fiance walked out i need help please

[Kwacker39]

Peony rose - burn the note and any other crap he's given you - it's all based on lies . The fastest way for you to recover from this is to realise he is not worth it . Count yourself lucky you don't have to see him - I'm still living in the same house as my wife knowing that she is seeing another man - the only reason I remain is for my kids but it's the hardest thing I've ever been through .

Move on with your life , try to be thankful for what you have and remember that things will get better !

[peonyrose]

Peony rose - burn the note and any other crap he's given you - it's all based on lies . The fastest way for you to recover from this is to realise he is not worth it . Count yourself lucky you don't have to see him - I'm still living in the same house as my wife knowing that she is seeing another man - the only reason I remain is for my kids but it's the hardest thing I've ever been through .

Move on with your life , try to be thankful for what you have and remember that things will get better !

 

 

I know we have very different situations, and both are not easy. While I envy you in a weird way that you got to say your stuff to your wife maybe let her know how angry, hurt and confused you feel, I got to say nothing not one damn word, and this is torture! And yes you envy me not seeing my ex because you have to see your wife! We are feeling pain over different things.

 

Again I say to you, you are a very good man and your children will love you so much more for being who you are throughout this mess

[Mr. Lucky]

It's obvious your BF had goals other than marriage for your relationship and the note was probably part of those plans. He was less than honest about his feelings and intentions and, when things changed, it was easy for him to walk away. Sounds like he was a different man than the one you thought you knew and certainly had a different agenda.

 

Not much consolation to hear "it's for the best" but it's true. Down the road, seems like he would have found a way to take advantage of you and cause further pain. Hopefully, your ability to see him as he really is will help you move forward, obviously not a good guy...

 

Mr. Lucky

[peonyrose]

Hi... Really need to talk i am finding I have very little to no support in my life. I guess you could say that's why I am even more despaired. I am breaking and I don't no where to turn. Its only for my daughter that I haven't gone to a place I'm not sure I'd come back from.

 

I went to the homeless charity yesterday and begged for help I gave them all my bills and rent papers. And because of the state of things in Ireland right now they could only offer me vouchers for food. I have been to every organisation or place to help. I have sent my CV to every damn place I could think of. I have no money for bills or rent and he cancelled himself out of absolutely everything. No car now either as I couldn't pay the insurance and it needs work done to it. I am honestly struggling to see any hope. We are going to be homeless, this is the lowest place I have ever been.

[Els]

Hi... Really need to talk i am finding I have very little to no support in my life. I guess you could say that's why I am even more despaired. I am breaking and I don't no where to turn. Its only for my daughter that I haven't gone to a place I'm not sure I'd come back from.

 

I went to the homeless charity yesterday and begged for help I gave them all my bills and rent papers. And because of the state of things in Ireland right now they could only offer me vouchers for food. I have been to every organisation or place to help. I have sent my CV to every damn place I could think of. I have no money for bills or rent and he cancelled himself out of absolutely everything. No car now either as I couldn't pay the insurance and it needs work done to it. I am honestly struggling to see any hope. We are going to be homeless, this is the lowest place I have ever been.

 

Isn't there any free legal advice for people having such problems there, so that you can find out whether or not he truly is allowed to get off the hook for stuff like this? I can't advise you specifically as I'm not sure about Ireland, but most developed countries have a citizens' advice bureau or something similar. Worst come to worst, maybe try calling a support group for women who are victims of abuse (which you were IMO, with that stunt he pulled) and see if they can give you some numbers to call. Surely there has to be a way to get him to be liable for at least this month of rent & bills, which would buy you some time to seek housing/welfare assistance. It REALLY doesn't make sense that someone can get off a lease and power etc accounts while still having bills outstanding - if that were possible then everyone would be doing it. Sign up to a power account, use free power for a month, go off the account... you get what I mean, yeah? They must have some sort of safeguard against it.

 

Sorry to say but you will probably need to suspend your psychology program for now, hopefully you will be able to resume it. Also apologies if this is too nosy, but if he paid all the rent/bills before, surely you would have some savings from your part-time job?

 

Hang in there. We're rooting for you.

[peonyrose]

Isn't there any free legal advice for people having such problems there, so that you can find out whether or not he truly is allowed to get off the hook for stuff like this? I can't advise you specifically as I'm not sure about Ireland, but most developed countries have a citizens' advice bureau or something similar. Worst come to worst, maybe try calling a support group for women who are victims of abuse (which you were IMO, with that stunt he pulled) and see if they can give you some numbers to call. Surely there has to be a way to get him to be liable for at least this month of rent & bills, which would buy you some time to seek housing/welfare assistance. It REALLY doesn't make sense that someone can get off a lease and power etc accounts while still having bills outstanding - if that were possible then everyone would be doing it. Sign up to a power account, use free power for a month, go off the account... you get what I mean, yeah? They must have some sort of safeguard against it.

 

Sorry to say but you will probably need to suspend your psychology program for now, hopefully you will be able to resume it. Also apologies if this is too nosy, but if he paid all the rent/bills before, surely you would have some savings from your part-time job?

 

Hang in there. We're rooting for you.

 

 

I have been everywhere I have knocked on every door I can think of..housing assistance will take 8 weeks to come through and it is only a third of rent. I paid all the food and petrol weekly and anything for my daughter and her school and my college I paid, clothing ,toiletries etc. I emailed the landlord today and told him he should not have been removed from the agreement with such little notice, and is at the very least responsible for half the rent!

I don't know where to turn I am desperate, I am barely keeping myself together. I can't believe the mess I'm in.

[Els]

I have been everywhere I have knocked on every door I can think of..housing assistance will take 8 weeks to come through and it is only a third of rent. I paid all the food and petrol weekly and anything for my daughter and her school and my college I paid, clothing ,toiletries etc. I emailed the landlord today and told him he should not have been removed from the agreement with such little notice, and is at the very least responsible for half the rent!

I don't know where to turn I am desperate, I am barely keeping myself together. I can't believe the mess I'm in.

 

I don't mean housing assistance, I mean legal advice. Housing assistance is also necessary of course, but you need something to tide you over while waiting.

 

If you are up to reading the tenancy laws there, you might be able to use that knowledge/leverage against the landlord. Will be an extremely tedious read, but worth it in your situation. Always know your rights.

[peonyrose]

I don't mean housing assistance, I mean legal advice. Housing assistance is also necessary of course, but you need something to tide you over while waiting.

 

If you are up to reading the tenancy laws there, you might be able to use that knowledge/leverage against the landlord. Will be an extremely tedious read, but worth it in your situation. Always know your rights.

 

I'm on a waiting list for free legal advise. But we don't know if he has ran back to Germany as he has me blocked I have no way of knowing. Quite honestly at this stage I could quite happily go to sleep and never wake again. Its one thing after another and I don't know how much more I can take.

[Mr. Lucky]

Quite honestly at this stage I could quite happily go to sleep and never wake again. Its one thing after another and I don't know how much more I can take.

 

Foolish talk, you have a daughter that needs your support and guidance.

 

Do you have friends/family members to lean on?

 

Mr. Lucky

[bathtub-row]

Penny, don't you have any family you can turn to? Do they know the situation you're in?

[Kwacker39]

Peonyrose - my heart bleeds for you - but those foolish thoughts will go , you must make sure they do for your daughter and yourself . You are worth much more than this man and eventually you will see this - use the anger and hate and channel it towards getting you and your daughter on an even keel .

Your landlord can't just evict you - he will need to get an eviction notice from the courts which all takes time . How many months rent have you missed and is there no one at all you can turn to to help you out financially at least for the short term ? If you are made homeless you are entitled to a roof over you and your daughters heads - you would have to go to social services on the day you have to leave your house and explain your situation ( take any and all proof of you circumstances ) - they are legally obliged to house you in emergency accomodation .

Finally - we are all on here to help each other , keep posting and I am sure we will progress ( it may be slowly! ) positively together .

[peonyrose]

Peonyrose - my heart bleeds for you - but those foolish thoughts will go , you must make sure they do for your daughter and yourself . You are worth much more than this man and eventually you will see this - use the anger and hate and channel it towards getting you and your daughter on an even keel .

Your landlord can't just evict you - he will need to get an eviction notice from the courts which all takes time . How many months rent have you missed and is there no one at all you can turn to to help you out financially at least for the short term ? If you are made homeless you are entitled to a roof over you and your daughters heads - you would have to go to social services on the day you have to leave your house and explain your situation ( take any and all proof of you circumstances ) - they are legally obliged to house you in emergency accomodation .

Finally - we are all on here to help each other , keep posting and I am sure we will progress ( it may be slowly! ) positively together .

 

Hi kwacker, thank you for keeping up with my story. How have you been? How are your boys?

 

I managed to borrow money to pay my rent last month the day after he left, so it is due in 5 days time again, no way can I pay it then. I have no car to drive now either as the insurance down payment was also in his account, god I was such a stupid trusting woman. I went to every organisation I could for help, I was told that there is not enough funding or housing in Ireland, to help. I was given a few vouchers food!! If I do become homeless I will only be offered a bed and breakfast or hostel! Like I can't do that with my daughter.

 

I am in training for 10 days now to get some work, so I will probably start there soon and I will also be going into fast food outlets to see if I worked nights at the weekend would they pay me into my hand! I am desperate for money, and I pray some comes my way soon.

 

I never imagined my life ending up like this, I'm devastated. Every day I force myself to just keep going, but I won't lie it has been so hard. The breakup I can deal with, its how he did it, how cold he was, that he erased me out of his life without even a hint of hurt or sorrow.

 

Let me know how you are?

[SoleMate]

Since you're in Ireland, you may qualify for the One Parent Family Payment - have you looked into that? Is your daughter under 7? One-Parent Family Payment Or Jobseeker's Transitional Payment.

[Kwacker39]

My boys and I are OK peonyrose , thanks . I am going to family mediation with my wife to try and sort how we are going to manage our seperation - it can't come soon enough now as I feel she is rubbing my nose in it - she was out until gone 3-30 am last night .

Your situation is more pressing in a different way - if you can sort your finances out it seems you will be ok - I think you are strong enough to handle all the crap that is getting thrown at you , even if you doubt it yourself . You have got this far and just need a bit of luck now ( the good kind!) - I'm sending you good vibes - stay strong when you can and look after your daughter , she must be struggling too and will need her mum more than ever .

[peonyrose]

My boys and I are OK peonyrose , thanks . I am going to family mediation with my wife to try and sort how we are going to manage our seperation - it can't come soon enough now as I feel she is rubbing my nose in it - she was out until gone 3-30 am last night .

Your situation is more pressing in a different way - if you can sort your finances out it seems you will be ok - I think you are strong enough to handle all the crap that is getting thrown at you , even if you doubt it yourself . You have got this far and just need a bit of luck now ( the good kind!) - I'm sending you good vibes - stay strong when you can and look after your daughter , she must be struggling too and will need her mum more than ever .

 

I am glad to hear you boys are OK, what a horrible situation your wife has put you in! This is not right at all. Hopefully this mediation will help and show her that her behaviour is not acceptable.

 

My daughter is fine, she doesn't know about the financial problems and I leave my crying to times she is out with her pals. Tonight her friends are here for a sleepover and pizza I am trying to keep it as normal as I can for her. I do have a couple of hundred euro a week so we have food etc but not enough for rent. But I will sort this, somehow, someway. I have to, there's is literally no other option.

 

From talking on this I have realised most probably a third party involved, although I have not investigated it further yet! Tonight I sat outside the bar he goes to, I so wanted to go in and see and confront him, but I was frozen in time. I couldn't move, so after 20 minutes I left. I'm angry now I didn't go in! He was punching way above his league, and is 15 years older than me so I just don't know, these are things that make me think is it another woman! But I must say its been in my head from the start, it was all too sudden and too final.

 

Hope you have a better night tonight. Try and have some rest.

[Kwacker39]

It does sound like there is another woman tbh . This should just make you more determined to move on and be thankful he is out of your life . I wouldn't advise you to go to bars he frequents , you are only stressing and punishing yourself really .

Try to concentrate on yourself and the things you can do to make your life better - easier said than done I know - sometimes the darkness descends and it's hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel - but the sun always rises even if some nights seem longer than others ! Good luck again peonyrose and keep posting .

[peonyrose]

An update.....

 

Yesterday at our local market, my sister was there with a gang of her friends, and HE walks straight over into the middle of the group asking could they talk. She responds NO go away, and he refuses and says please give me 5 minutes, again she says NO, at this point he is looking desperate and she was very embarrassed so she moved away from her friends, and HE starts talking non stop for 15 minutes without even catching a breath, all about him and how I needed to change, that I was in denial about some of my problems ah ( I'm in therapy weekly for over a year now, so no denial here ) HE the coward just need excuses to go, she told him how disgusting he behaved and what he's done is cruel and unforgivable. To leave me in such a cold way and not to pay his half of the bills, to which he said I know I did wrong but she will be OK there is assistance with rent and she can get it, then went onto say he also was left with a pile of bills and is struggling. LIAR! He left them all to me. Eventually she said OK I've heard enough I'm leaving now and then he said please have coffee with me and lket me talk more. She said no this will never happen,I am not your friend and you have done a disgusting thing to my sister. He said OK bye and thanks.

 

She said he looked awful lost weight had a beard and was very low and walking around with his head down. But told me to not wait for an apology because he is self righteous and believes he was the "victim" and it was all my fault!

[bathtub-row]

So he's still in town, not in Germany. He's re-writing history to make his actions justifiable. And for some reason he wants your sister to be understanding toward what he did. The truth is, even if the two of you had serious issues and needed to end your relationship, decent people don't just up and leave someone - and any children involved - without means of survival. He just gets better and better.

 

You may want to make your landlord aware of him still being in town. After that, do whatever it takes to forget this guy. There is no excuse for what he has done to you, and you'll never forgive it.

 

I ask again, Penny, where's your family and why can't you and your daughter go live with them for awhile?

[peonyrose]

So he's still in town, not in Germany. He's re-writing history to make his actions justifiable. And for some reason he wants your sister to be understanding toward what he did. The truth is, even if the two of you had serious issues and needed to end your relationship, decent people don't just up and leave someone - and any children involved - without means of survival. He just gets better and better.

 

You may want to make your landlord aware of him still being in town. After that, do whatever it takes to forget this guy. There is no excuse for what he has done to you, and you'll never forgive it.

 

I ask again, Penny, where's your family and why can't you and your daughter go live with them for awhile?

 

Hi bathtub I agree, sure I know he was just trying to justify his reasons for leaving, in such an appauling manner, to himself or anyone who would listen. He knows deep in him he did an awful thing. But I did get my chance to say my peace, not face to face but I got it somewhat. Better than nothing. Yeah he got off from his financial obligations, I didn't have the fight in me for that. But he's left with what he did. I might be struggling now, in every meaning of the word but I can still look in the mirror and say I'm a good person. Still feels like I'm talking about a stranger, going to take some time to get over this. Never in my wildest dreams could imagined this man would hurt me.

 

Eating again, but still very little sleep. Dreaming about him a lot, and even dreaming of us in this mess, where he's asking me to try fix us.

 

Got a job and doing course training, so busy.... I was told I was way too over qualified for what I'm doing, and why I am doing it?! Simple answer I need work.

[bathtub-row]

Hi bathtub I agree, sure I know he was just trying to justify his reasons for leaving, in such an appauling manner, to himself or anyone who would listen. He knows deep in him he did an awful thing. But I did get my chance to say my peace, not face to face but I got it somewhat. Better than nothing. Yeah he got off from his financial obligations, I didn't have the fight in me for that. But he's left with what he did. I might be struggling now, in every meaning of the word but I can still look in the mirror and say I'm a good person. Still feels like I'm talking about a stranger, going to take some time to get over this. Never in my wildest dreams could imagined this man would hurt me.

 

Eating again, but still very little sleep. Dreaming about him a lot, and even dreaming of us in this mess, where he's asking me to try fix us.

 

Got a job and doing course training, so busy.... I was told I was way too over qualified for what I'm doing, and why I am doing it?! Simple answer I need work.

 

I'm so glad you have found work! Wow!

 

Hey I was thinking if you plan to stay in the house you're in, you should probably get the locks changed. Something to talk to your landlord about. If numbskull is off the lease, you need to be sure he can't access your home. As I'm sure you have figured out by now, do not put anything past this guy.

 

It's going to take time to get past this but you will. You really will.

[Kwacker39]

Good on you peonyrose - it sounds like you are going in the right direction . Keep it up , you are showing your true colours , good lass !

[peonyrose]

Good on you peonyrose - it sounds like you are going in the right direction . Keep it up , you are showing your true colours , good lass !

 

Hey kwacker, always nice to see your name pop up, we joined this at the same time and you were one of the first people I chatted with. How are things for you now? Are you coping?

 

I'm doing my best, still cry a lot but all in secret, I'm taking it day by day, because if I look into the future, I feel like I can't breathe! Also if you read my update a few messages up, I saw the man would stop at nothing, and serious anger has set in.

[peonyrose]

I'm so glad you have found work! Wow!

 

Hey I was thinking if you plan to stay in the house you're in, you should probably get the locks changed. Something to talk to your landlord about. If numbskull is off the lease, you need to be sure he can't access your home. As I'm sure you have figured out by now, do not put anything past this guy.

 

It's going to take time to get past this but you will. You really will.

 

Hi bathtub, thank you for your support and keeping up to date with my posts.

 

I never thought about the locks, at night I lock the door from the inside and use my house alarm when I go to bed, but yeah maybe. Although I'd doubt he would ever show his face at this house again. As I said he feel he was the victim of this relationship and for now is justifying to himself that he made the right decision. How anyone could is beyond me. But the anger set in since he approached my sister that day, still lots of heartache.

 

Today I broke down crying, over a broken China cup, he bought it for me as I love my tea and only like it in nice China cups, all of a sudden I was brought back to that moment. Sounds so crazy but I was heartbroken...

[bathtub-row]

Hi bathtub, thank you for your support and keeping up to date with my posts.

 

I never thought about the locks, at night I lock the door from the inside and use my house alarm when I go to bed, but yeah maybe. Although I'd doubt he would ever show his face at this house again. As I said he feel he was the victim of this relationship and for now is justifying to himself that he made the right decision. How anyone could is beyond me. But the anger set in since he approached my sister that day, still lots of heartache.

 

Today I broke down crying, over a broken China cup, he bought it for me as I love my tea and only like it in nice China cups, all of a sudden I was brought back to that moment. Sounds so crazy but I was heartbroken...

 

Yes it's doubtful that he'd show his face at the house while you're there. But you need to make sure that he isn't able to get in while you're not there. He's capable of getting in and taking things that he decides are his, or messing up your life in some way. Just don't give him that opportunity.

 

I understand about the broken tea cup. It's just another broken thing, right? I'm really sorry.

[Kwacker39]

Hi peonyrose , my boys and I are doing ok . Personally , I'm prob still a bit like you - very up and down . Hadn't cried at all for over 3 weeks and then had a conversation with my stbx wife - it wasn't so much what she said it was her aggressive tone and said in a way as tho she were talking to a stranger . It was also in front of my youngest boy . I only cried when they were both gone and I think it was as much for my boy as myself - he looked crest fallen . But overall , I am making progress - it sounds like you are too and yes I like to keep up with your story because as you say we were both bitten at the same time ! Keep posting friend and stay strong .