why would a divorced middle aged guy want to remarry

[Jabron1]

People are sociable animals they like to pair up. Society is geared up for couples and whilst that may not seem important when young, free and single, it can become a more pressing need as we age.

NO kids, no partner, few people who actually care as they have their own families to tend to can seem like some sort of bliss to some men at 30, but at 60+ it is a far different story.

Epidemic of old men suffering a life of loneliness too stoic to admit it

 

This isn't the 1950s. Society isn't 'geared up for couples' anymore at all. It's geared up for divorce, single parents, and other BS.

 

I have no idea why any man (with options) would play this silly game.

 

A man's age has nothing to do with this. How do I know? I watched my grandfather. He was having the time of his life from 65 to 85. He was plenty sociable

 

The problem for those guys isn't age - it's that they have zero game.

[Emilia]

Thank god we don't live in a society that's 'geared towards couples'. Certainly not in the city I live in. There are plenty of middle aged+ people that cohabit or have a relationship, single etc. People today have options and don't have tight rules imposed on them.

 

I am not interested in a marriage and sure as hell I wouldn't marry a guy so that I would have someone to wipe my a**e when I'm older and start wetting the bed. I'm hoping my finances are set up in a way that I'll be able to pay someone decently to do that if it comes to it. What a thing to put your loved one through....

 

Finding someone for the rest of my life? Sure, sounds like a plan. Getting married? Nope. I want him to be with me out of choice, not because it's expensive to sell the house and split the assets.

 

As for not having anyone around when older: you have to leave the house and not be a miserable old git.

[BlueIris]

People are sociable animals they like to pair up. Society is geared up for couples and whilst that may not seem important when young, free and single, it can become a more pressing need as we age.

NO kids, no partner, few people who actually care as they have their own families to tend to can seem like some sort of bliss to some men at 30, but at 60+ it is a far different story.

Epidemic of old men suffering a life of loneliness too stoic to admit it

 

Yes. Some of the never-again men change back to wanting marriage after age 60, or even earlier in some cases if they begin to suffer health problems or retire and have empty days.

Edited June 18, 2016 by BlueIris

[Toodaloo]

There are some divorced middle aged men who still believe in marriage. Some that get remarried.

 

However, if a man has options, there is little reason to. It's generally not beneficial for us unless we find the right person.

 

I corrected it for you.

 

I can answer this because I have a friend who will never ever marry again.

 

The reason?

 

When he got married he thought it would be for life.

 

His ex hurt him so badly, left him emotionally, financially ruined, that he doubts he will ever trust another woman ever again enough to marry them or have children with them. The very thought makes him feel physically sick.

 

Lovely guy, been with his current girl for a number of years... he will never ever marry her.

[tinkerbell16]

I read your post last night while eating some fish tacos with fresh-caught perch, drinking a beer and watching an old racing movie, Winning, on the DVD player after a day of yard work and fixups at my new place, reflecting on the long slow recovery from divorce and how it reorganized my priorities in life. Now it's my time. That's all the reason I need. As I type this, the rain is slowing and I hear the big plops falling from the giant redwood tree just outside my window and, well, understand that this lifestyle isn't for everyone, most of all the women I've known in life, and finally am at the place where I'm good with that.

 

Yeah, divorce hammered me financially but I'm a lemonade kinda guy so adapt and, bonus, women generally don't like poor guys so avoid. This has saved me a lot of time and money.

 

Regarding your topic title, IMO the main reason a divorced middle aged guy would remarry is because, for many, that's all he knows. Marriage is his 'Cheers' where everyone knows his name and everyone validates his social standing of husband. It's his home. The earlier he got married, IMO the more likely he will take a hard look at it with any woman he gets serious about. He'll also be more likely to get serious, even if not wishing to get married again. Sure, he might go through his 'crazy' period, as my exW used to call it, but his long-term prognosis is couple. He feels incomplete without a partner.

 

OK, sun's out... gotta go. Good luck in your pursuits.

Ahhh, I sensed there was more there! Thanks for taking time to explain. I can see were you are coming from and it was an insightful post. The fish tacos sound like heaven actually lol so given your discription your single life sounds pretty darn ideal. I had a similar day. Did house projects, hung out with friends, worked out... do I reflect on my former married lifestyle? Sure at times. I am still on the fence about my feelings about marriage. I like most after divorce, would vet a person pretty hard before considering marrying again. Seeing there is not much draw other than someone to tell the nurse to change your feeding tube... it may not be in my cards in the future either. Then again I have learned never to say never

[tinkerbell16]

This isn't the 1950s. Society isn't 'geared up for couples' anymore at all. It's geared up for divorce, single parents, and other BS.

 

I have no idea why any man (with options) would play this silly game.

 

A man's age has nothing to do with this. How do I know? I watched my grandfather. He was having the time of his life from 65 to 85. He was plenty sociable

 

The problem for those guys isn't age - it's that they have zero game.

 

Hey I am all for to each his own... go for it Jabron, I just hope you are honest from the get go and let these women know your goal is having sex with as most attractive women as possible. The game can be unessessarily hurtful if you are not honest (this goes both ways for both sexes of course). Leave the long term seaking women to their play ground as I am sure their are plenty of game players to play with who are interested in the same as you.

[SammySammy]

I corrected it for you.

 

I can agree with your correction. That's why I said "generally" not beneficial.

 

If I can honestly say my life is better with a woman and she can say her life is better with me, I'd consider marriage again. It will take a special bond with a special person though.

 

I'm not against marriage. I'm not even afraid of getting divorced again.

 

I'll just never be one of those guys who has to have a wife. Settles for somebody because he's getting older, needs somebody to cook and clean or for "companionship". I don't need a wife for that.

[Toodaloo]

I can agree with your correction. That's why I said "generally" not beneficial.

 

If I can honestly say my life is better with a woman and she can say her life is better with me, I'd consider marriage again. It will take a special bond with a special person though.

 

I'm not against marriage. I'm not even afraid of getting divorced again.

 

I'll just never be one of those guys who has to have a wife. Settles for somebody because he's getting older, needs somebody to cook and clean or for "companionship". I don't need a wife for that.

 

You see I am very pro marriage. BUT I will not settle for just anyone for the sake of it. Its why I am still unmarried with no children...

 

People think I have something "wrong" with me. Truth is I have just been unlucky to not have found that one person yet...

 

Having seen what it does to people I AM afraid of divorce. There is no way I am risking any children I produce/ adopt suffering through that, let alone someone I once loved enough to want to marry... So if and when it happens I will be sure that not only am I marrying the man I want to be with and can realistically be with but also that should anything happen that we will deal with it sensibly and with the interests of our children at the forefront as a team...

[Just a Guy]

Hi Tinkerbelle, the way you have posed your question in your thread header, I am tempted to use a reply borrowed from the movie ' We bought a zoo' which was ' Why not'! However, seriously, I wanted to know why a woman in your position would want to marry again? You had thirty years of a mostly happy and fulfilling marriage, have had your own children, are well placed financially and most important of all, have been through a traumatising divorce. You've ' Been there and done that' as they say so you can now go ahead and enjoy a singles life free of all the encumbrances and baggage that a new partner would bring into your life. Apart from anything else you would know how difficult it would be for two middle aged people to adjust to each other and get comfortable with each other's idiosyncracies. If you think your ex has learnt his lesson and has settled down into a person you can accept then maybe it would be better to marry him again, ' Known devil', rather than someone about whom you will have to learn from scratch.

Of course you know best but I would really like to know your reasons for wanting to remarry, coming as you do from the position you have been in. Warm wishes.

[central]

I've seen plenty of men who remarried. Personally, I can take it or leave it, as a committed long term relationship would usually serve the same purposes, IMO. That's companionship, a partner, a friend. I did eventually remarry, for pragmatic reasons (and because I loved her, of course, which would remain true whether or not we married). For example, there were tax advantages, and better health insurance options (getting her on my insurance has saved her life at least twice now, without having to declare bankruptcy).

 

 

I've also seen plenty of women who would not remarry, but are in long term committed relationships. It's not just men.

[tinkerbell16]

Hi Tinkerbelle, the way you have posed your question in your thread header, I am tempted to use a reply borrowed from the movie ' We bought a zoo' which was ' Why not'! However, seriously, I wanted to know why a woman in your position would want to marry again? You had thirty years of a mostly happy and fulfilling marriage, have had your own children, are well placed financially and most important of all, have been through a traumatising divorce. You've ' Been there and done that' as they say so you can now go ahead and enjoy a singles life free of all the encumbrances and baggage that a new partner would bring into your life. Apart from anything else you would know how difficult it would be for two middle aged people to adjust to each other and get comfortable with each other's idiosyncracies. If you think your ex has learnt his lesson and has settled down into a person you can accept then maybe it would be better to marry him again, ' Known devil', rather than someone about whom you will have to learn from scratch.

Of course you know best but I would really like to know your reasons for wanting to remarry, coming as you do from the position you have been in. Warm wishes.

 

Just a guy, I struggle with why myself. My heart remembers the feeling of... mmm safety I guess is the best way to describe it.... of having a husband. Now that definition is not what most would predict because as stated I am healthy, financially sound and not yet mentioned, I (legally) own guns lol. Safety of knowing someone has your back, gives a sh*t about your well being. Ironically, that is actually exactly the reason I would never go back to my ex... no matter the years I felt safe with him, he showed me a side where he tossed all care and concerns of me to the side for his own selfish pursuits. No recovering from that. Some people can forgive and forget but I can only forgive. I can forget where I left my keys but not the anguish he put me through. My heart also knows my heritage all too well. My grandparents married until death at over 100 years of age, my parents (happily) married for over 60 years. It's what I know. My brain and logical side says I don't need the "zoo". I am such a free spirit and such a blend of things... very dynamic lady. Would take an equally dynamic individual to catch my attention and trust. Its a fairly tall order. Lol so time will tell

[GunslingerRoland]

Studies show men are actually more likely to remarry after a divorce. Doesn't seem to matter how badly men get taken to the cleaners, the reality is that a lot of us seek it.

[salparadise]

Thanks for sharing your perspective Salparadise. Nice to hear there are some men who still "believe". I do wonder how much influence our parents have on our beliefs... my parents have been happily married for over 60 years!

 

I think our parents influence our perspectives a lot. We model them in many ways without even realizing it. For me, having seen and been in the midst of a couple who were loving and devoted to the end of life makes the possibility tangible. I know it's possible and I know how meaningful it can be. And it's not just my parents, but aunts and uncles, grandparents, and many unrelated couples.

 

I truly believe that we are wired for connectedness, and I also believe that the depth of love and intimacy are enabled through the formal lifetime commitment.

 

I also understand how people who have not experienced it first hand, and have had traumatic divorce on top of that, may conclude that it's either not possible or that the risk is too great. The ability to "believe" and to accept the risk is what enables possibility. I want it more than I fear the risk. A lot more actually.

 

Studies show men are actually more likely to remarry after a divorce. Doesn't seem to matter how badly men get taken to the cleaners, the reality is that a lot of us seek it.

 

Yes, and I think that is the norm. It's something of an eye-opener that in this thread it's [almost] unanimously people saying "never again." I don't get it. Has everyone on LS been so traumatized that they can't trust that anyone will ever love them wholeheartedly?

 

As for the thing about men being wired to have sex with as many attractive women as possible, there certainly is such a predisposition. Humans are not naturally monogamous creatures, but at the same time we're wired for connection. There are dichotomies within our wiring, and sometimes they're mutually exclusive. I've sewed my wild oats enough in this life, and while it still holds some appeal, I am tired of the hunt and long for deep connection.

 

It has taken a lifetime and many stages to arrive where I am now, and I see all of it as having been good and valuable. But I really do feel that I am finally ready for what could be the best two or three decades of my life. I feel sorry for those who have grown so cynical that they can't envision the same.

[amaysngrace]

I think there is a whole lot of hurt, resentment, disappointment and baggage behind the "I'll never get married ever again" stance, so best not to really go there, even if you don't want to get married asap.

 

Some change their mind about relationships as they heal and move on, others just get stuck in a somewhat bitter and cynical mindset.

 

This may be true for a lot of people but from a practical standpoint there's no benefit to me getting married again.

 

Combining then splitting up assets can be complicated business. I wouldn't do that to my kids or his when we die.

Edited June 21, 2016 by amaysngrace

[Liam1]

I can agree with your correction. That's why I said "generally" not beneficial.

 

If I can honestly say my life is better with a woman and she can say her life is better with me, I'd consider marriage again. It will take a special bond with a special person though.

 

I'm not against marriage. I'm not even afraid of getting divorced again.

 

I'll just never be one of those guys who has to have a wife. Settles for somebody because he's getting older, needs somebody to cook and clean or for "companionship". I don't need a wife for that.

 

I resonate with this.

 

I feel I have a special bond with my wife. A bond that transcends the typical definition of the typical marriage.

 

Neither am I afraid of being divorced. If my wife no longer wanted to be married to me, that's her choice. I would prefer a divorce in that case. Why stay married to someone who does not feel that special bond, too.

 

I think a lot men need to be married because they may be somewhat anti-social. They may have difficulty making same sex friends or getting along with others.

 

Then there are some who can not cook a decent meal and do not have the financial wherewithal to hire someone to cook or clean, so they get married.

[mikeylo]

I'm married and no way closer to divorce and in my early 50s. Some of my friends, got married for the first time in the age range of 48 to 55. Happily married since. One of them was the kind you see in movies --- never wanted to marry, no reason to marry , don't want to be tied down kind. Then he met a woman and suddenly had a desire to marry. He did. All his reasons to not marry didn't mean anything to him anymore.

 

There is truth in that article : epidemic etc. While we all get stuck in our ways as we get older but some find it within ourselves to change / adapt when a potential partner comes along. It's hard but doable.

[carhill]

I think our parents influence our perspectives a lot. We model them in many ways without even realizing it. For me, having seen and been in the midst of a couple who were loving and devoted to the end of life makes the possibility tangible. I know it's possible and I know how meaningful it can be. And it's not just my parents, but aunts and uncles, grandparents, and many unrelated couples.

Yep, pretty similar. Parents married for life. Most related family members as well. Best friend married for 31 years, etc, etc. Those influences, especially the parental ones, were a large impetus to focusing on marriage as one life goal. However, I also felt the influence of independence, since my female role model didn't get married until into her 30's and believed in independence and self-determination to be as valuable as connectedness.

 

I truly believe that we are wired for connectedness, and I also believe that the depth of love and intimacy are enabled through the formal lifetime commitment.

I would tend to agree. I find it energizing. However, I can be connected to any social milieu; it doesn't have to be marriage. The key has been accepting and valuing connectedness as is, where is, when is, and not viewing it as some guarantee in life or investment that pays returns. Enjoy it when and where found.

 

I also understand how people who have not experienced it first hand, and have had traumatic divorce on top of that, may conclude that it's either not possible or that the risk is too great. The ability to "believe" and to accept the risk is what enables possibility. I want it more than I fear the risk. A lot more actually.

Yeah, it's hard to speculate on things we haven't experienced but we can draw inferences from those we have experienced. For those of us who have experienced those things, we can combine the actual experiences and feelings with other experiences and feelings to blend a cocktail of experiences and feelings to form conclusions and gain insight from.

 

TBH, I don't mind relationship risks. The main issue these days is authenticity. I tend to stop when I feel I'm not being authentic because, well, it's not fair to the other person, in my view. That draws on many life experiences of being manipulated or abused. A middle aged man who authentically wants to be connected won't stop himself nor will he have to think about what he's feeling. He'll just be. That's who the OP needs to suss out, an authentic man who's accepting of risk and who demonstrates consistent desire for connectedness.

 

 

 

It's something of an eye-opener that in this thread it's [almost] unanimously people saying "never again." I don't get it. Has everyone on LS been so traumatized that they can't trust that anyone will ever love them wholeheartedly?

In general, people who are relationship-centric and move from one relationship to another in life don't spend time discussing them or their psychology on a forum, rather just live the reality. They don't go 'deep' rather enjoy life for what it is. IOW, the OP will be unlikely to find the man she seeks here

 

As for the thing about men being wired to have sex with as many attractive women as possible, there certainly is such a predisposition.

Yep, pretty normal and women are wired to expect that kind of normal and men who are normal tend to have success with normal women.

Humans are not naturally monogamous creatures, but at the same time we're wired for connection.

We can choose monogamy but I do see traction for serial connection and enjoying each connection for what it is, one short stretch along the path of life.

There are dichotomies within our wiring, and sometimes they're mutually exclusive. I've sewed my wild oats enough in this life, and while it still holds some appeal, I am tired of the hunt and long for deep connection.

There ya go. That's a choice. Some middle aged men have had all that and want something else. Over life, I've tended to describe these dynamics as 'timing'. Sometimes the timing fits for two people; other times not. Time is like that, at least linear time anyway.

It has taken a lifetime and many stages to arrive where I am now, and I see all of it as having been good and valuable. But I really do feel that I am finally ready for what could be the best two or three decades of my life. I feel sorry for those who have grown so cynical that they can't envision the same.

 

Yeah, we're pretty fortunate to be alive, something which has grown more to the forefront since I started losing friends and family to death, and believe the most fulfilling years are ahead. For some of us, that's with a partner; for others alone. We've each had our paths and no two are alike. My way now is nice to share the highway, here's my off-ramp, have a safe and enjoyable trip and see ya later. YMMV.

Edited June 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Just a Guy]

In contemporary times divorce has become an accepted part of our social milieu. Almost everybody knows somebody who is divorced. However in the not too distant past divorced were not so common. I guess it was because both the husband and wife stuck together through thick and thin because life was probably a much more hard task master than it is today. People, mostly were not very well off and even though they worked very hard the pay was not very good and everyone in the family had to pull their weight to be able to survive. Husbands and wives struggled to bring up children and clothe, feed amd educate them to best of their ability. Such commitment and devotion to the family and family valurs acted like a strong glue and divorce was just not on the cards.

Now however, life is much more comfortable. Salaries are much better, housing is affordable, material goods are freely available and labour saving devices in the home make household chores less burdensome in the past. Women have joined the workforce and are earning as much and sometimes more than their husbands. Traditional roles are being reversed everyday and sources of entertainment have increased manifold as has leisure time. All these and other factors have combined to loosen the bonds which held couples firmly together. Both husband and wife want time away from their spouses for recreation with friends and as is increasingly happening, leading to workplace affairs or affairs with someone they met at a party or at a club or restaurant etc. People have become very conscious of their own needs whether real or imagined and feel that they must be able to fulfill these come what may. A degree of selfishness has crept in which is encouraged by peers and this results in a growing apart of the couple. Families have grown smaller as couples postpone having children till they are well settled in their careers and this HSS led to nuclear families who, often enough, do not have the kind of support that their parents or grandparents had is, parental support. All this and other factors which I may have missed out on have resulted in a high rate of divorce.

However studies have shown that generally, people are happiest and live the longest, when they are married. In spite of probably failing in their relationship, most people still yearn for the Holy Grail of a Happy marriage. In one of my posts elsewhere I had quoted and old love song which stated that no man is an island. I think this holds true even today which is why peoe seek out relationships and why the come back to the martiage table even after a traumstizing divorce. Hope I made some sense. Warm widhes to all.

[NTV]

Yeah, if I got a divorce, I could consider getting married again if I found the right one...... And she made more money than me, and I got a vasectomy.

 

 

Sure. That could happen. But it wouldn't be something I'd be looking for. I would definitely want to spend several good years doing whatever the heck I wanted to without having to run it by someone.

 

 

Plus, from what I can see with divorced women, is that all the ones I've met have at one point or the other made the claim 'I've got some baggage...." and I'm no longer interested in someone who knows they need therapy and doesn't do anything about.

[S2B]

Who knows?

 

Some people just like to be married (even if not faithful)

Many men like to have the idea that a woman will take care of him/his needs

Companionship

Security

 

 

It could be a number of reasons.

[tinkerbell16]

In contemporary times divorce has become an accepted part of our social milieu. Almost everybody knows somebody who is divorced. However in the not too distant past divorced were not so common. I guess it was because both the husband and wife stuck together through thick and thin because life was probably a much more hard task master than it is today. People, mostly were not very well off and even though they worked very hard the pay was not very good and everyone in the family had to pull their weight to be able to survive. Husbands and wives struggled to bring up children and clothe, feed amd educate them to best of their ability. Such commitment and devotion to the family and family valurs acted like a strong glue and divorce was just not on the cards.

Now however, life is much more comfortable. Salaries are much better, housing is affordable, material goods are freely available and labour saving devices in the home make household chores less burdensome in the past. Women have joined the workforce and are earning as much and sometimes more than their husbands. Traditional roles are being reversed everyday and sources of entertainment have increased manifold as has leisure time. All these and other factors have combined to loosen the bonds which held couples firmly together. Both husband and wife want time away from their spouses for recreation with friends and as is increasingly happening, leading to workplace affairs or affairs with someone they met at a party or at a club or restaurant etc. People have become very conscious of their own needs whether real or imagined and feel that they must be able to fulfill these come what may. A degree of selfishness has crept in which is encouraged by peers and this results in a growing apart of the couple. Families have grown smaller as couples postpone having children till they are well settled in their careers and this HSS led to nuclear families who, often enough, do not have the kind of support that their parents or grandparents had is, parental support. All this and other factors which I may have missed out on have resulted in a high rate of divorce.

However studies have shown that generally, people are happiest and live the longest, when they are married. In spite of probably failing in their relationship, most people still yearn for the Holy Grail of a Happy marriage. In one of my posts elsewhere I had quoted and old love song which stated that no man is an island. I think this holds true even today which is why peoe seek out relationships and why the come back to the martiage table even after a traumstizing divorce. Hope I made some sense. Warm widhes to all.

Well said. The selfish "I am going to be happy", grass is greener without considering consequences mentality has ended a many marriages. This is definitely an easier path to take (not right just easier) given the societal changes you have described. I am a sucessful career woman and sometimes wonder if my life would be easier barefoot and pregnant (kidding:)

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Because? I am curious of the reasons... hence this post

 

I didnt question your post, i answered it (i think) saying there is no way i would marry again. Where did that response come from?

[tinkerbell16]

I didnt question your post, i answered it (i think) saying there is no way i would marry again. Where did that response come from?

 

I asked because you didn't mention why you wouldn't remarry (unless I missed something). The question of the original post was why a middle aged man wouldn't and not if one would or wouldn't remarry

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

I asked because you didn't mention why you wouldn't remarry (unless I missed something). The question of the original post was why a middle aged man wouldn't and not if one would or wouldn't remarry

 

OK so I didn't answer the question lol, so here it goes... I believe in "until death do us part." You know. That little thing we say at our wedding. Called VOWS! As in you vow to carry this out, no matter how hard it can be or how much work it can take. You work your ass off to make sure it's true. Through good and bad. Sickness and in health. I can think of only a very few scenarios where this wouldn't be true.

 

1) Death. If my wife dies, I won't move on. Zero chance. I wouldn't want anyone else. I don't want anyone else besides her.

 

2) she forgets her vow to me. Whatever the case. Cheating, or failure to work her ass off as I would for her. If she is abusive, treats me poorly, or is incapable of giving effort for the good of our relationship, then I would believe one of two things... either all woman are like this, or I'm incapable of choosing someone who is right for me.

 

I didn't enter into marriage lightly. Which IMO Is the biggest problem today with marriage. It took over five years for me to propose. I had to be absolutely sure I would work my ass off for her, and she would do the same for me. I needed to know without a doubt. Some people get married to show off on Facebook or whatever for their friends. Some people get married to appease their family and religious circle. Some people get married because the biological clock is ticking and they want to start a family. There are many reasons people get married, and all but one I don't agree with. The only reason for me is you want to spend the rest of your life with them. PERIOD! Some will say this is their reason, but deep down where they don't want to admit to themselves or others is the true reason.... kids, family, religion, social status, financial gain, whatever. There are many, and they will use the "love of my life" line to not only distort others, but themselves. I mean, how does one choose wrong? Because they are lying to themselves about what is important? Because they ignore glaring red flags flying in their face so they can achieve whatever TRUE agenda's they seek? Or if they truly deeply believed that is what they had in mind, spend the rest of their life with that person while choosing their partner, only to say a few years later after divorce "I chose the wrong person" how then could they trust themselves to choose correctly a second time around? To withstand the pain of it all over again?

 

No way would I risk it. If it doesn't work out, I would be too devastated in my choice and wouldn't trust myself to make a better one going forward. I wouldn't even come close to risking that again. If my wife dies, I would be to devastated to move on. Zero chance I get married again. To me marriage is a once in a lifetime choice you make. Better make that choice count! That is just me anyway.

[Gloria25]

What makes me sad about this situation is how people are poo-pooing "marriage" when "marriage" isn't the problem.

 

IMO, marriage is a beautiful thing. But, it's sweeter when you "choose wisely and treat kindly".

 

My nephew, after his divorce is shacking up with his gf. I adore her. I really do. I'm not a fan of shack-ups, but I haven't discouraged him not cuz I don't believe in marriage, I don't believe in the quality of people out there that are marriage material and/or are committed to the hard work that comes with a successful marriage and/or RL.

 

So, I don't get why people can't modify what they want in a partner/marriage instead of dissing marriage. In other words, if you're divorced w/wo kids, middle-aged, etc...then, if you find another "one" then do a pre-nup, make sure that person is what you're looking for. I mean, if you no longer want kids and want to spend your last years traveling, enjoying life - then find a SO who also wants that. I mean, shoot, most middle-aged women, IMO, aren't gonna be able to have any more kids (and/or want them) so what's holding you back from marrying again? Just do a pre-nup to protect your assets...geesh.

 

I knew one guy who was divorced twice. IMO, he didn't know how to pick a woman - and yes, guys like him shouldn't re-marry. Why? Cuz, if you got issues and/or don't know how to pick a good woman - then marriage is gonna continue to fail you.