I have a crush on this guy, and I hate it.

[jen1447]

At this point, I have no interest to pursue.

 

I even feel bored for you by osmosis at this point Amjay.

[AMJ]

I was just about to say that- I'm completely bored with my own story.

[jen1447]

Eh, don't feel bad - it was pretty intriguing back in its heyday.

[AMJ]

How did you find out the party was cancelled, did he call or send a text message?

 

Or did you have a Saturday class and he told you then? Wonder how he informed everyone else, bizarre!

 

And what's up with the 'puppy dog eyes' and sad goodbye?

 

If he were interested, he would hardly be 'sad' .... now he can ask you on a date without fear of breaking any gym rules! That should make him happy!

 

IF he were interested.

 

AMJ, I hope you are not harboring any notion that this guy is crushing on you.

 

I said this awhile back, but it sounds like he is playing you a bit, for kicks, whatever.

 

Who knows, who cares.

 

I wouldn't be stepping one foot in the bar he works at. Ever!

 

If he wants to see you, he has your number.

 

So when I got to class he says, "AMJ, I didn't dress up" because the plan was for him to dress in a stupid outfit for his last class, since we all planned a party- one lady brought donuts, I brought shots, lol. The girl at the front desk says "Um yeah he says a LOT of things that never happen" and then he says, "Yeah and I have to work tonight next door so party is not happening" and he asked for my number so we could keep in touch.

 

I think he looked sad because he did like teaching that class, planning workouts for us, etc. It's one of those things where you like your actual job but hate the surrounding BS and office politics, having a bad manager who makes a toxic work environment. I can relate.

 

I mean, I think it's more like he's unintentionally giving mixed signals. Aside from that one single time I suggested we hang out, I've not really given him any indication that I care either way what happens between us- I'm pretty indifferent but lean towards being friendly. I wouldn't say I ever was outright flirtatious with him- maybe a little bit. But I probably gave mixed signals myself.

 

I'm not going to avoid the brewery...for one it's a fun spot and one of the more popular ones in our town. My friends always want to go there.

 

Anyway, I don't really care much at this point. He still IS really adorable and attractive but his wishy-washy unreliable timid side is a turn off and reminds me too much of my ex.

[katiegrl]

AMJ, as an objective observer, I don't see any 'mixed signals' .... I see flat out disinterest.

 

In anything romantic anyway. Perhaps a friendship but that's about it.

 

Sorry

 

In any event, I am glad you are bored with it (him) and moving on from it.

 

YAWN.

Edited September 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[AMJ]

That's GREAT!!!

 

FINALLY! Something is starting to move in SOME direction.

 

 

Definitely go to the party this weekend and let us know how it goes.

 

I feel so bad for disappointing you Mystique! This whole nacho has been one complete let down

 

 

Has OP been dating other guys since this Gym guy though??? I didn't get that impression that she's been dating other guys. But I could be wrong.

 

I agree with letting the OP have her "fun", but I just don't want to see OP get hurt.

 

I have been dating, talking to other guys. So far those have all been dead ends too. Two of them have been crazy.

 

As I've mentioned ad nauseam in this thread, I was in almost the same exact position years ago with a guy friend who was a few years "younger" than me as well.

 

I'm sorry your situation didn't end well

 

One thing about me is, I'm not in a position to get hurt unless I've already slept with the guy. If I get rejected or otherwise disappointed before sex happens, I can handle it pretty well.

[katiegrl]

Not to belabor but one more thing.

 

The comment by the girl at the front desk was extremely telling!

 

"Yeah he says a lot of things that never happen."

 

She essentially just told you the guy is full of CRAP.

 

He plays people.

 

I wish you still didn't see him as 'adorable' and 'timid'.

 

He knows exactly what he's doing and always has... and it's neither adorable nor timid.

 

He's a big L imo.

 

Nuff said from me.

 

Sorry it didn't work out.

Edited September 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[Versacehottie]

Hmmm, I don't think it's that big of a deal. He sounds like a spread-too-thin, dreamer type. Maybe he's not ready to make a move about nearly anything. I think it's totally possible that it was a wishful party & it was a way to keep in contact with AMJ--whether it got cancelled or not or was waaaaaay too hopeful. I thought it was a little weird that he was able to throw a party on a saturday since he works two jobs and one of them is at a bar. I think it sounds like he overpromises which is why he never follows through or is spread too thin and not really in a position to make his life move forward on many fronts (which is why girl at front desk said that). Like he's flakey. It doesn't always have to be for some sinister reason. Needless to say, if he's not in a position to move forward, keep the flirtation going if it comes your way but don't invest in the hope of too much.

 

The girl in class was funny.

 

Yeah, AMJ keep living your life--no reason not to go into the brewery. In fact, that's how my friend got her bf. She used to see him all the time at this one place; he'd flirt but never made a move. She was flirting back the whole time... AND did not change her life about what she did socially like she was some failure. As her life took it's course, a few months later she was newly dating someone else and took him that place, not on purpose, just as a matter of living her life. The first guy was so jealous & knew he was about to lose her for good (potentially)--through friends he tracked down her contact info THAT night and called her and asked her out at like 8am the next morning. Pretty funny. That's the best example I have of that--though I'm pretty sure I have some of my own The point is that you are not purposely trying to make them jealous but you are living your life as if they are not the priority they assume themselves to be. When you do it for real and natural, if there is the potential for the guy to move forward he just might be jolted. The very real thing is that he just might not be in the place in his life where he can do that--nothing to do with you. It happens though. Good luck!

[AMJ]

Completely on the same page Versace

 

OMG the girl in class was SO funny. I'm like, "Oh where did YOU come from, all of the sudden, you hear that he's gone for good, realize you need to throw your hat in the gauntlet and prance around like we don't know why you suddenly show up for the first time ever his last week here..." No shame, absolutely no shame with that girl. She basically showed up to class naked, and this is not some trendy urban gym where that's appropriate; people here are pretty conservative. And her name is Bianca. Like, really now, your name is Bianca? Oh come on.

I've done things I'm not proud of, but I've never thrown myself at a guy like THAT.

[Mystique01]

It is moving in a more positive direction...but the venue choice is odd to say the least if there still is any chance of him being interested. If I want to date a girl the ideal first date is inviting her to a communal gathering where we can be interrupted from getting to know her better by my friends...NOT!! Once again I am still left thinking this guy sees OP as someone who is great company and will bring some spark to this party. In fact I am pretty confident that the deal her is that that this guy probably has a friend in mind that he wants to set OP up with as that is far more congruent with inviting her to a party than it is with him inviting her to a party to make a move himself. The only possible caveat to that is if he is concerned about overtly asking a client out on the job so an invitation to a party is pretty neutral...but not likely as he is leaving this job anyway so who cares?!

 

Aaaaand now I am well into overthinking territory myself dammit!

 

Either way, OP is best served going alone I think, it will encourage this guy to talk to her throughout the night or at least make introductions to eligible friends whereas she could get left to her own devices if she took a friend along.

 

Hmm...good point!!!! Are you a guy?

 

It sounds like you are giving us the male perspective on things. Very telling! Thanks! It's always great getting the male POV. You learn so much.

 

 

 

 

How did you find out the party was cancelled, did he call or send a text message?

 

Or did you have a Saturday class and he told you then? Wonder how he informed everyone else, bizarre!

 

And what's up with the 'puppy dog eyes' and sad goodbye?

 

If he were interested, he would hardly be 'sad' .... now he can ask you on a date without fear of breaking any gym rules! That should make him happy!

 

IF he were interested.

 

AMJ, I hope you are not harboring any notion that this guy is crushing on you.

 

I said this awhile back, but it sounds like he is playing you a bit, for kicks, whatever.

 

Who knows, who cares.

 

I wouldn't be stepping one foot in the bar he works at. Ever!

 

If he wants to see you, he has your number.

 

I agree...on both accounts.

 

I don't think this guy is interested. I have always had the impression that he was not all that interested romantically from day 1.

 

I won't pain him out to be a "meanie" who's playing games though......I just think he finds AMJ attractive, likes her "energy" and personality, but for whatever reason doesn't want to date her.

 

Who knows...maybe right now he doesn't really want to date ANYONE. But if I know men, if they are interested, they WILL make a move, even if they don't have all of their ducks in a row yet. They would be too scared of someone else coming and snagging you away. When a guy finds a woman special, it's pretty obvious.

 

 

 

 

So when I got to class he says, "AMJ, I didn't dress up" because the plan was for him to dress in a stupid outfit for his last class, since we all planned a party- one lady brought donuts, I brought shots, lol. The girl at the front desk says "Um yeah he says a LOT of things that never happen" and then he says, "Yeah and I have to work tonight next door so party is not happening" and he asked for my number so we could keep in touch.

 

I think he looked sad because he did like teaching that class, planning workouts for us, etc. It's one of those things where you like your actual job but hate the surrounding BS and office politics, having a bad manager who makes a toxic work environment. I can relate.

 

I mean, I think it's more like he's unintentionally giving mixed signals. Aside from that one single time I suggested we hang out, I've not really given him any indication that I care either way what happens between us- I'm pretty indifferent but lean towards being friendly. I wouldn't say I ever was outright flirtatious with him- maybe a little bit. But I probably gave mixed signals myself.

 

I'm not going to avoid the brewery...for one it's a fun spot and one of the more popular ones in our town. My friends always want to go there.

 

Anyway, I don't really care much at this point. He still IS really adorable and attractive but his wishy-washy unreliable timid side is a turn off and reminds me too much of my ex.

 

Aww....well, I'm sorry things didn't work out AMJ. It was fun speculating while it lasted though!

 

 

RE: the Bolded....

I honestly don't think he's being "wishy-washy" or playing a game with you. I honestly just think he's not interested enough to commit to anything tbh. If a guy is not interested, it can appear to us like he's being wishy-washy, playing games, acting hot/cold, or just being plain WEIRD.... But the reality is, he's just not interested.

 

Tough pill to swallow, but it's true. I don't think this guy is intentionally being flakey.... He may be flakey, but if he were definitely interested he wouldnt' want you to notice his flakeyness and lose interest, so he'd try harder to NOT be flakey. Idk if that makes any sense.

 

At any rate, the cancellation of his party and getting your number gave him another excuse to ask you out on a REAL date (instead of a party) instead, on another day if he was really scared/nervous of rejection. Cuz if you said yes to going to his party, why would you say no to hanging out with him?

 

Anyway, it was fun while it lasted.

 

 

 

Not to belabor but one more thing.

 

The comment by the girl at the front desk was extremely telling!

 

"Yeah he says a lot of things that never happen."

 

She essentially just told you the guy is full of CRAP.

 

He plays people.

I wish you still didn't see him as 'adorable' and 'timid'.

 

He knows exactly what he's doing and always has... and it's neither adorable nor timid.

 

He's a big L imo.

 

Nuff said from me.

 

Sorry it didn't work out.

 

Hmm! Interesting point!!

 

Idk about him playing games with people, but I DO think that girl's comment is pretty telling as well. He probably OVER-promises but under-delivers on a LOT of things. Who knows?? Maybe he was promising THAT girl to "hang out" one day too and it never happened lol. We just don't know.

 

Either way, he doesn't seem like good bf material right now.

 

 

 

 

I feel so bad for disappointing you Mystique! This whole nacho has been one complete let down

 

 

 

 

I have been dating, talking to other guys. So far those have all been dead ends too. Two of them have been crazy.

 

 

 

I'm sorry your situation didn't end well

 

One thing about me is, I'm not in a position to get hurt unless I've already slept with the guy. If I get rejected or otherwise disappointed before sex happens, I can handle it pretty well.

 

Oh no worries!! It's cool! I was hoping against hope that things would turn out a different way for you, but I guess my suspicions were right.

 

At least you're not worrying about it anymore.

 

Continue to see and date other guys, live your life (like another poster mentioned), and see what else is out there.

 

The best news is that he now has your number! So even if he IS interested in the future, he can contact YOU! It's actually good that he has your number and you don't have his. That way you won't be tempted to contact him/chase him lol.

[katiegrl]

Mystique... the reason why am inclined to think he was playing with her was because of what happened a month or so ago when she invited him out.

 

He said "sure, sounds fun" and then immediately "took it back" saying he can't make it.... smirking while he said it.

 

Frankly that alone would cause me to not want anything to do with him... but I guess AMJ didn't see it as that important and continued on.

 

Anyhoo it's all moot now anyway as AMJ is over it and has moved on!

Edited September 26, 2016 by katiegrl