Sarah2015 Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 I've been on four dates with this guy so far and he's not much of a texter but have a couple of exchanges every other day or so. In the beginning he seemed to really like me, the next couple of dates I thought it was moving too fast... he said I was hot/cold, still asked me out again right away. I saw him 4 days ago, watched a movie at his place +dinner, he said he had a great time and we've been texting sparsely but he hasn't asked me out again. Is he now stringing me along? Or is he waiting for me to make a move? Or do I just ignore until he asks me out again? *confused* :[ Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 I've been on four dates with this guy so far and he's not much of a texter but have a couple of exchanges every other day or so. In the beginning he seemed to really like me, the next couple of dates I thought it was moving too fast... he said I was hot/cold, still asked me out again right away. I saw him 4 days ago, watched a movie at his place +dinner, he said he had a great time and we've been texting sparsely but he hasn't asked me out again. Is he now stringing me along? Or is he waiting for me to make a move? Or do I just ignore until he asks me out again? *confused* :[ Not sure if he is waiting, but he indicated he gets a cold vibe from you on occasion so yes, after four dates, I think it's okay for you to initiate something, fun and casual. I would and have! It has always turned out to be a positive. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 If you haven't had sex, he's just about given up on that. You should just ask him to dinner at your place, but he'll think that means sex probably. So don't if you're not having sex. Just take him somewhere inexpensive and pay for it. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 If you like him, then ask him out! It's been long enough. I asked my ex out for our fifth date when he dragged his feet in asking me out after date four. We were together for a year. Sometimes it works. What, in your mind, is the risk in asking him out? Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 You should ask him out. I've moved on to other prospects after four dates when I felt like the woman was making insufficient effort. Even if we had sex, I still moved on. Little/no effort in four dates was a preview of what a relationship with her would be like. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaInTheBrine Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Ask him out. After the man pursues initially for a little while, it's the lady's turn to reciprocate. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 After 4 dates and nothing seems to have developed he is moving on ad dating others 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sarah2015 Posted June 5, 2016 Author Share Posted June 5, 2016 If you like him, then ask him out! It's been long enough. I asked my ex out for our fifth date when he dragged his feet in asking me out after date four. We were together for a year. Sometimes it works. What, in your mind, is the risk in asking him out? So i did, he texted back a while later saying he wanted to see me again. I fell asleep, a few hrs later i asked when exactly he's free. No response...yet. Idk why he's taking longer to reply than usual. Is he saying yes just to be nice? Or playing a game ..? Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 So i did, he texted back a while later saying he wanted to see me again. I fell asleep, a few hrs later i asked when exactly he's free. No response...yet. Idk why he's taking longer to reply than usual. ? He fell asleep. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sarah2015 Posted June 5, 2016 Author Share Posted June 5, 2016 He fell asleep. haha yeah, well probably but I noticed lately he takes longer to reply, whereas in the beginning he would usually text back right away within minutes. Do you think this means anything? Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 haha yeah, well probably but I noticed lately he takes longer to reply, whereas in the beginning he would usually text back right away within minutes. Do you think this means anything? Ask him what has he been up to next time you see him. Maybe he's been busy. I don't think he is playing a game. Worst case he is losing interest. You will find out soon Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Not initiating communication between dates unless it's about setting up a date, is in the player's handbook. He was expecting sex by date 4 and didn't get it. He's not (by the sounds of it) interested in anything else. Me personally, if a guy doesn't like to keep the conversation going in between dates isn't interested in things going to a relationship level anytime soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sarah2015 Posted June 5, 2016 Author Share Posted June 5, 2016 Not initiating communication between dates unless it's about setting up a date, is in the player's handbook. He was expecting sex by date 4 and didn't get it. He's not (by the sounds of it) interested in anything else. Me personally, if a guy doesn't like to keep the conversation going in between dates isn't interested in things going to a relationship level anytime soon. Lol that makes a lot of sense actually. He actually knows im a really cautious type and he probably figures its not going anywhwre on that front haha. O well!! Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 I've never been in the position where I felt like had to motivate a guy to ask me out at any point in time. If I ever had been in such a position, I would've cut him loose. A guy needs to be strongly motivated to see you again and again. This guy has you dancing on pins and needles. He's just playing you and playing a control game. If you continue to tolerate this, you show him that what he's doing is ok with you. Is it ok with you? Now that you've asked him out -- and if he ever bothers to reply back -- go ahead and follow thru with the date. But if nothing changes after that, let him drift away. If he never responds back to you about when he can clear his schedule for you, don't ask him about it again and don't contact him again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 TBH I wouldn't even waste my time on a guy like this. You date those who treat you the way you want to be treated.....he ain't doing that. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 (edited) No, you don't want to convince a guy to date you. He will make his interest known if he wants to date. Edited June 5, 2016 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 If you continue to tolerate this, you show him that what he's doing is ok with you. Is it ok with you?I agree with this mindset. Now, apply it to the guy's point of view. Perhaps he is no longer tolerant of the hot/cold behavior and lack of effort. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 I agree with this mindset. Now, apply it to the guy's point of view. Perhaps he is no longer tolerant of the hot/cold behavior and lack of effort. SO, maybe you missed it, but she DID ask him out.... and he has not given her a straight answer and is keeping her hanging. THAT is what bathtub meant by not tolerating ... That said you made a good point too, but again she DID ask him out so she IS making effort..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sarah2015 Posted June 5, 2016 Author Share Posted June 5, 2016 I agree with this mindset. Now, apply it to the guy's point of view. Perhaps he is no longer tolerant of the hot/cold behavior and lack of effort. Still no reply, I think at this point, I can take the hint and I don't have plans of seeing him again (even if he were to reply eventually). thanks all of your advice!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 I'm sorry. But, someone else will come along who will communicate more consistently and you will forget all about this guy... Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 SO, maybe you missed it, but she DID ask him out.... and he has not given her a straight answer and is keeping her hanging...Point taken, but it could be too little too late. I've been in a similar situation in which the woman didn't put in any effort until after four dates. She was also hot/cold. She did end up reaching out to me a week or so after our last date, but I had already moved on to a woman who was putting in effort from date two. Of course, I didn't say yes when she asked me out like this guy did to the OP. It's possible he's keeping her lingering in case his other prospect(s) don't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 (edited) Point taken, but it could be too little too late. I've been in a similar situation in which the woman didn't put in any effort until after four dates. She was also hot/cold. She did end up reaching out to me a week or so after our last date, but I had already moved on to a woman who was putting in effort from date two. Of course, I didn't say yes when she asked me out like this guy did to the OP. It's possible he's keeping her lingering in case his other prospect(s) don't work out. Doesn't sound like you were all that keen on her anyway. I don't know of any man who was super into a chick who would move on because *she* waited too long to ask *him* out after their fourth date. If you *were* super into her, you would be the first (that I know of) to do that. Edited June 5, 2016 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 I haven't been "super into" any women early on since my late twenties. I live by the code: No woman is special until she has shown me that she is. Yes, I still lust after certain women, but I can keep that in check. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 I haven't been "super into" any women early on since my late twenties. I live by the code: No woman is special until she has shown me that she is. Yes, I still lust after certain women, but I can keep that in check. I admire your strength and ability to do that.... I still think that could change though if you met that woman who truly knocked your socks off.... when you least expected it! Not too late for that to happen you know..... Don't know how old you are but it happened to my dad when he was 55! Was a lot like you.... thought he had it all under control.... That all changed when he met the woman who went on to become his second wife! Acted like a freakin teenager after he met her. Big tough former Marine, it was really cute!! Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Doesn't sound like you were all that keen on her anyway. I don't know of any man who was super into a chick who would move on because *she* waited too long to ask *him* out after their fourth date. If you *were* super into her, you would be the first (that I know of) to do that. Don't agree. He could be super Into her but thinking she's playing games( hot and cold) so decided to drop her . He may not know she's just been "waiting" he probably thinks she's been manipulating. Just because a guy really likes a girl doesn't mean he will be a doormat for her once he thinks the girl is playing games 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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