My Real Dilemma, What Would You Do?

[understand50]

Aliveagain,

 

You and I have spared, a bit, agreed some and disagreed from time to time. I really do not have a bit of advise, as I am still with the same woman for 40 plus years. I have nothing to offer from my experience.

 

My only thought, for what it is worth, is this will have to be on faith, and faith alone. No matter what you do or how you do it, you will still have to trust that your partner is not betraying you or will betray you. This is the same for all of us, to include myself.

 

Of course, picking the right woman, will key. So I would suggest, a widow, or a woman who has lived a bit. At our age, companionship is just as important as sex, so I would want someone who I could talk to and is interesting. I would look to those women that show by their actions they would not betray you. How have they done in their past relationships?

 

How this is all done, is the rub.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

[aliveagain]

Aliveagain,

 

You and I have spared, a bit, agreed some and disagreed from time to time. I really do not have a bit of advise, as I am still with the same woman for 40 plus years. I have nothing to offer from my experience.

 

My only thought, for what it is worth, is this will have to be on faith, and faith alone. No matter what you do or how you do it, you will still have to trust that your partner is not betraying you or will betray you. This is the same for all of us, to include myself.

 

Of course, picking the right woman, will key. So I would suggest, a widow, or a woman who has lived a bit. At our age, companionship is just as important as sex, so I would want someone who I could talk to and is interesting. I would look to those women that show by their actions they would not betray you. How have they done in their past relationships?

 

How this is all done, is the rub.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

 

I think the minimum requirement would be that she knows some of the Rolling Stones "Under My Thumb" or something like that. Yes we have spared but I think I have spared with a few on this site. By the way, I really respect you as a poster, keep helping the newbie's, just breaks my heart to read some of their post's. They seem so lost I really, really care about people going through infidelity because I know how much it hurts, changed my life. Your a good man.

[basil67]

Carrie, I got totally roasted here a year or two ago about running an add for a travel companion. I offered to pay all their expenses for a year while we travelled and at the end of the year I would put 100,000 K in their bank account. Never spoke about it again.

 

Aliveagain, I was curious about your previous thread and looked it up. Unless there were a whole lot of threads which were deleted, you were not totally roasted.

 

Sure, some women felt like it would be paying a prostitute, but you also got a couple of offers and respectful discussion as to what it would be like to travel with a stranger and what the scenario would involve.

 

Don't take offence where none is intended.

[aliveagain]

Aliveagain, I was curious about your previous thread and looked it up. Unless there were a whole lot of threads which were deleted, you were not totally roasted.

 

Sure, some women felt like it would be paying a prostitute, but you also got a couple of offers and respectful discussion as to what it would be like to travel with a stranger and what the scenario would involve.

 

Don't take offence where none is intended.

 

No offence taken. I just remembered the paying a prostitute part. I was serious about the 100k. I promise you I am not weird even thought last night the former banker for the Aga Khan told me he loved me. I missed the offers part LOL.

Edited September 3, 2016 by aliveagain

[road]

If I had the money to travel.

 

 

The ability to easily get dates with women.

 

 

Do not want to get married.

 

 

I would not worry about finding a traveling companion for the duration of the trip. Rather everyday I would try to find a woman for that day. Date I nice woman in every city you visit.

[aliveagain]

If I had the money to travel.

 

 

The ability to easily get dates with women.

 

 

Do not want to get married.

 

 

I would not worry about finding a traveling companion for the duration of the trip. Rather everyday I would try to find a woman for that day. Date I nice woman in every city you visit.

 

Road, I am throwing a party and invited some of the people from another surviving infidelity site, can't say their name. The party will be somewhere like Monaco or Vegas in the US of A. I'll put you on the list. Road I live on a mini acreage outside of the oil capital of Canada. I can buy whatever I want but that is not what I want. I want someone that wants to be with me, that's all. I am told I am not ugly in case your wondering.

Edited September 3, 2016 by aliveagain

[sc0316]

First, I'm confused as to whether you're asking generally about finding a woman to develop a romantic relationship with, or asking about the particular situation of finding a travel companion. I would think the logical thing to do is to find someone (who loves to travel obviously) and develop a romantic relationship with first, and take her to a year-long trip around the world. If you need someone only to travel together for a year, then why does it matter whether she will have a change of heart? In this case, just pay her 100k/52 every week until her obligation is fulfilled. I read your other thread. Since sex is expected of your travel companion, this job is indeed like a sex worker, albeit an upscale one.

 

I somehow got the gut feeling that you're attracted to women who are very high maintenance, so it's not entirely surprising that they are after your $$. Were those women who betrayed you or cheated on you in the past pretty high maintenance?

 

What do you think are the most important things you can offer, besides providing a very nice lifestyle? What particular personal traits do you look for in a woman?

[aliveagain]

First, I'm confused as to whether you're asking generally about finding a woman to develop a romantic relationship with, or asking about the particular situation of finding a travel companion. I would think the logical thing to do is to find someone (who loves to travel obviously) and develop a romantic relationship with first, and take her to a year-long trip around the world. If you need someone only to travel together for a year, then why does it matter whether she will have a change of heart? In this case, just pay her 100k/52 every week until her obligation is fulfilled. I read your other thread. Since sex is expected of your travel companion, this job is indeed like a sex worker, albeit an upscale one.

 

I somehow got the gut feeling that you're attracted to women who are very high maintenance, so it's not entirely surprising that they are after your $$. Were those women who betrayed you or cheated on you in the past pretty high maintenance?

 

What do you think are the most important things you can offer, besides providing a very nice lifestyle? What particular personal traits do you look for in a woman?

 

SC, thank you for your very astute comment. As I read your words I realized you were right about the high maintenance.

[Quiet Storms]

aliveagain, I am coming out of lurkdom to reply to this.

 

I have read and followed your posts for several years.

 

I am in your age range and qualify in the other ways you stated. I would date you because of who you are. I would NOT date you because of your money.

 

An ad for someone to travel with you, give you sex, and you will pay her? WTF? You are far better than that. You want a woman who does not want you for your money. You deserve that. What are you possibly thinking?

 

Your posts on the forum are what told me who you are. Not your money.

[MidwestUSA]

I had such an offer, about six years ago. I'll always wonder 'what if?'.

 

I'm too stubborn and independent to walk away from my home, critters, and everything I've worked for. If things didn't work out, I'd have had nothing to come back to.

 

What if?

[aliveagain]

aliveagain, I am coming out of lurkdom to reply to this.

 

I have read and followed your posts for several years.

 

I am in your age range and qualify in the other ways you stated. I would date you because of who you are. I would NOT date you because of your money.

 

An ad for someone to travel with you, give you sex, and you will pay her? WTF? You are far better than that. You want a woman who does not want you for your money. You deserve that. What are you possibly thinking?

 

Your posts on the forum are what told me who you are. Not your money.

 

Thank you for your post it means a lot to me, really.

[salparadise]

I had such an offer, about six years ago. I'll always wonder 'what if?'.

 

I'm too stubborn and independent to walk away from my home, critters, and everything I've worked for. If things didn't work out, I'd have had nothing to come back to.

 

What if?

 

Yes, and it's not only the rational cause and effect... you simply cannot buy real love and connection. If the personalities don't resonate, if the wavelengths don't align, it would be extremely difficult to make it work for money alone.

 

I had a similar opportunity a couple of years ago. I met an extremely intelligent woman who went to a prestigious med school at age fourteen and became a highly skilled thoracic surgeon. She made a fortune while very young (maybe inherited some too) and had been establishing charitable organizations around the world for a bunch of years. She had been married but said that he was gay and that the marriage was never consummated sexually. She eventually divorced. She wanted to quit traveling, settle down and get married to a good heterosexual man, and devote herself to domestic life... honoring, cherishing and making him happy.

 

She was trying to purchase normalcy and happiness, and somehow saw me as a likely prospect. She made an offer, although worded such that it didn't sound quite so transactional, of course. She could purchase pretty much anything she wanted––except love and happiness. But she was willing to settle for someone who would play the role. Couldn't do it. I couldn't imagine even trying.

 

Aliveagain, I think you have to find a partner the natural, intuitive way... the same as everyone else. Otherwise, you obviate even the possibility of living authentically (a big part of the happiness equation). You have two facets to the money complication: a) accepting that money can't buy love, and b) finding a great partner that loves you in spite of the money, not because of it. If I had the answer as to how to make that happen, I'd bottle it and become a billionaire myself.

[sc0316]

My apologies, Aliveagain, if you got upset by my comment; it was not my intention, at all. Like one of the previous posters, I've come across some of your posts and believe you have a good heart deep down. I am also deeply sorry about what you had to go through; I can't imagine what kind of a person would trick her husband into raising another man's baby...

 

I just couldn't understand this idea of finding a travel companion who is expected to be intimate with you, and paying her 100k as compensation. The said companion is either attracted to you or not. If she is attracted to you, then how is it different from taking someone you're dating or your girlfriend to a year-long trip around the world? In this case, you don't even need to compensate her with money. If she's not attracted to you, then this arrangement is effectively an upscale version of sex transaction (think the transaction between Julia Roberts and Richard Gere in "Pretty Woman") — I mean, imagine a woman who is willing to be intimate with a man she is not even attracted to because of the perks! Does this reasoning make sense to you at all?

 

If you want to find a woman who loves you for who you are (instead of going after your money), then you need to go through the same courtship process of making a connection with her and winning her love. Sure, the vast majority of women don't want a deadbeat, but an educated and financially independent woman may be as uncomfortable when some man is showering her excessively with money and with all those "nice things".

 

One previous poster mentioned that two of the richest guys in the planet managed to marry someone who looks very down to earth. I would venture to guess that your personal wealth is nothing compared to either one of theirs. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, one of them was already the richest person on earth when he met his future wife. I would also venture to guess that this guy didn't have this mission of "changing a woman's life" — in the financial sense — when he was out to meet his future wife.

[aliveagain]

My apologies, Aliveagain, if you got upset by my comment; it was not my intention, at all. Like one of the previous posters, I've come across some of your posts and believe you have a good heart deep down. I am also deeply sorry about what you had to go through; I can't imagine what kind of a person would trick her husband into raising another man's baby...

 

I just couldn't understand this idea of finding a travel companion who is expected to be intimate with you, and paying her 100k as compensation. The said companion is either attracted to you or not. If she is attracted to you, then how is it different from taking someone you're dating or your girlfriend to a year-long trip around the world? In this case, you don't even need to compensate her with money. If she's not attracted to you, then this arrangement is effectively an upscale version of sex transaction (think the transaction between Julia Roberts and Richard Gere in "Pretty Woman") — I mean, imagine a woman who is willing to be intimate with a man she is not even attracted to because of the perks! Does this reasoning make sense to you at all?

 

If you want to find a woman who loves you for who you are (instead of going after your money), then you need to go through the same courtship process of making a connection with her and winning her love. Sure, the vast majority of women don't want a deadbeat, but an educated and financially independent woman may be as uncomfortable when some man is showering her excessively with money and with all those "nice things".

 

One previous poster mentioned that two of the richest guys in the planet managed to marry someone who looks very down to earth. I would venture to guess that your personal wealth is nothing compared to either one of theirs. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, one of them was already the richest person on earth when he met his future wife. I would also venture to guess that this guy didn't have this mission of "changing a woman's life" — in the financial sense — when he was out to meet his future wife.

 

Please know that your honesty has not upset me. I have not spent anymore time on the travel buddy idea after some of the comments I received here. I did join a site, can't remember what they are called, just to see what kind of response I would get. This was a travel buddy kind of site and there was no mention of financial compensation for long term travel. I think I was on the site three times, once to post and twice to see what kind of reply's I got. I had to post a picture of myself but the information was only about travel plans.

 

I could not believe the reply's I got back. Most of my reply's were from the United States, then the British girls came in second then Brazil, Europe, Japan, China, Ukraine . What shocked me was the ages of the majority of the women, 22-30 years of age. The other thing that shocked me was several of the American girls that replied were married. I never went back to the site, that was several years ago. Finding young ladies is not my problem, finding someone closer to my age, 48-58 plus or minus who I can relate to is. Nothing you have posted has upset me.

[CarrieT]

Aliveagain, if it is any consolation, I was in the exact same boat as you about five years ago...

 

I was a middle-aged woman (late 40s at that point) and due to investments, didn't really need to work and could travel. Not horrifically rich, but independent.

 

I went through having a handful of FWB just to have some sexual release and thought I was pretty good catch! I never had children so there were no encumbrances, am fairly fit (yes, a few extra pounds), and - I think - worldly. I could travel for weeks at a time with a carry-on, also have had artwork in exhibitions around the world, and am a published author.

 

But most of the men I was meeting couldn't take off extended time to travel or had part-time custody of their children.

 

I literally WORKED online dating sites to find men who a) weren't actually cheating on their wives, b) cougar hunters, c) intelligent, or d) Nigerian dating scams.

 

I never gave up. In a three-year period, I had hundreds of online convos and literally went on more than fifty "first dates." I actually had a spreadsheet to keep track of those I had communicated with just to keep track.

 

I did finally find someone and we will be celebrating our third wedding anniversary this year. I'm just saying that you shouldn't give up. She is out there. It is just going to take some work and - yes - some healing and trust on your part to gamble your heart again in hopes of not getting hurt again.

 

I believe in you....

[aliveagain]

Had to laugh, Nigerian dating scams, for me it was the young Ukrainian girls wanting to marry me. I don't want to explain to the people I meet that the woman travelling with me is not my daughter or granddaughter, made that mistake once. I have learned while dating that I have to keep my mouth shut about being a bit of a gourmet cook. Once they have been to my home and watched me cook, see that I make my own custom spice blends they won't cook for me but take me out to dinner. They always want my spice blends to take home and often phone me when they run out to give them more.

 

The other thing that has happened is I make my own scented(essential oils) hand creams that I have in all my bathrooms for guests. They take those home and then call for more when they run out. Even as I reply to your post I am making myself some men's perfume, very similar to Amouage's Silver. I also make a version of Hermes Rocabar, excellent stuff. I do have some talents.

[CarrieT]

I have learned while dating that I have to keep my mouth shut about being a bit of a gourmet cook. Once they have been to my home and watched me cook, see that I make my own custom spice blends they won't cook for me but take me out to dinner. They always want my spice blends to take home and often phone me when they run out to give them more.

Now I am laughing too.

 

I went to cooking school and lamented for years that while I hosted fabulous dinner parties, no one EVER reciprocated! "Oh, Carrie..." they would say, "I wouldn't presume to cook for you!" Well, I explained, it isn't the quality of the food but the offer and companionship. And - I said - I wouldn't care if they served cut up, sautéed rubber tires; it was the thought that would count.

 

Finally, a couple I knew *did* invite me to their home and it was very, very touching. He was in the process of going blind and through the Braille Institute, had been learning how to manage his way around a kitchen so he did all the cooking. He was Japanese so the entire meal was Japanese and one dishes he made - and we all laughed about - was sautéed seitan, a vegetarian wheat replacement, akin to rubber tires. It was served as a joke because I said I would eat rubber, but this was actually quite tasty.

 

But I hear you; hard to get people to cook for you, huh?

[aliveagain]

Now I am laughing too.

 

I went to cooking school and lamented for years that while I hosted fabulous dinner parties, no one EVER reciprocated! "Oh, Carrie..." they would say, "I wouldn't presume to cook for you!" Well, I explained, it isn't the quality of the food but the offer and companionship. And - I said - I wouldn't care if they served cut up, sautéed rubber tires; it was the thought that would count.

 

Finally, a couple I knew *did* invite me to their home and it was very, very touching. He was in the process of going blind and through the Braille Institute, had been learning how to manage his way around a kitchen so he did all the cooking. He was Japanese so the entire meal was Japanese and one dishes he made - and we all laughed about - was sautéed seitan, a vegetarian wheat replacement, akin to rubber tires. It was served as a joke because I said I would eat rubber, but this was actually quite tasty.

 

But I hear you; hard to get people to cook for you, huh?

 

Yes, hard to get any kind of home cooked meal. To me it's about the effort someone has gone to in making the meal regardless of the outcome. It is a good feeling when someone does something for you. I think I would marry a girl if she could make really good cabbage rolls. They are a weakness of mine even though my heritage is Italian, pure comfort food. Yes, to me it's about making the effort.

[spiderowl]

I think the going on holiday for a long period with someone I hardly knew would be the difficult situation. Going on holiday with a friend for a week can be a trying time, let alone longer. You need to have built up a relationship beforehand, one that can last through the kinds of squabbles that happen when together for long periods. Not easy I know.

[Quiet Storms]

I think the going on holiday for a long period with someone I hardly knew would be the difficult situation. Going on holiday with a friend for a week can be a trying time, let alone longer. You need to have built up a relationship beforehand, one that can last through the kinds of squabbles that happen when together for long periods. Not easy I know.

 

I totally agree with this.

 

What makes the traveling together incredible is intimacy. Not the same as sex. Intimacy has to be built, and it has to involve a connection. You don't want to be with anyone else. You are with the person you want to be with and no one else. That is what makes it special and incredible and nothing that can ever be replaced. And for that to happen, the relationship has to develop before. Just my two centavos.

[Quiet Storms]

Hey Carrie, I agree with you on many points.

 

I think you said you are a doctor. I am too. I haven't gone to culinary school, but that is something I want to do. I am a great cook though, at this point; have worked at it and learned, mostly through foodnetwork.

 

Cabbage rolls. Hmmm. A classic that I have done as long as I can remember. The trick is to make sure the cabbage is not over- or under-cooked, and also to make sure that the cabbage cooking juices integrate into the stuffing. Takes some time but is awesome.

[Mr. Lucky]

I have not spent anymore time on the travel buddy idea after some of the comments I received here. I did join a site, can't remember what they are called, just to see what kind of response I would get. This was a travel buddy kind of site and there was no mention of financial compensation for long term travel. I think I was on the site three times, once to post and twice to see what kind of reply's I got. I had to post a picture of myself but the information was only about travel plans.

 

I could not believe the reply's I got back. Most of my reply's were from the United States, then the British girls came in second then Brazil, Europe, Japan, China, Ukraine . What shocked me was the ages of the majority of the women, 22-30 years of age. The other thing that shocked me was several of the American girls that replied were married. I never went back to the site, that was several years ago. Finding young ladies is not my problem, finding someone closer to my age, 48-58 plus or minus who I can relate to is. Nothing you have posted has upset me.

 

 

Trying to think outside the box, why does your travel companion have to be female? If you're looking for someone to accompany you, why not travel with a friend and date women in your various ports of call?

 

Don't see how any online sourced female companionships avoids the "bought and paid for" label...

 

Mr. Lucky

[dichotomy]

Sorry to say but as Carrie mentioned - sugar babys. She will be faithful for (and to) the terms of the agreement, more so than a "regular" companion.

 

 

However if your goal is one companion to complete the end of your life with - then a woman in her 50's divorced, with grown kids, would likely enjoy this life if she is in good health. But you run the risk again when they are following their own life terms.

 

I happen to know one online friend (known her for 10 years) who fell in with a rich older married man - She is divorced, no kids, and some financial issues. He flies her all over, pays some of her bills, and she loves the support and comfort (sex too) and travel and him as a mentor. She is not really a sugar baby, more like a kept woman. Both the man and she are happy - and she is faithful.

Edited September 4, 2016 by dichotomy

[aliveagain]

Hey Carrie, I agree with you on many points.

 

I think you said you are a doctor. I am too. I haven't gone to culinary school, but that is something I want to do. I am a great cook though, at this point; have worked at it and learned, mostly through foodnetwork.

 

Cabbage rolls. Hmmm. A classic that I have done as long as I can remember. The trick is to make sure the cabbage is not over- or under-cooked, and also to make sure that the cabbage cooking juices integrate into the stuffing. Takes some time but is awesome.

 

Interesting that I would be meeting so many doctors on this site. I was just in New York meeting with a group of Manhattan doctors that are looking to invest in our company. I am involved in bringing a new medical product to market, a product that will make it safer for care givers. Thank you for the cabbage tip, I will try it. Do you use bacon in your recipe?

[aliveagain]

Trying to think outside the box, why does your travel companion have to be female? If you're looking for someone to accompany you, why not travel with a friend and date women in your various ports of call?

 

Don't see how any online sourced female companionships avoids the "bought and paid for" label...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Mr. Lucky as strange as this sounds, my best friends are all women and my best travels have always been with women.