I'm starting to believe I'll never find anyone.

[ZA Dater]

Not really. Like I've said, I don't meet many girls to begin with and things never escalate past a few minutes of conversation (and even then, you can just tell they're not bothered). Online I try to escalate things quicker to get numbers, dates set etc.

 

Maybe I'm coming across overly interested, I don't know, I just feel like I'm not even getting my foot out the door.

 

 

 

See, people say I'm the former, but I feel like the latter. I work, volunteer, pursue hobbies...what makes me special? Not a lot really. Yet people say I'm the most down-to-earth and kind-hearted guy they know, that I work hard at what I do and have a lot of passions.

 

 

I don't know. I'm off out tonight with friends and not really in the mood to care about this anymore. I'll see all these girls around me, most out of my league, and that's all it seems it'll ever be; just something for me to see at a distance, out of my grasp.

 

 

I know this feeling very, very well. That's why before you go out you make a deal to be happy with yourself and confident in yourself and yes maybe stop caring about the noise around you and just enjoy time with your friends.

[tinkerbell16]

Then I'm thinking there's something off about your looks or style or something. You better have a female friend give you suggestions on how to "update your look." Maybe it's your hair or your facial hair or your overall look or a lack of style or a weird style making people eliminate you. Doesn't mean a certain one won't like it, but anything off in left field narrrows your field. I mean, if you're on OLD, it's only about looks really.

 

I am not so sure about this... I have seen some pretty unstylish men have dozens of women buzzing about them because the are full of charisma and charm

[tinkerbell16]

I have read that book.

 

Not meaning to sound dismissive of what's being said, but I basically do this already. I just never see signs of interestor of willingness to continue things further, and mostly their responses are quite short.

 

I mean I can think of two examples;

 

Had a girl send me a message on a dating site and we exchanged about 100 messages between us. I suggested us meeting twice. Eventually just gave up cause don't think there was any interest on her end.

 

I met a girl today (colleague) and made her laugh a good number of times, and had decent conversation. I know she's taken, but what I'm saying here is that I *can* talk to women.

 

I'm not a nervous wreck who stares into the distance with his arms folded mumbling words, basically.

 

Do you notice any difference in your demeanor when you are talking to a girl that is already taken as opposed to someone you know is single? Are you more relaxed?

[LightWave93]

The only thing I can think of is maybe you're misreading these girls thinking they're not interested. Or maybe they're neutral initially, and you have to create interest. I'm not good at that either so I'll let other posters help you with that.

 

At this point in time, it's highly probable.

 

The thing is, because I've had so little attention from girls in the past I can't really determine what those signals are. I can notice the obvious ones quite easily (twirling hair, the way they make eye contact, holding you etc), but if we're talking the very initial stages of an interaction between me and a new girl then no...I can't tell a thing.

 

I know this feeling very, very well. That's why before you go out you make a deal to be happy with yourself and confident in yourself and yes maybe stop caring about the noise around you and just enjoy time with your friends.

 

I've only just got back into education after some time and OH. MY. GOD...there are some stunners out there. It actually disappoints me to a great degree that I would never stand a chance with these women. 5'11, slim build, a bit of a geek...I've always thought of myself as "lesser" than most men, and I certainly don't have the confidence anymore. Against my better judgement I've even considered visiting an escort just to have that experience of being around a hot girl (even just for a chat, sad I know to spend x amount to do that but hell not going to happen otherwise).

 

That's not to say I'm aiming for these types of girls however, they're just rife where I live. Every time I go the clubs you've got some absolutely beautiful women dancing, or even just little cuties.

 

Do you notice any difference in your demeanor when you are talking to a girl that is already taken as opposed to someone you know is single? Are you more relaxed?

 

I couldn't tell you. What I do notice however is that I have more success establishing long-lasting friendships with girls that are in a relationship.

[ZA Dater]

At this point in time, it's highly probable.

 

 

 

I've only just got back into education after some time and OH. MY. GOD...there are some stunners out there. It actually disappoints me to a great degree that I would never stand a chance with these women. 5'11, slim build, a bit of a geek...I've always thought of myself as "lesser" than most men, and I certainly don't have the confidence anymore. Against my better judgement I've even considered visiting an escort just to have that experience of being around a hot girl (even just for a chat, sad I know to spend x amount to do that but hell not going to happen otherwise That's not to say I'm aiming for these types of girls however, they're just rife where I live. Every time I go ).

 

the clubs you've got some absolutely beautiful women dancing, or even just little cuties.

 

I couldn't tell you. What I do notice however is that I have more success establishing long-lasting friendships with girls that are in a relationship.

 

 

I can relate to the bold part. The first thing you need to do is banish the inferiority feeling, you aren't inferior to them, if you persist with that feeling you have lost before you have even started. For a long, long time I felt like that until recently I realised I wasn't inferior to them, I can stand toe to toe with them, yes I might not be trendy or experienced in dating but I am definitely not inferior to them. You need to banish that feeling fast!

 

 

Like me you seem to try and rationalise what is and isn't possible, again I spent years doing this and it caused me much pain and anguish, you can rationalise dating or feelings for that matter, it is what it is. People think I am mad not to go chasing after females but in truth I feel so much better that I am not chasing or beating myself up because I have no success.

 

 

Escort, I considered that too but morally couldn't do it, what I did do once was go a coffee dates with someone I was helping with studies, she was absolutely stunning in everyway, lovely personality and when I walked around with her I felt amazing, people looked at her all the time. All we ever did was chat but there was a feel good to being around someone so pretty. It was a good experience.

 

 

I would suggest you get rid of the escort idea, I think you would feel a lot worse after that.

 

The fact you can establish friendships is very positive, tells me you are doing something very right! I have never had, until now any female friends at all.

[LightWave93]

I can relate to the bold part. The first thing you need to do is banish the inferiority feeling, you aren't inferior to them, if you persist with that feeling you have lost before you have even started. For a long, long time I felt like that until recently I realised I wasn't inferior to them, I can stand toe to toe with them, yes I might not be trendy or experienced in dating but I am definitely not inferior to them. You need to banish that feeling fast!

 

How though?

 

Like me you seem to try and rationalise what is and isn't possible, again I spent years doing this and it caused me much pain and anguish, you can rationalise dating or feelings for that matter, it is what it is. People think I am mad not to go chasing after females but in truth I feel so much better that I am not chasing or beating myself up because I have no success.

 

I can't ever see a really attractive women ever wanting me, though. Trust me if I had the experience and the confidence I'd be walking up to them every day, but nowadays I don't feel I have the balls to do anything.

 

The fact you can establish friendships is very positive, tells me you are doing something very right! I have never had, until now any female friends at all.

 

Many of my friends are female. They are comfortable around me.

 

 

 

Anyone willing to provide an email address so I can send them my dating profiles? Would give a better insight into things.

[offwithhishead]

Excuse my ignorance to this thread but I actually offered a real plausible solution.

 

Try dating Asian girls. If there aren't any Asian girls where you live, try relocating to a major city with a large Asian population.

 

Simple and effective solution. I'm not trying to troll around here. I'm actually serious.

[LightWave93]

It's not viable for me to move right now, and there's not many Asian's where I live.

[born3d]

Excuse my ignorance to this thread but I actually offered a real plausible solution.

 

Try dating Asian girls. If there aren't any Asian girls where you live, try relocating to a major city with a large Asian population.

 

Simple and effective solution. I'm not trying to troll around here. I'm actually serious.

 

Can you elaborate?

[Giaesquire]

Reading what you wrote made me sad. I can tell that confidence is your issue, but I know from my own issues that it is not easy to recover that when life has knocked you down some. I don't know how old you are, but I'm guessing you are in college. Girls at that age do not yet have adult priorities in dating, so the qualities that they should value are not the ones they do care about. I'm not sure if you are still on this site, but if you are, feel free to message me if I can help you at all. I wish you the very best of luck!