Cell phone question [updated]

[yepsurething]

Hard to do without distorting the sounds you do want. If you want to try it on Audacity, which is a free download, PM me and I'll give you the steps.

 

I did download it, but I can't figure it out from there =/

[yepsurething]

There is software that can clean it up a bit but not much.

 

Is there any way you can slip it into the headliner? Cut a small opening and slide it in there?

 

heading out now to try to find a better hiding place.

 

I'll look in that area. thanks.

[Lobe]

Good luck.

[Midwestmissy]

This is breaking my heart, because the behavior here is exactly what I went through. To the poster who said the op was pathetic, this woman has every alarm in her body and brain going off. That's not paranoia, that's her body telling her that something is way off. It doesn't lie. When I see a mouse, my body tenses up in fear - can't control it, no matter how many people tell me it's irrational. The phone, the accusations of being crazy - ugh, I'm so sorry.

 

I actually started throwing up very regularly when my husband started his affair (which I wouldn't find out about until almost a year later). And my previously loving husband looked at me on the bathroom floor and told me I was a delusional drama queen who was unstable. Yet, he had no issues leaving a crazy wife in charge of the kids. He never suggested giving the drama queen wife a break. He called me unstable while he texted away and hid his cell phone. He was so uncharacteristically cold and mean, I just got sicker. It was horrific abuse. After 20 plus years of a beautifully easy and trusting relationship where we both had complete transparency. It was a horrible time. All of that for ego strokes from a mouth breathing loser for a few months. Hes horrified by what he did.

 

I wish I had acted less rashly - it gave him fuel for his fire. Be calm, and if possible, see a therapist to guide you through this. The problem with work affairs and stay at home wives is the arrogant condescension they throw at you - every odd piece of evidence has the noble plausible excuse of hard work attached to it. While you, pathetic woman with too much time on your hands with a cushy job, get to be home and fabricate these fabulous soap opera scenarios and he is working his tail off. Hah. All my h and his ow did was poop where they ate and put the whole family business at risk for a lawsuit. Not real noble.

Edited June 14, 2016 by Midwestmissy
Not enough coffee yet

[elaine567]

The problem with work affairs and stay at home wives is the arrogant condescension they throw at you - every odd piece of evidence has the noble plausible excuse of hard work attached to it. While you, pathetic woman with too much time on your hands with a cushy job, get to be home and fabricate these fabulous soap opera scenarios and he is working his tail off.

 

Yes, I feel that this is the dynamic that is being played out here too.

 

OP

I feel you need to separate yourself from this almost total reliance on your husband financially.

I see you do not have a car, remedy that immediately, you do not want to be reliant on him for transportation, get a beat up truck for the farm, a tiny mini, anything, just start getting some more independence. You may need that if one day he just ups and leaves for his OW. If you cannot drive then get lessons and learn fast.

I would also start cutting down on your animals, or streamlining things, so that the farm is more manageable with or without his financial input. If your stay at home job is not that profitable, seek out other employment/another business model.

He may not leave, he may just like having two women, but sometimes the lure of a less complicated life is appealing and if the OW is insistent, then some men will just up and leave, leaving chaos in their wake.

YOU have had warning and even if he is totally innocent here, I think this is a wake up call.

Your position as a stay at home Mom makes you very vulnerable.

[JoeSmith357-1]

I would have never thought my wife capable of doing what she did. Especially how quickly it went straight to a PA.

 

I think anyone is capable of it. Including me or you.

 

Marriage is work. It takes a lot of effort and thought to keep the love alive and the relationship strong. When that effort slips at some point and one spouse happens to fall in love with someone else who shows interest in them, it's like heroine. Once you take a hit, good luck getting back off the train.

 

Before I had hard proof, any time I questioned my wife's relationship with her "friend", she would become furious and claim I didn't trust her and my inability to do so was pushing her away. It would turn into a screaming match every time I questioned anything having to do with the friend. Lie after lie after lie after lie after lie. In the end, it's hard to fathom how many times you were lied to and that your spouse was capable of such deception for so long.

 

Funny though... once you have hard proof, they instantly break down, and then they'll do anything to "fix" it.

 

This hits pretty close to home for me... especially the last part.

[merrmeade]

I did download it, but I can't figure it out from there =/

Open Audacity and drag the audio file icon into the Audacity window. Try duplicating the track a few times first to see if it makes the voice segments and louder.

 

If the background noise is still overwhelming the voice, go here ... (Noise Reduction instructions)

It may distort the voices too much to understand but worth a try.

[yepsurething]

I'll try to use the Audacity program and see what I can do. can't figure out the duplicate thing.

 

so frustrating because he starts to talk about her and I can't hear what he's saying and it sounds important.

 

at one point he tells his friend that everything is going really good with me and how positive he's feeling then he goes instantly into "yeah, XXXXX is...or was a real pain in the ass sometimes.

 

I didn't like how he was telling how we are getting along and instantly goes to talking about her. he switched from is to was in the convo. Ahh, if i could just make out what they said.

 

Im still shocked I guess that he's such a liar. I've been doing what has been suggested and being very loving, supportive, not bringing up anything bad, lots of sex...which he's feeling guilty about and now I know why.

 

I moved the recorder into a small gap in the headrest, hope it gets better sound.

 

wow, I just dont even know what to think. so does this mean all those times I felt weird and out of sorts and he called me jealous and crazy that this same thing could have been happening? or is this the first time?

 

at the same time I'm sad and angry I feel relieved that Im not a nut...even though he tried to tell me Im creating a self fulfilled prophecy. is that more gas lighting?

[yepsurething]

Open Audacity and drag the audio file icon into the Audacity window. Try duplicating the track a few times first to see if it makes the voice segments and louder.

 

If the background noise is still overwhelming the voice, go here ... (Noise Reduction instructions)

It may distort the voices too much to understand but worth a try.

 

the noise redacting link is blank. and it really seems like he's saying something important maybe even if they were physical but its too loud to make out for sure.

 

is there somewhere I can upload the link for money and it will be cleared up?

[merrmeade]

is there somewhere I can upload the link for money and it will be cleared up?

yeah, Audacity can be complicated.

 

After a couple of searches varying the keywords, I got mostly do it yourself sites, but there were 2-3 that will do it for you —

- audio-cleaning-online.com (submit a request; they send a quote);

- airgig,com;

- freelancers.com.

 

Don't know how long it would take. Good luck.

[BuddyX]

I still don't get how you can have a cellphone conversation with the window down and radio on?

If you leave the VAR in the car long enough you'll find your answers.

[dichotomy]

OP - You are doing well. Continue to be patient, gather many recordings before acting out, making decisions, or saying anything. One recording is not enough. Many recordings over a period of time - say 4 weeks or more is better.

 

Also be ready that sometimes you might not hear anything constituting additional wrong doing, but you may hear things you wish you did not.

[Lobe]

at the same time I'm sad and angry I feel relieved that Im not a nut...even though he tried to tell me Im creating a self fulfilled prophecy. is that more gas lighting?

 

Bingo. That way, when/if you DO catch him, he can say, "What else was I supposed to do? You told me I was cheating, so I did! I hope you learned your lesson now!" Or some other twisted albeit equally sh*tty explanation.

 

Be patient. I know it's hard and your mind is racing, but you'll get your answers soon enough, including if you ARE a nutjob. (which I, for the record, do not think is the case - a judgment I'm qualified to make because I *am* a nutjob lol)

[Midwestmissy]

I'm pretty sure your fear of him cheating didn't cause him to cheat. It's very crazy making. Like the problem isn't that he gets caught, it's that you snooped. Or he didn't ruin lives by cheating, you ruined them by finding out and telling another spouse. Entitled tools. You. Are. Not. Crazy. You're sane - your inner red flags are waving wildly because you're so sane. People who are accused of bad things they are not doing pull out all the stops to put loved ones at ease. Period. Why be angry and secretive about nothing?

[Lobe]

Checking in YST. Any updates? how are you holding up?

[yepsurething]

Checking in YST. Any updates? how are you holding up?

 

Doing ok. Found a better place to hide the recorder. I heard him talking about a woman he works with. Saying she was pretty and looked like she could #uck like a racehorse.

 

Right after he made fun of me for saying flirting wasn't innocent.

 

Is that just how all men talk when away from their wives?.

[yepsurething]

Not sure where to post this...

 

But is it just normal for husbands to say crude things when they don't think their wives can hear.

 

My husband was talking to a friend on the phone about a coworker.his friend was saying that he was innocently flirting with her and my husband proceeds to say "my wife says there is no such thing as innocent flirting" then they laughed.

 

Then my husband says the woman is pretty doesn't carry much fat..and looks like she could #uck like a racehorse.

 

Wow. Im shocked to hear him talk this way.

[Mrin]

Dudespeak. Pretty common. I wouldn't get too worked up about it toots.

 

 

 

OMG! I totally just said that! No, seriously, it is pretty common if vulgar and adolescent. Some guys engage in that sort of banter. If it translates into action or speech outside of his close dude friendships, that's where you have a problem.

[basil67]

When they are away from us girls? I don't want to know what hubby and his mates sound like on the golf course....

[Lobe]

Is that just how all men talk when away from their wives?.

 

Only ones who are *********s...

[S2B]

Doing ok. Found a better place to hide the recorder. I heard him talking about a woman he works with. Saying she was pretty and looked like she could #uck like a racehorse.

 

Right after he made fun of me for saying flirting wasn't innocent.

 

Is that just how all men talk when away from their wives?.

 

No. A married man talking that way as soon as he's away from his wife is disgusting.

 

Your husband is acting like a complete jerk.

 

He's not acting married at all. And he certainly isn't respecting you.

 

I'd have a huge problem with that behavior.

[Lobe]

If I lived close enough I would jump in my truck, stay overnight, and follow your hubbly bubbly with a camera and boom. If I am *this* frustrated, I can only imagine yours.

[The Lives of Others]

and looks like she could #uck like a racehorse.

 

That's funny. Guys talk like this to vent their own frustrations. But they wouldn't bet on that racehorse, and most guys wouldn't take a ride, thought probably they think they would when they have a beer, watch porn, and pet their best-friend snake (all while working on a hobby in their basement).

[merrmeade]

Doing ok. Found a better place to hide the recorder. I heard him talking about a woman he works with. Saying she was pretty and looked like she could #uck like a racehorse.

 

Right after he made fun of me for saying flirting wasn't innocent.

 

Is that just how all men talk when away from their wives?

You don't need to be told this. Trust your feelings hereI don't see that you do.

 

I don't see how you could be "doing ok" when you've just heard your husband describe a coworker in completely sexist terms and ridicule you to a 3rd party. You should be hopping mad!

[66Charger]

You should focus on what you are looking for. There will be different answers to this question based on gender and where you post. Notice the completely different responses, before the thread was merged and when you clarified what was said and how it was said.

 

EA or PA, not your Hs crude talk meant for the boys.

Edited June 16, 2016 by 66Charger