Should he have paid the 2nd date? Why isnt he asking me out for 3rd yet? [updated]

[insert_name]

I know you are right! But i just wonder if this might be fixable.. i mean.., if we for example meet and i state how his behaviour makes me feel perhaps we can solbe it..? ok that might be naive.. but i mean.. THIS IS THE LAST SUMMER-WEEK where we live in the north.. 20 degrees sun, next and all coming will be like 10 degrees rain.. i know dating doesnt require nice weather but its much more fun that way! and i really looked forward to perhaps sun/tan/bathe/drive his scooter, get chantarelles in the forest etc..

 

I live in a northen country where equality rules.. so here its not uncommon if ladies pays dutch etc.. i just am oldfashioned myself.. and like to be hunted! im dissapointed in him not hunting me down more.. He have had 5 years + 2 years long relationships so i thought he really was the relationship-type-of-guy.. he said he was serious and just wanted to find "The One" now.. but i guess im not it? He should´ve showed more effort between dates not less then.. letting there go 6 days after 3rd date till I contacted him not even him me etc..

 

damnit.. i just want to live with great experieces! I cant go do all those "date-activities" on my own and enjoy them the same

 

With respect OP, you sound a bit like a spoilt child here: you want, you want, you want....and then you want some more on top. That isn't attractive and if this has come across to this guy I am not surprised he would be backing off right now. That being said he hasn't exactly come across like a prize either since you split the bill in that restaurant.

 

Everything in this thread plus your admission that you like to be paid for, hunted etc makes me wonder if the attraction here is pretty much that he won't let you get what you want and so you can't let go. I'll bet you have male orbiters vying for your attention who might be more suitable for you to date, but they are practically invisible to you because you can take their attention for granted.

 

Either way, it really is painful to see how you can't give up this guy even though his behaviour is making it absolutely crystal clear that he is just having a bit of fun with you.

 

We have all done it, I am sure you have done the same to guys- it isn't nice but it is unfortunately human nature: someone gives us attention and is obviously interested in us, we know it. We think that person is cool....but sadly we aren't attracted to them. But their attention makes us feel wanted, needed, which in turn....makes us feel.....kinda good. So we know we shouldn't do it, but we encourage their attention because it only takes a throwaway text message that we thought about for all of 10 seconds to get that person to respond and make us feel awesome about ourselves.

 

You've been in this situation, right? Well, judging by his behaviour this is most likely how he feels about you. Now when I find myself in that position, I hold myself in far too much regard to put up with that nonsense. I laugh at people who think they can do that to me and then I ignore them. You would be best to do the same. If he wants your attention he will then have to work harder to get it and you will see just how interested he is then. My money is on him moving on- but that has to be better than being thrown crumbs like he is doing at the moment.

[insert_name]

Yes boundaries are good, when you are in a "relationship."

 

But the early stages of dating is the time when you assess if he is right for you (and he should be doing the same thing).

 

If you don't like the way he is treating you, late for dates, blows you off, minimal effort, mixed messages, then you fall off his radar OR you walk. Period end of.

 

This shows him you respect yourself, value yourself and don't tolerate BS.

 

This early stage is not the time to be sharing with him how his "bad" behavior makes you feel.

 

It won't sink in, he won't get it.

 

YOU have a better chance of him "getting it" if you walk away. Re-read the article!

 

Men know perfectly well when they are behaving poorly, they don't need you to point it out to them. They're not stupid.

 

When you choose to fall off his radar or walk, he will know why, no explaining necessary.

 

You know I have been practicing what this article states since I first started dating at 18 years of age (not counting my HS bf). Again for me it was instinctual I don't know why.

 

In literally every case, it has netted positive results, so there is definitely something to it.

 

Many advice\relationship gurus advise the same thing. The Rubber Band theory, the Law of Scarcity, among others.

 

I don't even consider it a game. It's simply understanding men and their psyche, and what attracts them, what maintains their attraction, as opposed to what doesn't.

 

Smart dating.

 

If he cares as little as his behaviour suggests then he WILL get it- it will amuse him that he has got under OP's skin so much because he has no skin in the game himself. He won't care how his behaviour made her feel (well, not in the way OP wants) because he has other irons in the fire that he would prefer to date.

 

Best to preserve one's dignity and either play him at his own game (not advisable for OP as she will never pull it off) or (as you recommend) just disappear.

[katiegrl]

If he cares as little as his behaviour suggests then he WILL get it- it will amuse him that he has got under OP's skin so much because he has no skin in the game himself.

 

He won't care how his behaviour made her feel (well, not in the way OP wants) because he has other irons in the fire that he would prefer to date.

 

 

Exactly which was precisely my point. Which is why she should not be sharing her feelings with him.

 

She should say nothing and just fall off his radar, IMO permanently.

 

OP, no matter how much you may want something, you cannot force it, dating doesn't work that way.

 

You are working against yourself here.

Edited September 13, 2016 by katiegrl

[Leigh 87]

Katie's advice only works in the short term.

 

I have tried it heapd of times and it works alright. But the thing is - although they are initially impressed and more attracted to you due to the scarcity thing - they think okay, she actually isn't that into me after all, she has options and I am actually bothered by the fact I did not get under her skin as I thought I did!

 

AFTER the guys came back, they only go right ahead and dissapear or act lukewarm again - because THEY ARE LUKEWARM - they ARE NOT wowed by you, they DO NOT feel genuinely excited at your "connection". If they did, they would have acted into you in the first place.

 

With the exception of emotionally unavailable men - of course. Aside from this bunch which can be quite extensive - emotionally able men will ACT into you from the outset, you WILL NOT have to go and create threads about "is he into me" unless you are super new to dating and perhaps are a real novice in need of basic fundamental advice.

 

So sure, I have also done the " act easy breezy and chil" thing, LOL. It works a real treat in getting men who are not into you to suddenly think we'll maybe they want you after all.

 

Again - it never works in the long run. You are only manipulating them into falling for you for the wrong reasons - they are not genuinely WOWED by you or SMITTEN by you - they just think you must be hot stuff since you have options and therefore they want what they cannot have. Being mean DOES keep them keen, oftentimes!

[Leigh 87]

Have not read the thread in its entirety but I have to ask OP - do you over share, give up too much too soon or generally act batsh*t crazy, desperate or needy early on?

 

If not - you should not resort to acting more busy, more aloof or to better yet - totally ignore and drop off the radar - since the right men who will actually be into you and cherish you in the long run are men who will like you for you.

 

You really shouldn't need to follow all this advice in how to act cool and aloof in order to garner interest from men, it is actually quite sad that some women have to manipulate men into being into them:sick

 

I believe following such advice works in the short term but the truly magical connections tend to sustain DESPITE one or both parties acting a tad needy in the beginning. A true connection will overlook mild neediness initially providing it is not na ongoing issue.

 

If the slightest thing turns a guy off, they were not that taken by you enough to overlook it. I swear lol, I am NOT trying to advocate women in acting crazy, needy or inappropriate - but there is always a LITTLE leeway when a person is super into you.

[katiegrl]

Katie's advice only works in the short term.

 

I have tried it heapd of times and it works alright. But the thing is - although they are initially impressed and more attracted to you due to the scarcity thing - they think okay, she actually isn't that into me after all, she has options and I am actually bothered by the fact I did not get under her skin as I thought I did!

 

AFTER the guys came back, they only go right ahead and dissapear or act lukewarm again - because THEY ARE LUKEWARM - they ARE NOT wowed by you, they DO NOT feel genuinely excited at your "connection". If they did, they would have acted into you in the first place.

 

With the exception of emotionally unavailable men - of course. Aside from this bunch which can be quite extensive - emotionally able men will ACT into you from the outset, you WILL NOT have to go and create threads about "is he into me" unless you are super new to dating and perhaps are a real novice in need of basic fundamental advice.

 

So sure, I have also done the " act easy breezy and chil" thing, LOL. It works a real treat in getting men who are not into you to suddenly think we'll maybe they want you after all.

 

Again - it never works in the long run. You are only manipulating them into falling for you for the wrong reasons - they are not genuinely WOWED by you or SMITTEN by you - they just think you must be hot stuff since you have options and therefore they want what they cannot have. Being mean DOES keep them keen, oftentimes!

 

Leigh, I actually don't disagree with any of this.

 

That is why for me personally, if a man isn't treating me right, breaking dates, sending mixed messages, etc. I usually just next him.

 

However, I have fallen off men's radar and had them return, and want to have a real RL with me. So there are exceptions to what you posted above.

 

The advice I posted is for women dating men who were initially very "smitten" with them in the beginning... but the women acted too needy, too desperate for a RL, overwhelmed him with her anxieties, and as a result turned him off.

[aSadGirl]

With respect OP, you sound a bit like a spoilt child here: you want, you want, you want....and then you want some more on top. That isn't attractive and if this has come across to this guy I am not surprised he would be backing off right now. That being said he hasn't exactly come across like a prize either since you split the bill in that restaurant.

 

Everything in this thread plus your admission that you like to be paid for, hunted etc makes me wonder if the attraction here is pretty much that he won't let you get what you want and so you can't let go. I'll bet you have male orbiters vying for your attention who might be more suitable for you to date, but they are practically invisible to you because you can take their attention for granted.

 

Either way, it really is painful to see how you can't give up this guy even though his behaviour is making it absolutely crystal clear that he is just having a bit of fun with you.

 

We have all done it, I am sure you have done the same to guys- it isn't nice but it is unfortunately human nature: someone gives us attention and is obviously interested in us, we know it. We think that person is cool....but sadly we aren't attracted to them. But their attention makes us feel wanted, needed, which in turn....makes us feel.....kinda good. So we know we shouldn't do it, but we encourage their attention because it only takes a throwaway text message that we thought about for all of 10 seconds to get that person to respond and make us feel awesome about ourselves.

 

You've been in this situation, right? Well, judging by his behaviour this is most likely how he feels about you. Now when I find myself in that position, I hold myself in far too much regard to put up with that nonsense. I laugh at people who think they can do that to me and then I ignore them. You would be best to do the same. If he wants your attention he will then have to work harder to get it and you will see just how interested he is then. My money is on him moving on- but that has to be better than being thrown crumbs like he is doing at the moment.

 

Well yeah.. but who doesnt want a good lovelife?

Its true i got some orbiters and yes im not so interested in them..

 

Its painful to give up this guy since i have catched feelings for him i dont want to believe he only wants fun as he said he is serious and looking for the right one.. and planned to do so many activities with me including soon fotball with him and his friends (which at least to me seems a bit serious).. i really looked forward to everything we would be doing.. especially this last sunny summer-week but i guess i have to forget it ;(

 

He said he likes me "golf-master" this friday in a text.. but it was some cheeful banter over sms texts so i dont know how much i should believe it.. he might like me but more in a playful way that would explain why he was quiet 6 days after our 3rd date.. as to show me he isn´t that into me or something.. </3

 

How old are you?

I know i should laugh at it and move on too but like i said: i have feelings for him and really enjoyed being with him on thouse three 7 hour dates...

 

Im sad you think he will move on but im afraid you´re right.. lets be reaslistic.. and yeah, it is better to have nothing than crumbs.. one deserve the whole (relationship)bread..

 

But i guess i should listen to your guys advice and not say anything more to him now.. and wait if he says something.. and in the meanwhile date-on.. even if im not excited about seeing other guys :'(

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, I actually don't disagree with any of this.

 

That is why for me personally, if a man isn't treating me right, breaking dates, sending mixed messages, etc. I usually just next him.

 

However, I have fallen off men's radar and had them return, and want to have a real RL with me. So there are exceptions to what you posted above.

 

The advice I posted is for women dating men who were initially very "smitten" with them in the beginning... but the women acted too needy, too desperate for a RL, overwhelmed him with her anxieties, and as a result turned him off.

 

Ah okay I see.

 

I have had this happen also once.

 

The guy ended up with cold feet! He started off smitten, I scared him off LOL ( you live and learn:o) and he did want a second go but sadly I had not learnt your neat trick yet LOL and scared him off again.

 

To this day I conclude he just was never into me to begin with but man, I do think he WAS and I did legit scare him off at the time, since this was well before I had any social awareness of the dating game.

 

I often wondered what I didn't act off putting when he and I had initially met? Would we have gotten together if I had followed your "redemption" advice and STAYED normal and not psycho or whatever?

 

I will never know.

[aSadGirl]

Have not read the thread in its entirety but I have to ask OP - do you over share, give up too much too soon or generally act batsh*t crazy, desperate or needy early on?

 

If not - you should not resort to acting more busy, more aloof or to better yet - totally ignore and drop off the radar - since the right men who will actually be into you and cherish you in the long run are men who will like you for you.

 

You really shouldn't need to follow all this advice in how to act cool and aloof in order to garner interest from men, it is actually quite sad that some women have to manipulate men into being into them:sick

 

I believe following such advice works in the short term but the truly magical connections tend to sustain DESPITE one or both parties acting a tad needy in the beginning. A true connection will overlook mild neediness initially providing it is not na ongoing issue.

 

If the slightest thing turns a guy off, they were not that taken by you enough to overlook it. I swear lol, I am NOT trying to advocate women in acting crazy, needy or inappropriate - but there is always a LITTLE leeway when a person is super into you.

 

I read both all your texts.. thank you for your imput and i actually had the same thought a bit back in my head when i read katies or the other´s advice about dropping off radar BECAUSE I HAVENT ACTED NEEDY/cRAZY or any of that.. so if i would just say "Nice to hear you feel well :)" at least.. how could that be too much ?

 

To summarize shortly for you; we dated 3 times, after last he was quiet 6 days till i reached out and asked if he wants to see me again or how he feels.. and he said "ofcourse i want to see you again sweetie but i got a bad cold now, hope i get rid of it soon to get to see you " something like that.. then we texted back and fort a bit about jokes untill friday when he even said "I like you gold-master !" but this weekend was quiet.. then he texted me last morning saying "Hope you have a fine day "

I answered 7 hours later "thanks, i do hope your cold is better!" he answered 1 minute later "It is, im well now! :D"

 

and i havent typed anything more.. should i do it or be quiet.. according to you?

This is the last summer-weather week in northen place we live in so i really would like to date outside while we can.. but i dont want to get hurt so im just afraid to catch more feelings while he perhaps is lowkey... or what do you think?

<3

[Leigh 87]

OP - I have also had 7 hour dates. More than one - and had the guy repeatedly tell me on these all day dates " wow you are awesome" incessantly.

 

Only for them to loose interest....

 

We will never truly know if these men were players or disingenuous from the outset - There ARE some men who have freely admitted to me that they pretend to act into a woman in order to get sex - long dates, treating them to dates, telling them how amazing they are - the works! Only to drop them when they have had enough and Miss Right comes along:sick:

 

But more often than not, I think these men ARE into us to begin with, and just... Loose interest for whatever reason. We often do things and behave in particular ways whereby a person gets to know the real us more. - and it is not a side of us that was first put on show when these men first crossed paths with us. So it is very common for men AND WOMEN - to start out into us only to ..yeah.

 

I did it to my ex. I was super into him only to loose that feeling AFTER I got to know him more.

And I have had A LOT of men do this to me and I KNOW that at least SOME of them WERE truly into me at the beginning - only to loose interest (although I am sure one or two of them were likely faking it from the start).

 

the best thing you can do? Accept that you have a personality that some men will adore long term - and others will admire before concluding that you are not really as captivating as they had initially thought.

 

I effed up with that one guy I mentioned above to Katie - he even went as far as told me that I was not who he thought I was..... I did truly blow it, I acted unacceptably and to this day I have learnt a valuable lesson and I have changed from the person I once was to an extent - So that one guys rejection taught me that yes it was actually me that had personality deficits I needed to work on - I was full of myself and just not the best version of myself which is why he initially was SMITTEN only to .. Well you know the story,....

 

KEY THING: there is a difference between a girl who turns a guy off for STANDARD REASONS versus a girl who is really not that bad and is not doing anything off putting - The latter - is when a guy simply doesn't click with you the way you had hoped for, without you doing something inherently off putting.

I have only had the former happen to me ONCE, with that one guy... We met overseas... THE REST of them - they legit just thought they felt chemistry...only to not like my personality goals and values enough to fall for me beyond the Sparks.

 

Chemistry that is mutual is not common but not rare either - you and this guy may have had it - but falling beyond the stardust and rainbows needs depth to it, which obviously didn't occur here.

 

Although there is still a chance that you did do something off putting that turned an otherwise smitten guy off from you a little! This I find is more rare and has only really happened to me once - it is USUALLY the man who just looses interest in your real, genuine, best version of your personality.

[katiegrl]

I read both all your texts.. thank you for your imput and i actually had the same thought a bit back in my head when i read katies or the other´s advice about dropping off radar BECAUSE I HAVENT ACTED NEEDY/cRAZY or any of that.. so if i would just say "Nice to hear you feel well :)" at least.. how could that be too much ?

 

To summarize shortly for you; we dated 3 times, after last he was quiet 6 days till i reached out and asked if he wants to see me again or how he feels.. and he said "ofcourse i want to see you again sweetie but i got a bad cold now, hope i get rid of it soon to get to see you " something like that.. then we texted back and fort a bit about jokes untill friday when he even said "I like you gold-master !" but this weekend was quiet.. then he texted me last morning saying "Hope you have a fine day "

I answered 7 hours later "thanks, i do hope your cold is better!" he answered 1 minute later "It is, im well now! :D"

 

and i havent typed anything more.. should i do it or be quiet.. according to you?

This is the last summer-weather week in northen place we live in so i really would like to date outside while we can.. but i dont want to get hurt so im just afraid to catch more feelings while he perhaps is lowkey... or what do you think?

<3

 

Reading this, unless you are looking for a texting buddy, I would not respond.

 

He keeps texting you with these little bits to keep you hanging on but the fact he's not asking you out, especially now that he feels all better, is very telling.

 

As I said before, unless he texts you asking you out, ignore.

 

Unless again you are looking for a texting buddy in which case sure go ahead and keep texting back and forth with these mundane, three or four word text exchanges with emojis.

 

Frankly that would bore me to death, but you do you (as the saying goes).

Edited September 13, 2016 by katiegrl

[Leigh 87]

I read both all your texts.. thank you for your imput and i actually had the same thought a bit back in my head when i read katies or the other´s advice about dropping off radar BECAUSE I HAVENT ACTED NEEDY/cRAZY or any of that.. so if i would just say "Nice to hear you feel well :)" at least.. how could that be too much ?

 

To summarize shortly for you; we dated 3 times, after last he was quiet 6 days till i reached out and asked if he wants to see me again or how he feels.. and he said "ofcourse i want to see you again sweetie but i got a bad cold now, hope i get rid of it soon to get to see you " something like that.. then we texted back and fort a bit about jokes untill friday when he even said "I like you gold-master !" but this weekend was quiet.. then he texted me last morning saying "Hope you have a fine day "

I answered 7 hours later "thanks, i do hope your cold is better!" he answered 1 minute later "It is, im well now! :D"

 

and i havent typed anything more.. should i do it or be quiet.. according to you?

This is the last summer-weather week in northen place we live in so i really would like to date outside while we can.. but i dont want to get hurt so im just afraid to catch more feelings while he perhaps is lowkey... or what do you think?

<3

 

You did nothing off putting but who knows what you said in person?

 

Did you say something off such as admitting to him that you thought you were good looking? Just the heads up - this is one thing men HATE - women who actually admit and disclose that they have options and are attractive.

Did you mention anything about religion or politics that he could find offensive?

Is one of you heavily to the right politically, while one of you is all about giving wealth to the less fortunate and increasing the welfare support?

 

Did you mention that you prefer men who were generous and paid for dates?

 

I am sort of on the spectrum albeit highly functioning and I am pretty normal now since I have learnt from 10000 mistakes LOL. this is why I ask - I had NO idea I put a few guys off since I was not sure what social acceptable and pleasant behaviour consisted of up until not so long ago even!

 

I am just trying to hint of any of the God - awful embarrassing crap I used to do to put men off that took me a few goes to get right.

 

 

 

 

Ultimately there are only two options; he was into you and then just stopped feeling the great vibe. OR. He was super into you and you said something that was off very off putting, as I DID to that guy......

 

There is a chance of course, that he just was not that into you EVER.

 

I have thought once that a guy was really into me when he was actually just lonely and wanting a girlfriend no a relationship - he acted really attracted to me only to later act lacklustre and admit that he had found me very average all along:sick:

[aSadGirl]

But what if I say to him now "Glad to hear you are well! So now you can come here and smear sunscreen on me + some picture " just as a joking banter... no? I'm thinking maybe I should show my feminine/flirty side. . But I know he doesn't deserve it hmm.. so i don't know how to cope with the silence otherwise! I know I should just think he isn't so interested and wait for him to say something but it feels like he will think I'm playing games(?) And conclude I'm not the right one for him..

Or maybe I'm over thinking this. I'm just afraid to let go.. I'm missing him and I know this doesn't make sense for you who ain't invested with feelings but this is how I feel in my country guys expect women to initiate just as much or something.. but it feels weird to me as I'm still old fashioned and like men to court me.. ask out plan and proceed though dates.. at least untill we are together..

 

OK I'm just rambling so I should stop and go fix my life to get better but it's empty and painful to be withor your favorite (human-)drug..

 

You got any tips on how I can sustain sane while "dropping off the face on the earth from him"? Because I feel like I'm obessing and thinking about him almost 24/7 right now ;/ exempt for when I'm working and such..

 

I feel low and sad all the things we planned to do might not happen and that the nice last summer week weather is coming to an end so even if we meet its already autumn cold weather but never mind that doesn't matter I know.. I just felt soon good in is company when we hugged kissed held Hands and all.. I don't want it to be over <\3

I got a dinner date with the guy I went to race gocart with last weekend but I'm not excited about it... rather wished to meet this 3dateguy instead but if he is this wishy washy I guess I have to try to move one or what do you say? Isn't there anyone of you who thinks posting him something now would be good for the "relationship"?

[stillafool]

No leave him alone. Don't chase after him. If he wants to get together with you he will contact you and ask. Move on until that happens.

[introverted1]

But what if I say to him now "Glad to hear you are well! So now you can come here and smear sunscreen on me + some picture " just as a joking banter... no? I'm thinking maybe I should show my feminine/flirty side. .

 

If you want to signal that you are ready for nsa sex, do this.

 

Otherwise, listen to Katie.

[aSadGirl]

No leave him alone. Don't chase after him. If he wants to get together with you he will contact you and ask. Move on until that happens.

 

Ok i will try to follow this advice. It's not something I'm happy about but it got to feel right and good to meet him not though me asking him out at this point when he has showed such low interest sort of. But how do I cope with being silent/strong without feel down all the time for moving on from him (unless he steps up to the plate soon)

 

If you want to signal that you are ready for nsa sex, do this.

 

Otherwise, listen to Katie.

 

You are right. It's too sexy message .. I just wanted to perhaps flirt a bit but I guess that wouldve crossed the line. Thank god i didn't sent it nor anything since he said "I'm well now " but I'm still low about being "forced" to be quiet

Edited September 14, 2016 by aSadGirl

[aSadGirl]

If I could tell him how i feel that would be im sad that we don´t speak more.. when we are not around we could´ve sent each others funny/interesting links on facebook... text-messangeing more.. or speak on the phone.. and plan for dates to look forward to. I know i could´ve taken the initiative to do this myself but it really feels like it´s more of a man´s job to initiate such things on beginning of dating as a courting process - or am i wrong?

 

Im trying to focus on my life (friends, business, work, exercise, family, mindfulness, look a bit forward to a dinner date with another etc) to take my thoughts off from him, but i can´t help but being down about us not connecting... </3 It almost feels like he is expecting me to chase him (cause he said in the end his ex didnt "suggest dates" or something like that so they became more friends than a couple) but what do i know..

 

IS the only thing for me to do really to "stay away"/wait now to raise my scarcity/value in his eyes? (+ post fun pics on social media) ? Not contacting ...?

 

I have an internal dilemma.. each time i think of reaching out to him i stop myself with the tought of that he didn´t pay for 2nd dinner but spended 120$ easily on his Casino-games next date.. in either case his priority felt off for me..

AND he also didnt ask me questions so much and doesnt try to connect so much between dates, its actually got worse overall.. especially if it wouldn´t be for my funny texts/flirty jokes etc he would text even more less i think.. in either way i am turned off by this cause i want to be with someone who feels like home, who i can speak to about eveyrthing and anything.. and i know that might be too much to expect this early on, but with my ex for instance we had this enormous connection instantly.. infact when i think about it i miss him but its long gone..(this spring breakup, i wrote another tread about it if anyone wants to reopen it check my profile and go to threads ive created there)

 

On the other side of the dilemma I feel positive stuff like: "it felt sooooo good to hug kiss flirt and just overall be ner this 3-date-guy.. i felt like i enjoyed being in his company a lot and was really attracted to him which im rarely am to men.. and am afraid it will take a long time to find someone better again.. i´ve dated perhaps 30+ guys since my ex and didnt felt anything close to any connection at all with any of them to even want to see them for a second date... + this guy has had 5+2 year long relationships so it feels like he knows how to handle situations quite well...

 

Anyway... i should stop rambeling.. but if someone read this.. what do you think? Should i still stay in "no contact" ? :S feels strange to put it on so early on in dating.. it would be another thing if we had been together.. now im just afraid he will quickly forget me and move on?

[katiegrl]

 

...what do you think? Should i still stay in "no contact" ? :S feels strange to put it on so early on in dating.. it would be another thing if we had been together.. now im just afraid he will quickly forget me and move on?

 

Repeat from the earlier article re "falling off his radar":

 

Maintain your strength in this situation. One of two things will happen:

 

1, He’ll stay gone for good. In which case, you’ve got your answer, no more waiting around for him – and you’ve dodged a bullet here because he wasn’t that into you to begin with. And had you stuck around for more games, grief and pain, more is definitely what you will have received.

 

He is treating you like yesterday's newspaper.... you deserve better, don't ya think?

[Dis]

If I could tell him how i feel that would be im sad that we don´t speak more.. when we are not around we could´ve sent each others funny/interesting links on facebook... text-messangeing more.. or speak on the phone.. and plan for dates to look forward to. I know i could´ve taken the initiative to do this myself but it really feels like it´s more of a man´s job to initiate such things on beginning of dating as a courting process - or am i wrong?

 

Im trying to focus on my life (friends, business, work, exercise, family, mindfulness, look a bit forward to a dinner date with another etc) to take my thoughts off from him, but i can´t help but being down about us not connecting... </3 It almost feels like he is expecting me to chase him (cause he said in the end his ex didnt "suggest dates" or something like that so they became more friends than a couple) but what do i know..

 

IS the only thing for me to do really to "stay away"/wait now to raise my scarcity/value in his eyes? (+ post fun pics on social media) ? Not contacting ...?

 

I have an internal dilemma.. each time i think of reaching out to him i stop myself with the tought of that he didn´t pay for 2nd dinner but spended 120$ easily on his Casino-games next date.. in either case his priority felt off for me..

AND he also didnt ask me questions so much and doesnt try to connect so much between dates, its actually got worse overall.. especially if it wouldn´t be for my funny texts/flirty jokes etc he would text even more less i think.. in either way i am turned off by this cause i want to be with someone who feels like home, who i can speak to about eveyrthing and anything.. and i know that might be too much to expect this early on, but with my ex for instance we had this enormous connection instantly.. infact when i think about it i miss him but its long gone..(this spring breakup, i wrote another tread about it if anyone wants to reopen it check my profile and go to threads ive created there)

 

On the other side of the dilemma I feel positive stuff like: "it felt sooooo good to hug kiss flirt and just overall be ner this 3-date-guy.. i felt like i enjoyed being in his company a lot and was really attracted to him which im rarely am to men.. and am afraid it will take a long time to find someone better again.. i´ve dated perhaps 30+ guys since my ex and didnt felt anything close to any connection at all with any of them to even want to see them for a second date... + this guy has had 5+2 year long relationships so it feels like he knows how to handle situations quite well...

 

Anyway... i should stop rambeling.. but if someone read this.. what do you think? Should i still stay in "no contact" ? :S feels strange to put it on so early on in dating.. it would be another thing if we had been together.. now im just afraid he will quickly forget me and move on?

 

With all respect, it amazes me that you're so upset over a guy you went on 3 or 4 dates with

 

You told us that you're very attractive and have alot to offer a guy etc etc but I'm starting to wonder if thats true since you're so bent out of shape about a guy you hardly know and cant seem to let him go

 

Really SadGirl....it's ok....nothing to be upset about here....cut your losses and move on

[katiegrl]

With all respect, it amazes me that you're so upset over a guy you went on 3 or 4 dates with

 

 

I thought it was only TWO dates, and she was wondering why he had not asked her out for the third.

 

Somewhere along the line it switched to three, but don't recall her discussing that date.

 

Not that it matters, 2 or 3 who cares, he is no longer interested.

 

Best to just accept that, stop accepting scraps.... and move on like Dis and everyone else has suggested.

Edited September 14, 2016 by katiegrl

[Leigh 87]

If I could tell him how i feel that would be im sad that we don´t speak more.. when we are not around we could´ve sent each others funny/interesting links on facebook... text-messangeing more.. or speak on the phone.. and plan for dates to look forward to. I know i could´ve taken the initiative to do this myself but it really feels like it´s more of a man´s job to initiate such things on beginning of dating as a courting process - or am i wrong?

 

Im trying to focus on my life (friends, business, work, exercise, family, mindfulness, look a bit forward to a dinner date with another etc) to take my thoughts off from him, but i can´t help but being down about us not connecting... </3 It almost feels like he is expecting me to chase him (cause he said in the end his ex didnt "suggest dates" or something like that so they became more friends than a couple) but what do i know..

 

IS the only thing for me to do really to "stay away"/wait now to raise my scarcity/value in his eyes? (+ post fun pics on social media) ? Not contacting ...?

 

I have an internal dilemma.. each time i think of reaching out to him i stop myself with the tought of that he didn´t pay for 2nd dinner but spended 120$ easily on his Casino-games next date.. in either case his priority felt off for me..

AND he also didnt ask me questions so much and doesnt try to connect so much between dates, its actually got worse overall.. especially if it wouldn´t be for my funny texts/flirty jokes etc he would text even more less i think.. in either way i am turned off by this cause i want to be with someone who feels like home, who i can speak to about eveyrthing and anything.. and i know that might be too much to expect this early on, but with my ex for instance we had this enormous connection instantly.. infact when i think about it i miss him but its long gone..(this spring breakup, i wrote another tread about it if anyone wants to reopen it check my profile and go to threads ive created there)

 

On the other side of the dilemma I feel positive stuff like: "it felt sooooo good to hug kiss flirt and just overall be ner this 3-date-guy.. i felt like i enjoyed being in his company a lot and was really attracted to him which im rarely am to men.. and am afraid it will take a long time to find someone better again.. i´ve dated perhaps 30+ guys since my ex and didnt felt anything close to any connection at all with any of them to even want to see them for a second date... + this guy has had 5+2 year long relationships so it feels like he knows how to handle situations quite well...

 

Anyway... i should stop rambeling.. but if someone read this.. what do you think? Should i still stay in "no contact" ? :S feels strange to put it on so early on in dating.. it would be another thing if we had been together.. now im just afraid he will quickly forget me and move on?

 

 

 

Sorry he lost interest

 

 

It also felt soooo great to kiss a few guys in my lifetime - I have had great chemistry (MUTUAL too) with a few men and let me tell you - it has NO bearing of their emotional connection and motivation towards moving things forward. he misery can be TOTALLY INDEPENDENT of their actual perception of you and their emotional level of connection surrounding their interactions with you.

 

Or sometimes chemistry can be one sided.

 

Do you really think this guy has some kind of emotional problem whereby he is scared, too hurt from his past relationship or has some kind of drama from his past that is holding him back from acting into you?

 

More than likely - if he was just as into you as you are into him - he WOULD contact you and ask to hang out; he would make dated happen.

 

Now we are not saying that he was never into you - I have had men genuinely into me that lost interest once they got to know my personality.

 

Just let this go please. You are acting very desperate, I am sorry to say this as it sounds nasty but you need some tough love here:o

[aSadGirl]

With all respect, it amazes me that you're so upset over a guy you went on 3 or 4 dates with

 

You told us that you're very attractive and have alot to offer a guy etc etc but I'm starting to wonder if thats true since you're so bent out of shape about a guy you hardly know and cant seem to let him go

 

Really SadGirl....it's ok....nothing to be upset about here....cut your losses and move on

 

I felt increadably attracted to him like no other in a very long time! ive been on like i said perhaps 40 or something dates with diffrent men only 1 time each cause i dont feel like meeting them again.

 

Thats why i dont like to let this guy go because its so rare for me to like someone this much! I mean ok, i obviously didnt like that he didnt pay and also seem so loose in the communication between dates, but on the dates everything felt perfect, except he could´ve asked me a bit more questions but we did laugh flirt have so much fun and felt good in each other´s company.. i know it..

 

thats why im upset because i wanted it to progress into all the amazing planned dates we would have! play monopoly, go fish, go get chantarelles in forest, watch football with his friends, party/dance outside, eat/watch movies at our homes, I just really looked forward to all this WITH HIM! Why cant you understand it?

 

Please help </3 i dont want this to be over before it barely begun..

[h0000]

i wanted it to progress into all the amazing planned dates we would have! play monopoly, go fish, go get chantarelles in forest, watch football with his friends, party/dance outside, eat/watch movies at our homes, I just really looked forward to all this WITH HIM! Why cant you understand it?

 

Please help </3 i dont want this to be over before it barely begun..

 

And he doesn't pay for you for any of these. Still want to dance party play games with him?

[LD1990]

I felt increadably attracted to him like no other in a very long time!

 

Thats why i dont like to let this guy go because its so rare for me to like someone this much!

 

Hold up, I responded several times to your other topic a few months ago, where you had similar feelings for some guy you had been with like a month. I think you need to take a step back and realize these guys aren't as special as you're making them out to be, you're just dreaming up this fantasy life about a relationship with them despite their flaws.

 

You come across as very desperate in your posts. If that's how you are in real life, it could be turning guys off.

[No_Go]

Sad, forget about this one. For one reason or another he lost interest (most likely he started dating someone else, it happens). From here on you're just wasting you time and energy thinking about him.

 

 

I felt increadably attracted to him like no other in a very long time! ive been on like i said perhaps 40 or something dates with diffrent men only 1 time each cause i dont feel like meeting them again.

 

Thats why i dont like to let this guy go because its so rare for me to like someone this much! I mean ok, i obviously didnt like that he didnt pay and also seem so loose in the communication between dates, but on the dates everything felt perfect, except he could´ve asked me a bit more questions but we did laugh flirt have so much fun and felt good in each other´s company.. i know it..

 

thats why im upset because i wanted it to progress into all the amazing planned dates we would have! play monopoly, go fish, go get chantarelles in forest, watch football with his friends, party/dance outside, eat/watch movies at our homes, I just really looked forward to all this WITH HIM! Why cant you understand it?

 

Please help </3 i dont want this to be over before it barely begun..