Ex is dying of cancer and wants to see me

[Els]

Of course, go. If he starts being verbally abusive you can always leave immediately, but give him the benefit of the doubt initially if he is on his deathbed. I would definitely do that.

 

If your husband is worried about it then he can be invited to come along and remain outside the room for the 15 minutes that the two of you are talking.

[PenelopeG]

I'm glad you've decided to go. You made the right choice. You were clearly both very important to each other, and that is probably why he wants to see you. Forget about the things he said-they were likely said in hurt, and not entirely meant.

[preraph]

I'd be more inclined to write him a letter.

[Oddest]

I called his brother before I went up and asked him if I could take them anything and he asked me to take their dad a shake. I would've done that either way. They were surprised when I walked in. I visited with his dad for a little and he was so excited that I brought him something.

 

Then he asked me if I would mind staying for about 45 minutes so he could go on a walk. I said I didn't. My ex kept asking if I remembered things we did while we were dating a few i did, a few i didn't. He was upset when I didn't remember some things though. I felt bad, but I honestly didn't remember it.

 

He told me he thinks my daughter is beautiful. That she looks just like me when we were dating. Then he started bawling and asked why I didn't marry him. I said he didn't ask, and he said he asked once when I was 18. He said I'd said yes that night. I just tried to get him to calm down, but I knew he had to get it out. I was his longest relationship, and that's something I wasn't aware of. I just held on to him. I think part of it is he's not ready. I wish it wasn't going this way...

 

He asked me to stay until he fell asleep after his dad got back. I did. It was heartbreaking.

[anika99]

aww..that sounds so sad. Sounds like you were his first love that he never got over. How old is he?

[Oddest]

aww..that sounds so sad. Sounds like you were his first love that he never got over. How old is he?

 

He's 50. So he's still a young man

[lazcas]

I called his brother before I went up and asked him if I could take them anything and he asked me to take their dad a shake. I would've done that either way. They were surprised when I walked in. I visited with his dad for a little and he was so excited that I brought him something.

 

Then he asked me if I would mind staying for about 45 minutes so he could go on a walk. I said I didn't. My ex kept asking if I remembered things we did while we were dating a few i did, a few i didn't. He was upset when I didn't remember some things though. I felt bad, but I honestly didn't remember it.

 

He told me he thinks my daughter is beautiful. That she looks just like me when we were dating. Then he started bawling and asked why I didn't marry him. I said he didn't ask, and he said he asked once when I was 18. He said I'd said yes that night. I just tried to get him to calm down, but I knew he had to get it out. I was his longest relationship, and that's something I wasn't aware of. I just held on to him. I think part of it is he's not ready. I wish it wasn't going this way...

 

He asked me to stay until he fell asleep after his dad got back. I did. It was heartbreaking.

 

Did you regret going or it was somehow freeing for you?

[Poppyolive]

Bless his heart, he must be so scared, and obviously filled with a lot of pain that's bubbled to the surface. I'm glad you decided to go, I think you're amazing for staying with him when he asked. You brought him release, comfort and love. You must be filled with many emotions. Seeing someone on deathbed is the hardest thing ever. I'm glad you did this for him.

 

Be gentle with your heart, and take care. Hold that husband of yours extra tight tonight.

[BlueIris]

I called his brother before I went up and asked him if I could take them anything and he asked me to take their dad a shake. I would've done that either way. They were surprised when I walked in. I visited with his dad for a little and he was so excited that I brought him something.

 

Then he asked me if I would mind staying for about 45 minutes so he could go on a walk. I said I didn't. My ex kept asking if I remembered things we did while we were dating a few i did, a few i didn't. He was upset when I didn't remember some things though. I felt bad, but I honestly didn't remember it.

 

He told me he thinks my daughter is beautiful. That she looks just like me when we were dating. Then he started bawling and asked why I didn't marry him. I said he didn't ask, and he said he asked once when I was 18. He said I'd said yes that night. I just tried to get him to calm down, but I knew he had to get it out. I was his longest relationship, and that's something I wasn't aware of. I just held on to him. I think part of it is he's not ready. I wish it wasn't going this way...

 

He asked me to stay until he fell asleep after his dad got back. I did. It was heartbreaking.

 

That was so sweet of you. You gave him a lovely gift.

[Oddest]

Did you regret going or it was somehow freeing for you?

 

I'm happy I went and saw my friend. I'm happy I stayed when he asked. It made me sad to see my friend so sick, and falling apart. I'm sad his dad is there and sees it everyday. So I've got mixed feelings about it.

[Oddest]

Both his brothers and his son sent me texts today thanking me for coming up. His brothers said it let him get his love for me off his chest after being bothered by it for so long. They also said thank you letting their dad get out of there for a minute because it takes a lot out of him. His son thanked me for going and said he grew up thinking I was his mom and when I left, wishing I had been.

 

It made me feel even more sad about this while thing.

[Art_Critic]

I'm happy I went and saw my friend. I'm happy I stayed when he asked. It made me sad to see my friend so sick, and falling apart. I'm sad his dad is there and sees it everyday. So I've got mixed feelings about it.

 

**Hugz** what a great friend you are.. you can be my friend any day

 

Sad Times but life is better by participating in it the way you just have..

[Art_Critic]

Both his brothers and his son sent me texts today thanking me for coming up. His brothers said it let him get his love for me off his chest after being bothered by it for so long. They also said thank you letting their dad get out of there for a minute because it takes a lot out of him. His son thanked me for going and said he grew up thinking I was his mom and when I left, wishing I had been.

 

It made me feel even more sad about this while thing.

 

They are grieving and getting ready to grieve, all of them.. don't carry any weight on your shoulders, your presence actually relieved pressure on their shoulders, you did a good thing...

[sooshi]

That sounds so bittersweet, in a heartbreaking and yet beautiful way. I'm so glad you went to see him. You offered him peace in his deepest time of need.

[Oddest]

His sweet dad sent me a thank you card. It thanked me for seeing him, staying, and the shake. He said me letting him take the walk also helped him because it was getting overwhelming. He said me coming up helped my ex too, it seems like he's more peaceful.

 

He also apologized because my ex kept trying to kiss me. Which is something I shared with my husband, but I didn't think much of it. I told my husband it wasn't a big deal, and for me it's not, but it seems like it's a big deal to both of them if my ex brought it up and his dad felt the need to apologize for it. I just told him it wasn't okay to do that, and I was married. To be honest I probably wouldn't have thought about it again, but it seems they're dwelling on it. It makes me so sad for them.

[CarrieT]

Oddest, I know how hard this is for you, but please feel content about some lasting joy you brought to this family in their heartbreaking time.

 

You did a good thing and probably got some additional closure out it yourself.

 

<<< HUGS >>>>

[Toodaloo]

Oddest you have been amazingly brave.

 

Well done.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

You did a kind thing, OP, and brought a bit of light into an incredibly daunting and difficult situation.

[Art_Critic]

It's nice they sent you the card, Oddest.. is this over for him ? did he get his closure or will he try and re-initiate more contact ?

 

Understood though that his family may contact you later on in the event of him passing.

 

The reason I ask is the kissing kinda showed me there may be another request to see him again, of course it would be up to you but if there is more contact needed from him I might consider not doing any more since it might create or prolong painful feelings on his end.

 

Just something to think about....

[Oddest]

I think if he asked again, I'd have to think about it. I wouldn't want anyone getting the wrong idea. I also wouldn't want to hurt him more. He's my friend, and I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have

 

I have to admit I was annoyed when he was trying to kiss me. I am in love with my husband and to me that was just wrong.

[jen1447]

Is he at all 'addled' by the effects of drugs or anything?

[ChickiePops]

Oddest it sounds like you were perfect. Well done, that couldn't have been easy. I don't think you need to go again if you don't want to. It sounds like it would be more of the same if you did, and you're right I think it would only hurt him and you.

[Oddest]

Last night my daughter and I went over to my parents house. My mom and sister-in-law were going through old pictures. Of course there were pictures of us together, and my daughter wanted to look at them. It was so sad to see them because he was happy and healthy. There were pictures of us with his son through the years as well, and of course my daughter wanted to know all about him. I told my mom and sister-in-law about how his son told me he thought I was his Mom and how sad it made me. On the way home my daughter asked if I still love him, and I told her I did as a friend. Then she said she was mad at me for going to see him, because in her mind if I loved my husband I wouldn't have.

 

The whole thing was a lot.

[Oddest]

My brother called to say they sent him home. It sounds like they're keeping him comfortable. My heart is breaking for him and his family especially his dad. His mom died of cancer probably about eight years ago, and it was so sad to hear about because they were all so broken hearted. This family has had enough!

[Oddest]

He called me last night. He said he's feeling much better. He got my number from my brother and said he had a question for me. He asked if I would take pictures of his dog. I'm a photographer and he said he trusts me for the job. He's seen what I have done in magazines or for other people and said he loves it. He offered me double what I charge.

 

He told me it would just be getting pictures of the dog because that is what he wants before he dies. He said i could bring my family if that would make me more comfortable.

 

I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him by being around, but I don't want to be making a mountain out of an ant hill if all he wants is pictures of his dog.