Kics Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 I wouldn't be and I am 25. I really never dated much till I was 20? Not sure, and I stopped after college. I always hated playing the game. I am dating someone right now and he has a lot more experience than I do. For some reason sometimes it bothers me, but probably my own insecurities. So, no I wouldn't mind dating a guy that doesn't have much experience because we could both learn together. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 I recall being in college, and a lot of my friends and classmates found their future FIRST wives/husbands via that route. College, in a sense, is a MAD dash to find a future sig. other or even spouse, after that, again... I wouldn't say its a mad dash, but rather a prime opprotunity. For most, NEVER again will they be connected to so many people who are the same age, and at the same stage in life. I had zero interest in a "serious" relationship when I was in college, many of my friends were the same mind, we were dating, having fun, but looking to get hitched up? NO WAY! Yet, most of my close friends DID meet someone during those years, and many of us are with that same person. Out of my 6 close female friends from college, 4 of us met, married, and are still with the guy we met sr. year of college (14 years ago) [one divorced, the other has been chronically single] - it just happened - right people, right time, golden opportunity. I am glad I met someone then! Post college I took a position with a company where I found EVERYONE was 20 years my sr! Kinda hard to meet people my age in a new city with a new career. It used to kind of blow my mind seeing these posts here of young men currently IN college, a SERIOUS dating pool to take a dive into, but still struggle? Still be rejected by women. Figured you can keep moving from woman to woman after one rejects you...if you're in college. I agree - college is the time to get out there and date. When else are you going to have access to literally thousands of women your own age, and at the same stage of life. Link to post Share on other sites
menscollegehealth Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 As someone who was also somewhat of a late bloomer, one of the most import things I have found is that it does not have anything to do with what you look like, how much "game" you have, or any other superficial things men think they need. Bottom line is that women want to have a good time. They want to have a great time with a man that is also having a great time with his life. That's it. Find things you love to do and the positivity will attract itself. Try new things, expand who you are, and all the work of getting women to be attracted to you will have already been done. Be so consumed with taking care of your happiness that whether women come or go will have very little effect on you, if any at all. Try surfing, learn to meditate, work out, pursue a hobby, take a dance class, but most importantly try new things and expand who you are. And embrace failure! When you can start seeing every failure as a learning experience and a stepping stone to success, failure becomes invigorating and empowering. Life is too short to not step out of your comfort zone and pursue what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 "A female grizzly bear would never choose a weak that was scared to fight for her", sometimes I wonder why can't us human males fight literally like other male animals do when it comes to attracting a mate Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 "A female grizzly bear would never choose a weak that was scared to fight for her", sometimes I wonder why can't us human males fight literally like other male animals do when it comes to attracting a mate You've never been to a small town bar, have you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
logan415 Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 Don't worry dude I'm in the same position as you except I'm older. I recently turned 30 so its much worst for me. These social standards in America makes it hard to date anyone here. You should try what I'm doing. Talk to women from other countries and travel. Women there won't care about experience or lack of. That is what I'm doing. I recommend the same for you. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 You've never been to a small town bar, have you? Reason why I have sometimes felt like getting into a fight is to release my anger, rage, frustration over being perpetually single and my resentment, hatred towards the gender role or social-norm that guys always have to be the ones to start the conversation, go up to the woman and start talking to her first, or do the approaching, asking out, going for the first kiss, planning/leading every date, calling and texting first until she is impressed enough to be our girlfriend, that guys always have to be the initiators, taking the lead, and guys being labeled a coward or pussy for not doing that, and I used that Bear argument because it seems like fighting is easier than having to use your social-skills and conversation-skills Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 Never tell a date or person you just met "I've never been on a date," "I've never kissed," "I've never had sex." It's none of their business! They will never even know unless you are stupid enough to tell them! Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 Don't worry dude I'm in the same position as you except I'm older. I recently turned 30 so its much worst for me. These social standards in America makes it hard to date anyone here. You should try what I'm Entirely untrue. Most people don't have such incredible difficulty finding relationships in America. I'll be 30 in a week and I'm doing as well as I ever have been. The difference is I accept that I can't change social standards so I raise myself up to them and exceed them, and unsuccessful people cry foul and complain about how unfair they are, as if that will change anything. Reason why I have sometimes felt like getting into a fight is to release my anger, rage, frustration over being perpetually single and my resentment, hatred towards the gender role or social-norm that guys always have to be the ones to start the conversation, go up to the woman and start talking to her first, or do the approaching, asking out, going for the first kiss, planning/leading every date, calling and texting first until she is impressed enough to be our girlfriend, that guys always have to be the initiators, taking the lead, and guys being labeled a coward or pussy for not doing that, and I used that Bear argument because it seems like fighting is easier than having to use your social-skills and conversation-skills If you've got enough bravado to fight someone and risk physical harm and a battery charge, surely you've got enough to just speak to a woman who's half the size of you and take her to the cool restaurant downtown. If she likes you enough she will make it very easy for you to do those things because she wants you to do them. If she enjoys your company and such it's all part of a complex mating dance. It should be interesting, and enjoyable. An issue you seem to have is that you're devoid of agency. You assume women have all the power and every interaction must be granted by them. If you stop assuming women carry such power over you, and assume the power yourself by developing some qualities that women desire, you'll realize that you've been doing things backwards this whole time. The trick is not to wait for someone to grant access to them, it's to get them to want to get to you. If you're strong, figure out a way to use it to your advantage. If you're smart, use it. Funny, interesting, successful, etc. Take matters into your own hands and you'll have a lot more luck. If you think of women strictly as gatekeepers and never let yourself be one, you're bound to be as frustrated as you seem to be. Never tell a date or person you just met "I've never been on a date," "I've never kissed," "I've never had sex." It's none of their business! They will never even know unless you are stupid enough to tell them! I agree with the idea that there's no benefit in telling the person. However, if the guy is totally awkward and uncomfortable, it will be just as unattractive (or obvious), so they probably will know, even if it's just a guess. Therefore I think it's in his best interest to adopt some bravado and/or confidence even if it's false. Don't even let the thought enter their heads. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 Entirely untrue. Most people don't have such incredible difficulty finding relationships in America. I'll be 30 in a week and I'm doing as well as I ever have been. The difference is I accept that I can't change social standards so I raise myself up to them and exceed them, and unsuccessful people cry foul and complain about how unfair they are, as if that will change anything. If you've got enough bravado to fight someone and risk physical harm and a battery charge, surely you've got enough to just speak to a woman who's half the size of you and take her to the cool restaurant downtown. If she likes you enough she will make it very easy for you to do those things because she wants you to do them. If she enjoys your company and such it's all part of a complex mating dance. It should be interesting, and enjoyable. An issue you seem to have is that you're devoid of agency. You assume women have all the power and every interaction must be granted by them. If you stop assuming women carry such power over you, and assume the power yourself by developing some qualities that women desire, you'll realize that you've been doing things backwards this whole time. The trick is not to wait for someone to grant access to them, it's to get them to want to get to you. If you're strong, figure out a way to use it to your advantage. If you're smart, use it. Funny, interesting, successful, etc. Take matters into your own hands and you'll have a lot more luck. If you think of women strictly as gatekeepers and never let yourself be one, you're bound to be as frustrated as you seem to be. I agree with the idea that there's no benefit in telling the person. However, if the guy is totally awkward and uncomfortable, it will be just as unattractive (or obvious), so they probably will know, even if it's just a guess. Therefore I think it's in his best interest to adopt some bravado and/or confidence even if it's false. Don't even let the thought enter their heads. Yeah but I always run out of things to say in conversation with women and I'm horrible with flirting and teasing Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 Yeah but I always run out of things to say in conversation with women and I'm horrible with flirting and teasing My advice for you and for anyone starting to date (to keep this relevant) is to just ride the wave of your natural curiosity about a person. They've lived a whole different life than you, had totally different experiences, have different interests, etc. Think of them like a book with a really attractive cover that you can't wait to sit down and pour through. If I meet a girl for the first time, I want to know her whole story. I have so many questions I can't even get them all out in 2 hours. Ask open ended questions and let it snowball. Get personal. Get deeper. You'll bond. And tying it back to the original topic, if you do this she'll probably never suspect you've never been on a date before because you'll be pretty damn good at dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 My advice for you and for anyone starting to date (to keep this relevant) is to just ride the wave of your natural curiosity about a person. They've lived a whole different life than you, had totally different experiences, have different interests, etc. Think of them like a book with a really attractive cover that you can't wait to sit down and pour through. If I meet a girl for the first time, I want to know her whole story. I have so many questions I can't even get them all out in 2 hours. Ask open ended questions and let it snowball. Get personal. Get deeper. You'll bond. And tying it back to the original topic, if you do this she'll probably never suspect you've never been on a date before because you'll be pretty damn good at dating. Yeah it's basically knowing what to talk about and how to talk to them in a way that will attract them, and it's easy to feel resentful of them because it seems a woman's conversation ability doesn't impact her dating life as much as it does a guy Link to post Share on other sites
logan415 Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 Entirely untrue. Most people don't have such incredible difficulty finding relationships in America. I'll be 30 in a week and I'm doing as well as I ever have been. The difference is I accept that I can't change social standards so I raise myself up to them and exceed them, and unsuccessful people cry foul and complain about how unfair they are, as if that will change anything./QUOTE] Yes you can change yourself. But some people no matter what cannot fit standards that people want. It has been said, its been stated so many times that America dating is bad. We have dumb rules. Like no phone call until 48 hour rule. Then women on here admitted they won't take a man with lack of experience. In other countries this is not a problem. You can be a virgin and women will not put much emphasis on it. Of course not all but most would not care. This really true in Asia. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 Yes you can change yourself. But some people no matter what cannot fit standards that people want. It has been said, its been stated so many times that America dating is bad. We have dumb rules. Like no phone call until 48 hour rule. Then women on here admitted they won't take a man with lack of experience. In other countries this is not a problem. You can be a virgin and women will not put much emphasis on it. Of course not all but most would not care. This really true in Asia. Yet somehow, most people figure it all out and enter into relationships. Imagine that. Link to post Share on other sites
logan415 Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 Yet somehow, most people figure it all out and enter into relationships. Imagine that. I'm too old to figure that out I'm 30 years old. Life is short. For his at 23 he can give it a shot. Like I say OP if you struggle a lot go international its amazing. Meet exotic women and learn few words from another language. I started like you OP and did my best to impress and had no luck. But I went on a international dating site and I got messages and replies. Only try this if it does not work locally for you. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 I'm too old to figure that out I'm 30 years old. Life is short. For his at 23 he can give it a shot. Like I say OP if you struggle a lot go international its amazing. Meet exotic women and learn few words from another language. I started like you OP and did my best to impress and had no luck. But I went on a international dating site and I got messages and replies. Only try this if it does not work locally for you. People will always say it's never too late and it can get bothering Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 Like I say OP if you struggle a lot go international its amazing. You probably have a different definition of "amazing" than most people. Meet exotic women and learn few words from another language. So when you say "meet," you mean, you exchange a few paragraphs with other people and talk about generic things, and never meet in person? Sort of like how you and I have "met?" I started like you OP and did my best to impress and had no luck. But I went on a international dating site and I got messages and replies. Only try this if it does not work locally for you. If I were you, I would be hesitant to consider this "success." If it's totally impractical to actually meet the person and form a quality relationship from thousands of miles away, what's the point of this? I get plenty of messages from foreign girls on OKCupid and the like. I don't know what they expect to happen when they message someone on another continent. One time I did indulge myself and Skyped with a cute Italian girl, and it was ok -- a bit of a language barrier and the conversation wasn't very deep -- but it's not like I was going to Italy anytime soon. I'd go out with her if she didn't live thousands of miles away. It just felt kind of hollow. What are you realistically hoping will happen with all this? You will be so enamored with each other through messaging that one of you will go through the immigration process and move to another country? It just seems kind of far fetched and I'm worried that you consider this "success." I would be very, very careful if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 Yet somehow, most people figure it all out and enter into relationships. Imagine that. Something must go wrong in a guy's teens or formative years that set him up for failure and rejection with women, how to make him unable to know how to talk to them properly and form relationships with them Link to post Share on other sites
logan415 Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 You probably have a different definition of "amazing" than most people. So when you say "meet," you mean, you exchange a few paragraphs with other people and talk about generic things, and never meet in person? Sort of like how you and I have "met?" If I were you, I would be hesitant to consider this "success." If it's totally impractical to actually meet the person and form a quality relationship from thousands of miles away, what's the point of this? I get plenty of messages from foreign girls on OKCupid and the like. I don't know what they expect to happen when they message someone on another continent. One time I did indulge myself and Skyped with a cute Italian girl, and it was ok -- a bit of a language barrier and the conversation wasn't very deep -- but it's not like I was going to Italy anytime soon. I'd go out with her if she didn't live thousands of miles away. It just felt kind of hollow. What are you realistically hoping will happen with all this? You will be so enamored with each other through messaging that one of you will go through the immigration process and move to another country? It just seems kind of far fetched and I'm worried that you consider this "success." I would be very, very careful if I were you. Actually I would visit. Yes I would get my Visa if needed and get my passport and go see her. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 Actually I would visit. Yes I would get my Visa if needed and get my passport and go see her. OK, are you aware that many first dates even after oodles of communication by text and phone still never make it to a second date. So you are willing to travel thousands of miles for her to go "meh", when she meets you...for her to go, "There is no spark why can't we just stay friends, it is so sweet of you to have come all this way to see me"... for her to go, "Have you brought me a present, "Steve" brought me a diamond bracelet last week, what have you brought for me?"... That is why most men date women who live around the corner, who are only a 2 hour car journey away at most, so that when it all goes pear shaped it doesn't really matter, they haven't spent their life saving on travel anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
logan415 Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 OK, are you aware that many first dates even after oodles of communication by text and phone still never make it to a second date. So you are willing to travel thousands of miles for her to go "meh", when she meets you...for her to go, "There is no spark why can't we just stay friends, it is so sweet of you to have come all this way to see me"... for her to go, "Have you brought me a present, "Steve" brought me a diamond bracelet last week, what have you brought for me?"... That is why most men date women who live around the corner, who are only a 2 hour car journey away at most, so that when it all goes pear shaped it doesn't really matter, they haven't spent their life saving on travel anyway... Yeah its a risk I take. Its better than stay put here and continue to have problems. I do live in SF and we have a gender imbalance where there are more men than women. So I'm screwed there. In Russia there is excess amount of women so they are lot of lonely ladies there. This makes it easier to find a date at a much higher success rate. Sure I'm going to get rejected there like anywhere else but since there are more women than me I feel I will have a greater advantage. Link to post Share on other sites
deep_night Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 not at all, if he knew how to behave to a lady one may not be experienced but can still research the internet and ask for advice.. or just have be a natural in that stuff :3 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 Yeah its a risk I take. Its better than stay put here and continue to have problems. I do live in SF and we have a gender imbalance where there are more men than women. So I'm screwed there. In Russia there is excess amount of women so they are lot of lonely ladies there. This makes it easier to find a date at a much higher success rate. Sure I'm going to get rejected there like anywhere else but since there are more women than me I feel I will have a greater advantage. I don't think those odds mean very much because if you have thought this I am sure many other men have thought the same. Link to post Share on other sites
logan415 Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 (edited) I don't think those odds mean very much because if you have thought this I am sure many other men have thought the same. True. But not every man has the finances to travel. So that might actually help me. Since OP mention lack of experience him trying foreign women might be a good option. Foreign wonen don't care much about experience they mainly only care about if he will care for her. Edited July 30, 2016 by logan415 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 The hardest part is accepting the injustice that there are far more men out there in the world than women who are past their mid-20's or reach their 30s, without ever having had a relationship before or still a virgin, that's really what I've noticed the past few years and yes that's the way it is but it's very hard to accept even though I do accept it but I accept it very reluctantly Link to post Share on other sites
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