Level of education and dating

[serial muse]

I did read that thread. Very interesting. I made this thread because I seem to be at a place and time of my life where I am meeting lots of women who are less educated than me. I also lose interest once I know their educational status and I was beginning to feel bad about it. Reading the comments on this thread has changed my mind a bit. Most of the women here won't tolerate me if I was less educated than them!

 

Well, please note that I at least didn't say I wouldn't tolerate less education than I have. But as Miss Bee said, there's a de facto difference in attitude that just seems to ooze out, eventually. I have found that the guys I dated who didn't have degrees, much less advanced degrees, took TFY's attitude - which basically was snooty about my "pieces of paper" and made a lot of assumptions about my real-world smarts and this and that. Yeah, no thanks, snootiness works both ways. I have never judged someone for lacking advanced degrees, but I won't tolerate being judged for mine. They do matter, and are meaningful. At least to me. So if a guy I'm with feels a need to tell me they don't, buh-bye.

[Jabron1]

This is something that I'm not into at all - a complete turn off.

 

When I start dating someone, I care about their attractiveness and personality. I despise the sort of daters that treat a date like a job interview; I can't think of anything more boring.

 

The girl I'm currently 'courting' (as my grandmother says ) is very well educated, and an art teacher. The last thing I feel the need to do is grade her CV though lol.

 

It's just snobbery.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Ditto.

 

I don't necessarily need a man to have the same amount of degrees that I have, but I've found that men who at least have a college degree tend to understand the work I do a lot better, we tend to have more common experiences and worldviews, and overall have more in common in terms of our life paths than those who don't. If someone doesn't value education then it will be impossible for us to be in a relationship.

 

I don't care about your degrees as much as I care about intellectual compatibility and having similar reference points. It happens that, for obvious reasons, this tends to happen with men who have similar educational experiences as me. It's not just about being smart or formal education, but the experience of college itself, graduate school, professional schools etc provides you with a range of other social experiences that shape you in other kinds of ways. For better or worse there is a whole other cultural competence and social capital that comes along with it that you learn and gain overtime and like any other compatibility thing, people with similar reference points (culturally, economically, educationally etc) tend to fare better than ones where the gap is too big.

 

Amen.

 

I've dated men with varied levels of education over the years. Although I pride myself on being able to get along with almost anyone, I will admit that intelligence, whether it's a result of many years or expensive schooling and multiple degrees or by way of an insatiable curiosity and eagerness to learn more about the world, gel much better with me and are better at holding my attention.

[Toodaloo]

A mans competence matters far more than his degree. His curiosity and thirst for more...

 

I know men who are highly qualified who just can not get off their backsides and work. They can't feed themselves, they are a bit drippy.

 

I know men who barely have a pass to their name who have gone out, made something of themselves and are now multi millionaires... Some of them couldn't read/ write so they employed people who could...

 

Give me the guy who dismantled the video recorder at 5yrs because he wanted to know how it worked... he is the one that will go out and ask about culture and science and art and mechanics and be thirsty for more knowledge, experience and will be far more open minded...

 

If he has a degree then great I will be proud f him for that. however his lack of is not going to stop me finding out who he is.

[BlueIris]

Well, please note that I at least didn't say I wouldn't tolerate less education than I have. But as Miss Bee said, there's a de facto difference in attitude that just seems to ooze out, eventually. I have found that the guys I dated who didn't have degrees, much less advanced degrees, took TFY's attitude - which basically was snooty about my "pieces of paper" and made a lot of assumptions about my real-world smarts and this and that. Yeah, no thanks, snootiness works both ways. I have never judged someone for lacking advanced degrees, but I won't tolerate being judged for mine. They do matter, and are meaningful. At least to me. So if a guy I'm with feels a need to tell me they don't, buh-bye.

 

Yeah, I've experienced that too. I respect people's accomplishments so I'm not going to be with someone who doesn't respect mine.

 

When I was marrying to have a family, kids, I wanted someone who believed that education has inherent value no matter how much money you make and no matter what you study. Lots of people don't, both people with degrees and people without degrees.

 

Also, some people see colleges and universities as institutions of coercive liberal indoctrination. Definitely not on the same page with them.

 

But even now that kids aren't an issue for me, I've found that men with pretty much similar levels of formal education were the best fit for me.

[Emilia]

It's just snobbery.

Not really.

[MissBee]

Amen.

 

I've dated men with varied levels of education over the years. Although I pride myself on being able to get along with almost anyone, I will admit that intelligence, whether it's a result of many years or expensive schooling and multiple degrees or by way of an insatiable curiosity and eagerness to learn more about the world, gel much better with me and are better at holding my attention.

 

Intellectual curiosity for me is key and sharpness too. There are different kinds of intelligence and I've realized I prefer certain kinds over others and tend to just get more excited about men who I can really really talk to, bounce ideas off, think with and thus grow with.

 

For example, my ex-boyfriend was an engineer, he was formally educated and all, but basically he wasn't intellectually curious in any way shape or form and this became increasingly intolerable esp when we hung out with my friends as he simply couldn't keep up in our conversations. I felt like he only took the classes he needed to in order to be an engineer, so was good at his job, but otherwise was very ill-informed about the world, didn't have a grasp on other issues, was not in the least bit intellectually curious, never read, knew nothing about history,didn't really seem to care or think about larger things beyond making money so that he could have a house, a car and the trappings of a suburban life and just overall was very dull and content in his not-knowing, which wouldn't work for me as my career is about producing knowledge. He had a career and made a decent living and had a degree, but I would never use intelligent to describe him. He was task-oriented but not particularly mentally acute or super interesting.

 

Him having went to college itself though did still provide some common ground about some things, but all that to say, he still lacked the greater levels of intellectual curiosity I appreciate in a man.

Edited May 18, 2016 by MissBee

[S_A]

Education by itself means nothing to me because education does not mean intelligence (though it can be an indicator of intelligence). As an example, some people are great at studying and acheiving things academically, but their success in academics does not necessarily result in real-world success. These people are probably life-time studiers.

 

So to answer your question, I find smart women to be super hot. I'd also date a college dropout because her dropping out of college does not mean she is stupid. Actually, she might be highly ambitious (which a lot of drop-outs are believe it or not). These people leave school and become highly successful entrepreneurs. Y'know, great ideas don't wait for your schooling to finish. If you're hit with one and feel passionate about it, dropping out of school to start a business may be a good idea for the right kind of person. These people are so smart that they figure it all out on their first try as they go along.

 

If you're at all curious. I'm the guy that went to school and did not drop out.

 

what matters more than the number of degrees two people have is the basic value placed on education itself. If we're not on the same page with that, it isn't going to work out.

 

I've worked hard to achieve what I have, academically - and it isn't fun to have my hard work disparaged. This has happened and it's a no-go.

 

I agree with this. I also think that people who have completed their education may make those who don't have formal education to feel the same way. That's a big no-no in my book.

Edited May 18, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[MrDuck]

Of course tastes vary by individual.....but that's really not the point...I've never in my entire life met an accomplished person that was dumb...If you have, well, I take my hat off..

 

I have met some truly rock dumb and unaccomplished people with multiple degrees though....

 

Point is no one can really judge a person's capabilities and life experiences by pieces of paper alone...If one attempts to do it this way, say in an attempt to find a suitable mate, they may be leaving something on the table...

 

Maybe we agree there??, but I dunno...*shrug*

 

TFY

 

Agree. Agree. Agree.

[kztar]

I did read that thread. Very interesting. I made this thread because I seem to be at a place and time of my life where I am meeting lots of women who are less educated than me. I also lose interest once I know their educational status and I was beginning to feel bad about it. Reading the comments on this thread has changed my mind a bit. Most of the women here won't tolerate me if I was less educated than them!

 

No way bro don't feel bad. It is what it is.

[TaraMaiden2]

This is something that I'm not into at all - a complete turn off.

 

When I start dating someone, I care about their attractiveness and personality. I despise the sort of daters that treat a date like a job interview; I can't think of anything more boring.

 

The girl I'm currently 'courting' (as my grandmother says ) is very well educated, and an art teacher. The last thing I feel the need to do is grade her CV though lol.

 

It's just snobbery.

Why would you say that people who have different requirements and standards to you, are 'snobs'?

That's really a flippant remark which is loaded with disdain.

 

Simply because some people have differing intellectual requirements, doesn't make them highfalutin or pretentious.

 

For example, I could be dating a successful, articulate, educated, intellectual guy who's really made the grade, but one sniff of any social prejudice, I'm immediately on "Ignorant bigot" alert.

 

That doesn't make me a snob. That makes me choosy about whom I'm prepared to give my time to.

[MrDuck]

Intelligence matters lots. Level of education doesn't faze me in the slightest.

 

My sons mother had a fancy honours degree in something like modern languages and European studies..

My current gf was truant though school and left at 16.

 

I swear, there is no difference in the intelligence levels of those two girls. My ex was more of an abstract thinker, where mt gf is very logical. But both girls are smart! School isn't for everyone!

 

Hell, school wasn't for me! I left at 16! People would be getting me all wrong if they judged my intelligence on that alone. I just didn't enjoy learning in a classroom, I left to go learn out in the world, by doing!

[Acerboy]

Intelligence matters lots. Level of education doesn't faze me in the slightest.

 

My sons mother had a fancy honours degree in something like modern languages and European studies..

My current gf was truant though school and left at 16.

 

I swear, there is no difference in the intelligence levels of those two girls. My ex was more of an abstract thinker, where mt gf is very logical. But both girls are smart! School isn't for everyone!

 

Hell, school wasn't for me! I left at 16! People would be getting me all wrong if they judged my intelligence on that alone. I just didn't enjoy learning in a classroom, I left to go learn out in the world, by doing!

 

There seem to be a trend here. Those who left college don't bother about level of education, while those who went to college consider level of education during dating. Am I seeing the trend right?

[d0nnivain]

Intelligence -- innate quickness & mental sharpness -- mean more to me than the degrees on somebody's wall.

 

My terminal degree is quite impressive. I have dated all sorts of men. When DH & I 1st met I was an adjunct college professor & he was a college student, but not at the school where I taught.

 

Although I have dated men with my level of education or greater, that wasn't the driving factor for me.

 

It did cause a few men to decide they did not want to date me because they felt inadequate when I took them to work functions of mine.

 

One blue color guy I dated, took me to his office Christmas party. I made a comment to the company owner's wife about something & she snidely remarked "how would you know something like that?" I politely asked why she assumed I had no knowledge of the subject. She said because I date ____ [she named the guy I was there with]. I smiled, introduced myself by one of my titles & suggested she be less judgmental. Later in the party I had a lovely conversation with the owner; my date was nervous but thrilled. On the way home he admitted that he'd never had a conversation that long with the big boss. When it was time for him to go to my holiday party he begged off saying he barely survived my conversation at his party; there was no way he could handle being a room where everybody was that smart. C'est la Vie.

[No_Go]

I have a postdoctoral training in life sciences. My first two relationships though were with college dropouts. Not that I had something particular against that - THEY did. They'll 'remind' me again and again how my degrees mean nothing and they're actually smarter and I should not be bragging about my degrees as they mean nothing They'd ultimately get aggressive on the subject. I'm now dating someone with more similar educational background, graduate degree for him, and still - I try to avoid the subject because he will make occasionally remarks about it.

 

So a woman with much higher education is a no no in my experience. The reverse: all my female friends dating/married to a guy with higher education are very proud about it, telling me 'they did well' by catching a guy like this . So maybe the schema guy - much more educated that woman is working. Even better than the third option (equal/similar education) because I've seen cases in this scenaro where partners sort of compete, especially if working in the same field.

 

Guys,

 

Does the level of education play any role in your dating life? As a woman, would you consider going out with a college drop out or someone who's less educated than you?

 

What if the sexes are reversed? Would you, as a man, go out with a college dropout or woman who holds a lesser degree?

 

I would appreciate any thoughts. Thanks!

 

 

Edit: By college dropout, I don't mean the Bill Gates type of college dropout. I am talking about those who were failing and eventually quit or the system kicked them out.

[BlueIris]

I have a postdoctoral training in life sciences. My first two relationships though were with college dropouts. Not that I had something particular against that - THEY did. They'll 'remind' me again and again how my degrees mean nothing and they're actually smarter and I should not be bragging about my degrees as they mean nothing They'd ultimately get aggressive on the subject. I'm now dating someone with more similar educational background, graduate degree for him, and still - I try to avoid the subject because he will make occasionally remarks about it.

 

So a woman with much higher education is a no no in my experience. The reverse: all my female friends dating/married to a guy with higher education are very proud about it, telling me 'they did well' by catching a guy like this . So maybe the schema guy - much more educated that woman is working. Even better than the third option (equal/similar education) because I've seen cases in this scenaro where partners sort of compete, especially if working in the same field.

 

I don't doubt that there are cases like that but I think that's ideal! Some of my best friends (ha!) have same educational level and work in the same field as their partners. What's so neat about it is that you can talk about so much and understand each other's stories about work.

[No_Go]

True - when the things are working.

 

I was in academia before. My friends in same education/same career level will happen to split when the work of one progresses much better or he/she needs to relocate (faculty positions were few and far in between in our field).

 

Otherwise I agree the pursuit of the same goals creates an unique bond!

 

I don't doubt that there are cases like that but I think that's ideal! Some of my best friends (ha!) have same educational level and work in the same field as their partners. What's so neat about it is that you can talk about so much and understand each other's stories about work.

[frus69]

There seem to be a trend here. Those who left college don't bother about level of education, while those who went to college consider level of education during dating. Am I seeing the trend right?

 

Exactly what I said on your first page

Many times (not all but many) when people say education doesn't mean anything, I've seen smart people with no degree and dump people who's a Ph.D. Blah blah ..it's because they don't have a degree themselves

[katiegrl]

I feel less about formal education than I do about him being intelligent (including emotional intelligence), ambitious, and successful.

 

My second bf did not go to college but he started his own business (general contractor) and became very successful.

 

He was extremely intelligent, and ambitious, had goals and stuck to them.

 

THAT to me is WAY more important than a formal education.

 

Hell, I have known men with PhDs who had the emotional intelligence of a peanut.

 

No thank you!

[basil67]

Guys,

 

Does the level of education play any role in your dating life? As a woman, would you consider going out with a college drop out or someone who's less educated than you?

 

What if the sexes are reversed? Would you, as a man, go out with a college dropout or woman who holds a lesser degree?

 

I would appreciate any thoughts. Thanks!

 

 

Edit: By college dropout, I don't mean the Bill Gates type of college dropout. I am talking about those who were failing and eventually quit or the system kicked them out.

 

The college dropout - are they unemployed? Or are they simply not an academic who then went and found a niche elsewhere?

 

As for a *lesser degree*. Well that's very subjective - not to mention judgmental of the person making the call. So where does a

skilled trades person sit on this spectrum? Are we to believe that a skills and qualifications of a carpenter or electrician are lesser than say an environmental engineer?

 

For me? If the person is employable, shares my morals and ethics and can hold an intelligent conversation - I'd have no problem dating them.

[basil67]

Why would you say that people who have different requirements and standards to you, are 'snobs'?

That's really a flippant remark which is loaded with disdain.

 

Simply because some people have differing intellectual requirements, doesn't make them highfalutin or pretentious.

 

For example, I could be dating a successful, articulate, educated, intellectual guy who's really made the grade, but one sniff of any social prejudice, I'm immediately on "Ignorant bigot" alert.

 

That doesn't make me a snob. That makes me choosy about whom I'm prepared to give my time to.

 

When it comes to snobbery, I think the words in the OPs post were loaded with it. A the term a "lesser degree" just reeks of judgement.

 

I think there's a difference between someone who wants a person who has a similar level of education and a person who views another's education as "lesser"

[hasaquestion]

Interesting topic. A few thoughts.

 

First off. Several people have made a point that intelligence does not equal education. That plenty of people are intelligent (and successful) without having an education, and that conversely,tons of educated people are bums or have no common sense. Both are true.

 

But the implication - that education is only a valuable attribute insofar as it manifests itself in a practical and tangible way - I don't agree with. Someone could simply think an educated companion has intrinsic value to them. So lets not make this about intelligence.

 

That said, I think measuring how educated someone is in "level of education" is a VERY imprecise benchmark.

 

1. Most people have an education, and most people are not educated. So right away we know that something doesn't add up.

 

2. There are hundreds of thousands of accredited degree programs out there. The only aspects of education in the USA that are comparable are SAT, AP and GRE scores. I would never make an assumption about how educated someone is without knowing what the program was.

 

3. People usually go to graduate school to advance their careers. I fully admit it's a small sample, but in my experience with people in my field, there is no correlation at least, and a negative correlation at most, between undegrad qualifications and immediate further education because the kids who are the most impressive are offered cushy jobs at 22.

 

4. You can learn a lot on your own. I met a pasty ginger kid stocking shelves at Target once who held a fragmented conversation with me in Arabic. Told me he was teaching himself on YouTube. Learning is more accessible than ever in 2016 if you have the motivation. Curiosity goes a loooooong way.

 

Bottom line - I do care how educated you are, it's a plus for companionship. I don't care how or where you got educated, and I'm certainly not going to assume Person A is more educated than Person B because Person A has a degree and Person B doesn't without knowing where the degree is from and in what.

[TaraMaiden2]

When it comes to snobbery, I think the words in the OPs post were loaded with it. A the term a "lesser degree" just reeks of judgement.

 

I think there's a difference between someone who wants a person who has a similar level of education and a person who views another's education as "lesser"

 

Yes, I re-read; I take your point. It's 4 pages ago, I'd totally forgotten the wording.

[mikeylo]

Exactly what I said on your first page

Many times (not all but many) when people say education doesn't mean anything, I've seen smart people with no degree and dump people who's a Ph.D. Blah blah ..it's because they don't have a degree themselves

Inferiority complex creeps in, that's why! Sometimes the more educated one has emotional intelligence as well and when they are able to balance both, the other with only intelligence but less education level, their ego comes Inbetween and then begins the downward spiral.

 

While we can't t choose whom we fall in love with but sooner or later , these differences begin to creep in, like any other issue.

[mikeylo]

I'd rather have a relationship with someone who had both street smarts AND book smarts. Anyone can become book smart if they apply themselves. It takes a real talent to be both.

 

And you will never be bored with someone who has both.

 

And, how easy it is to find such people?