Taking back my wife who got pregnant from another man

[KBarletta]

Reading this thread, there are only a few reasons that I see as legitimate ones why two people in yours and your ex's shoes would still be together:

 

1. Financial, as in neither of you can afford to live on your own at the moment. This, as you have said, is not the case because you both have good jobs and can afford to support yourselves alone.

 

2. Timing, as in neither of you has been able to find a place of your own yet and you are together out of convenience. This, as evidenced by the above, is not the case.

 

3. Children, as in you believe that your kids will be better off with all of you under the same roof. Given the fact that millions of children of divorced parents turn out just fine. Heck, they can even become president of the United States. And given the toxic level of drama in your relationship with your ex, I don't see this household being a stable, loving environment for children. I see it as anything but that.

 

You are in love with her, and you mistakenly believe that you can't possibly do any better than her (FALSE). She does not love you and has repeatedly lied and cheated. You seem blinded by the fact that she is beautiful and that she (at one time) wanted to be with you.

 

Beauty fades, man. The blinders you are wearing regarding her behavior will fade. My advice to you is to look deeper into the kind of person she is, how she has treated you (repeatedly), and get as far away from her as you can, while still maintaining whatever contact is necessary for the sake of your children.

 

It's common to think, after a split - especially one with a beautiful intelligent woman, as my own ex was - that you will never do as well. Almost two years after my own split, I am with a woman who is six years younger, significantly better looking, much more intelligent and successful in her career. If you walk away from this situation, heal yourself, build a new life, and start to regain confidence in yourself, the same thing can happen to you.

 

You deserve better than the life you have in mind, even if everything goes as you would like it's still not a life you would want under normal circumstances.

 

Remember that you, too, deserve someone who loves you and who is honest with you and legitimately WANTS to be with you. That person is out there, but you need to take the first step and get the hell out of this cycle first.

 

I wish you luck.

[Redhead14]

Hello,

 

I'm new to this forum but I need some advice really bad. I've searched google for similar cases but there is nothing I could find that fits my situation.

 

Here is my story:

 

I've been married to my wife for over 14yrs and we have 2 sons and a daughter together. During our marriage she's cheated on me with 2 other men. 5 yrs ago she cheated on me again with the 3rd man and she got pregnant by him. This man is married also and his wife has no idea that my wife and him have a baby together. I stayed with my wife for about a year after the baby was born and then she left me to be on her own hoping the father would leave his wife to be with her. I've always wanted to make my marriage work and I love the baby that isn't mine and willing to be the babys father. The baby is now 4yrs old and my wife wants to get back together and try to make our marriage work. I guess she realized that the other guy wasn't going to ever leave his wife and she got tired of waiting for him.

 

So now she wants me to move back in and be a family and work on our marriage which I'm willing to do. I'm just afraid of what problems will come up if we do try again. I still have heartache for what she did, there is no trust and we don't really have any love between us but I'm willing to work on it and to see if we can rekindle the fire. My wife mentioned that she wants to get back together for the kids and needs help with them and knows that God wants families to stay together.

 

Do you think there is a chance for us to make it work or am I just wasting my time and having wishful thinking that we could be better than what we were before.

 

Please any advice good or bad is much appreciated.

 

Thank you

 

Mr. Dazed

 

She cheated on you with 3 other men and got pregnant by the last one!!!! What in the world would make you think that things will change and get better. You are wasting your time and emotion. Let this go.

 

I guess she realized that the other guy wasn't going to ever leave his wife and she got tired of waiting for him. -- Too friggin bad. You like being someones sloppy seconds . . . c'mon now. And, what makes you think they aren't/won't continue their daliances?

 

And, put your children first . . . what kind of example is this woman setting for the children of your marriage? And, there is no way the affects of her cheating and lying and immorality won't creep into the household atmosphere. This will be a broken home environment and it's better to be from a broken home than in one! Think of the message it sends to the children as well -- it's OK for a partner to cheat and have children by other people outside of the marriage???? Be a FATHER, take control of this situation for your children and step up to the plate in terms of establishing boundaries and examples. You can't do that if you are letting yourself be a doormat. You children will lose respect for you as well, especially since your "wife" doesn't respect you either. Take control of your household! It's been an absolute mess.

Edited July 29, 2016 by Redhead14

[darkbrooke]

Well I too have been through the ringer too so I'm probably more qualified in forgiveness and pain/suffering than most and might offer a more balanced perspective.

 

Forgiveness is a wonderful act that can really heal and mend on both sides. Sometimes too much of it gets you back into trouble though.

 

I would try to spend more time with her. Hang out. Do things like a family. Its okay to be living apart even if you do try getting back with her. This is your time to test the waters and see if it is going in the right direction. And plus you have the permit to bail at any time. Give love to her and the kids. Giving love never hurts you. Its the unfulfilled reciprocation that hurts.

 

And when she pulls you back into her web and you feel stuck like a fly then just wriggle out and go back to your own place and be happy you have the get out of jail card.

 

Being a good father and partner doesn't mean roasting your nuts over the coals. On the contrary. You are a model for your kids and must do what is right for you or end up teaching them what not to do. Make sure he is paying her child support for his kid unless you want to support his cheating on your wife. A little extra money probably helps everyone and punishes the man who did this to your family.

 

If the love is still there then water it like a plant. If not then dont sacrifice yourself. Kids need strong men not self diminishing men.

[Lowrider93]

Hi just my two cents, the story you have told makes everyone here know that you are a really great person, we all feel for you and your situation.

I just hate to see when good people get taken advantage of especially to the degree you are. Does everybody in your life think your a dumping ground.

And your trying to take care of all these children, God bless you.

IMO you are trying to save the world and that's great but you got to save yourself.

Your ex is trying to take you for a ride, she must of ran out of options and you are what's left, don't be an easy meal ticket for her, your much better than that.

She is looking for somewhere to drop the children off so she can run around.

She's not looking for a husband more like a babysitter.

 

Don't be a doormat, don't do it!