Homeless, staying with boyfriend... Vent session

[S2B]

Yes there is a way to be self sufficient with others help.

When you reach self sufficiency then you are self sufficient

But until you reach that point, it's nice to have a helping hand or encouragement

 

What are you saying?

 

You seem to contradict yourself.

[angel.eyes]

I hate to nitpick, but how are you buying him food when you are begging him to get you a Snickers bar at the cash register when you go shopping? Who exactly was paying for this food you were buying?

 

At any rate, I think he'll be a happier person when you stop cooking him dinner and popping his zits:sick: and just move out of his room. I'm glad you're looking at sublets. Since you're not making payments on the car, return it. You also need to put together a weekly and monthly budget. That will really help you figure out what it takes to be self-sufficient.

[lana-banana]

I can't believe what I'm reading. You have "expectations as a girlfriend" and have picked out a ring for a guy who is dating other women? I don't know what you want to call him, but this man is never going to propose to you and he isn't even your boyfriend. The sooner you can get him out of your life for good (none of this "on-again off-again" nonsense) the better. There's no present here, much less a future, and I don't understand how you don't see that.

[Satu]

I can't believe what I'm reading. You have "expectations as a girlfriend" and have picked out a ring for a guy who is dating other women? I don't know what you want to call him, but this man is never going to propose to you and he isn't even your boyfriend. The sooner you can get him out of your life for good (none of this "on-again off-again" nonsense) the better. There's no present here, much less a future, and *I don't understand how you don't see that.

 

So true.

 

*She's 'projecting hope' in the Melanie Klein sense.

[PeacefulShanice]

I hate to nitpick, but how are you buying him food when you are begging him to get you a Snickers bar at the cash register when you go shopping? Who exactly was paying for this food you were buying?

 

At any rate, I think he'll be a happier person when you stop cooking him dinner and popping his zits:sick: and just move out of his room. I'm glad you're looking at sublets. Since you're not making payments on the car, return it. You also need to put together a weekly and monthly budget. That will really help you figure out what it takes to be self-sufficient.

 

Bahahaha!! This made me laugh I understand that. However, when I said I bat my eyes, I don't mean beg. Lol he knows I like snickers, but I would rather be gifted a snickers than buy one for myself. Same goes forbid when I am at the register... I know he'll want a twix. Idk, it's a little way of making each other happy, in that sense.

[PeacefulShanice]

I can't believe what I'm reading. You have "expectations as a girlfriend" and have picked out a ring for a guy who is dating other women? I don't know what you want to call him, but this man is never going to propose to you and he isn't even your boyfriend. The sooner you can get him out of your life for good (none of this "on-again off-again" nonsense) the better. There's no present here, much less a future, and I don't understand how you don't see that.

 

Lol I would be a crazy person if I picked out a ring for a guy who is dating other women. When WE created my ring two years ago, he was not. & he went to a speed dating event (saw it in his email). He said he hasn't gone, just signed up for it and reserved the seat.. Don't believe that. I was out of town at the time.

 

I have expectations as a person who has been his life partner and best friend for half a decade. His behavior now is odd...

[lana-banana]

Lol I would be a crazy person if I picked out a ring for a guy who is dating other women. When WE created my ring two years ago, he was not. & he went to a speed dating event (saw it in his email). He said he hasn't gone, just signed up for it and the seat.. Don't believe that. I was out of town at the time.

 

I have expectations as a person who has been his life partner and best friend for half a decade. His behavior now is odd...

 

A ring you made together but never bought. And this happened two. Years. Ago.

 

This man is not your life partner, he's your roommate. He is seeing other women. He does not have any desire for any kind of future with him. You cannot have any expectations of him because he very clearly has none of you. I'm shocked this even needs to be said but someone who dates other women is not a committed partner.

Edited May 22, 2016 by lana-banana

[katiegrl]

again, I'm not making car payments. & I have money.

 

OP, I'm sorry but I am a bit confused.

 

In your original post you said you were behind on two car payments.

 

Now you say you are making no car payments?

 

Which is it can you clarify?

 

If you have do have payments like you said in yiur original post, and are behind ... ditch the car and take public.

 

Have you found someone to room with from Craigslist?

 

Your bf of five years seems to have checked out emotionally.

 

It happens, people grow apart.

 

Move out asap, and begin your new life without him.

 

I'm sorry and good luck.

Edited May 22, 2016 by katiegrl

[S2B]

Homeless... But have enough funds to get your own place...

 

Yet you stay at his place...saying you're homeless...

 

Come on - quit the games with us.

[PeacefulShanice]

A ring you made together but never bought. And this happened two. Years. Ago.

 

This man is not your life partner, he's your roommate. He is seeing other women. He does not have any desire for any kind of future with him. You cannot have any expectations of him because he very clearly has none of you. I'm shocked this even needs to be said but someone who dates other women is not a committed partner.

 

I mean I'm not putting any emphasis on the ring. I was just explaining to you that I didn't pick out a ring with a person dating other women, because that's what you said. I'm saying it was two years ago when he wasn't in Charlotte.

 

Look, I see how he obsesses over his appearance, I see how he truly needs validation... However, I know it doesn't give him any right to freak out and think what he has isn't good enough. Not just me, everything. He still refers to me as his girlfriend he just says he feels cramped which is COMPLETELY understandable.

 

He said he went on meetup pages etc because he thought I was cheating because he can't understand why I'd want him with all these successful young men.... Especially when I went out of town for a weekend with the sole purpose of giving him space. That same weekend he went speed dating (though he denies it)... I saw the tickets, and the confirmation email, and the response to the confirmation so I don't believe him.

 

I didn't say he habitually goes speed dating, he just went that one time that I know of or didn't, whatever if you went once I dunno how many times you went.

[TunaCat]

Everyone else is touching on the living arrangements, so I'll just talk about the boyfriend. If he is seeing other women via speed dating, he is NOT your boyfriend. He is not committed to you. If he had wanted to put that ring on your finger, he would have done it by now.

 

You need to disappear from his life. You deserve better.

[PeacefulShanice]

OP, I'm sorry but I am a bit confused.

 

In your original post you said you were behind on two car payments.

 

Now you say you are making no car payments?

 

Which is it can you clarify?

 

If you have do have payments like you said in yiur original post, and are behind ... ditch the car and take public.

 

Have you found someone to room with from Craigslist?

 

Your bf of five years seems to have checked out emotionally.

 

It happens, people grow apart.

 

Move out asap, and begin your new life without him.

 

I'm sorry and good luck.

 

 

Oh okay, I see! thank you! I was wondering why people where saying that. I meant car insurance payments.

[S2B]

Write down what is real in your life - so you can gain clarity on real vs fiction.

 

Then write out goals and a plan to obtain those goals based on your realistic circumstances.

 

Depend on yourself to supply yourself what you need in life.

 

Stop focusing on him and/or other things that have nothing to do with providing yourself basic needs.

[S2B]

Oh okay, I see! thank you! I was wondering why people where saying that. I meant car insurance payments.

 

More drama. Can you see how you create drama? Delusions - and fiction?

[katiegrl]

Everyone else is touching on the living arrangements, so I'll just talk about the boyfriend. If he is seeing other women via speed dating, he is NOT your boyfriend. He is not committed to you. If he had wanted to put that ring on your finger, he would have done it by now.

 

You need to disappear from his life. You deserve better.

 

From *everything* she posted in her original post, I think it is a given the bf has checked out, now she needs to focus on moving out ASAP and beginning her new life without him.

[PeacefulShanice]

Homeless... But have enough funds to get your own place...

 

Yet you stay at his place...saying you're homeless...

 

Come on - quit the games with us.

 

I never said I have enough funds to get my own place. Lol I think you sir/madam just want to be a bully. There's a difference between a person who is homeless and a person who is a bum.

 

Anyone can be one homeless, until they find a home or place to stay. If Donald trumps estates burned down right now, and he didn't have good credit, he would be homeless too. Lol or pay for a hotel to live in.

 

Hotels are way too expensive for me though, but anyway, I appreciate your comments.

[PeacefulShanice]

More drama. Can you see how you create drama? Delusions - and fiction?

 

Eh, to each his own. How are you? I hope all is well with you. Why must you be rude? I always have a heart for people that are not secure enough to bring others up but rather down...... ha,you know what? that may be my problem in this situation!!! Well would you look at that, you've actually helped me afterall.....

[S2B]

I never said I have enough funds to get my own place. Lol I think you sir/madam just want to be a bully. There's a difference between a person who is homeless and a person who is a bum.

 

Anyone can be one homeless, until they find a home or place to stay. If Donald trumps estates burned down right now, and he didn't have good credit, he would be homeless too. Lol or pay for a hotel to live in.

 

Hotels are way too expensive for me though, but anyway, I appreciate your comments.

 

Ok then. Look at it this way...every single day is a day you can earn money. When someone needs more money - they can work7 days a week to earn enough.

 

No joke - I've worked 3 jobs since January... Banked a bunch of money because I figure each day is an opportunity to earn.

[PeacefulShanice]

But baby steps, I've been in contact with 5 potential sublets and will continue my search.

 

I'm not defending John by any means, just explaining my reasoning for feeling as I do about the situation. I'm definitely leaving, that was the plan... But Katie has guided me on how to leave sooner.... And I do plan on continuing to be independent.

 

Me being in a bad situation today doesn't mean that I was yesterday.

I've lived on my own for the 4 years. I mentioned it in the op.

I know what it takes to live on your own

But bad things happen people....

 

I know I will get things back in order. Thank you too those that were encouraging.

[PeacefulShanice]

Ok then. Look at it this way...every single day is a day you can earn money. When someone needs more money - they can work7 days a week to earn enough.

 

No joke - I've worked 3 jobs since January... Banked a bunch of money because I figure each day is an opportunity to earn.

 

Yea, and I aswell. That's how I was able to purchase my car. I had no idea that I would be in the position where I would have no place to stay. I had a plan with goals set out completely. Great track... Got the jobs, got the license, got the insurance, got the car.. But I could not predict that the father of the family I was staying with would lose his job.

 

Things happen.... It's only been 3 weeks. I'm looking for a 3rd shift job.

[angel.eyes]

Yea, and I aswell. That's how I was able to purchase my car.

Did you actually pay for the car? Or just take out a loan and drive off the parking lot?

 

I had no idea that I would be in the position where I would have no place to stay. I had a plan with goals set out completely. Great track... Got the jobs, got the license, got the insurance, got the car..

If you are two months behind on your car insurance, you don't have car insurance. A few hours ago, you were planning to look for a second job. How do you now have jobS?

 

But I could not predict that the father of the family I was staying with would lose his job.

 

Things happen.... It's only been 3 weeks. I'm looking for a 3rd shift job.

So yet another man to blame for being homeless? The father of that family is responsible for his family, and not you. You're 23. It's really time to start paying rent somewhere and taking care of your own bills. If you can't make your car insurance payments, then you can't afford a car. Put together a budget (including rent) and figure out what you have to give up. Fantasy and escapism are all fine and dandy, but you'll need to cough up a security deposit and rent when you sign the lease wherever you move in Charlotte. Not to mention, whoever gave you that car loan expects to be paid.

 

If Charlotte proves to be too expensive once you've developed a realistic budget, then it may be wiser to return to Bladen County and save a little money for a while. Maybe there you'll meet the guy who wants to mow your lawn, watches football on Sunday after church, enjoys you popping his zits, gives you a ring, and goes to Bo's with you.

 

Either way, time to get out of your speed-dating, on-again-off-again for five years' ex-boyfriend's hair and zits. Relationships end. Time to stop squatting at his place and find your own.

[PeacefulShanice]

Did you actually pay for the car? Or just take out a loan and drive off the parking lot?

 

 

If you are two months behind on your car insurance, you don't have car insurance. A few hours ago, you were planning to look for a second job. How do you now have jobS?

 

 

So yet another man to blame for being homeless? The father of that family is responsible for his family, and not you. You're 23. It's really time to start paying rent somewhere and taking care of your own bills. If you can't make your car insurance payments, then you can't afford a car. Put together a budget (including rent) and figure out what you have to give up. Fantasy and escapism are all fine and dandy, but you'll need to cough up a security deposit and rent when you sign the lease wherever you move in Charlotte. Not to mention, whoever gave you that car loan expects to be paid.

 

If Charlotte proves to be too expensive once you've developed a realistic budget, then it may be wiser to return to Bladen County and save a little money for a while. Maybe there you'll meet the guy who wants to mow your lawn, watches football on Sunday after church, enjoys you popping his zits, gives you a ring, and goes to Bo's with you.

 

Either way, time to get out of your speed-dating, on-again-off-again for five years' ex-boyfriend's hair and zits. Relationships end. Time to stop squatting at his place and find your own.

 

How long did you look for that astounding "evidence." Which is actually quite bogus. jobs in plural form referred to "since January I had three jobs"... And therefore i was able to purchase my car. I said purchase not finance. I'm not blaming the father of the family, I was just stating fact. He also wasn't aware of the circumstance. Thus the exact reason why i said things happen. Also, I'm not from Bladen county. & yes, you can be two months behind on car insurance.

 

I don't know your purpose, but the amount of time it took you to find nothing is worrisome. There are people out there who need help and are faced with problems such as the one I've been dealt, but luckily I was able to get my education to know that my situation is only temporary. I don't know if youre finding my situation hard to believe because you don't want to mentally understand homelessness, or people who are in tough situations but it happens.

 

If you've read my comments with an eye to understand rather than approaching with an accusatory stance you would see that I have been doing the necessary things to regain my indepence. Thanks to Katie, who pointed out that I was looking in the wrong area for an apartment, I am actually meeting with someone this week.

 

My concern is people like you who give people a hard time. What if I couldn't see this as temporary? I definitely have a heart for the homeless now. And when I get on my two feet, which will be soon! I'll add volunteering to my agenda. God bless you.