblossom Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 I will try to stick to my guns as best as I can and take each day as it comes. Just so tired and counting the days till 31st December. You don't have to go into the fact that you are having an affair, but let them know that you are in a very uncomfortable position. I think they would ask for more details. And I don't want to get him into trouble. If I were to leave I would just have to pay the monetary penalty .... which, when you think about it, is a small price to get myself out of this mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 You should leave him and tell his wife so she can get on with her life. People who cheat on their spouses are scum. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by Woggle You should leave him and tell his wife so she can get on with her life. People who cheat on their spouses are scum. I agree with you on the scum part. But why tell the W? To just cause everybody else pain? It's not her responsibility to tell her.. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by erika2610 I agree with you on the scum part. But why tell the W? To just cause everybody else pain? It's not her responsibility to tell her.. I have been cheated on and I am glad that I found out. I know that there are plenty of women who wouldn't want to know and I can accept that. But no one knows what kind of woman she is. All I know is that I will never warn anyone again. I tried and I got called a trouble maker. Even though what I warned them about happened ,I still got called a liar Link to post Share on other sites
floatinglotus Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 I don't believe it has anything to do with self-esteem. Mine was pretty high when I met him (if not very high) and that's one of the reasons my MM went after me - I seemed unattainable and popular. Men love the thrill of the chase and getting women they don't think they can. So you see, it is THEY who are suffering from low self-esteem. They need it boosted by getting that gorgeous woman they thought they never would be able to. Now after the whole sorry mess however? My self-esteem has plummetted big time. His? Probably much higher now. The way I loved him he now feels like he's (or thinks he is) Thai royalty. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Exactly.. no one knows what kind of woman she is. What's to stop her from going after you too? Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by floatinglotus I don't believe it has anything to do with self-esteem. Mine was pretty high when I met him (if not very high) and that's one of the reasons my MM went after me - I seemed unattainable and popular. You HAVE to be kidding me? You think this makes it okay? Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Ummm yea, most of the time it has to do with self esteem. We're not talking about normal single men here. From the stories I've read, and the girls I know, and my own personal experience.. why would a MM go for an unattainable girl? The girl with low self esteem is the one they know they can most likely without even trying too hard.. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by erika2610 why would a MM go for an unattainable girl? So if anyone said that he was having an affair with X or that he tried to crack onto X no one would believe it? Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by Kat So if anyone said that he was having an affair with X or that he tried to crack onto X no one would believe it? I suppose.. just seems more likely they'll go after the girl with low self esteem.. easier to catch. And Lotus.. if your self esteem was that high, why'd you get involved with a MM? (Sorry, not to go off topic:)) Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by erika2610 I agree with you on the scum part. But why tell the W? To just cause everybody else pain? It's not her responsibility to tell her.. Because she deserves better than to be with a man she thinks is honest. You are right about it possibly getting ugly though. Link to post Share on other sites
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