NIGHT1985 Posted July 17, 2016 Share Posted July 17, 2016 You need to get out of your house, you're trapped with just your feelings/thoughts consuming you. Get out and go for a jog, go volunteer, join a meet up group, rediscover some old friendships. Whatever it takes to get out of the house and feel more alive 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Bialy Posted July 17, 2016 Share Posted July 17, 2016 I go outside! Hike, exercise classes, take a trip for a day to a nearby city for a walk. Active Living for the win! Link to post Share on other sites
gimlynick Posted July 17, 2016 Share Posted July 17, 2016 Don't stay alone in your home/bed. Go do some things that you couldn't do with your ex. Gym/climbing/hiking/team sports/special hobby/... Try to be around people. Call/meet someone if you feel bad. Just don't stay in your bed. It doesn't help you further Link to post Share on other sites
Giggles666 Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 I tend to walk the dog more often, I am also an artist so I make more art, play my guitar and work as much as possible. Often times my art emulates what I am feeling, this seems to help me. I also crush all thoughts of false hope as best I can. I realized false hope was holding me back...sometimes we fight change instead of being the change. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 How do you deal with the bad days? What do you do to occupy your mind? I got deployed back to iraq. It sounds weird, but it really helped take the sting out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
DanH Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 This is a major, major problem for me at the moment. Way more bad days than good, after a few weeks.. Hits me two or three times a day and leads to panic attacks, whether I'm out (as I was this morning) or at home. Really trying though! Did a spin class last week and had drinks with two really old friends. Bialy's right about active living for the win... Personally I'm finding I can only run so far, at any pace for so long before it catches me again. And I'm back at that place where the most natural thing in the world is to call/text my best friend (her) or go meet my lover (her, again) Doesn't help that she wants me to keep her house key Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie99909 Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 You're going to have bad days. You're going to miss the person and feel empty. It's all apart of the fun. :-/ Active, stay active. Keep your body and brain moving at all time. But you can't allow your mind to give in and contact them. Just remember, when you're feeling alone and upset; we're all there feeling the same. You're not alone, it just sucks. But it's going to get a lot better. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 It's been 10 days since we spoke. 3 times I've been horrendously desperate to text him, to hear from him. I've typed 3 separate messages out, but couldn't bring myself to send them. I've managed to keep myself occupied with different things, cleaning, working, journaling, sorting clothes out to sell, seeing friends. But today no one was free. Today I'm alone. Today whatever I do, I just want to hear from him. I'm counting down until bedtime, reading doesn't have the same enjoyment, my house is insanely clean. How do you deal with the bad days? What do you do to occupy your mind? Go to the movies, call a friend you have seen or spoken to in a while, get the car washed, go to the park, get our hair done, get your nails done, ride your bike, find a hobby, something you've wanted to try but never had time for, go for a ride in the country, stop at antique stores, flea markets, buy yourself something nice for the house, get some new music CDs, do a puzzle. At night, rent yourself a movie, make yourself some popcorn, start a new book. In the end, it's simply about being resolved. 'Im tired of fretting and dwelling on this, it's not worth it! I got better things to do". And, then do them. Just plain make yourself do it. It's ok to let yourself grieve and think about it but do it in bits. Give yourself a half and hour a day, let's say, to sit with your feelings and then make yourself do something else. If you do that for a while, you will find that you're taking less time, until you're aren't doing that anymore. It's like a tea kettle releasing steam so it doesn't boil over. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
asphyxis Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 I have had a hard time getting out of the house. I did for the 2nd time outside of necessity, and when I went to the mall to grab some stuff for a pick me up, I cracked when one of the girls asked me what brought me into the make up counter. Maybe I've been obsessing over the break up, but it's helped me discover aspects of the relationship that had gone damaged for far too long. I learned the severity of arguments left unchecked could do, with little to no apology or make up. For me, my healing process has started with what I can do to make myself a better active listener. Everyone grieves in their own way, for me, it's pushing myself to do the small things. Brushing my hair and teeth, etc Link to post Share on other sites
juniorrocha Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 Sometimes you'll have a bad day. Yesterday was a bad day for me. But saturday was great. So a nice way to deal with bad days is to remind yourself that you also had good days and more of them are coming your way! Getting out of the bed is a must, even when you don't feel like it. If there's nothing enjoyable to do in the house, then go outside. You can go to the movies, buy a new book, go to the beach (if you live near one), exercise, biking, riding, have a drink at a bar or a club, go for a walk, a park... anything. I've glued a big piece of paper right in front of my bed which says "FOCUS". As soon as I wake up, I see it and I remind myself that even if I don't feel like getting out of the bed, I must do it because once I'm out of it, things get better. And they do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DanH Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 as the days go on, and the more clear I see a path to resolve our differences in my own head... the harder I'm finding it NOT to phone her.... Beg if neccessary, for her to speak with me properly. As shocked as I was; as upset and desperate. I never did that. Sometimes I wish I had. Link to post Share on other sites
Kel_star Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 My view is that life is filled with highs and lows. Highs would not be so amazing if we didn't experience the lows. I remember thinking life would never be the same after 2 heartbreaks(1 wasnt even an actual relationship) After the first "heartbreak" I remember thinking I could never find someone again who I'd have an amazing time with- fast forward a couple years- I meet someone who ends up being heart break #2. I would potentially call this my greatest heartbreak because it was my first official relationship heartbreak. I thought life would never be the same, if only I had known that 7 months from the devastating day we broke up, I would find heartbreak #3 and have an amazing year. I would also completely get over heartbreak #2 and realize that "phew, im glad that didnt work out because damn i deserve so much better" I'm always the dumpee, but with each relationship I learn 2 major things 1) how can I become a better, more interesting person? 2) how can I choose better partners? It's only been a few weeks since my last breakup and I'm so shocked at all the red flags I've ignored! Although I didn't particularly do anything wrong in the last relationship (dumper even admitted so, that i was perfect, etc) I did do something REALLY WRONG, and that was ignore a bunch of red flags that I shouldnt have. Back to my original point, I think the lows are a time of self reflection, and becoming a better you. It's preparing you so that you can fully enjoy the "highs" which could be when you finally find "the one"( however you want to look at it) I've learned some skills and hobbies that I would never have if I have never gotten heartbroken. I've become less clingy, etc. All my heartbreaks led to something good, and though they suck like hell, I know this recent heartbreak is going to be something great too. I already have a list of skills I want to learn, and I'm excited about it. I know that I'll meet more significant others and that more "highs" are to come, in my weak moments I just recognize that this is all a part of the process. Then force myself up and do something that I would not have done otherwise if I was still in a relationship. Hope that was of any help Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilyniamh Posted July 22, 2016 Author Share Posted July 22, 2016 Yesterday I found out that my ex and my new friend were going on a date. I was heartbroken about it, told her it was my ex, she said she liked him too much to not go on it. Anyway, he text me and said he realised I was friends with her and wasn't going on the date. After a few hours I text back and said 'I'd never stop you, you know that. But I appreciate the thought'. We text back and forth a few times. I left it, and he text again this morning. I told him I was going out tonight and was doing my make up for it. He asked for a pic and put 'looking amazing! You'll get plenty of compliments looking like that!' So I put 'not interested in any of that. Told you that!' But I meant it as I'm not interested in anyone else at this time, not I'm only interested in him. So I told him that, and that I was giving up on men for the moment and he put 'don't give up please. I'll be sad if you do!' 'Why would you be sad?!' 'Because you deserve to be happy!' 'I am happy, that's never depended on anyone else. I've just given up on hope'. I'm now so horrendously sad that I broke NC. I'm now back to waiting on texts, which I hate. He's offered to hook up numerous times. Basically he wants to talk dirty, get dirty pics and I had hope. YET AGAIN. I'm 38 years old. Why do I fall for it all the time?! Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 He's telling you to move on. Don't sleep with him. Don't send him pictures. You need to NC. Otherwise you're going to keep hurting yourself over and over and over. That's indefinite pain. Stay no contact and you'll soon enough move on from this. Temporary pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 When you break NC, it's easy to dig yourself into a hole because you don't know when to stop talking or what to say. Just move on from here, and don't contact him again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
runup Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 (edited) I did some terrible "NC" for a month. After that I had enough and told her not to contact me again unless she changes her mind about our relationship. She then proceeded to block me from everything. It's honestly what I needed. The past 3 days of COMPLETE NC for me have been much better than the last month. I know you don't want to give up hope but think about it... you don't want them back unless they want you back!!! You'll know they back you back if they say it after being complete NC. Don't take anything other than "I want to get back together" for a message. I know you might think it's rude to not respond, but you need to move on. If he begs you back, you can decide then what you want. Edited July 23, 2016 by runup 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilyniamh Posted September 19, 2016 Author Share Posted September 19, 2016 Yesterday I had to message my ex, breaking 3 weeks of NC as I got some money back that's rightly his. We were together 4 weeks ago today, even though we've been split since April. I messaged him asking how he wanted the money back. It took him 6 hours to reply, id given up hope, when he put 'are you sure it's mine?' I replied with 'yeah, I'll mail it you'. A year today we were due to get married, i was insanely sad when I realised that, & sent him - 'I'm sad that I've lost you as a friend after everything. Just take my apologies and know it was nothing to do with me. I enjoy spending time with u but never expect/ed anything else from you. As far as I was concerned we both knew where we stood and I was 100% happy with that situation. I don't know what else to say, but I would like to be friends in the future'. No reply. He's read it. I don't know if I should of sent it, I'm kind of in that lull at the moment. But I can't take it back. 4 years of a relationship, and I'm gutted again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilyniamh Posted November 21, 2016 Author Share Posted November 21, 2016 Last night I decided to call my ex out on how he's been acting these last few months. Sending stuff, calling, messaging etc. I text him and told him I couldn't be his friend, we were together or we weren't. He replied, basically said he still loves me, he always will. But the fact other people broke us when we were so far apart made (we're 3-4 hours drive apart.) and he WASN'T SURE he could give me what I wanted, that it prob couldn't be fixed. I said I wasn't sure what he thought I wanted, because I don't know what I want from him anymore. We went back and forth having a proper heart to heart. He said if we were closer it would be forever, we'd be together, but we both have kids, a life and jobs apart & if he had no kids, he'd move. I fell asleep at the end of the conversation when he put if he's near me he'd love, want & expect to see me. I replied this morning, saying sorry I'd fallen asleep and if he really meant that I was close to him just before Christmas and did he want to meet. He read it immediately and no reply. Today I blocked his number again, deleted the app we message on. Back on NC. Gah. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frozensushi Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 You weren't really doing NC if he was able to get in contact with you. It goes both ways. My Ex would either have to physically track me down, send me a letter in the mail or have someone contact me on her behalf. I cut off every other form of communication with her. If you leave a door open, and they initiate contact and you jump back in just to get denied, then you have no one else to blame but yourself. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 You need to block him. If you are in NC, you shouldn't know how he's been acting the past few months. And that's total BS about him knowing it would be forever if you lived in the same area. He doesn't know that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Nadine123 Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 Learn from your mistakes and take this as a lesson Its okay to do mistakes but the point is to learn from there and not repeat them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 You weren't really doing NC if he was able to get in contact with you. It goes both ways. My Ex would either have to physically track me down, send me a letter in the mail or have someone contact me on her behalf. I cut off every other form of communication with her. If you leave a door open, and they initiate contact and you jump back in just to get denied, then you have no one else to blame but yourself. Quite true; it's not NC if they still have a way to bother one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilyniamh Posted November 22, 2016 Author Share Posted November 22, 2016 (edited) You weren't really doing NC if he was able to get in contact with you. It goes both ways. My Ex would either have to physically track me down, send me a letter in the mail or have someone contact me on her behalf. I cut off every other form of communication with her. If you leave a door open, and they initiate contact and you jump back in just to get denied, then you have no one else to blame but yourself. Thanks for your input. I deleted the app we messaged on, blocked his number on everything else. He was sending letters & presents to my house.. He'd messaged numerous times on the app when I redownloaded yesterday. I'm not sure what I did wrong? Edited November 22, 2016 by Lilyniamh Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 I deleted the app we messaged on He'd messaged numerous times on the app when I redownloaded yesterday. I'm not sure what I did wrong? Oh my goodness. Really? Read those 2 sentences. It should b pretty obvious what you did wrong. Why on earth did you redownload the app? The whole point of deleting it was to STOP HIM MESSAGING YOU right?? You just keep shooting yourself in the foot here. Come on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilyniamh Posted November 22, 2016 Author Share Posted November 22, 2016 (edited) Oh my goodness. Really? Read those 2 sentences. It should b pretty obvious what you did wrong. Why on earth did you redownload the app? The whole point of deleting it was to STOP HIM MESSAGING YOU right?? You just keep shooting yourself in the foot here. Come on. Someone had sent me a load of work stuff through the app, I'd asked him to leave me alone so wasn't expecting 19 messages from him Oh & he's been blocked so had used his brothers number to message me on. His number is now blocked too Edited November 22, 2016 by Lilyniamh Spelling 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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