Childhood school friend...

[Dancewithme]

Yes OP, you are only human. EXACTLY!!!!!

 

It is human and natural to find others attractive. Even if a person is married, or in a committed relationship. Attraction is all around. Especially if there is a past history, an unresolved crush, unrequited love, which can make it feel all the more intense.

 

Because you are human, the great thing is, you don't have to act on every hormone your brain sends to your lady bits. You are human, a rational, thinking, complex organism, not an instinct- driven rodent. Just because you feel it, you don't have to act on it. And guess what , you won't die, or explode if you pass on this opportunity.

 

So, take a cold shower,find BOB if you have to. Put hot married man in the past where he belongs.

 

Gently, I say: Life these days seems to be all about "me", and " I want what I want, others be damned". How much simpler life would be if we had a bit of empathy for our fellow humans, and conduct ourselves with a bit of integrity.

Edited July 9, 2016 by Dancewithme

[ChickiePops]

Come on... as if people who have affairs don't plot it? It happens out of thin air when they are walking down the street? While I haven't read threads here, I highly doubt people don't plan.

 

Thanks for the "chick" (?) I'm a person behind this screen, you know?

 

First - I call everyone a chick, myself included, so relax.

 

Second - you're not acting like a person right now. His kids are people. His wife is a person. Why should anyone care about you when you have so little empathy for anyone else?

[minimariah]

Any thoughts?

 

to be honest -- not sure what is the point of this thread because you already know what you'll do; you'll go for him and hope he accepts. you're definitely hoping for an affair BUT - what i personally find really weird - is how you're ALREADY thinking about him divorcing. realistically, nothing even happened yet; but your mind is already on the DIVORCE part. that's just... weird.

 

as far as you being "disgusted" by MMs -- EVERYBODY is disgusted by MMs & an affair in general in the beginning; i assume you never gave it much thought to begin with but only repeated what others thought & said (like how you're NOW saying that you're feeling guilty and it becomes obvious you're not feeling guilty at all but only saying it because you feel you SHOULD feel guilty) which would explain how QUICKLY you caught the opportunity. in other words - you were never against the idea of an affair to begin with because you never really thought about it in depth + this is probably your very first experience with a MM attraction so your original opinion on the As is void. don't think too much about it.

 

on the entire subject - it definitely seems like a serial cheater though; probably because i've already heard this EXACT scenario from women. the childhood crush, school reunions, he's a sexy family man, looking like a model + has TONS of money and is super powerful (i'm imagining Christian Grey at this point) and BOOM... the attraction and connection are there, you are soulmates, you think you were always meant to be and this is destiny.

 

it is as cliché as it can get. sorry.

[edgygirl]

I'm not asking for empathy or criticism here... I came here to talk with other people who feel the same. I sincerely don't care if you or anyone else thinks what I feel is wrong.

 

First - I call everyone a chick, myself included, so relax.

 

Second - you're not acting like a person right now. His kids are people. His wife is a person. Why should anyone care about you when you have so little empathy for anyone else?

[edgygirl]

By the way, I'll ask people with strong urge to criticize me to keep it to themselves as that's not what I came here for in my thread.

 

As far as I know moderators try to keep OPs on the subject required by the original poster and I will use that tool if I have to.

 

I don't really care for the criticisms here. I consider myself a moral person and already have my internal criticism, I don't need more from strangers, thank you.

 

I'd like to hear from people in the same situation and their thoughts on this - thanks.

[13Hearts]

Edgy, IDK how old you are or what phase of life you are in, but it seems you are excited at the prospect of having sex with this guy? Not sure if I'm correct about that or not. I was that way with xMM, and once it started, because it was so intense, it's like the sex took on a mind of its own. It began to make me think in ways that I normally don't think. It became a sort of competition with his BW, even though I am not a competitive person AT ALL. I began to believe that if I could just be sexier, more fun in bed, more daring, and yes, my EDGY self, that he would leave her and we would be together. Looking back now I can clearly see it was he who set me against her in this way. It was he who set the competition and I didn't even know it.

 

If this guy has that much charisma, or is that good looking (my xMM is drop-dead gorgeous. He stops people in their tracks, literally), I guarantee you he will always have the upperhand in any relationship, and he has a lot of experience getting and keeping that upperhand.

 

So while right now it sounds like a good idea, very exciting, and potentially a REALLY good time, I just want to caution you that affairs are not easy. They can suck your soul right out of you and cause the worst pain of your life. They will eat up YEARS of your life, and set you on the Groundhog Day from HELL. I hope, for your sake, that this guy isn't the kind of guy I think he is. Just be careful playing with fire, we've been there and we don't want you to get burned.

 

Peace.

[minimariah]

I have a feeling most people responding here have been hurt by this situation.

 

your situation is unique - meaning, there is NO affair yet. nothing happened. now... on this Forum -- members are either ALREADY in an affair OR trying to end it (ended it). so i doubt there actually ARE posters here who are in your situation; everyone is already in an affair - and nobody will really give you the encouragement you seek. i'm surprised that YOU are surprised by that; it honestly feels like you're troll who opened this thread to provoke a reaction.

[minimariah]

By the way, I'll ask people with strong urge to criticize me to keep it to themselves as that's not what I came here for in my thread.

 

you can't stop folks from giving you criticism; that's what FORUM is for - if my understanding of LoveShack is correct... folks are more than allowed to critique you if they remain polite and respective - this isn't a support group, it's a Forum. sorry but you can't pick and choose who'll post what and where - you got that wrong. also - criticism isn't offtopic because you obviously asked for THOUGHTS on the situation. everyone is very ontopic. if you don't like what you read - that's your problem.

[edgygirl]

Please... I'm an old timer here at LS... I have been posting for years. I'm not a troll, that's a ridiculous and unfounded accusation.

 

it honestly feels like you're troll who opened this thread to provoke a reaction.

[edgygirl]

Not true. Haven't you seen several posts from moderators asking posters to keep the subject to what the poster asked?

 

The criticism is just noise to me right now, not helpful and not what I asked for. I don't care one way or another. Don't really care about it and it's occupying LS server with data/info I did not come here to seek.

 

What for?

 

Why on Earth would people come here waste their time criticizing in a way that's... so obvious? As if I don't know about all that's been said here. Oh his poor wife... oh his children. Is that news? Do I seem that stupid? Please.

 

edit: oh I see - you've been cheated on... ("The ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife, whereas the moral man actually wouldn't.") so your feelings about this are biased... It would be nice NOT to read posts from people who suffered because of this. Please, don't waste your time.

 

you can't stop folks from giving you criticism; that's what FORUM is for - if my understanding of LoveShack is correct... folks are more than allowed to critique you if they remain polite and respective - this isn't a support group, it's a Forum. sorry but you can't pick and choose who'll post what and where - you got that wrong. also - criticism isn't offtopic because you obviously asked for THOUGHTS on the situation. everyone is very ontopic. if you don't like what you read - that's your problem.

Edited July 9, 2016 by edgygirl

[amaysngrace]

What's so hot about a man who will cheat on his wife?

 

I don't get it.

[edgygirl]

The point of this thread is discussing the feeling with people who have felt the same as me. Not with people who've been cheated on... I don't need internet advice from people who've been hurt by this.

 

I'm repeating "what others thought & said"? What? LOL. You are projecting. I am my own person. I have personality. I don't need to come here online to say I feel guilty/bad because I think I should feel bad (?) Does that even make sense?

 

He doesn't strike me as a cheater at all. But yeah, how would you know that if you weren't there? It was mutual and not something initiated by him (the "cheater" haha) as I already was anxious about seeing him before the reunion. This is the first school reunion in decades, actually the very first they ever had. So no, I don't think he's a serial cheater that takes advantage of school reunions lol. I am not even sure whether he plans on cheating. Maybe he was just being friendly?

 

to be honest -- not sure what is the point of this thread because you already know what you'll do; you'll go for him and hope he accepts. you're definitely hoping for an affair BUT - what i personally find really weird - is how you're ALREADY thinking about him divorcing. realistically, nothing even happened yet; but your mind is already on the DIVORCE part. that's just... weird.

 

as far as you being "disgusted" by MMs -- EVERYBODY is disgusted by MMs & an affair in general in the beginning; i assume you never gave it much thought to begin with but only repeated what others thought & said (like how you're NOW saying that you're feeling guilty and it becomes obvious you're not feeling guilty at all but only saying it because you feel you SHOULD feel guilty) which would explain how QUICKLY you caught the opportunity. in other words - you were never against the idea of an affair to begin with because you never really thought about it in depth + this is probably your very first experience with a MM attraction so your original opinion on the As is void. don't think too much about it.

 

on the entire subject - it definitely seems like a serial cheater though; probably because i've already heard this EXACT scenario from women. the childhood crush, school reunions, he's a sexy family man, looking like a model + has TONS of money and is super powerful (i'm imagining Christian Grey at this point) and BOOM... the attraction and connection are there, you are soulmates, you think you were always meant to be and this is destiny.

 

it is as cliché as it can get. sorry.

[edgygirl]

Well that's one of the points of my thread and something I wanted to discuss and process here. I am not used to this feeling and wanted to understand it. Usually it's a huge turn off for me, but in this case it's not.

 

What's so hot about a man who will cheat on his wife?

 

I don't get it.

[amaysngrace]

Well that's one of the points of my thread and something I wanted to discuss and process here. I am not used to this feeling and wanted to understand it. Usually it's a huge turn off for me, but in this case it's not.

 

You must really like him then. If he really likes you back he'll do the right thing and file for divorce before he ever asks you out.

 

If he doesn't do that he doesn't respect you enough and if you go with him anyway he'd be right not to respect you because who does that without demanding more for themselves?

 

You really want to be that person?

[minimariah]

Haven't you seen several posts from moderators asking posters to keep the subject to what the poster asked?

 

but we ARE on subject. you asked for THOUGHTS on the situation & well... you're getting it. we're all ON topic. you should start another thread where you'll explicitly ask for support, encouragement and ideas on how to start an affair -- that being said...

 

I don't care one way or another.

 

i don't understand. what is the point of this thread if you don't care about opinions & responses?

 

Do I seem that stupid?

 

you seem REALLY confused to me. the very FIRST line of your opening post --

 

I feel so guilty.

 

but i'll stop posting since you want ONE type of posters and ONE type of responses. you're not here for a constructive discussion. good luck!

Edited July 9, 2016 by minimariah

[13Hearts]

Well that's one of the points of my thread and something I wanted to discuss and process here. I am not used to this feeling and wanted to understand it. Usually it's a huge turn off for me, but in this case it's not.

 

I think it's not a huge turnoff for you in this case because you've wanted this guy since you were 10! It's very exciting to finally have something you have wanted that long, and especially now, all grown up, independent, confident, sexy, and all that. Maybe you're ready to conquer it!

 

When I was in college, my elementary school sweetheart contacted me. I hadn't talked to or seen him since I was 13. He was married with a bunch of kids, very successful, and trying to get me to come spend time with him. He was offering to buy me things, wanted me to go on vacation with him, all that usual MM stuff, but I just wasn't that into it. The flirting over email and talking on the phone was very fun, sexy, and exciting, but I passed on the hook-ups, especially after the wife found out what he was up to and demanded he stop emailing me (she started monitoring his email). So he just got a new email account. Eventually, I let the whole thing pass and fell out of touch. Recently, we got back in touch on Facebook and he's divorced. He probably cheated on her one too many times. My point? Married guys who cheat are a whole lotta trouble, and a whole loyta drama. I'm way past the age where I want that kind of drama in my life. MM are drama queens. Good luck with yours!

 

PS I don't understand your feelings (or lack thereof?) about your married guy having kids. Are you saying you don't care whether or not he has kids, that it's nothing to do with you and you're not responsible for what happens to them? Just curious what you meant above.

[minimariah]

You are projecting.

 

if anybody here is projecting - it's you. it's obvious because you think that "people who have been cheated on" = against the affair & "people who cheated or were the other person" = for the affair -- it shows how much you're lacking in emotional maturity and life experience.

[edgygirl]

Thank for your post. As for your question below, I do care about his kids. They are cute and remind me of him. I honestly don't care that much about the wife, just a little guilt trip but it's not like her existence is something that is blocking my desire for some reason. That's new to me.

 

PS I don't understand your feelings (or lack thereof?) about your married guy having kids. Are you saying you don't care whether or not he has kids, that it's nothing to do with you and you're not responsible for what happens to them? Just curious what you meant above.

[edgygirl]

Yeah... I lack maturity and life experience. Not.

 

Thank you for your post although we don't seem to usually agree - if I recall correctly, it was the same with a question I posted on the business forum. We see the world differently.

 

if anybody here is projecting - it's you. it's obvious because you think that "people who have been cheated on" = against the affair & "people who cheated or were the other person" = for the affair -- it shows how much you're lacking in emotional maturity and life experience.

[amaysngrace]

if anybody here is projecting - it's you. it's obvious because you think that "people who have been cheated on" = against the affair & "people who cheated or were the other person" = for the affair -- it shows how much you're lacking in emotional maturity and life experience.

 

I think she's ten years old emotionally when it comes to him. That's not her fault but if she knowingly acts on her dumb kid feelings that will be her fault though.

 

We probably all just sound like a bunch of moms to her right now.

[edgygirl]

Telling me about how the potential of destroying a family is wrong, etc. is not really a constructive discussion. As if I didn't know that? Please.

 

I don't need a mother here or a guilt trip. I need to understand my feelings, that's all. Why is it so hard for certain people to get it?

 

but i'll stop posting since you want ONE type of posters and ONE type of responses. you're not here for a constructive discussion. good luck!

[amaysngrace]

Haha knew it. We sound like moms.

[Chica80]

The point of this thread is discussing the feeling with people who have felt the same as me. Not with people who've been cheated on... I don't need internet advice from people who've been hurt by this.

 

Maybe he was just being friendly?

 

No. He wasn't just "being friendly"

 

I find it interesting that you don't want to hear advice from people who have been hurt by this. I am a OW not someone who has been cheated on

I think what your not understanding is everyone will be hurt by this! Except the MM. You will be his wife will be his children will be(I know you don't seem to care about that last part)

 

You have a chance to stop to do things right. If it's true he is getting a divorce and you had a special connection, then do things the right way.

If all you're really interested in is having sex and fulfilling a fantasy, then again you are in the wrong place.

 

Because regardless a OW or a BS we will all say don't do it, stop while you are ahead before things happen.

[minimariah]

The point of this thread is discussing the feeling with people who have felt the same as me.

 

this is hilarious because the person you're looking for is ME. LoL. i felt a strong (mutual) attraction and connection to a MM with kids - even though i know the devastation that comes with the A... i wasn't bothered and (just like in your situation) -- it did not kill the desire i had for the man. i just didn't care... AT ALL. and i was shocked by that fact. so i know EXACTLY how you feel.

 

assume less.

[Chica80]

Why is it so hard for certain people to get it?

 

Because you are coming off as a totally selfish person. Not someone who is Struggling with their feelings.