Should he have paid the 2nd date? Why isnt he asking me out for 3rd yet? [updated]

September 12, 2016

I would text back "Thanks - I will!"

Nothing else. He is throwing crumbs to make sure you're still hooked. If he wants to see you, let him initiate. You've done more than enough.

Thanks I think you might be right . I'm tired of crumbs and him being standoffish not stepping up to the plate . I think the answer "Thanks I will!" Sound a bit egoistic though .

I mean by saying "thanks you too, how are you?" I sound more gentle and he has to let me know if he is still having his cold... or you don't think it would be a good reply? Had you read my previous posts or just the last one?

I much appriciate your answer either way ♡

September 12, 2016

(Yep, I've read the whole thread.)

I wouldn't pose a question, because he will then just make small talk which is what he has been doing without ever taking it to the actual effort of seeing you again. If he asks how YOU are doing, give friendly but short answers.

September 12, 2016

I agree, I wouldn't ask a question. At least not a direct one.

If you want you could say "Thanks, I will. Hope your colds better!"

or something similar.

September 12, 2016

I agree, I wouldn't ask a question. At least not a direct one.

If you want you could say "Thanks, I will. Hope your colds better!"
or something similar.

I did as you said "Thanks I'm having a great day! Hope your cold is better:*"

He responded 1 minute later (while I took a good 7 hours to respond the text above) "yes it have, now I'm well again :)" (with thumbs up "

-so now what? He didn't make kiss smiley in the end of the message. Almoat feels like he's waiting for me to say "Oh so glad to hear that we should meet today! :-* " gahhh! He isn't asking me out or he is just waiting for me to do it. It feels strange to me. What's wrong here? Too little interest from him to pursue me more I guess should I just leave it be now or perhaps respond "nice! "? Hmm

September 12, 2016

Either he's being coy or deliberately obtuse. Neither is a good look.

Don't respond.

It seems pretty clear to me that the way you left it was, when he felt better you guys would have the third date. Since HE was the one with the obstacle, it's only polite and considerate for him to be the one to initiate.

September 12, 2016

I think you have two choices.

Leave it, and see if he asks you out.

Ask him out yourself.

I'd recommend 1, but 2 could work.

Be prepared for possible disappointment though.

Personally I don't think he's worth the mental energy, sounds like a bit of a messer.

September 12, 2016

Either he's being coy or deliberately obtuse. Neither is a good look.

Don't respond.

It seems pretty clear to me that the way you left it was, when he felt better you guys would have the third date. Since HE was the one with the obstacle, it's only polite and considerate for him to be the one to initiate.

I think you have two choices.

Leave it, and see if he asks you out.

Ask him out yourself.

I'd recommend 1, but 2 could work.
Be prepared for possible disappointment though.

Personally I don't think he's worth the mental energy, sounds like a bit of a messer.

Thanks you great people (where in the world do you live by the way?),

but don´t you guys think there´s a 3rd option like me saying:

"Nice, good to hear! " in a text and leave it at that... ?

Because it feels like he might ask me out then but not untill i´ve expressed "happiness for his wellbeing" - or what do you think???

September 12, 2016

Thanks you great people (where in the world do you live by the way?),
but don´t you guys think there´s a 3rd option like me saying:

"Nice, good to hear! " in a text and leave it at that... ?
Because it feels like he might ask me out then but not untill i´ve expressed "happiness for his wellbeing" - or what do you think???

Oh my God, just leave it. No response is necessary. You've clearly and unambiguously expressed your interest in seeing him again. Just wait for him to ask you out. I still maintain that he's not interested.

September 12, 2016

but don´t you guys think there´s a 3rd option like me saying:

"Nice, good to hear! " in a text and leave it at that... ?
Because it feels like he might ask me out then but not untill i´ve expressed "happiness for his wellbeing" - or what do you think???

No. I deliberately left that out.

Stop trying to keep chit chat going.

You are way overthink all this anyway. I'd be 95% sure he wasn't sick anyway just from what you have wrote.

I suspect he has some interest but not a lot, and if I were you I'd drop him and forget.

And then if he does come back and ask you out, you can decide if you give him a chance at that point.

September 12, 2016

Oh my God, just leave it. No response is necessary. You've clearly and unambiguously expressed your interest in seeing him again. Just wait for him to ask you out. I still maintain that he's not interested.

it hurts me to hear but i think you might be right. if he was that interested in seeing me again he wouldn´t let there be 1.5weeks now without even PLANNING a date.. its as though he put my on the backburner and let me hang in there while he perhaps dating others and now he´s just checking in to see if i still got intrerest so he knows if im still available to date if he leave me be a while more while he dates someone else?

I hope we are wrong but i also feel thats most logic thing and not that he is shy.. damn it, isnt there anything i can do to raise his interest level???

Still i feel i maybe should respond with "Nice! :)" at least to again put the ball back in his court?

Edited September 12, 2016 by aSadGirl

September 12, 2016

Do you really think that the key factor in whether you two ever date again will be whether or not you text him the word "nice"?

September 12, 2016

Do you really think that the key factor in whether you two ever date again will be whether or not you text him the word "nice"?

you are right.. it probably isnt.. i just feel like it might be that way since his interest seems so low key?

but still, shouldnt i text it???

September 12, 2016

No.

You two have met and dated multiple times. If his interest is low, it means you two aren't meant for each other. A text message won't make him fall in love with you.

On to the next one.

September 12, 2016

Damn it, isnt there anything i can do to raise his interest level???

aSadGirl, I want you to read the below in its entirety. It is important info and will serve you well, both in your current situation and going forward.

I learned it very early on, although for me personally, much of it is instinctual, and through observation having five brothers and observing them in various dating situations and relationships.

Anyway to answer your question quoted above, yes there is something you can do to regain his interest/raise his interest level.

Go MIA. (See below)

-----

When men treats you this way, pulls back or disappears or ghosts, you do too!

You fall off his radar, hell you fall off the face of the earth, and all he hears are crickets chirping in the distance on a silent night.

How That Works: It tells him that you’re okay giving him space and that he's not that incredibly important to you. Being alone is okay with you and besides, there are others out there who want your time as well, so this really isn't a big deal. You have other options and your strong, emotionally.

The Result: He's thinking about you non stop (law of scarcity -- google it and how it pertains to RLs). He’s not getting the reaction he thought he’d get. You're different and he's actually admiring your emotional strength. He's impressed by it. But it's also triggering HIS insecurities. Is there someone else? Is she over me? Why isn't she blowing up my phone?

Once he moves through that thought process, much like a rubber band, he'll spring back towards you. He'll think, "I'd better go check and see what's going on."

I’m telling you ladies, if you send one text, make one phone call – you’re going to BLOW THIS. He’ll be gone in sixty seconds. He’ll instantly know there is no other man on the scene and his attraction for you will disappear in a flash. You will look emotionally pathetic to him.

Maintain your strength in this situation. One of two things will happen:

1, He’ll stay gone for good. In which case, you’ve got your answer, no more waiting around for him – and you’ve dodged a bullet here because he wasn’t that into you to begin with. And had you stuck around for more games, grief and pain, more is definitely what you will have received.

2. He’ll suddenly reappear. He’ll have had time to think, he’ll have had plenty of space and the rubber band effect will kick in – and he'll come around to seek you out. He'll miss you and that's what you want him to do.

End of excerpt.

Edited September 12, 2016 by katiegrl

September 12, 2016

aSadGirl, I want you to read the below in its entirety. It is important info and will serve you well, both in your current situation and going forward.

I learned it very early on, although for me personally, much of it is instinctual, and through observation having five brothers and observing them in various dating situations and relationships.

Anyway to answer your question quoted above, yes there is something you can do to regain his interest/raise his interest level.

Go MIA. (See below)

-----

When men treats you this way, pulls back or disappears or ghosts, you do too!

You fall off his radar, hell you fall off the face of the earth, and all he hears are crickets chirping in the distance on a silent night.

How That Works: It tells him that you’re okay giving him space and that he's not that incredibly important to you. Being alone is okay with you and besides, there are others out there who want your time as well, so this really isn't a big deal. You have other options and your strong, emotionally.

The Result: He's thinking about you non stop (law of scarcity -- google it and how it pertains to RLs). He’s not getting the reaction he thought he’d get. You're different and he's actually admiring your emotional strength. He's impressed by it. But it's also triggering HIS insecurities. Is there someone else? Is she over me? Why isn't she blowing up my phone?

Once he moves through that thought process, much like a rubber band, he'll spring back towards you. He'll think, "I'd better go check and see what's going on."

I’m telling you ladies, if you send one text, make one phone call – you’re going to BLOW THIS. He’ll be gone in sixty seconds. He’ll instantly know there is no other man on the scene and his attraction for you will disappear in a flash. You will look emotionally pathetic to him.

Maintain your strength in this situation. One of two things will happen:

1, He’ll stay gone for good. In which case, you’ve got your answer, no more waiting around for him – and you’ve dodged a bullet here because he wasn’t that into you to begin with. And had you stuck around for more games, grief and pain, more is definitely what you will have received.

2. He’ll suddenly reappear. He’ll have had time to think, he’ll have had plenty of space and the rubber band effect will kick in – and he'll come around to seek you out. He'll miss you and that's what you want him to do.

End of excerpt.

Wow best text ever, cant thank you enough! its so logic it makes me shiver!

THANK YOU for enlightening me (and probably others who reads your great script)!

But does this mean in this situation.. that i DON´T answer his "Yeah Im well now after the cold :)" text with any response what so ever? Or can I at least say "Nice :)" ???

September 12, 2016

OP, are you taking the piss now?

September 12, 2016

OP, are you taking the piss now?

is that a synonym symbolic meaning of something? im not so good in english..

September 12, 2016

Wow best text ever, cant thank you enough! its so logic it makes me shiver!
THANK YOU for enlightening me (and probably others who reads your great script)!

But does this mean in this situation.. that i DON´T answer his "Yeah Im well now after the cold :)" text with any response what so ever? Or can I at least say "Nice :)" ???

No you DON'T answer that. Why should you, was there a question in there for you to respond to? No. So no need to respond.

And no need to be sending him any more texts either, you fall off his radar as per the excerpt I posted.

IF and when he texts again, unless it's to ASK YOU OUT, you continue to ignore.

And IF by chance you start dating regularly again, you maintain your independence, don't overwhelm him with texts etc, DON'T burden him with talks about "where is this going" etc.

You remain light, breezy and FUN. Keep your options OPEN until he brings up being exclusive with you.

Or you can bring it up too in a not so heavy manner, and if he's on board, terrific!

If not you next him. Period end of.

Best of luck!

September 12, 2016

aSadGirl, you know how people say men can be "too nice." There are articles/advice all over the net for men and how they shouldn't be "too nice," "nice guys finish last," etc

Well women can be "too nice" too sometimes. Your wanting to respond to his text (that didn't require a response) with "Nice :)" was an example of being too nice.

He is pulling back, not asking you out, he doesn't deserve your being so nice.

He deserves you falling off his radar.

Either he will miss you or he won't. And if he does and wants to start dating you again, consistently this time.... again you maintain some independence for yourself, DO NOT make him your only focus in life, like he's the reason for your existence like so many women do.

He will pick up on that real fast and LOSE INTEREST just as fast.

On the other hand, if he doesn't miss you and/or continues this ridiculous push/pull, mixed and double messages game, so be it, NEXT.

In any event, you ALWAYS remain strong, emotionally. You pay attention to actions and if a man starts behaving wishy washy, pulling back, sending mixed messages, tossing you crumbs, you either fall off his radar again, OR just make the decision to next him altogether which means block and delete.

There are plenty of other guys out there who will adore you and treat you right without all these idiotic immature games. What a turn off.... pfft.

Edited September 12, 2016 by katiegrl

September 12, 2016

is that a synonym symbolic meaning of something? im not so good in english..

To "take the piss" means to mess around just for the fun of it.

After that fairly detailed description of MIA, which you thought was extremely "logical", for you to STILL ask whether you should email ANYTHING to him indicates

(a) you didn't understand it

(b) you are just teasing us

Hence the question to you.

Advice is the same. Don't respond.

September 12, 2016

aSadGirl, you know how people say men can be "too nice." There are articles/advice all over the net for men and how they shouldn't be "too nice," "nice guys finish last," etc

Well women can be "too nice" too sometimes. Your wanting to respond to his text (that didn't require a response) with "Nice :)" was an example of being too nice.

He is pulling back, not asking you out, he doesn't deserve your being so nice.

He deserves you falling off his radar.

Either he will miss you or he won't. And if he does and wants to start dating you again, consistently this time.... again you maintain some independence for yourself, DO NOT make him your only focus in life, like he's the reason for your existence like so many women do.

He will pick up on that real fast and LOSE INTEREST just as fast.

On the other hand, if he doesn't miss you and/or continues this ridiculous push/pull, mixed and double messages game, so be it, NEXT.

In any event, you ALWAYS remain strong, emotionally. You pay attention to actions and if a man starts behaving wishy washy, pulling back, sending mixed messages, tossing you crumbs, you either fall off his radar again, OR just make the decision to next him altogether which means block and delete.

There are plenty of other guys out there who will adore you and treat you right without all these idiotic immature games. What a turn off.... pfft.

I know you are right! But i just wonder if this might be fixable.. i mean.., if we for example meet and i state how his behaviour makes me feel perhaps we can solbe it..? ok that might be naive.. but i mean.. THIS IS THE LAST SUMMER-WEEK where we live in the north.. 20 degrees sun, next and all coming will be like 10 degrees rain.. i know dating doesnt require nice weather but its much more fun that way! and i really looked forward to perhaps sun/tan/bathe/drive his scooter, get chantarelles in the forest etc..

I live in a northen country where equality rules.. so here its not uncommon if ladies pays dutch etc.. i just am oldfashioned myself.. and like to be hunted! im dissapointed in him not hunting me down more.. He have had 5 years + 2 years long relationships so i thought he really was the relationship-type-of-guy.. he said he was serious and just wanted to find "The One" now.. but i guess im not it? He should´ve showed more effort between dates not less then.. letting there go 6 days after 3rd date till I contacted him not even him me etc..

damnit.. i just want to live with great experieces! I cant go do all those "date-activities" on my own and enjoy them the same

September 12, 2016

I know you are right! But i just wonder if this might be fixable.. i mean.., if we for example meet and i state how his behaviour makes me feel perhaps we can solbe it..? (

No no no and no!

Same article, different excerpt

----

Emotions are overwhelming to men and confuse the hell out of them. It’s a known fact. Emotions are like work to men, the trouble of wading and sifting through them, attempting to decipher and understand or relate to them, it's a ton of work. It's also a major turn off and it makes the relationship more akin to the job of a therapist as opposed to something fun and enjoyable.

The Number One Mistake Women Make With Men: They share too much of what they’re thinking and feeling with them. Every little thought, every little fear, every little feeling, every little tear, every little "what if." It's a bit much and to a man, amounts to a ton of drama.

If you need a therapist, by all means, go visit one. But your boyfriend, yea, he's not your therapist. He's not getting paid $150 an hour to listen to all your fears and wade through your emotions and insecurities in the dark recesses of your mind, in an effort to heal you or make you emotionally stable and overall, mentally healthy. Do this with your man and he'll be gone in a flash.

Action Step: Visit a therapist of share these emotions with other women who can relate, such as your girlfriends, sisters or female co-workers.

---

ASadGirl, we are talking early stages of dating here. Once you are in an exclusive committed RL, feel free to share more of how you feel.

But not now and NOT while a guy is in the midst of pulling away from you.

Huge mistake.

Edited September 12, 2016 by katiegrl

September 12, 2016

No no no and no!

Same article, different excerpt

----
Emotions are overwhelming to men and confuse the hell out of them. It’s a known fact. Emotions are like work to men, the trouble of wading and sifting through them, attempting to decipher and understand or relate to them, it's a ton of work. It's also a major turn off and it makes the relationship more akin to the job of a therapist as opposed to something fun and enjoyable.

The Number One Mistake Women Make With Men: They share too much of what they’re thinking and feeling with them. Every little thought, every little fear, every little feeling, every little tear, every little "what if." It's a bit much and to a man, amounts to a ton of drama.

If you need a therapist, by all means, go visit one. But your boyfriend, yea, he's not your therapist. He's not getting paid $150 an hour to listen to all your fears and wade through your emotions and insecurities in the dark recesses of your mind, in an effort to heal you or make you emotionally stable and overall, mentally healthy. Do this with your man and he'll be gone in a flash.

Action Step: Visit a therapist of share these emotions with other women who can relate, such as your girlfriends, sisters or female co-workers.

---

ASadGirl, we are talking early stages of dating here. Once you are in an exclusive committed RL, feel free to share more of how you feel.

But not now and NOT while a guy is in the midst of pulling away from you.

Huge mistake.

Ok that sounds legit.. where did you find tthat text?

I shouldnt share emotions then.. in fact i havent told about them yet so i havent even showed any red-flags and cant understand why his interest isn´t higher..

but at some point one should set bounderies, dont you think? Like saying what i accept and not. for example its not good to be late to a date or show such minimal effort in between dates.. but its hard to speak about without sounding like you said: drama..

But did you read about the thing where i wrote its such a nice last summer-week weather here? I really wanted to maximaze it by going on nice dates with him.. i just dont understand why he replies so fast but didnt asked me out. maybe i was just an inch from the date-asking? maybe he was expecting me to say "oh im glad to hear you are feeling so well we should meet now then" or what?

Im afraid im making a mistake by not responding, as he might think im playing games.. since it took me 7 hours to respond to his first text too and him just 1 minute to text "Yeah im feeling weell now :)" ?

September 12, 2016

Im afraid im making a mistake by not responding, as he might think im playing games.. since it took me 7 hours to respond to his first text too and him just 1 minute to text "Yeah im feeling weell now :)" ?

He is really not that interested. I don't know if you are accepting it or not. If you still cant believe he is not into you, and are afraid of appearing as "playing games" , why don't you just be open and honest and tell him how much you like him however his lukewarmness is making you doubt his interest level and you will not pursue this anymore unless he steps up? Why don't you just stop this stupid texting game it's wasting your time.

If you accept the fact that he is not interested however you are and you want him back, then do what Kaitegirl advised.

September 12, 2016

but at some point one should set bounderies, dont you think? Like saying what i accept and not. for example its not good to be late to a date or show such minimal effort in between dates.. but its hard to speak about without sounding like you said: drama..

Yes boundaries are good, when you are in a "relationship."

But the early stages of dating is the time when you assess if he is right for you (and he should be doing the same thing).

If you don't like the way he is treating you, late for dates, blows you off, minimal effort, mixed messages, then you fall off his radar OR you walk. Period end of.

This shows him you respect yourself, value yourself and don't tolerate BS.

This early stage is not the time to be sharing with him how his "bad" behavior makes you feel.

It won't sink in, he won't get it.

YOU have a better chance of him "getting it" if you walk away. Re-read the article!

Men know perfectly well when they are behaving poorly, they don't need you to point it out to them. They're not stupid.

When you choose to fall off his radar or walk, he will know why, no explaining necessary.

You know I have been practicing what this article states since I first started dating at 18 years of age (not counting my HS bf). Again for me it was instinctual I don't know why.

In literally every case, it has netted positive results, so there is definitely something to it.

Many advice\relationship gurus advise the same thing. The Rubber Band theory, the Law of Scarcity, among others.

I don't even consider it a game. It's simply understanding men and their psyche, and what attracts them, what maintains their attraction, as opposed to what doesn't.

Smart dating.

Edited September 12, 2016 by katiegrl

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