self-recovery_one day at a time

[tahlullah]

Hi all,

I know many of us are going through break-ups and separation. Most of your cases must be much more serious and intense than mine.

 

My story

 

*My so-called relationship was physically only last than 2 months, then we on and off long distance.*

It first started as a drunken hook-up at a local bar, middle of nowhere Australia. I am working there at the hospital, and the guy is a medical student on placement. So, during that time, It was fun, we mostly hang out at home, we both met each other friends. When he left to return to uni, he was ambiguous about the situation. I myself didnt know what we should be heading, especially when he never confirm he wanted in or out.

So, 4 months on, we still kept contact, he has never suggested something serious, but still, we are in touch. Mostly, just bantering, flirting and occasional I miss you. The turning point was a month ago when he asked if I can meet him in Melb during his uni break. I didn't see him at the time, but suggested to meet up with him in Brissy, where he studies.*

 

 

The *break-up

 

 

After I booked the trip, doubts set over me, and I really need an answer of what this is heading. To which, he replied with a long period of avoidance, and at one point he said 'I think there is not much future for us in terms of a serious relationship'. To be honest, I was heart-broken, hurt and confused, especially I already booked my trip to see him. He then suggested we should talk the next day, on which I tried to contact him twice. By 11pm that night, I was at my limit, I sent him a good-bye text, saying I would prefer do this in person, or at least over then phone, but he didnt give me the chance, so I think we should stop it here.

Ofcourse, I am not that cool to stop there I called him drunk 5 days later, and up untill this morning, I sent him some angry, quite-immature texts.. Actually, these angry texts this morning empowered me so much. I know it might sound like a silly idea, which is not recommended in any break-up manual, but It was how I coped with the "anger stage".*

 

 

Realisation

At one point, I realised I have been tip-toeing around him, trying to be patient and understanding. I was probably trying to avoid the confrontation, which shows that I wanted it more or that I loved him more. Yes, I did, and in the last week, I lived true to myself. I guess I can't change his mind, persuade him to love me or to want something serious. But I can at least to be fair and objective on the matter, and most of all to myself. So, I told him what he did was leading me on, and didnt have the courage to end it in a respectful manner. Deep down, I dont hate him and dont plan on wasting my time doing it. I just need to let it out, to point out that he is responsible for it too. I also know that along the line I will reach ou to let him know that I dont hate him, but that is for later, when I fully move on, recover from this, be on top of my games.*

AND you know what, although breaking uo sucks, I have been crying so much, mourning the loss of someone smart, funny, ambitious and adventurous,*

I feel way relieved and free now when I finally leave a person who is still immature, selfish and doesnt love me enough to at least give it a try.

 

MY GOAL

 

I am still in the process of going through this break up. I know at times there will *be set-backs, I will miss him and many nights where I have to cry to bed are yet to come.*

That's why I am joining the forum. I need your support to stay grounded, to know I am not alone, and we can make progress together. So, from today, everyday I will post about my day, what I do to claim myself back, to stay beautiful and motivated. I am confident and excited for the progress to come

[tahlullah]

after sending the guy some angry texts I mentioned earlier, I somehow felt empowered, and "high" on it.

I knew I needed to clear my head before catching up with my friend, so I went for a light jog, under 1km. It makes some difference, at least I knew I was actively doing something for myself.

I then caughht up with my friend for brunch. Ofcoure, I did some venting, but I reminded myself to talk/ ask about her stories too. I dont know if I did a good job caring about my friend tho. Hope she understands.

I then went to the library to work on a project that is due very soon. I have been putting it off because I have been too busy crying and mourning ;( I haven't had much done, but at least I set the motion. I will need to powerr through it in the nex few days.

And I went home to start this thread. I feel strong and free because I know I am actively doing this to gain my emotional independence back.

[dangerous]

Hi Tallulah,

Yes, one day a time is the way. It is very tempting to indulge in the regrets and loss, and we all do it. Try not to do it for too long at a time, and catch yourself and say 'that's enough'. Then get busy. Do housework, do exercise, phone a friend, arrange to visit.

Easier said than done, I know. For me it's Sunday and I feel like I need a lazy day. Although I have some homework to do, I am self indulging in reading these forums lol! But I better not do it all day I will soon go the gym and do some work

[Kelley]

How are you getting on?