Her ex and I are both trying to get her back ***Updated***

[iServe]

Relationships hurt. Thanks for sharing your challenging story. In my opinion it may be time for you to move on before things get worse.

 

I recognize the battle in your heart. Like ever man, your will to conquer her heart is driving you and you will not allow anyone to stand in your way.

 

I want to encourage you to think before you speak and act. Don't allow the tension and stress or anger and jealousy to drive your behavior. There may be a heavy price to pay.

 

Trust your heart and discernment and move wisely and preserve your character.

 

Try walking away and letting her go, easier said then done of course. Time and space may reveal the truth about your true love.

 

Meanwhile, try to enjoy life, surround yourself with positive company, pray for patience, peace, and direction moving forward.

 

Take care of your heart and head. God bless and take care.

[zarb]

She chose to be with her ex. They are together and he moved into my condo. My ex wants to buy me out but I haven't accepted yet. He's living in my home, ****ing her in my bed. It has hardly been any time at all but she has already moved him in. It's unbelievable and makes me sick, sometimes literally sick.

 

He cheated on her with a dozen other women, ended their engagement, and now she takes him back. I thought she was a smart women, her degrees and career says she is, but this was a dumb, dumb choice. Everyone knows he is a player and that he sleeps with anything that moves. I can't tell you how many people I have heard say she made a stupid decision.

 

He says that he's changed and that he treats her like gold. But it's only a matter of time until he gets bored and cheats again. He has told me a few times that he's going to marry her soon and start a family, very soon. I thought he was just saying it to get under my skin but now that she's moved him in with her I'm not so sure.

 

And yet, I still can't get over her. I hang on to the idea that she will realize the mistake and that we will get back together. That maybe she just needed to make sure there was nothing there and when she does, she will come back to me.

[Blanco]

It's not what you want to do, but I think it's best for you long-term if you just let her buy you out. You don't stand to gain anything from holding out.

 

Whether or not she's made a mistake, she has made her choice. It's in your best interest to accept it, whether or not you think it's a poor choice, and do what you can to heal and build a new life.

 

It's possible this guy was the one she wanted all along, which, crazy at it sounds, may make this the best thing for you down the road. No one should dedicate their life to someone who sees them as "acceptable" or a reliable fallback option.

 

Perhaps she's made a dumb choice, but the one thing we seem to know from your posts is that she's not interested in you. Her breaking things off with him doesn't mean she would come back to you. Unless I missed something, there's been nothing to suggest she's open to a second chance with you. Let this be a harsh lesson to not walk away or distance yourself from something you aren't ready to give up.

 

Finally, I think it's imperative you seek some counseling. I understand your frustrations here, but you've engaged in some behavior that could snowball into some serious problems for you. You need to get a handle on yourself, because if you continue down this path, you're going to annihilate your career.

[NIGHT1985]

She's not coming back dude. Trust me. I've been in a similar place with my ex and I finally had to accept that she's with someone that she's happier with and now that I let go, I'm finally putt it myself out there and enjoying life again. I'm not saying I'm totally happy, because I think about her everyday, but I've accepted I won't ever be with her again and that I can meet new people too.

[DramaInPajamas]

She chose to be with her ex. They are together and he moved into my condo. My ex wants to buy me out but I haven't accepted yet. He's living in my home, ****ing her in my bed. It has hardly been any time at all but she has already moved him in. It's unbelievable and makes me sick, sometimes literally sick.

 

He cheated on her with a dozen other women, ended their engagement, and now she takes him back. I thought she was a smart women, her degrees and career says she is, but this was a dumb, dumb choice. Everyone knows he is a player and that he sleeps with anything that moves. I can't tell you how many people I have heard say she made a stupid decision.

 

He says that he's changed and that he treats her like gold. But it's only a matter of time until he gets bored and cheats again. He has told me a few times that he's going to marry her soon and start a family, very soon. I thought he was just saying it to get under my skin but now that she's moved him in with her I'm not so sure.

 

And yet, I still can't get over her. I hang on to the idea that she will realize the mistake and that we will get back together. That maybe she just needed to make sure there was nothing there and when she does, she will come back to me.

 

He got her back and it will be a matter of time before he cheats again. Now he has got her, mission accomplished, game over.

 

It would have been the same for you. Had you got her back, you would have had those same feelings again that caused you to walk out the first time. You were split for 9 months. You didnt realise you made a terrible mistake and go running back after a couple of weeks. You left a week before your wedding and you stayed gone. You would have dumped her again too.

 

Just let it all go and start afresh.

[Bialy]

Time to move forward.

 

I've never heard of so much workplace drama in my life. The ultimate fish tank. Everyone sleeping with everyone. Romantic entanglements. Two men fighting over the same woman. This reads like an episode of Grey's Anatomy.

[AT15]

Im sorry too. Although, I don't have much faith in her "new" choice.

 

I think this new/old boyfriend just wanted to win. Once you're out of the pic and he has no audience, that relationship will fall apart.

 

I feel for this young woman tho. She is in for real another round of heartbreak.

 

Just curious, why did you string her along? That's the most hurtful thing. I'm actually happy she broke out of that.

[dpass]

Dude, just let her buy you out. It has been almost a year since YOU ended the engagement. If she wanted you back, it would have happened by now. If you don't want another man, her man, living in your home, making love to her in your home, then release it from being YOUR home. Take the money, buy a new place, go on a trip, pay of debt, whatever you need to do.

 

I understand that it's very final, but she is already with another man. A man that she had a long history with, and possibly a man that she always wanted.

 

She is going to make the decisions that she wants to make, right or wrong. Chances are, this guy will cheat on her and break her heart again. But that is her choice.

 

Consider, though, that maybe he (like you) realized what he lost after he walked away. Maybe he really has changed and will treat her like a queen. Maybe they have put their pasts behind them. Don't wait around hoping that they will break up so you can have another chance at her. Trust her that she knows what she is doing.

 

Stop talking to BOTH of them. Only communicate when required by your jobs, keep it totally professional.

[TexasGuy12]

I don't understand why all of you were being so hard on the OP. You're making him into an awful person for what he did. You know it is possible for us to do something and regret it, right? It's possible for someone to think they think one way, only to realize with more space/clarity that they weren't thinking clearly.

 

He made a mistake with a woman, he still loves her, he recognizes the mistake...why is that such a bad thing? Why is it so bad that he wants to right a wrong?

[Blanco]

You're not exactly in a place with your own breakup to speak objectively about this situation.

 

He called off the wedding a week beforehand and moved out. What exactly did he think was going to happen? It's not like he changed his mind about what food he wanted at the reception. He bailed out entirely, and on someone who had already experienced the traumatic experience of a broken engagement before.

 

I empathize with him regretting his decision but sometimes with major life decisions, you don't get mulligans.

[dpass]

I don't understand why all of you were being so hard on the OP. You're making him into an awful person for what he did. You know it is possible for us to do something and regret it, right? It's possible for someone to think they think one way, only to realize with more space/clarity that they weren't thinking clearly.

 

He made a mistake with a woman, he still loves her, he recognizes the mistake...why is that such a bad thing? Why is it so bad that he wants to right a wrong?

 

This wasn't a minor thing. He called of a wedding just days before it was supposed to happen. If that wasn't bad enough he moved out, then spent months apart from her.

 

Everyone makes mistakes. Most don't involve leaving your fiance days before the wedding, moving out and taking months to figure out you still want to be with them. She moved on, he needs to as well.

[zarb]

For the last few days I have been flirting with and talking to attractive women when I know my ex will see me (we work together). When she sees me talking to other women she stares as long as she can and doesn't look happy about it. If I keep showing interest in other women, will she get jealous and want me back?

[CarrieT]

Why do you care what she thinks?

 

She is an Ex for a reason...

 

Block and move on.

[Redhead14]

For the last few days I have been flirting with and talking to attractive women when I know my ex will see me (we work together). When she sees me talking to other women she stares as long as she can and doesn't look happy about it. If I keep showing interest in other women, will she get jealous and want me back?

 

It sure isn't going to tell her that you want her back . . .

 

This is petty and childish thinking. Grow a set and accept the break up and move on.

 

If she comes back because of this, I'd question her sensibilities.

[zarb]

Why do you care what she thinks?

 

She is an Ex for a reason...

 

Block and move on.

 

Because I want to be with her again. She is only an ex because I made an error and asked for space.

 

It sure isn't going to tell her that you want her back . . .

 

This is petty and childish thinking. Grow a set and accept the break up and move on.

 

If she comes back because of this, I'd question her sensibilities.

 

Hmm, good point. So how do I make her jealous and want to be with me again?

[ExpatInItaly]

This just makes you look very immature and desperate, OP.

 

That is never attractive to a woman. So you're sabotaging yourself here.

[zarb]

This just makes you look very immature and desperate, OP.

 

That is never attractive to a woman. So you're sabotaging yourself here.

 

I am desperate, to have her back. I don't want to self sabotage, though.

[ExpatInItaly]

I am desperate, to have her back. I don't want to self sabotage, though.

 

Then you need to quit what you're doing. It's not going to have effect you desire.

 

How old are you both, and why did you break up?

[Redhead14]

Because I want to be with her again. She is only an ex because I made an error and asked for space.

 

 

 

Hmm, good point. So how do I make her jealous and want to be with me again?

 

Son, you missed the point entirely. Making her jealous isn't going to want to be with you, it will likely turn her away further if she is a strong and intelligent woman.

 

If you really want to try to get her back, you'll have to man up, tell her you made a mistake and that you understand how what you did hurt her and that you are truly sorry.

 

This won't guarantee that she will take you back, but at least you will have approached it like a grown man instead of being immature and petty.

 

I am assuming you are a grown man, but it's a stretch because you sound like a 12 year old.

[basil67]

Because I want to be with her again. She is only an ex because I made an error and asked for space.

 

Hmm, good point. So how do I make her jealous and want to be with me again?

 

Flirting with other women will only prove that you enjoy your space and are happy to be away from her. She's most likely looking at you doing this and thinking she dodged a bullet because you've already moved on.

 

Jealosy is not the vehicle to get her back. If you want any change, you have to talk with her and tell her you made a mistake and don't want anyone else. You'll also have to explain why you were using another women to try and make her jealous.

[zarb]

Then you need to quit what you're doing. It's not going to have effect you desire.

 

How old are you both, and why did you break up?

 

34 and 28. I had cold feet before the wedding and we've been broken up for 10 months.

 

If you really want to try to get her back, you'll have to man up, tell her you made a mistake and that you understand how what you did hurt her and that you are truly sorry.

 

I am assuming you are a grown man, but it's a stretch because you sound like a 12 year old.

 

I've talked to her and told her that I made a mistake and all the things that I did wrong and why I did them. She says she doesn't love me anymore and is back with her ex. But when she sees me flirting with other women she definitely notices and looks upset. That's not me projecting, I know her very well. She has been pulling away and getting closer to me. One day she will avoid me and another she will make excuses to be working with me or near me.

[LD1990]

Sooooo:

 

-Everyone in your last thread told you to move on.

-She has told you she doesn't love you anymore.

-Her ex now lives with her in the condo you and her bought together and she wants to buy you out.

 

But, hey, she looks upset when you flirt with other girls. Don't you work in the medical field? What kind of office is this where you get to flirt with women all the time? Maybe she's just staring because you're acting completely unprofessional.

 

Regardless, it's time to move on. You can ask the same thing over and over, the answers aren't going to change.

[Blanco]

You're disgustingly selfish. Leave her alone and conduct yourself with a modicum of professionalism.

[zarb]

Sooooo:

 

-Everyone in your last thread told you to move on.

-She has told you she doesn't love you anymore.

-Her ex now lives with her in the condo you and her bought together and she wants to buy you out.

 

But, hey, she looks upset when you flirt with other girls. Don't you work in the medical field? What kind of office is this where you get to flirt with women all the time? Maybe she's just staring because you're acting completely unprofessional.

 

Regardless, it's time to move on. You can ask the same thing over and over, the answers aren't going to change.

 

I work in a hospital. I work on call shifts. Most of the time at work I spend sleeping or catching up on files and reading. My career is specific and I am not working all day every day like say, a nurse or doctor. Some days I have nothing but time, I have to be on site but that is all. It's been slow lately.

 

I haven't let her buy me out. It's still my condo and I still have keys. I could walk in on them right now. They are just playing house, it will end soon when her ex is bored and moves on - just like last time.

 

She looked upset when she saw me, and when I made eye contact with her she looks away quickly. I know her, and I think she knows she chose wrong.

[ChickiePops]

I work in a hospital. I work on call shifts. Most of the time at work I spend sleeping or catching up on files and reading. My career is specific and I am not working all day every day like say, a nurse or doctor. Some days I have nothing but time, I have to be on site but that is all. It's been slow lately.

 

I haven't let her buy me out. It's still my condo and I still have keys. I could walk in on them right now. They are just playing house, it will end soon when her ex is bored and moves on - just like last time.

 

She looked upset when she saw me, and when I made eye contact with her she looks away quickly. I know her, and I think she knows she chose wrong.

 

Doubt it. She's probably freaked out because she knows that you're obsessed with her and she's also probably angry that you won't let her buy you out.

 

Even if her ex does leave, I can't see her picking you after the way you've behaved.