I'm getting worse everyday- Not better

[Lyssse]

Whatever it is he's doing, better to not try to minimize the relationship by tagging it as a rebound, gigs, or anything else. The dude cheated on you. It's a done deal. Trust has been flushed down the toilet. It's never the same after a betrayal like that. He was probably already mulling over ending the relationship. Cancun just gave him the push he needed to pull the plug.

 

I know it hurts, it has happened to me and many others. Block him, do not look for updates, do not text, call, IM, skype, facetime...nothing anymore. This is going to take a good amount of time to heal from. Don't delay it by staying "in the know" about his life.

 

He has been blocked on all social media. I even told my friends to not update me on ANYTHING. However, I got the picture of him and his new girlfriend from one of his "girl" friends who I have grown close to throughout the years. She figured I had the right to know he already had a girlfriend, only 9 weeks after I moved out of the apartment we shared.

 

All of his friends and family think this is so crazy and fast. It doesn't make sense to me and it hurts like hell. I just want this feeling to leave my body. It isn't fair that I am hurting so bad and he's infatuated with this new girlfriend and could careless.

[sooshi]

Hugs and love to you, Lyssse.

[preraph]

It wasn't for no reason and neither was it because of your fault. He simply wants something more or different than what you two have had. My opinion, people who meet young eventually grow apart because they enter the exploration years and want their freedom and can see greener grass on the horizon and they think about marriage and feel trapped, like they'd be always wondering what else was out there.

 

I just think you two had your good run but he's ready to do some exploring, and you should too. Good luck.

[islander99]

He has been blocked on all social media. I even told my friends to not update me on ANYTHING. However, I got the picture of him and his new girlfriend from one of his "girl" friends who I have grown close to throughout the years. She figured I had the right to know he already had a girlfriend, only 9 weeks after I moved out of the apartment we shared.

 

All of his friends and family think this is so crazy and fast. It doesn't make sense to me and it hurts like hell. I just want this feeling to leave my body. It isn't fair that I am hurting so bad and he's infatuated with this new girlfriend and could careless.

 

Lysse,

 

Please don't take it all too hard. Understand that you are not alone in your suffering. Turned 30 and three days later My girlfriend of 6 years told me to leave - around 3 weeks ago (I left) and told me she was out of love with me, had no feelings, etc; after 6 years of a seemingly perfect relationship. We rarely fought, had great sex, enjoyed doing things together...it was pretty perfect. External factors came into play and ignited separate psychological issues in both of us (my parents split up, she was studying to write the MCAT) and I guess she felt that she was unhappy. When she told me she was unsure of how she felt about me it is the worst feeling I have ever felt in the world. Two days later I was moved back in with my parents - at 30. That was 3 weeks ago.

 

Now she wants a break and time to find herself, to find her feelings. She claims she still loves me and misses me but is searching to find her feelings for me and says she can do it. I was basically waiting on her for the last week but each passing day would become more painful and each day I would try to call it off and initiate NC. Every time I would try to leave her for good she wanted no part in it; she just asked for more time and understanding and said "please don't do this". Yesterday I initiated NC formally - I told her that I can't do it anymore because I love her and told her that if she needed time and space it would be without me and 30 hours have passed since; it is the hardest thing I have done in my life. She is returning to my city in 8 days and before I initiated NC said she wants to see me when she gets back and I said I don't know if I can do that. I love this woman so much and it hurts so much. At my birthday party she was talking to my parents and everyone about how we were going to have children soon and a couple days later she sent me packing.

 

Anyway my point is you are not alone in your suffering. Stay strong; I know it is hard - I'm going through it. We're miles apart but going through very similar circumstances. I've lost a good bit of weight and have trouble sleeping; constant anxiety...I know what you are going through.

Edited September 1, 2016 by islander99

[Lyssse]

They said time heals all wounds, but I feel like every day I am getting worse, not better. I'm worse off today than I was 3 months ago when the breakup first happened.

 

It has now been three months since our breakup, and by now, my friends and family are pretty over this topic. Everyone says to just move on and get over it, he's an *******, you dodged a bullet, there's someone better out there for you, he's a child, karma will get him, etc etc.

 

I should be feeling better with every new day, but I feel like I'm getting worse. Every new day makes this whole situation more real and heartbreaking. When I left California, I was convinced he would regret this in a few weeks. That he would call me crying and want me back. Since he cried to me on the phone right after I left saying that maybe he made a mistake. But now it's been 3 months and I haven't gotten that call or text, and now he's already with someone else.

 

Obviously this makes it more of a reason to move on, but it just makes me sad. Makes me wish I put up more of a fight when this all happened. I'm really trying to focus on training for a half marathon, but like I said, the depression is getting worse and my heart feels so empty. Is this normal to feel like you got better, then got worse?

Edited September 8, 2016 by Lyssse

[Bialy]

It's an emotional rollercoaster. Some days will feel worse than others.

 

You will reach a point where you will wonder why you spent so much time mourning a relationship with someone who has moved on and is enjoying life.

 

The fact that he has moved on emotionally shows how he checked out of the relationship long before he actually ended things with you. YUCK! Don't mourn that.

 

He's enjoying his life. YOU DESERVE THE SAME! If not more.

 

I think it's great that you're training for a half marathon. Trust and believe, things will get better.

 

Think about it this way - the holidays are right around the corner and a new year is just a few short months away. You will get emotionally stronger with each day and find your peace.

 

If you're following him on social media -- definitely cut it out.

[Cupid's Puppet]

It is definitely normal to feel like this Lyssse. My longest relationship was 7 years, and I still make occasional posts on how I miss that ex (just did this week), and we broke up over 2 years ago. But I was way worse in the beginning, and time does heal. I just had a lapse the other day, but when you love someone, that love never goes away. But eventually you adjust to your new life because you have to.

 

You guys were together a long time. You grew into adulthood with him. He strung you along. Unfortunately a lot of us have been there. It's funny people in your life is telling you to get over it. You will find that the same people will discuss their problems with you 50 eleven times and expect you to be all ears though. Remind them of all the stupid repetitive crap you have to hear from them all the time. They're being insensitive to your situation just because it was a relationship and not a marriage

 

If it was a divorce instead of a breakup they wouldn't dare tell you to get over a 6+ relationship after 3 months. Are they clueless? You guys were together about as long as a lot of people stay married. Anyway, time is the best healer and you will have good and bad days. Then at some point the good will outnumber the bad. And half marathon training is a good focus for you right now. I love running long distance. It is a great escape.

[Oiler1]

I think if is human to have these emotions after a breakup like this. It happen to me also and no amount of consoling words helped me at the moment.

 

They say time heals but it doesn't unless you take positive steps to be optimistic and enjoy life again.

 

Find a new great partner usually does the trick if you don't constantly compare with the ex.

 

Look at the whole situation as a positive as you have a lot of life left to enjoy.

[HeartbrokenHooligan]

what a scumbag. you don't deserve that. nobody does its tough to say but maybe things happen for a reason and plus after hearing that he cheated on you and just left a good relationship is unforgivable.

[Ebe]

The wounds are still so fresh. My head tells me absolutely not. It is telling me to move on, he's a piece of ****, you can do so much better, there's someone better out there for me, there will never be trust if I got back with him, he deserves to suffer for the rest of his life if this new "rebound" doesn't work out, he lost the best thing that ever happened to him, etc etc.

 

But my heart is still in love with him. My heart keeps focusing on the bond we created, the love, the memories, etc.

 

One minute my head makes me so angry and mad, and the next my heart makes me breakdown and I can't stop crying. When will this end

 

I could have written this whole post myself... it's been 5 months now, when will the hell I am in end?

[Ebe]

They said time heals all wounds, but I feel like every day I am getting worse, not better. I'm worse off today than I was 3 months ago when the breakup first happened.

 

It has now been three months since our breakup, and by now, my friends and family are pretty over this topic. Everyone says to just move on and get over it, he's an *******, you dodged a bullet, there's someone better out there for you, he's a child, karma will get him, etc etc.

 

I should be feeling better with every new day, but I feel like I'm getting worse. Every new day makes this whole situation more real and heartbreaking. When I left California, I was convinced he would regret this in a few weeks. That he would call me crying and want me back. Since he cried to me on the phone right after I left saying that maybe he made a mistake. But now it's been 3 months and I haven't gotten that call or text, and now he's already with someone else.

 

Obviously this makes it more of a reason to move on, but it just makes me sad. Makes me wish I put up more of a fight when this all happened. I'm really trying to focus on training for a half marathon, but like I said, the depression is getting worse and my heart feels so empty. Is this normal to feel like you got better, then got worse?

Again, I hear you and I am so sorry for you. I am in the same hell, I was In What I thought was a perfect relationship since 4 years, never a fight never jealousy trips together ... and apparently all the feelings and projects for the future were only in my ****ing mind. He took everything and left our flat (leaving me with an enormous rent to pay) within a week pretending to need some time alone. 2 weeks later he drops the bomb that his feelings have changed, 3 months only after the break up he tells me he is seeing someone else he really likes. Whilst I am in my own personal hell. I went to see a therapist and had the feeling I was boring even the therapist. My friend can't stand me anymore with my sad face and all the crying. Honestly I would just like to die in my sleep so that this was all over.

[tahlullah]

dear Ebe and Lyssse,

I just went through a short relationship breakup, yet it hurts like hell. I can't phantom what you guys are going through.

I have anxiety and my therapist fought me an useful technique to distract my thoughts, the sort of most anxieties. start from 5, pick 5 things in the room you can see, hear and touch, then work your way down to 1. The key to this is to divert our thoughts from internal to external. it works to stop me from ruminating and overanalysing. To be honest, I freaked out after your post coz there is a possibility that the guy I had Ldr might have met someone else. But I used this to divert my thought, because pondering about it is self-sabotage. he doesn't want me, I have to accept it.

however, I think letting it out is a healthy way of coping. After all this horrible things they did to you, should you call them out on it? Idk, for me, being confident enough to confront them is an evidence of gaining yourself back.

I hope you guys can get through this period of grieving, and step into self-recovery soon. once you are ready, please join me and keep me updated on your progress. I just started a thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/600130-self-recovery_one-day-time to record mine. Goodnight sisters, I can feel your beautiful souls across the world

[Kelley]

Break ups are hell and I'm finding out even more so when you have been cheated on and they move on quickly. I'm suffering with anxiety and my sleep is still rubbish. But it's still early days.

 

You always tend to blame yourself at first, because your self respect and confidence takes a knock. But you know what, their actions are not a reflection on you but of themselves. I'm a firm believer someone is removed from your life for a reason, and eventually someone else will take that space, someone that will show you what real love is. Learn from this relationship, set your boundaries and get someone worthy of you.

[Ebe]

Break ups are hell and I'm finding out even more so when you have been cheated on and they move on quickly. I'm suffering with anxiety and my sleep is still rubbish. But it's still early days.

 

You always tend to blame yourself at first, because your self respect and confidence takes a knock. But you know what, their actions are not a reflection on you but of themselves. I'm a firm believer someone is removed from your life for a reason, and eventually someone else will take that space, someone that will show you what real love is. Learn from this relationship, set your boundaries and get someone worthy of you.

 

I used to be someone that said 'if he doesn't want me, whatever it's his loss', but i am not anymore. Because honestly, let's say the truth, it's my loss.

I am the one that lost him, I am the one left with 4 years oh horrible memories, I am the one who is gonna take years to recover and I am the one who is not gonna fully trust a man anymore. And how could you possibly build something meaningful with another person if you don't trust them. And I am possibly the one that is not going to be able to have kids because by the time I am going to be with someone else it's gonna be too late for me. So, I want to be honest with myself at least on this, it's my loss. He clearly didn't care much therefore he did not lose much.

I believe that actually he didn't move that quickly in other relationship, he left me in June but he clearly emotionally detached (without communicating anything to me) long before then.

In case, how can I possibly want to fell for anyone else, if feeling this way again is always a risk? I am not even making it out of this once, I could never do it again