Infidelity vs. Rape.

[TrustedthenBusted]

I am not talking about past abuses necessarily - more at the hands of the WS.

 

I don't know your whole story - come D day, how did your spouse react? What was the aftermath? What was the nature of her cheating? All these factors play in as well.

 

I have read many accounts on here about WS who are verbally abusive, or deny the whole thing, or do not show true remorse, basically do many many things to add fuel to the fire. I am left thinking, WHY the hell do you accept and put up with this?!

 

My experience wasn't so horrible. Bad? Yes. Some of the saddest days I have ever experienced, yep. Angish like described by some here? Nope, not even close. Like Whoknew has said - I can't imagine seeking reconciliation if I was so terribly damaged by the experience.

 

I am not saying cheating isn't damaging for some, it very obviously is - but it is not a universal. You are NOT seeing a random cross section of society on this board - this is a select group who sought out a relationship board (most likely because they were struggling). I didn't come to a board like this when my spouse cheated.

 

 

Thanks for this.

 

Come D-Day, my spouse reacted the way so many do. She panicked, lied, omitted, trickle-truthed, blamed me, blamed her father, blamed her childhood, blamed the dog, you know the drill.

 

I stayed because I couldn't bear to lose my children, even part time. But had she not screwed her head on and started doing the work of reconcilliation, I eventually think I would have left.

 

So in the end, I'm glad I didn't just leave right away. We got past it, she " got it" eventually and since then, things have improved in many ways to be better than ever. But getting here was hard. Just about every fiber in my being said RUN. And the ones that didn't say RUN said something like " DOn't take another ounce of **** here."

 

And you're right. I don't see everything here. Only the hurt people. And that's the same IRL too. The marriages that I know of that were affected by infidelity are the angry, effed up ones that end in divorce or protracted misery.

 

The ones who work it out are silent....much like my wife and I.

 

Nobody knows, and as far as anyone can tell, we are still Happy Ken and Barbie and always have been.