Should he have paid the 2nd date? Why isnt he asking me out for 3rd yet? [updated]

[aSadGirl]

So I couldnt help myself today and texted him 4PM

"(My answer wasn´t sent so i´m trying again)

Happy to hear you are well! Come and sunbathe with me, it´s lovely here :*" (+ a picture of the sun)

 

He replied 30 minutes later:

"Hi!

It looks very nice, i´d be more than happy to be there with you now

But im on my way to another north to go fishing...

but i´d more than rather would like to meet you next week if I may? "

 

thoughts?

I dont know if i should respond:

"Wish you were here too:)

It sounds relaxing, hope the fishing-trip goes well!

Yes, say time & place and i´ll check if i can make it then "

 

I know what you might be thinking.. that he still isnt making effort enough.. and i´m just making it super-easy for him.. but i want to meet him again at least to talk about what happened between our dates , espcially the last ones (when its 2-3 weeks untill date 4...)

 

hmm?

[katiegrl]

 

He replied 30 minutes later:

"Hi!

It looks very nice, i´d be more than happy to be there with you now

But im on my way to another north to go fishing...

but i´d more than rather would like to meet you next week if I may? "

 

thoughts?

 

Another "but" I can't make it blah blah.

 

He sure knows how to toss out those crumbs, doesn't he.

 

Did he make a date with you for next week? NO.

 

MOVE ON. You are acting really foolish now... and he's eating it up.

 

May even be having a good laugh with his buddies about it too.

 

How this chick he keeps blowing off continues to chase. Ugh!

Edited September 16, 2016 by katiegrl

[aSadGirl]

Another "but" I can't make it blah blah.

 

He sure knows how to toss out those crumbs, doesn't he.

 

Did he make a date with you for next week? NO.

 

MOVE ON. You are acting really foolish now... and he's eating it up.

 

May even be having a good laugh with his buddies about it too.

 

How this chick he keeps blowing off continues to chase. Ugh!

 

how is he blowing me off, if he really was then he could´ve said "im on my way to fish now so i cant" and leave it at there, not saying he´d really want to meet me as he said clearly TWO times in this text.. so how do you mean he is really blowing me off?

is it only counting if he would say a place and time for not blowing me off or what?

[katiegrl]

how is he blowing me off, if he really was then he could´ve said "im on my way to fish now so i cant" and leave it at there, not saying he´d really want to meet me as he said clearly TWO times in this text.. so how do you mean he is really blowing me off?

is it only counting if he would say a place and time for not blowing me off or what?

 

Okay he's not blowing you off... he's stringing you along.

 

Is that better?

 

You are just not getting it are you.

 

He likes the attention and the fact all he has to do is toss you a crumb and you continue to chase.... it's an ego boost for him, can't you see that?

 

I hate to be harsh but as I said, there is a very good possibility he is having a right good laugh about it with his buddies too.

 

I am sorry but PLEASE just move on.

 

ETA: And yes, IF he were interested, he would be scheduling a date and time to go out with you again.

Edited September 16, 2016 by katiegrl

[Dis]

how is he blowing me off, if he really was then he could´ve said "im on my way to fish now so i cant" and leave it at there, not saying he´d really want to meet me as he said clearly TWO times in this text.. so how do you mean he is really blowing me off?

is it only counting if he would say a place and time for not blowing me off or what?

 

This is just so sad

 

If you dont wake up now you're in for a long hard road of dating ahead of you

[insert_name]

how is he blowing me off, if he really was then he could´ve said "im on my way to fish now so i cant" and leave it at there, not saying he´d really want to meet me as he said clearly TWO times in this text.. so how do you mean he is really blowing me off?

is it only counting if he would say a place and time for not blowing me off or what?

 

As a guy who has both done this and been on the receiving end I'll tell you it to you straight (and in terms you probably won't like but you need to hear this) what he is doing:

 

He has probably got dates lined up with a new girl (or the same girl) for each day of the week for the next few days. They are all ahead of you in the queue. If for whatever reason they all fall through then he may get back to you next week at some point, hence the lack of a complete blow off and a non-committal suggestion of a date at some point in the future (ie when he can be bothered, IF he can be bothered). Unless he confirms an actual date with you then he is blowing you off. He is keeping his schedule free for other girls he is in contact with.

 

Katie has nailed it- for us guys there is little more hilarious than a girl who we believe is beneath us in the social pecking order desperately trying to get with us and lock down guys who are out of their league (either because they are not that physically attractive, intellectually stimulating or whatever) and yes we do laugh about it as it elevates our status amongst our friends...although I am sure women do this also. It is a pretty bleak part of human nature.

 

Please get some dignity and self respect. You seem focused on what you want, almost as if you can't accept this guy has a choice. He is making it clear that, unfortunately, he does not want to be with you unless he has no other options. He couldn't be any more blatant.

[aSadGirl]

I decided to listen to my intuition and reach out this friday, saying im glad he is well from his cold and should come sun-bathe with me + a picture of the sun. he said:

 

"i´d more than rather be there with you now, but im on my way to go fishing in the north.. but next week i´d more than rather meet you again :-* "

 

so we met yesterday, he was late again as always so i adressed it (so he cant be late next time if we meet)... had dinner, drink, and movie at the cinema. i payed half.. it felt like most of the date went great.. we talked laughed connected.. and kissed a little by the end of the evening and he said we have to meet SOON... with a few suggestions (like cooking dinner together or get chantarelles next week and bathe in jacuzzi) but we didn´t nail the next date down.

He held my hand a lot during the date, especially caressed my fingers and knee on the cinema, and when we were outside and he kissed me a bit i felt high.

 

He texted me this morning wishing me a great day.

 

I dont know where to go from here, wait for more?

I know there is fotballgames tomorrow and this weekend he might go to, i dont want to sound clingy and ask if i can go with him because chances are he is there with friends but he said before i could come with him so i dont know what to think now hmm..

 

Im upset about myself that i didnt question him more about why he was so "off" the 2.5 weeks we didnt see each other (could´ve called) but i did say i thought something was wrong when he didnt contact me for almost a week after our 3rd date but he said he is waiting for the girl to make a move and doesnt want to be too pushy or something like that (but i said im old fashioned and thinks the guy has to court a bit..) so he said that he will be more forward from now on and that we have to see each other more often.. i again told him its greenlight to call and such and it felt like we came each other closer...

 

This morning he texted me "Have a nice day " I responded "Thanks! You too "

but i must admit that internally i am questioning why he did only a " " smiley and not a " " ... and why he didnt refer to previous night or just ask me out for next date already..

 

I´m so used with dating going wrong despite my best efforts that im trying to think "this might have been the last date and i shouldn´t get my hopes up", but i wish i could relax and enjoy the ride and be more happy for whats happening..

I was a bit hungover (drank wine and drink yesterday with him)

 

Please people, be somewhat positive regarding this?

[katiegrl]

 

This morning he texted me "Have a nice day " I responded "Thanks! You too "

but i must admit that internally i am questioning why he did only a " " smiley and not a " " ... and why he didnt refer to previous night or just ask me out for next date already..

 

I am glad you were able to meet up. Finally.

 

JMO but the reason he hasn't (and probably won't) ask you out for another date is because he knows he doesn't have to.... he knows you will continue to chase, so he doesn't have to lift a finger.

 

Good job and best of luck!

[clia]

I'm dying to know who initiated getting together last night. Was it you?

 

Anyway, I still think you are prolonging the inevitable. Let's see....he let you pay half and on the next date he wants to cook together or jump in the jacuzzi. Sounds like he thinks it's time for sex.

 

I glad you're happy, but until he starts initiating dates and asks you out, I just can't feel very happy for you. In fact, I feel quite sad for you because I've been where you are now. But I guess we all have to learn the hard way. I think he would've faded by now if you hadn't kept reaching out and chasing. A guy who is truly into you doesn't let days and weeks go by without talking to you or seeing you. That's just not the way it works. He could've easily made plans with you for this weekend, but he didn't. Please ask yourself, wouldn't he make those plans if he really wanted to see you?

 

I'm begging you, let him initiate the next date. Let him text you first. Let him suggest getting together. Do not invite yourself along to watch football with him. If he wants you there, he will invite you.

[eightytwenty]

Quit sweating someone that isn't into you at all! You'll be his side easy piece for sex. You're worth more and you don't deserve a guy that's doing this.

[No_Go]

OP please that's getting crazy:

1) stop analyzing the emoticons - they mean NOTHING

2) stop counting who paid for what - it makes you look cheap

and

3) stop initiating with implicit sexual suggestions (e.g. the jacuzzi stuff) if you're not looking for ONS.

 

What do you want from this guy? A FWB? Maybe you can work yourself to that level. Relationship? I'm not sure - is he even interested in that?? The positive thing to say: just ASK him this if you text/call/see him again.

 

What is your age btw?

[insert_name]

Good for you OP, I hope it works out for you. If it does we can put this relationship up on the shelf alongside all those other successful relationships that started out with 2.5 weeks between dates.

 

Oh, wait....

[insert_name]

 

 

 

 

This morning he texted me "Have a nice day " I responded "Thanks! You too "

but i must admit that internally i am questioning why he did only a " " smiley and not a " " ... and why he didnt refer to previous night or just ask me out for next date already..

 

 

Read this over and over again OP.

 

You admitted that you told him you like to be chased and he agreed to be more forward....now what is happening? It is back to stupid text tennis between you that isn't progressing things and after you specifically telling him and him agreeing to be more forward he is still not putting himself out there and making firm plans.

 

Do you think that it should be this difficult for people who are genuinely interested in each other to confirm plans to see each other? Shouldn't he be concerned that he should be moving faster because you could go off with another guy? Why do you think he is moving so slowly after you told him you want to be chased?

[aSadGirl]

I'm dying to know who initiated getting together last night. Was it you?

 

Anyway, I still think you are prolonging the inevitable. Let's see....he let you pay half and on the next date he wants to cook together or jump in the jacuzzi. Sounds like he thinks it's time for sex.

 

I glad you're happy, but until he starts initiating dates and asks you out, I just can't feel very happy for you. In fact, I feel quite sad for you because I've been where you are now. But I guess we all have to learn the hard way. I think he would've faded by now if you hadn't kept reaching out and chasing. A guy who is truly into you doesn't let days and weeks go by without talking to you or seeing you. That's just not the way it works. He could've easily made plans with you for this weekend, but he didn't. Please ask yourself, wouldn't he make those plans if he really wanted to see you?

 

I'm begging you, let him initiate the next date. Let him text you first. Let him suggest getting together. Do not invite yourself along to watch football with him. If he wants you there, he will invite you.

 

Like i said.. its complicated to tell if me or him inititated because he texted me 1 week ago and said he was well.. i said later that he could join me to tan in the sun and he said he really want to but are about to go fishing but that he would really like to meet me next week if i he may.

I suggested 6PM monday and he said it was perfect, unfortunately we didn´t exactly set an adress just a place but its too big to meet up on so i called him when he was 10 min late and he said he was on his way and i said im waiting at a coffestore..

 

so it didnt begin well and i told him i think its improtant to respect each other´s time but yeah..

We went to town but i wish we planned more as first restaurant was closed and the one he suggested was far away from the cinema etc.. but we went to one that wasnt so romantic though, noisy.. but it was ok, he payed and also a drink nearby. His explanation for why he wasn´t more "on" me was that he has been burned before with someone that told him to back off or something when he was on her.. so he said he rather wait for me to move forward but i told him im old fashioned and like men to chase or something like that..

so he said he would be more on me from now on and that we will see each other more often so i just hope its true..

 

But you are right.. it sound a bit like he is ready for sex and im not too happy he isnt contacting and trying to woo/sweep me off my feet more.. plan better! follow up etc..

 

I will try to listen to your advice and let him initiate the next date.. and text me first too.. and i wont write anything about the fotball even though im dying inside to connect with him... I will try to be strong now, because im afraid he stared to see me more as a friend or something since he just said "Hope you have a fine day " with not a kiss smiley or any remark from how nice last date was or something...

 

But you think i should just "be still" now and wait for him to contact me etc again? Im afraid he will be slow and wait me out till i contact him :/ i hope im wrong.. but i guess time will tell.. im scared he just doesnt like me that much, isnt into me THAT much perhaps.. he still got pics from his ex girlfriend on facebook.. i wish he´d remove them if he truly was over her.. (2 years ago) its pictures from dubai, monaco casino with her.. october fiest, movies etc.. he even gave her 40 red roses and a key to his appartment at their 1 year anniversery..

 

I look similar to her so maybe im his type but im unsure if he is falling for my inside.. i feel like he isnt stepping up to the plate but rather making himself comfrotable and barely reaching out.. i want him to ask me about my day, ask how i feel, ask and listen! but he never writes a "?" in texts, only when he asked me what i want to do on the date. I want him to lead etc.. perhaps i should be even more clear about it but i think ive already told him im old fashioned so if he likes me he has greenlight to show more interest! It bugs me he doesnt.. i dont want this to end like this.. can i do something to make him want me more? For example if i send him text or pictures or anything.. ? Or should i just be quiet and wait

[anna121]

My advice is to forget about him completely and move on to someone else.

 

This one is done. I see very, very little chance that he will give you what you want.

[Zahara]

But you think i should just "be still" now and wait for him to contact me etc again? Im afraid he will be slow and wait me out till i contact him :/ i hope im wrong.. but i guess time will tell.. im scared he just doesnt like me that much, isnt into me THAT much perhaps.. he still got pics from his ex girlfriend on facebook.. i wish he´d remove them if he truly was over her.. (2 years ago) its pictures from dubai, monaco casino with her.. october fiest, movies etc.. he even gave her 40 red roses and a key to his appartment at their 1 year anniversery..

 

I look similar to her so maybe im his type but im unsure if he is falling for my inside.. i feel like he isnt stepping up to the plate but rather making himself comfrotable and barely reaching out.. i want him to ask me about my day, ask how i feel, ask and listen! but he never writes a "?" in texts, only when he asked me what i want to do on the date. I want him to lead etc.. perhaps i should be even more clear about it but i think ive already told him im old fashioned so if he likes me he has greenlight to show more interest! It bugs me he doesnt.. i dont want this to end like this.. can i do something to make him want me more? For example if i send him text or pictures or anything.. ? Or should i just be quiet and wait

 

Please wait and be quiet. This desperation is going to land you into a situation that you once were in - past thread. You seem to attach hard and then get into a panicked frenzy trying to get a man to pay you attention.

 

If he's not pursuing, then take it as a sign of disinterest and move along. You don't sit there and ponder ways to say look at me, look at me! If anything, it's unattractive and he can certainly feel that from you.

[introverted1]

Like i said.. its complicated to tell if me or him inititated because he texted me 1 week ago and said he was well.. i said later that he could join me to tan in the sun and he said he really want to but are about to go fishing but that he would really like to meet me next week if i he may.

I suggested 6PM monday

 

Not complicated. You initiated.

 

I will try to listen to your advice and let him initiate the next date..

 

The only way you will ever know if he is interested is to give him the time/room to initiate. Then, you'll have your answer. The idea that he is interested and wants to pursue you but isn't doing so for some hidden reason makes no sense. You have signaled LOUD AND CLEAR that you are interested in him, so there is no question in his mind about your 'yes.'

 

You can safely stop chasing him on the premise that if you do nothing, he will not know you are still interested. He knows.

 

i feel like he isnt stepping up to the plate but rather making himself comfrotable and barely reaching out.. i want him to ask me about my day, ask how i feel, ask and listen! but he never writes a "?" in texts, only when he asked me what i want to do on the date.

 

Why are you ignoring your instincts? You are spot on here but you are not acting in concert with your own knowledge.

[rester]

I wish I could be more positive than the rest of the posters, but I agree with them. I would be careful about getting too attached to this guy. Definitely don't initiate another outing and if you're not just looking for sex, keep dates public.

 

His behavior to me sounds like someone who is not very invested in dating at the moment but likes to have some fun on his own terms. You are merely someone that will be there when he feels like it or he's bored or lonely. Sorry.

[aSadGirl]

I wish I could be more positive than the rest of the posters, but I agree with them. I would be careful about getting too attached to this guy. Definitely don't initiate another outing and if you're not just looking for sex, keep dates public.

 

His behavior to me sounds like someone who is not very invested in dating at the moment but likes to have some fun on his own terms. You are merely someone that will be there when he feels like it or he's bored or lonely. Sorry.

 

 

im afraid you all (read all comments thank you very much for your clever insigts) are right.

His "Have a nice day " text came tuesday. Now it´s saturday and it´s been radio silence. Only thing he have done is "liking" 1 picture of me but that´s it!

 

I´m thinking about texting him something like:

 

"Hi, I really enjoyed our dates and texts, and feel we have great potential of something more... but i´m wondering why you are so quiet between our dates? I don´t think its asking for too much with some contact every other day and since you told me you´d be more forward after i said i´m traditional and like when a guy is chasing, im confused. Even if i feel i like your company alot when we meet I can´t take this long silence between dates in the long run because i feel lonely in the relationship when many days/week go by like this, it feels like we have to start over from 0 every time we text/see each other again and i want to build a strong relationship where the chemistry is great weather its with you of someone else but that´s what im heading for. So what do you want?"

 

What do you think about it? Should i send it? Call him?

Or continue to wait im so sad cause its 2 fotball games this week and he didnt even mention them, one is tomorrow, i could´ve gone with him but i dont want to ask to join if he isnt asking me to join himself...

please help. I know i probably seem desperate but i dont know what to do. just "waiting" feels crippling to me.

Edited September 24, 2016 by aSadGirl

[Zahara]

OP, you've gained ZERO introspection from your fallout with that past married/separated/whatever guy. And wasn't that a man you went absolutely panicked stricken about only after knowing for 2 months and some 5 dates? A few months later and you're doing the same exact thing now. Chasing a man. A man that is not showing you interest. You did this with the other guy too. Begging, asking, pursuing, etc.

 

As I said in your past thread -- until you do the work to improve your self-esteem, you'll always keep spinning your wheels chasing men to pay attention to you.

 

If you don't love yourself, no one will. And if we can see your desperation on a forum, trust he sees it too and finds it highly unattractive.

 

Please don't send this but move on. You don't wait for him -- you go about your life. The problem with you is that when a man enters, you make your world all about him and find yourself crippled when he doesn't make you his.

 

Stay away from dating. Stay single for a significant amount of time and foster a relationship with yourself. You clearly are not ready to have a healthy relationship with anyone when you don't even have one with yourself.

Edited September 24, 2016 by Zahara

[sooshi]

OP, please read, re-read, and keep Zahara's words in your heart.

 

They are wise, and it will do you much good to heed them.

 

Take care.

[katiegrl]

OP, you've gained ZERO introspection from your fallout with that past married/separated/whatever guy. And wasn't that a man you went absolutely panicked stricken about only after knowing for 2 months and some 5 dates? A few months later and you're doing the same exact thing now. Chasing a man. A man that is not showing you interest. You did this with the other guy too. Begging, asking, pursuing, etc.

 

As I said in your past thread -- until you do the work to improve your self-esteem, you'll always keep spinning your wheels chasing men to pay attention to you.

 

If you don't love yourself, no one will. And if we can see your desperation on a forum, trust he sees it too and finds it highly unattractive.

 

Please don't send this but move on. You don't wait for him -- you go about your life. The problem with you is that when a man enters, you make your world all about him and find yourself crippled when he doesn't make you his.

 

Stay away from dating. Stay single for a significant amount of time and foster a relationship with yourself. You clearly are not ready to have a healthy relationship with anyone when you don't even have one with yourself.

 

I think this goes back even way before previous guy too.

 

In fact her posts sound very familiar under a different username.

 

Had a long term bf who clearly did not love her, ignored her but she held on for dear life twisting herself like a pretzel getting him to pay attention. Literally begging him for attention and asking us for ways to get him to love her.

 

He never did and finally dumped her.

 

I hoped she would have sought help after that but apparently not.

 

I could be mistaken but as I said, her posts have a familiar ring to them in their desperation.

 

Very very sad indeed.

 

SadGirl we implore you..... please please please get some help.

Edited September 24, 2016 by katiegrl

[smackie9]

Obviously he would like someone who is more assertive. You on the other hand, want someone who pursues you to make you feel you have value. You are not a match, you need to stop struggling with this and just move on.

[katiegrl]

Obviously he would like someone who is more assertive. You on the other hand, want someone who pursues you to make you feel you have value. You are not a match, you need to stop struggling with this and just move on.

 

No it's not obvious he wants someone more *assertive* ...not sure where you came up with that.

 

To the contrary, she has been throwing herself at him, chasing him and he is still not responding.

 

If anything is obvious it's that he wants someone he is actually interested in and it's not the OP.

Edited September 24, 2016 by katiegrl

[aSadGirl]

I texted him today

"Hope team WiQ wins tonight! <3<3<3" (with hearts in the colors of his favorite fotball-team)

He answered 10 minutes later:

"Wisconiq doesn´t have a game this evening sweetie " (With a kiss-smiley)

AWKWARD! I had checked wrong... it was next day the game is.

So I texted him 3 hours later:

"Aha oopes I meant tomorrow "

 

which happened to be sent even later due to delivery-issues.. so he got the text message 00:30 .. totoally wrong! Hope it didn´t wake him up... but im afraid it did because i saw him active on facebook then.

 

Now what?

I wanted to ask if we can speak on the phone, but i didn´t dare to And now i really want to see him soon but don´t want to "throw myself at him/chase" like you call it... any tips so i can make him ask me out..?

Edited September 26, 2016 by aSadGirl