Boyfriend emabrrassed by nothing, gross behavior.

[sunshine2]

I think the biggest issue here is you are both incompatible. Sexually and morally. You are trying to put up with it, but its not going to get better. I too am grossed out by the fact that you have to wash the sheets everyday. He should at least be sure to get a towel or go to the bathroom to jack off. Have him clean up the mess then maybe he will stop doing it in bed. Yuck!

 

At 19 I liked sex, but my boyfriend and I were compatible and I had no issues with it at all. I think maybe the reason you aren't into it is that you are not compatible sexually. This is a problem. That and his behavior is most likely turning you off too.

 

You are so young and you have so much life to live. If I were you knowing what I know now being much older, I would leave this boy, get college out of the way and then find a man who you are more compatible with and who is respectful in public and has manners. You might even like sex more if you are with someone who turns you on.

[SwordofFlame]

I'll just add that it is pretty normal for a 21 year old guy to have that high of a sex drive.

[ChickiePops]

I'll just add that it is pretty normal for a 21 year old guy to have that high of a sex drive.

 

Nobody is denying that. But it is not normal for him to have his hands on his junk 24/7. Or in public. Or with anybody else around. Nor is it normal for him to jizz on his girlfriend on multiple occasions and not clean it up.

 

He's a 21 year old boy, not an animal.

 

Also I hope he washes his hands a lot or carries purell around with him because if not, he probably eats a lot of pubes.

[JoeSmith357-1]

Lol, many girls aren't even ready to start having a sex life at 19.

 

Where are these girls? When I was that age, girls gave it up all the time... I was involved with a few gangbangs of 18 and 19 year olds at college parties when I was that age, there was no shortage of women dropping their drawers.

 

Women reach their sexual peak waaay later than men and I've got articles and statistics to back up what I just wrote.

 

I'm not debating that women reach their sexual peak in their late 30's. I know that. But your statement about "many girls" not ready to start having sex at 19 is a completely BOGUS claim. I could probably count on one hand the number of girls who I graduated high school with who were virgins. And this was in the early 90's. And those that did, it was not by choice, let's say that.

 

So it's completely normal for OP to not be that much into sex. She's going to college, studying, I'm assuming she has started living independently not that long ago. Sure there are 19 y o girls fully enjoying sex but vice versa is not that uncommon at all.

 

College is one giant orgy. Sure you study sometimes too...

 

As I said, at 19 sex didn't thrill me at all and my girlfriends were pretty much the same. So please don't misinform OP that she's not normal.

 

I think you are the exception, not the rule. A statistical outlier. Or a very devout relgious person.

 

Anyway, I stand by my statements, and i'm not misleading anyone.

[GunslingerRoland]

First off he sounds absolutely gross.

 

 

Secondly it sounds like you guys have a huge incompatibility in sex drive, he is masturbating 3+ times a day, and you want sex 4 times a month. Neither is in the normal range, you guys are at both ends of the spectrum, and if you can't find a way to meet in the middle and be happy neither of you ever will be.

 

 

But you need to set some expectations about hygiene and manners that apparently his parents never did.

[smackie9]

Oh please the guy is a perv/horndog....it's his personality and you can't change that. What you can change is BFs. Your best option is the breakup with him and find someone that is not such a freak show.

 

And no what he does is not normal behavior....playing pocket pool in public and not care....that's just gross. I dated lots of guys his age and not one acted like that.

[BaileyB]

Lots of girls that age are not interested or wanting sex. Most are busy studying, developing friendships, and enjoying life at this age.

 

If you do find someone kind who you enjoy spending time with and you want to develop a relationship, it should still be about learning about life and enjoying each other - nothing serious at that young age.

 

Saddling yourself to a man who had such immature and inappropriate behavior should not be something you should be doing at your age. There is much better out there for you and so much more to life!

 

It's called maturity and self-respect - he needs to develop some and I'm afraid, so do you...

Edited August 15, 2016 by BaileyB

[ChickiePops]

After reading your last thread I have to say that I believe your boyfriend is very severely mentally ill and should be hospitalized immediately. Please find a safe place to stay and consult a doctor as to what you can do to help him.

[ExpatInItaly]

I just read your other thread, OP.

 

It is very clear your boyfriend needs professional help - immediately. Please address his mental health issues, as he is displaying some very disturbing behaviour.

 

In regards to his sexual activity, it is absolutely inappropriate for him to be sticking his hands down his pants in public. He is also showing disregard for your discomfort with this, as well as ejaculating on you when he feels like it. There is a huge difference between having mismatched sex drives and him simply ignoring socially age-appropriate behaviour and common decency. Combined with the problems described in your other thread, your boyfriend has a very troubling problem with boundaries and separating reality from the world in his head.

[Grisho]

Lol, many girls aren't even ready to start having a sex life at 19. Women reach their sexual peak waaay later than men and I've got articles and statistics to back up what I just wrote. So it's completely normal for OP to not be that much into sex. She's going to college, studying, I'm assuming she has started living independently not that long ago. Sure there are 19 y o girls fully enjoying sex but vice versa is not that uncommon at all.

As I said, at 19 sex didn't thrill me at all and my girlfriends were pretty much the same. So please don't misinform OP that she's not normal.

 

I agree it can be that, but I suspect it's something else:

 

In order for a woman to enjoy pleasure, we need to be with a capable man, who listens and reacts to our needs. We need a man who focuses on a woman's pleasure, before he thinks of his own. I require 3/4 of an hour to an hour of foreplay just on me (inclusive of at least 5 orgasms) to feel comfortable having sex, because I'm then naturally lubricated enough.

 

This man is watching so much porn, and is so arrogant and selfish, that he cannot possibly be appreciating the female body live enough for her to enjoy pleasure. Who would relax even around such a bad mannered, lazy, dirty man?

[spiderowl]

Ugh! Sounds awful. Having hands down pants in public is a big red flag. He sounds like he has little control (or desire to control) his sexual urges. Hands down his pants could get him arrested. Personally, I would not want to date someone who I feel could easily take it a step further and start exposing himself. Something rather worrying about his behaviour if you ask me.

[joseb]

In order for a woman to enjoy pleasure, we need to be with a capable man, who listens and reacts to our needs. We need a man who focuses on a woman's pleasure, before he thinks of his own. I require 3/4 of an hour to an hour of foreplay just on me (inclusive of at least 5 orgasms) to feel comfortable having sex, because I'm then naturally lubricated enough.

 

 

Great for you if you find guys happy with that, but you must realise it sounds a tad one sided. I mean I'd love to get 5 blow job in a row and just lie there and do nothing sometimes, but I think it would be a bit selfish.

There are other ways to get lubricated also.

 

Now as to the OP, this boyfriend sounds like there is something wrong with him. I'd advise getting out of that.

[Grisho]

Great for you if you find guys happy with that, but you must realise it sounds a tad one sided. I mean I'd love to get 5 blow job in a row and just lie there and do nothing sometimes, but I think it would be a bit selfish.

There are other ways to get lubricated also.

 

Now as to the OP, this boyfriend sounds like there is something wrong with him. I'd advise getting out of that.

 

Not at all. My bf orgasms during sex. I do not. I refuse to use artificial lubrication. It takes what it takes. It's in every hetero man's interests to make sure his partner is well-lubricated via orgasm before sex. I find it needlessly flippant of you to compare that to blow jobs. Do you orgasm from sex?

 

You have a shameful idea of pleasure devoted to 1 partner. There's nothing selfish about it. Intimacy happens between 2 partners who are involved to greater or lesser degrees at any time. It's like a dance. A selfish person would have your mindset - ignorant about how important natural lube is, only interested in his partner orgasming if he's getting some pleasure himself, and uneducated that a female orgasm never involves "just lying there". There is a whole process to building up a woman's orgasm. Your post is offensive and ignorant.

[BaileyB]

Also just read your previous post. Oh my...

 

He has a significant family history of serious mental illness and he is displaying some disturbing and concerning behavior.

 

Add to that, the trauma and the loss of his father at a very young age. His grief may be triggering a psychological and/or psychiatric problem.

 

I would also advise that it does not sound safe for you to stay with him. Go to a friend, go home to your family. This situation needs to stabilize and I would advise you that you are in way over your head to be dealing with the possible psychiatric and physiological issues that it seems your boyfriend is experiencing.

 

Be safe!

[Lois_Griffin]

I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 21, we've been together for 2 years and live together while I attend college. He's always had a lot of rather nasty habits? He's always been a pretty smug guy and kind of an "*******" type personality, though he's a sweetie to me. The reason I explain that is because when I confront him about his habits he just laughs about it and finds it funny but ugh I'm tired of it.

Issue one is his obsession with always having his hands down his pants, whether he's actually doing anything I don't know but his hand is either on his crotch or in his pants. Which wouldn't be a problem, except he does it in public and just doesn't care the looks he gets for it!

Issue two in not even sure he can help? He has the highest sex drive of anybody I've ever met. Going through his "rituals" every morning, afternoon, and before bed and watching porn like it's just a normal show in the middle of the living room. He also dreams about sex every night and either makes a mess or wakes me up, I literally have a pillow between us so he doesn't get anything on me ! And he's so loud in his sleep and his dreams and moves around so much I can't sleep at night. I wash the sheets every morning!

And nothing embarrasses him, it doesn't matter if he stinks, has a stain on his shirt, gets turned on in public (which happens far too often the darn horn dog * *) absolutely nothing brings shame to him.

I really don't know what to do, I love him with everything but I'm losing sleep and I am sick of his behavior!

OMG.

 

Time to cut this deviant loose. Good lord, you're young! Don't saddle yourself with someone like this at your age. He sounds like he was literally raised by wolves.

 

It took every bit of my willpower not to throw up in my mouth as I read your post.

[McConaughey]

Bit of an update: I've talked with him about the hands down his pants, and though he didn't really get why I was so serious about it he said he would try to be more self conscious about it (he promised to atleast correct himself if I catch him doing it in public, I'm convinced it's just a thing he does like some people bite their nails)

 

As for sex, I set up an appointment with my ob/gyn to see why sex is so difficult mechanically for me. And, tmi alert, I feel discomfort at five inches, and seeing as my bf is more than two times that, there's a lot of trouble there. I see a lot of people suggesting that our differing sex drives is a deal breaker or that I am abnormal or that my boyfriends is incapable of turning me on and it's just not the case for us. I respect the opinions as I am obviously inexperienced with my age but sec isn't that important to /US/ not just me. He has told me many times that we will move at my pace and has always been patient with me. He doesn't beg or get frustrated when I tell him no. What I would like advice on is how to motivate myself more for intimacy and maybe hear some experience from someone who is in a relationship with a sex drive difference as large as mine, and maybe how to relax more x_x I'm a full time student in the midst of a double major, I volunteer at hospitals and play two sports and will be attending medical school soon, there's much more on my mind than sex!

 

With the dreaming, he can't help it, I may have him sleep in the couch and I will be making him wash his own sheets! Ugh yuck.

 

And for those who read my second post on his mental health I did set up an appointment for him and my universities counselor, and if it does end up being a bigger deal we will have to figure out our next move then.

 

I see the vast majority, if not everyone, telling me to break up with him, but there is a lot of strength and love under this bit of chaotic top layer. We have a lot of work on and we are young, but living together works out best for us.

[Els]

Bit of an update: I've talked with him about the hands down his pants, and though he didn't really get why I was so serious about it he said he would try to be more self conscious about it (he promised to atleast correct himself if I catch him doing it in public, I'm convinced it's just a thing he does like some people bite their nails)

 

I am really concerned that 'not putting your hands inside your pants' is something you have to tell a presumably grown man to do. It's NOT the same as biting your nails or other less disruptive mannerisms. I would equate it to people who see nothing wrong with taking a poop in public (yep, sadly they exist).

 

As for sex, I set up an appointment with my ob/gyn to see why sex is so difficult mechanically for me. And, tmi alert, I feel discomfort at five inches, and seeing as my bf is more than two times that, there's a lot of trouble there. I see a lot of people suggesting that our differing sex drives is a deal breaker or that I am abnormal or that my boyfriends is incapable of turning me on and it's just not the case for us. I respect the opinions as I am obviously inexperienced with my age but sec isn't that important to /US/ not just me. He has told me many times that we will move at my pace and has always been patient with me. He doesn't beg or get frustrated when I tell him no. What I would like advice on is how to motivate myself more for intimacy and maybe hear some experience from someone who is in a relationship with a sex drive difference as large as mine, and maybe how to relax more x_x I'm a full time student in the midst of a double major, I volunteer at hospitals and play two sports and will be attending medical school soon, there's much more on my mind than sex!

 

How is sex with him like aside from intercourse? Does he give you oral before intercourse? How's the foreplay like?

 

I mean, I still think you should leave him, but if you insist on staying then that's your prerogative.

[ExpatInItaly]

I am really concerned that 'not putting your hands inside your pants' is something you have to tell a presumably grown man to do. It's NOT the same as biting your nails or other less disruptive mannerisms. I would equate it to people who see nothing wrong with taking a poop in public (yep, sadly they exist).

 

 

 

How is sex with him like aside from intercourse? Does he give you oral before intercourse? How's the foreplay like?

 

I mean, I still think you should leave him, but if you insist on staying then that's your prerogative.

 

Exactly.

 

There is something really not right with him.

[Els]

Great for you if you find guys happy with that, but you must realise it sounds a tad one sided. I mean I'd love to get 5 blow job in a row and just lie there and do nothing sometimes, but I think it would be a bit selfish.

There are other ways to get lubricated also.

 

This is a bit different from men though, because something like 99% of men can O from intercourse, whereas less than 50% of women do on a regular basis. Of course, if a woman decides that Os aren't important to her, then that's fine and her choice. But IMO it's also fine for a woman to decide that they ARE important to her and to only have sex with men who see things the same way (i.e. spending time on sexual activities other than intercourse).

 

From the OP's description of her guy, I wouldn't be surprised if he really was just doing wham-bam-thank-you-mam.

 

Now as to the OP, this boyfriend sounds like there is something wrong with him. I'd advise getting out of that.

 

Agreed.

[ChickiePops]

Bit of an update: I've talked with him about the hands down his pants, and though he didn't really get why I was so serious about it he said he would try to be more self conscious about it (he promised to atleast correct himself if I catch him doing it in public, I'm convinced it's just a thing he does like some people bite their nails)

 

As for sex, I set up an appointment with my ob/gyn to see why sex is so difficult mechanically for me. And, tmi alert, I feel discomfort at five inches, and seeing as my bf is more than two times that, there's a lot of trouble there. I see a lot of people suggesting that our differing sex drives is a deal breaker or that I am abnormal or that my boyfriends is incapable of turning me on and it's just not the case for us. I respect the opinions as I am obviously inexperienced with my age but sec isn't that important to /US/ not just me. He has told me many times that we will move at my pace and has always been patient with me. He doesn't beg or get frustrated when I tell him no. What I would like advice on is how to motivate myself more for intimacy and maybe hear some experience from someone who is in a relationship with a sex drive difference as large as mine, and maybe how to relax more x_x I'm a full time student in the midst of a double major, I volunteer at hospitals and play two sports and will be attending medical school soon, there's much more on my mind than sex!

 

With the dreaming, he can't help it, I may have him sleep in the couch and I will be making him wash his own sheets! Ugh yuck.

 

And for those who read my second post on his mental health I did set up an appointment for him and my universities counselor, and if it does end up being a bigger deal we will have to figure out our next move then.

 

I see the vast majority, if not everyone, telling me to break up with him, but there is a lot of strength and love under this bit of chaotic top layer. We have a lot of work on and we are young, but living together works out best for us.

 

Is he in therapy?

[summertitparadise]

Date someone mature with better hygiene.

[McConaughey]

How is sex with him like aside from intercourse? Does he give you oral before intercourse? How's the foreplay like?

He always does before sex, he also spends a lot of time using his hands and is a big kisser. He usually is on his back during sex letting me figure my way around and taking it my own pace, and when he is in control it isn't for long and has many breaks involved. Also, which I'm a bit embarrassed to admit is we use a fleshlight/dildo type thing so that I'm not being clobbered and he can still enjoy some form of penetration. As for foreplay I dont know too much of what I can do? I did a lot of dance when I was younger and also do yoga, so I taught myself a bit of exotic dancing here and there for the bf I'm pretty proud of but other than that just making out on the couch leading to more or just me telling him id like to try some stuff out. I don't know much about foreplay I guess

[Grisho]

He always does before sex, he also spends a lot of time using his hands and is a big kisser. He usually is on his back during sex letting me figure my way around and taking it my own pace, and when he is in control it isn't for long and has many breaks involved. Also, which I'm a bit embarrassed to admit is we use a fleshlight/dildo type thing so that I'm not being clobbered and he can still enjoy some form of penetration. As for foreplay I dont know too much of what I can do? I did a lot of dance when I was younger and also do yoga, so I taught myself a bit of exotic dancing here and there for the bf I'm pretty proud of but other than that just making out on the couch leading to more or just me telling him id like to try some stuff out. I don't know much about foreplay I guess

 

I mentioned above a few times that natural lubrication through orgasm is very important for women to feel comfortable during sex. I mentioned that I orgasm, at least 5 times, before we have sex, and only then do I feel lubricated enough for it to feel ok. How many times do you orgasm prior to him entering you? Sex should not hurt. If you are hurting, you are not getting enough foreplay (make sure he's focused on giving you plenty of orgasms before he enters you), and you may need to find positions that are more comfortable.

[joseb]

Not at all. My bf orgasms during sex. I do not. I refuse to use artificial lubrication. It takes what it takes. It's in every hetero man's interests to make sure his partner is well-lubricated via orgasm before sex. I find it needlessly flippant of you to compare that to blow jobs. Do you orgasm from sex?

 

You have a shameful idea of pleasure devoted to 1 partner. There's nothing selfish about it. Intimacy happens between 2 partners who are involved to greater or lesser degrees at any time. It's like a dance. A selfish person would have your mindset - ignorant about how important natural lube is, only interested in his partner orgasming if he's getting some pleasure himself, and uneducated that a female orgasm never involves "just lying there". There is a whole process to building up a woman's orgasm. Your post is offensive and ignorant.

 

Yeah I expected a response like this.

You honestly can't see how one sided you are in all of this.

If a guy isn't performing cartwheels for you and only interested in pleasing his partner above all else, then he is a selfish pig. Shame me shame me.

 

Sure, natural lube is important. I wouldn't want to just rush into sex without it, but 45 minutes of one sided foreplay? 5 orgasms? Common, seriously?

 

Sure, a long session like this bringing a partner to climax multiple times is fun now and again, but I would feel like it's a full time job and a chore if that was expected every time we made love.

 

If you are struggling that much to get lubricated, I suggest you are likely dehydrated or maybe not uber turned on by your partner.

[joseb]

This is a bit different from men though, because something like 99% of men can O from intercourse, whereas less than 50% of women do on a regular basis. Of course, if a woman decides that Os aren't important to her, then that's fine and her choice. But IMO it's also fine for a woman to decide that they ARE important to her and to only have sex with men who see things the same way (i.e. spending time on sexual activities other than intercourse).

 

 

Yeah fair enough - I'm not suggesting for a minute that orgasms are not important, nor do I suggest skipping foreplay! Sexual play other than intercourse is a lot of fun. I just think expecting a marathon 5 O session every time is a bit of a stretch and sounds exhausting to be honest!