am I justified to want another conversation with this man if I am going to meet him??

[Toodaloo]

chumley if this is the same guy as before, the vegetarian that lives 2 hours away... just leave it.

 

Its seriously not worth all this bother and hassle.

[chumly]

chumley if this is the same guy as before, the vegetarian that lives 2 hours away... just leave it.

 

Its seriously not worth all this bother and hassle.

 

no Toodaloo,,,I am not in contact with that man anymore. This is a different man. Thanks

[chumly]

I feel really horrible right now so I am hoping that posting on here might help. I hope nobody makes me feel worse. I just need to vent to someone.

 

As some on here know I am a bit overly sensitive at times and have a tough time dealing with any form or rejection...like so many others in the world.

 

Anyway, this man that this thread is about did contact me again since my initial post. I had thought we were friends..he was initially interested in me for more than that but seemed ok to just communicate as friends for now since that is all l I am looking for at this point. Anyway, like I said, we have been messaging back and forth a bit and sometimes I am a bit delayed in getting back to him but always do. He usually gets back to me rather fast though but I usually always send a courtesy message letting him know I am planning on getting back to him if I am late.

 

Anyway, I sent him a rather long message again asking how he was doing and giving him my new cell phone #. I did not hear from him for a few days, then I happened to notice that his profile is invisible now on the dating site that we met on. I am assuming that he must have met someone and that is why he did not get back to me..I am perfectly fine with that since we both talked to each other about others we dated..although I did get the feeling he was really on the dating site looking for more..like I said. Anyway, With this in mind I sent him, what I thought was a very nice message early this morning but I still have not heard back from him. Again, it is a bit out of character for him to not get back right away and one of the qualities I admire most about him is that he says he always returns messages to people. I am getting a bad feeling of rejection now because he has not replied to this nice message I sent this morning...like I said, it is a bit out of character for him to not reply right away so I am wondering if I might not hear from him again..unless things dont work out with this woman, which leads me to believe that he really did not see me as a friend, like I was hoping afterall..but I shared so much with him via phone calls and emails that it kind of hurts. Anyway, I will post a copy of the letter I sent to him below..

 

"Just wanted to send a quick message to see how your drs visit went? and also to see if you got my other message since I did not hear back which is unlike you... No rush to get back..just wanted to make sure you received it?

 

By the way, I have very limited abilities on Match now since I am a non paid member but did notice that your profile is now "unavailable"....I have my fingers very crossed that this means you met someone;) yay!! Which would explain why you did not get back to me...and a GREAT reason not to have. If so, you deserve to have met someone nice so I hope so.

 

anyway, either way, I hope to get a quick message back when you get the chance."

 

...I thought this was such a nice message that I sent him. I realize he is probably very busy with his new girlfriend ( I am assuming that is why his profile is now invisible) but I am feeling hurt that he could not find 2 seconds to send a quick response back so far. It kind of makes me feel like I really meant nothing to him afterall and that he is now going to just throw me to the curb .

 

Anyway, I dont know if anybody can say anything to make me feel better but I am hoping so. I feel very rejected right now as a friend.

[katiegrl]

Oh chumley... why in the world would you ever send a man you were interested in dating (now or at some point in the future) a message like that?

 

You essentially just tossed him straight into the friendzone.

 

If he had any romantic interest in you at all, even a little, you just squelched that.

 

If a man I had been communicating with (texting, email) sent me that, no I would NOT respond.

 

I would consider him NOT interested in me (in any sort of romantic way), and next him.

[Zahara]

[quote=chumly;7069001

As some on here know I am a bit overly sensitive at times and have a tough time dealing with any form or rejection...like so many others in the world.

 

It would be best for you to take time out from meeting men on dating sites under the guise of making friends because until you toughen up and stop allowing rejection to define your value, you're going to keep feeling awful about yourself whenever someone doesn't fall in line with your expectations.

 

If you want to find friends, try a meetup where you will be around people of like mindedness. Go volunteer. Join a travel group. This way you get to pursue interests that you like as well as create a social circle for yourself.

 

You keep talking to these men on dating sites wanting to be friends when it's clear that you cannot handle such an objective because you seem to create a quick attachment that hurts you emotionally when they move on. It's a dating site. They're not there to make friends. They're talking to many other women. They're going to check out when they meet someone that piques their interest. You have to build thick skin if you want to venture into these dating sites because dating comes with the possibility of rejection. No way around that so if you can't handle rejection, it's time to do something different.

 

People aren't always going to like you, love you, want you, etc. It's part of life. Your self-esteem is broken and until you fix that without seeking the validation of others, you'll keep in this vicious cycle.

 

Stay away from dating sites. Invest your energy in creating and establishing a relationship with yourself. No men. Just you.

 

PS: And I agree with Katie.

[katiegrl]

Oh chumley... why in the world would you ever send a man you were interested in dating (now or at some point in the future) a message like that?

 

You essentially just tossed him straight into the friendzone.

 

If he had any romantic interest in you at all, even a little, you just squelched that.

 

If a man I had been communicating with (texting, email) sent me that, no I would NOT respond.

 

I would consider him NOT interested in me (in any sort of romantic way), and next him.

 

And to add to this^.... don't kid yourself chumley. This man was NOT interested in being your friend.

 

He was interested in dating you but willing to go along with your agenda, hoping you would be into meeting someday and dating.

 

Unless you met on a "friends only" type of site, men on dating sites are NOT looking to form friendships with women.

 

Anyway, what's done is done. You simply can't take it back now.

[chumly]

Oh chumley... why in the world would you ever send a man you were interested in dating (now or at some point in the future) a message like that?

 

You essentially just tossed him straight into the friendzone.

 

If he had any romantic interest in you at all, even a little, you just squelched that.

 

If a man I had been communicating with (texting, email) sent me that, no I would NOT respond.

 

I would consider him NOT interested in me (in any sort of romantic way), and next him.

 

 

we were actually both interested in each other initially but we had so many problems with communication so I thought we were going to do the "friend" thing. I only sent him that message because I assumed that he made his profile invisible because he must have met someone...I cant imagine any other reason that a person would make their profile invisible.

 

He also never responded to my message from the other day. To be honest, I do kind of have a romantic interest in him but was trying to be the bigger person by sending the message and indicating that I am still interested in being friends or at least "friendly" even if he met someone. I just thought a quick response back is the polite thing to in this case and would indicate to me that he really does see me as a friend at least but I am guessing that maybe he doesnt afterall. I feel awful.

 

Thanks for the response.

[frigginlost]

Oh chumley... why in the world would you ever send a man you were interested in dating (now or at some point in the future) a message like that?

 

You essentially just tossed him straight into the friendzone.

 

If he had any romantic interest in you at all, even a little, you just squelched that.

 

If a man I had been communicating with (texting, email) sent me that, no I would NOT respond.

 

I would consider him NOT interested in me (in any sort of romantic way), and next him.

 

Whoa! Katiegrl, you dear are incredibly adept at knowing a mans mind in this situation. What you pointed out to the OP is exactly how I would have felt. Friendzone city, population me.

 

OP,

 

He may get back to you, but you are going to have to do some damage control if so. Whatever happens, if he does not get back to you, try not to take it personally but rather a learning situation. You seem like a great girl.

[katiegrl]

we were actually both interested in each other initially but we had so many problems with communication so I thought we were going to do the "friend" thing. I only sent him that message because I assumed that he made his profile invisible because he must have met someone...I cant imagine any other reason that a person would make their profile invisible.

 

He also never responded to my message from the other day. To be honest, I do kind of have a romantic interest in him but was trying to be the bigger person by sending the message and indicating that I am still interested in being friends or at least "friendly" even if he met someone. I just thought a quick response back is the polite thing to in this case and would indicate to me that he really does see me as a friend at least but I am guessing that maybe he doesnt afterall. I feel awful.

 

Thanks for the response.

 

At this point (and I hope you don't take offense) I am wondering if you lack even the most basic social skills because that is NOT something you send to a man you have a romantic interest in.

 

You were trying to be the cool chick, I realize that, but any man who has even an iota of romantic interest you (which from what I gathered this man did)... would take that as meaning you have NONE, you are happy he met someone else... and wish you the best!

 

Again NO no man on a dating site is there to make friends.

 

Either he has an interest in you or he does not. And if he doesn't, then he stops pursuing and moves on.

 

I dunno maybe that is what happened here and he did lose interest, if so then so be it. Let it go and move on.

 

You don't try to save it by telling him "yay.. you met someone else, but let's be friends!"

 

Hoping he will respond and you can be friends.

 

That is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard.

[chumly]

It would be best for you to take time out from meeting men on dating sites under the guise of making friends because until you toughen up and stop allowing rejection to define your value, you're going to keep feeling awful about yourself whenever someone doesn't fall in line with your expectations.

 

If you want to find friends, try a meetup where you will be around people of like mindedness. Go volunteer. Join a travel group. This way you get to pursue interests that you like as well as create a social circle for yourself.

 

You keep talking to these men on dating sites wanting to be friends when it's clear that you cannot handle such an objective because you seem to create a quick attachment that hurts you emotionally when they move on. It's a dating site. They're not there to make friends. They're talking to many other women. They're going to check out when they meet someone that piques their interest. You have to build thick skin if you want to venture into these dating sites because dating comes with the possibility of rejection. No way around that so if you can't handle rejection, it's time to do something different.

 

People aren't always going to like you, love you, want you, etc. It's part of life. Your self-esteem is broken and until you fix that without seeking the validation of others, you'll keep in this vicious cycle.

 

Stay away from dating sites. Invest your energy in creating and establishing a relationship with yourself. No men. Just you.

 

PS: And I agree with Katie.

 

 

Thanks! I know you are right but believe it or not, I have met some friends from dating sites. one man in particular even has a girlfriend now and we are all still friends...I am friends with his girlfriend too now. For some reason I imagined me being like this with this man even though I never met him in person. We communicated for so long that I actually already considered him a friend. Apparently the feelings were not mutual. I guess finding friends that way is extremely rare. I am definitely planning on going to meetups for that kind of thing more.

 

Of course I may still hear from him but something tells me I wont unless things dont work out with this woman. This also confirms that he really was not at all who I thought he was or imagined him to be in my mind. I guess the way to look at it is if he is going to be like that then he really does not deserve to have me as a friend anyway. I should just invest my time with those that do.

 

It hurts but I guess I will get over it soon. thanks for the advice.

[katiegrl]

 

Whoa! Katiegrl, you dear are incredibly adept at knowing a mans mind in this situation. What you pointed out to the OP is exactly how I would have felt. Friendzone city, population me.

 

 

Thanks ... but I don't think it's being adept (okay maybe a little...lol)... so much I think anyone (man or woman) would feel that way if sent a message like that.

 

I put myself in his shoes and imagined how I would feel receiving that.

 

Actually I was sent something similar recently...not that extreme but to me, it was clearly a toss into the friendzone (lack of interest) so I stopped communicating with him.

[insert_name]

we were actually both interested in each other initially but we had so many problems with communication so I thought we were going to do the "friend" thing. I only sent him that message because I assumed that he made his profile invisible because he must have met someone...I cant imagine any other reason that a person would make their profile invisible.

 

He also never responded to my message from the other day. To be honest, I do kind of have a romantic interest in him but was trying to be the bigger person by sending the message and indicating that I am still interested in being friends or at least "friendly" even if he met someone. I just thought a quick response back is the polite thing to in this case and would indicate to me that he really does see me as a friend at least but I am guessing that maybe he doesnt afterall. I feel awful.

 

Thanks for the response.

 

You can suggest being friends, but there is a tactful way to approach it once he has actually acknowledged your first message.

 

You don't know why he has taken his profile down so even asking about having met someone is a bit presumptuous for an opening conversation starter and then moving on from that to be pretending to be happy for him if he has is just way too much considering you don't know a great deal about his current situation. Ask how they are first and then when they reply subtly move the conversation on to his profile.

 

As a guy if I received a message like that from a girl I met off a dating site I definitely wouldn't reply for the reasons Katie gave and I would get the vibe that you are also over-thinking things a bit.

 

Also like Katie said, girls who try to approach online dating from the angle of making friends first are either hiding something or they are very naive- usually it is the latter. You can probably count on the fingers of one hand the number of guys in the world who are genuinely looking for friends as much as they are looking for a hook-up/relationship.

 

Unfortunately you have to learn to accept rejection, it gets easier the more you experience it...

[katiegrl]

Thanks! I know you are right but believe it or not, I have met some friends from dating sites. one man in particular even has a girlfriend now and we are all still friends...I am friends with his girlfriend too now. For some reason I imagined me being like this with this man even though I never met him in person. We communicated for so long that I actually already considered him a friend. Apparently the feelings were not mutual. I guess finding friends that way is extremely rare. I am definitely planning on going to meetups for that kind of thing more.

 

Of course I may still hear from him but something tells me I wont unless things dont work out with this woman. This also confirms that he really was not at all who I thought he was or imagined him to be in my mind. I guess the way to look at it is if he is going to be like that then he really does not deserve to have me as a friend anyway. I should just invest my time with those that do.

 

It hurts but I guess I will get over it soon. thanks for the advice.

 

Can you really honestly and truly say that you would have been OKAY being "just" friends with him? Listening to him talk about the other women he was interested in dating (not you), or if he did meet someone else, listening to him talk about her?

 

You just said you had a romantic interest in him, so which is it?

 

Do you know what you want? You seem very confused, and no doubt you are confusing each and every one of these guys you meet on these sites.

 

Don't mean to sound harsh, but seriously. Figure out what you want, dating or a friendship.

 

If it's friendship, then for the love of all things beautiful stay off the dating sites and focus on "friends only" sites.

 

Best of luck.

[Zahara]

Thanks! I know you are right but believe it or not, I have met some friends from dating sites. one man in particular even has a girlfriend now and we are all still friends...I am friends with his girlfriend too now. For some reason I imagined me being like this with this man even though I never met him in person. We communicated for so long that I actually already considered him a friend. Apparently the feelings were not mutual. I guess finding friends that way is extremely rare. I am definitely planning on going to meetups for that kind of thing more.

 

Yes, but the chances of that happening again are pretty slim and the chances of you getting hurt by rejection are pretty high, so the best thing to do would be to stay away from what triggers your insecurities and start finding other ways to widen your circle, if friendships are your objective.

 

Of course I may still hear from him but something tells me I wont unless things dont work out with this woman. This also confirms that he really was not at all who I thought he was or imagined him to be in my mind. I guess the way to look at it is if he is going to be like that then he really does not deserve to have me as a friend anyway. I should just invest my time with those that do.

 

Men are not on these sites looking for friends. There was a time when I was hurting and on these sites hoping to make "friends" as well and it dawned on me really quickly that there are women out there that could offer these men what they wanted rather than a slow moving train headed to Friendville. You can't blame him for moving on, if that is what has happened and he may have also been turned off by your message. It sounded passive to me. He could have responded but he is under no obligation to do so since you both weren't in any kind of relationship.

[chumly]

At this point (and I hope you don't take offense) I am wondering if you lack even the most basic social skills because that is NOT something you send to a man you have a romantic interest in.

 

You were trying to be the cool chick, I realize that, but any man who has even an iota of romantic interest you (which from what I gathered this man did)... would take that as meaning you have NONE, you are happy he met someone else... and wish you the best!

 

Again NO no man on a dating site is there to make friends.

 

Either he has an interest in you or he does not. And if he doesn't, then he stops pursuing and moves on.

 

I dunno maybe that is what happened here and he did lose interest, if so then so be it. Let it go and move on.

 

You don't try to save it by telling him "yay.. you met someone else, but let's be friends!"

 

Hoping he will respond and you can be friends.

 

That is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard.

 

I was definitely trying to be "cool" as you say, we were also talking about other dates we were on with each other so I was under the impression that even though we may have both had romantic feelings we were both ok with being friend too. And yes, I do have romantic feelings for him but was willing to accept the friendship too, we had sooo many differences in the ways we viewed things but I honestly wanted to at least be friends with him. I guess I just did not want to lose all communications with him and I was hoping that if we can at least still be friends I would at least get to chat with him every once and a while. That was the reasoning behind that in all honesty.

 

I really did not see anything wrong with it considering the situation. I guess it was my way of saying that I wanted to remain in contact with him. I thought it was worth a try.

 

He responded back to other similar messages I sent to him..where I told him that I hope he finds what he is looking for, etc. Like I said, it just seemed like that was the direction things were going with him and I so I did not see there being anything wrong with it.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

For what it is worth, I can't see any good coming from a guy who ignores your message for days.

 

He may have started dating someone else like you said, or worse, he may have already been in a relationship and has "disappeared" for fear of being discovered.

 

You sound very sweet and kind which is what you deserve to find in a partner/friend. Whatever his reason is for going quiet, I can't see him being good friend or boyfriend material for you.

 

Try not to be too hard on yourself, you probably dodged a bullet.

[katiegrl]

I was definitely trying to be "cool" as you say, we were also talking about other dates we were on with each other so I was under the impression that even though we may have both had romantic feelings we were both ok with being friend too. And yes, I do have romantic feelings for him but was willing to accept the friendship too, we had sooo many differences in the ways we viewed things but I honestly wanted to at least be friends with him. I guess I just did not want to lose all communications with him and I was hoping that if we can at least still be friends I would at least get to chat with him every once and a while. That was the reasoning behind that in all honesty.

 

I really did not see anything wrong with it considering the situation. I guess it was my way of saying that I wanted to remain in contact with him. I thought it was worth a try.

 

He responded back to other similar messages I sent to him..where I told him that I hope he finds what he is looking for, etc. Like I said, it just seemed like that was the direction things were going with him and I so I did not see there being anything wrong with it.

 

Fair enough but let's flip the script.

 

How would YOU have felt receiving a message like that?

 

"Yay, you met someone else, good for you, let's be friends"!

 

Knowing how you feel about being rejected, would YOU not have felt rejected by that? Assuming you had a romantic interest in him and as such were hoping that someday you could meet and start dating?

 

Be honest, how would you feel?

 

If you say you would be okay with it, given all your previous threads and posts, I would not believe you.

 

You would be on here analyzing to the nth degree why he sent that. What did it mean.? Does it mean he is not interested anymore?

 

And a million other questions.

[Minneloa]

no Toodaloo,,,I am not in contact with that man anymore. This is a different man. Thanks

 

Hi Chumly,

 

For clarification and context, is it the man from this thread, then?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/589023-am-i-justified-want-another-conversation-man-if-i-am-going-meet-him

 

Or a third man?

[katiegrl]

chumly I agree with the others, you do seem like a very sweet and lovely girl.

 

My only advice to you at this point is try putting yourself in the other person's shoes before sending messages like that.

 

Be aware of how others are perceiving your messages and actions.

 

Your intention was innocent enough, you wanted to show him you are cool, not clingy, open minded, etc.

 

That is not how he perceived it though. He perceived it as you have zero romantic interest in him, were friendzoning him, so he is moving on.

 

Or maybe he moved on before that as he sensed you had no romantic interest even before that message.... which is why he never responded to your first message.

 

You simply cannot force a friendship (if that is even what you want) on a man who has romantic interest.... or no interest.

 

Again, men are not on dating sites to make friends. They are on there to meet women to date and who want to date them.

Edited September 28, 2016 by katiegrl

[chumly]

You can suggest being friends, but there is a tactful way to approach it once he has actually acknowledged your first message.

 

You don't know why he has taken his profile down so even asking about having met someone is a bit presumptuous for an opening conversation starter and then moving on from that to be pretending to be happy for him if he has is just way too much considering you don't know a great deal about his current situation. Ask how they are first and then when they reply subtly move the conversation on to his profile.

 

As a guy if I received a message like that from a girl I met off a dating site I definitely wouldn't reply for the reasons Katie gave and I would get the vibe that you are also over-thinking things a bit.

 

Also like Katie said, girls who try to approach online dating from the angle of making friends first are either hiding something or they are very naive- usually it is the latter. You can probably count on the fingers of one hand the number of guys in the world who are genuinely looking for friends as much as they are looking for a hook-up/relationship.

 

Unfortunately you have to learn to accept rejection, it gets easier the more you experience it...

 

yes, looking back...you are probably right that maybe i should not have assumed that he met someone like that. Maybe I should have just asked how he was.

 

I guess I just wanted him to feel like he can talk to me about things like that.

 

It almost seems like everything I did with this man was the wrong thing. It seems like I could not win with him. In my profile I said that i want to start as friends and if more happens that would be great and if not we can still be friends and I said that I was looking for someone who felt the same. He was the one who responded to me so i assumed he did. we had so many communication problems with each other ...I just wanted to salvage something though since we communicated for so long.

 

I wonder if there was anything different I could have done where we really could have been friends at this point or if that was just not going to happen considering the way we met.

 

Like I said, I know I will eventually get passed this but I still feel so rejected right now and did not really intend to hurt him with my message if I did. I really thought he would actually appreciate it if anything. Now I wish I could take it back. I also thought if I did not indicate that I was ok with him dating someone else he would be less likely to get back to me..i thought this was opening the doors for a more honest communication and friendship.

 

I guess me and him were just not meant to be in any way, shape or form. something about the whole thing is very sad to me since we never even met each other.

 

ok, thanks for the advice. I think I just need a good cry.

[chumly]

For what it is worth, I can't see any good coming from a guy who ignores your message for days.

 

He may have started dating someone else like you said, or worse, he may have already been in a relationship and has "disappeared" for fear of being discovered.

 

You sound very sweet and kind which is what you deserve to find in a partner/friend. Whatever his reason is for going quiet, I can't see him being good friend or boyfriend material for you.

 

Try not to be too hard on yourself, you probably dodged a bullet.

 

Thanks so much! to be honest..that is what I needed to hear more than anything, I really tried to be so nice to this man because I felt that we got off on the wrong path a few times and that I may have mislead him a bit too but you are right..he is not good friend or boyfriend material at all. A good indication of this if the fact that he told me he has no friends.

 

I guess I just need to move on and figure it was not meant to be as much as I would have liked for it to be.

 

thanks for the kind words!!

[chumly]

Fair enough but let's flip the script.

 

How would YOU have felt receiving a message like that?

 

"Yay, you met someone else, good for you, let's be friends"!

 

Knowing how you feel about being rejected, would YOU not have felt rejected by that? Assuming you had a romantic interest in him and as such were hoping that someday you could meet and start dating?

 

Be honest, how would you feel?

 

If you say you would be okay with it, given all your previous threads and posts, I would not believe you.

 

You would be on here analyzing to the nth degree why he sent that. What did it mean.? Does it mean he is not interested anymore?

 

And a million other questions.

 

 

Thanks Katie!! Actually this is a very good question. You might be right about that! I am going to actually give some serious thought to that and really put myself in his shoes. You might be right:) thanks for the interesting thoughts on that and giving me stuff to think about.:confused:

[chumly]

Hi Chumly,

 

For clarification and context, is it the man from this thread, then?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/589023-am-i-justified-want-another-conversation-man-if-i-am-going-meet-him

 

Or a third man?

 

 

unfortunately yes..it is him:sick:

[katiegrl]

 

I guess I just need to move on and figure it was not meant to be as much as I would have liked for it to be.

 

 

I hate to belabor this, but this is just so confusing.

 

Since apparently you do have a romantic interest in him, and were hoping your interaction would develop into something substantial (like dating), why would you send him a message indicating your excitement about him meeting and dating someone else?

 

What did you expect him to think after receiving that?

 

You say you hate being rejected, well sweetie by sending him a message like that you just precipitated the very rejection you were attempting to avoid.

 

Otherwise known as a "self-fulfilling prophecy."

 

Please learn from this. If you ever find yourself romantically interested in a man again, express that interest.

 

Not in an overbearing aggressive way. You do it by flirting, being, light, fun, easy breezy.

 

NOT by sending messages saying "Yay! So glad to hear you met someone else!"

 

Wrong message.

 

ETA: chumly I just read your last post. Glad to hear you will think about it.... :)

Edited September 28, 2016 by katiegrl

[Dis]

Hi Girly!

 

So sorry I'm a bit late to respond

 

Remember when I said it might be best for you to take a break??? Otherwise you might continue to repeat the same patterns

 

Well I think thats whats happening here....you have yet to process your fear of rejection...what it is you want....where you want to go from here whether thats find new friends or actually date

 

So now, your stuck in the same place you were before

 

I know that its so tough to be on your own. I'm doing it now...but there are times when it really gets to me...But you know what??? If I dont allow myself to be on my own while going to therapy...I will never...ever...find what it is I truly want and need out of life

 

Sometimes we have to go through alot of pain and introspection to get to a happy/healthy place

 

I really...really...want you to think about taking a break from all this hun. Its not working...the reason its not working is because of you...not because these men reject you...or the fact that your using a dating site to meet friends, these are symptoms of the bigger problem which you need to address before you can move forward

 

I think the missteps your taking, like using a dating site to meet male friends, or the confusion your causing these men...are things your doing to protect yourself from getting hurt....you're keeping men at an arms length when all I think (please correct me if I'm wrong) you really want is to be loved and be in a relationship at some point

 

Pls get yourself into therapy girly. We can only help so much. You need more help than we can give you....and btw...theres nothing wrong with that. I need therapy (not just advice from LS) which is why I'm going to therapy and taking time to myself

 

You are the only person that can solve these problems...I emplore you to be proactive and do just that

 

We're always here for you (Including me ) But the solution lies within you...its just a matter of getting out of your comfort zone and doing the work

 

Oh! I think you mentioned you're moving??? Are you moving into your own place...without your ex??? If so...that would really help you along in this process...in fact I think you living with your ex might be the crux of the matter

 

Love ya girly! Sending lots of love and hugs!!!