Women in their 40's ...

[PegNosePete]

always funny when people judge other people without knowing them ... just because i have a sense of humor doesn't make me immature . if you base my personality on using emoticons than that sounds even more immature on your part ... i begin to notice that it is better to bitch and moan than to have a smile on ones face ... i didnt intend to come across all negative and emoticons are there to use ... should i judge you by your Name ??? That's whats wrong with people these days judging without knowing ... sad

The guy wasn't judging you, he was telling you how your writing is perceived by others, and giving you advice to help you improve how you present yourself. Which may be part of the reason for your problem.

 

He was trying to help you, but you smack him down.

[ChocolateRain]

So you live in a place where you can't date the locals and there are no european expats? Not the smartest move.

 

but that means I presume contacting men outside the country you live in. How do you expect that to work?

 

Unless I have completely misunderstood your situation.

 

my reason for moving to a warmer country ....

 

a few years back i was diagnosed with cancer and a '' lovely '' Doctor has told me that at the most i live but 5 more years and i will kick the bucket . he said dont plan anymore and enjoy yourself ....

 

Soooo, for some time i have done just that ... since the climate is great here i said what the heck if you have to bite the dust might as well do it here ...

So now the problem is ...i am still alive and kicking .

 

maybe you can relate or not but after a diagnosis like that life in general changes . Things that were important before become meaningless . i dont care for wealth or superficial things anymore . All i wish or ask for is a loyal understanding , loving partner by my side ...

 

i try to be as positive as i can with my situation and besides pain and the ability to jump around like a spring chicken is not really given anymore . but i am as normal as can be ... i get that typical '' well you look so young and you dont look like you have cancer '' kind of response

 

Granted it was not the smartest move to make to move here i agree but i am flexible and if need be i can always go back but i need a reason so to speak . i guess my situation is a bit complex , i agree ...

 

My main issue is with peoples behavior on OLD Sites i guess more so .... and reading here helps a lot ,seeing things from different perspectives .

[Emilia]

my reason for moving to a warmer country ....

 

a few years back i was diagnosed with cancer and a '' lovely '' Doctor has told me that at the most i live but 5 more years and i will kick the bucket . he said dont plan anymore and enjoy yourself ....

 

Soooo, for some time i have done just that ... since the climate is great here i said what the heck if you have to bite the dust might as well do it here ...

So now the problem is ...i am still alive and kicking .

 

maybe you can relate or not but after a diagnosis like that life in general changes . Things that were important before become meaningless . i dont care for wealth or superficial things anymore . All i wish or ask for is a loyal understanding , loving partner by my side ...

 

i try to be as positive as i can with my situation and besides pain and the ability to jump around like a spring chicken is not really given anymore . but i am as normal as can be ... i get that typical '' well you look so young and you dont look like you have cancer '' kind of response

 

Granted it was not the smartest move to make to move here i agree but i am flexible and if need be i can always go back but i need a reason so to speak . i guess my situation is a bit complex , i agree ...

 

My main issue is with peoples behavior on OLD Sites i guess more so .... and reading here helps a lot ,seeing things from different perspectives .

That is a terrible predicament to be in, I am very sorry.

 

I think it will be very hard to give you advice on this because I think realistically it would be difficult for most people to build a connection with you knowing what is going on. Building a bond with someone who most likely won't be around for a very long time must be extremely difficult.

 

Have you thought about focusing your energy in a different direction? Volunteering for example? You may be able to get emotional fulfillment that way.

[ChocolateRain]

The guy wasn't judging you, he was telling you how your writing is perceived by others, and giving you advice to help you improve how you present yourself. Which may be part of the reason for your problem.

 

He was trying to help you, but you smack him down.

 

Honestly , i dont need help nor improving on how i present myself . i am who i am and i have plenty of friends who value who i am . And people tend to be comfortable around me . Some people go through tough situations and maybe all they have left is smiles and a positive outlook on life . How can ppl judge by some emoticons or writing styles ??? My first language is not english so maybe its a problem of writing skills idk ...

 

And again if ppl have problem with sense of humor then what can i say ... lol

[Robert]

My first language is not english so maybe its a problem of writing skills idk ...

 

**Moderators Note**

 

For the posters in this thread, let's keep this portion in the forefront before you rail on a poster for using emoticons here on LoveShack.

 

Let's post helpful, respectful posts please

 

Carry on....

[ChocolateRain]

That is a terrible predicament to be in, I am very sorry.

 

I think it will be very hard to give you advice on this because I think realistically it would be difficult for most people to build a connection with you knowing what is going on. Building a bond with someone who most likely won't be around for a very long time must be extremely difficult.

 

Have you thought about focusing your energy in a different direction? Volunteering for example? You may be able to get emotional fulfillment that way.

 

i deal with my situation the best way i can and personally i think i am on the best path . i was working for the US Air Force and had to deal with trauma all my life ( Job Related ) . i am still involved in certain projects so yes that part brings some kind of fulfillment .

[ChocolateRain]

for peace sake i will refrain from posting and stick to reading ...

but thank you Robert : )

[stillafool]

my reason for moving to a warmer country ....

 

a few years back i was diagnosed with cancer and a '' lovely '' Doctor has told me that at the most i live but 5 more years and i will kick the bucket . he said dont plan anymore and enjoy yourself ....

 

Soooo, for some time i have done just that ... since the climate is great here i said what the heck if you have to bite the dust might as well do it here ...

So now the problem is ...i am still alive and kicking .

 

maybe you can relate or not but after a diagnosis like that life in general changes . Things that were important before become meaningless . i dont care for wealth or superficial things anymore . All i wish or ask for is a loyal understanding , loving partner by my side ...

 

i try to be as positive as i can with my situation and besides pain and the ability to jump around like a spring chicken is not really given anymore . but i am as normal as can be ... i get that typical '' well you look so young and you dont look like you have cancer '' kind of response

 

Granted it was not the smartest move to make to move here i agree but i am flexible and if need be i can always go back but i need a reason so to speak . i guess my situation is a bit complex , i agree ...

 

My main issue is with peoples behavior on OLD Sites i guess more so .... and reading here helps a lot ,seeing things from different perspectives .

 

I don't have anything constructive to say. I just wish I could hug you. (((((HUGS))))))!!!!!!!!!

[ChocolateRain]

I don't have anything constructive to say. I just wish I could hug you. (((((HUGS))))))!!!!!!!!!

 

from the Bottom of my heart ... a big thank you

[Emilia]

i deal with my situation the best way i can and personally i think i am on the best path . i was working for the US Air Force and had to deal with trauma all my life ( Job Related ) . i am still involved in certain projects so yes that part brings some kind of fulfillment .

What I am asking is: do you think it's fair on a future potential partner to expect him to invest emotionally in a relationship when you know for certain that it's going to end in the near future and bring loss and bereavement for that person?

[CarrieT]

Exactly, the problem that will arise with dating younger men... there will always be the issue of wanting a family sooner or later . maybe now in my 40's is not a big deal of dating a younger man in their 30's but down the years it will make a huge difference .

I disagree with this.

 

My last Bf was younger than me and was the best relationship of my life. The only problem was that he voiced that he wishes children one day . So it would be selfish of me to rob him out of him being a dad in the future .

I think you are projecting your last BF's wishes for children on all younger men. After a divorce at the age of 24, I was single and dating for the next 25 years. I never wanted children and dated and was involved with men from their 30s to their 60s who - like me - weren't necessarily pushing the Family Card. So there won't ALWAYS be the issue of someone wanting a family.

 

Another problem i have noticed that men my age often lie when on OLD sites . Many are married and /or are stuck in a unhappy marriage and they either wish to complain but not do anything about it or they just looking for a quick fix ...

Now this *is* true but it isn't just men who lie on OLD sites. Again, during those 25 dating years I experienced, there were stretches where I was literally working those sites. The ending of a very toxic relationship brought me to this site in October, 2008. After that time, I had hundreds of online convos and went on more than fifty coffee meet-and-greets before I met a guy in 2011 I eventually married in 2013.

 

So I don't think you should give up. But lower expectations and enjoy the process more than build expectations for a specific outcome.

[elaine567]

What I am asking is: do you think it's fair on a future potential partner to expect him to invest emotionally in a relationship when you know for certain that it's going to end in the near future and bring loss and bereavement for that person?

 

Well it all really depends on the status of ChocolateRain's cancer at the moment.

She may well have years ahead.

Five year survival rates may be dire but if she is one of the survivors and is disease free or has disease that is under control or treatable, then it is not impossible she may have many more years ahead of her.

[PegNosePete]

Another problem i have noticed that men my age often lie when on OLD sites . Many are married and /or are stuck in a unhappy marriage and they either wish to complain but not do anything about it or they just looking for a quick fix ...

Yes but that's true of any other method of meeting people as well. Men (and women) lie when you meet them in bars, in supermarkets, in hobby groups, at the train station, etc. Lying is not exclusive to OLD.

 

Honest people are honest, however you meet them, whether online or in RL.

 

Sure, it's easier for a wannabe cheater to create an OLD profile and message others than it is to sneak out to a bar. But it's also easier for you to delete and block them as soon as you realize. You don't have to climb out the bathroom window, or anything. Just click-click.

[ChocolateRain]

What I am asking is: do you think it's fair on a future potential partner to expect him to invest emotionally in a relationship when you know for certain that it's going to end in the near future and bring loss and bereavement for that person?

 

it is kind of hard answering that question but i will try and put yourself in my situation for one small moment if you may ...

 

despite looks ...i still feel very much alive and if you crossed my path on the street you may not see my illness .

 

should i be thrown on a pile of the dead already ? i still feel normal i do everything that other people do too . A death sentence made by some doctors doesnt mean it will happen right there right then : )

 

i have had numerous surgeries and its normal that i live in pain and certain things i dont or cant do anymore simply because they make me feel discomfort ( example ...going out partying all night long ).

 

And i am looking for people with possible disabilities and i do bring it up and let people know what the deal is .

 

i get positive responses from young and old and despite my illness there are many who wish to date me and some even asked for marriage . But they always just comment on my looks but i wish internal fulfillment .

 

Life is not guaranteed for anyone , i could cross the street tomorrow and be dead too . i will never push myself on someone that cant deal with my situation and that would make me selfish and that isnt me .

 

There are people out there feel the same as i do or in similar situation but unfortunately there are continents in between .

 

i dont and never have pitied myself because of my situation , it is what it is .

Some go early some go later ...

 

i can go and have fun if i wish sexual pleasure that's not the problem and i dont need help in that part of my life but there is more to life than just sexual pleasure .

 

My main concern is not my illness or death etc etc there are plenty of men out there that wouldnt mind being with me knowing all the facts ( but they are mostly younger men ) ... i am still a person : ) ... and alive

 

i didnt come here to discuss my illness ( just had to go into detail to be understood ) again, people tend to react positive

. The issue for me more so is ( and many women i know personally ) complain about Men in our age range not wanting commitment and it's even harder on OLD Sites

 

in general i would like to say i feel sorry that i have upset some people here simply because the way i come across to them ... and i kind of regret to have started this thread ... i love to read about ppl experiences so better to stick to reading

[gaius]

Some guys are exceptionally mature and know exactly what they want in their 20's. Others are still having tantrums and trying to figure that out when they're 50. You can't reliably separate guys out based on what year they were born. It doesn't work like that. You'll only end up hurting yourself by giving so much weight to such an overblown metric.

 

I'm dating a woman older than myself who I'm deeply in love with and I've known I don't really want kids of my own for a long time. Carrie is right that the urge doesn't happen to everyone. Each person is different.

 

Bottom line is if you're a woman who men find genuinely interesting, who they want to stay with then younger guys will want to stay with you. But if you're bland, uninteresting, non-noticable then it's probably safer to stay away from younger men. While some old viagra powered 60 something guy may stay with you just cause you're 40 there's less politics involved when the guy is younger, it has to be based on real connection and interest in you as a person. And if you have nothing of value to offer in that area then Emilia's probably right, it's doomed from the start.

 

Just know who you are, what you have to offer and proceed accordingly.

[ChocolateRain]

Well it all really depends on the status of ChocolateRain's cancer at the moment.

She may well have years ahead.

Five year survival rates may be dire but if she is one of the survivors and is disease free or has disease that is under control or treatable, then it is not impossible she may have many more years ahead of her.

 

i have lost two friends because of cancer ... it was my personal choice to not undergo Chemo i have listened to the Doctors what could happen if i should decide to do so . it is and was my personal choice to say no to it and deep in my heart i feel i made the right choice . i will not go into too much detail but having worked in the field of Health Care i declined Chemo .

 

i have the '' luck '' of having a rare type of cancer and there is no cure as of yet ...

 

To your Post ... exactly , i may have years ahead of me . Who is to say that i will die in the next 10 years or when ever ... and just as your positive post that is how i feel ... i am a fighter and i will not let this get me down ...

[stillafool]

I disagree with this.

 

 

I think you are projecting your last BF's wishes for children on all younger men. After a divorce at the age of 24, I was single and dating for the next 25 years. I never wanted children and dated and was involved with men from their 30s to their 60s who - like me - weren't necessarily pushing the Family Card. So there won't ALWAYS be the issue of someone wanting a family.

 

 

I agree with the above. I have a friend in her early 50's who is dating a 32 year old man and they are very happy. He is divorced and already has 2 kids and doesn't want more. It happens.

[PegNosePete]

i didnt come here to discuss my illness

No, but I think it's very much linked to your problem, that men your own age don't want to date you.

 

You've explained it very well from your side. We have all tried to put ourselves in your position reading your post, but have you tried to put yourself in the guys position?

 

Imagine you're a guy looking for a long term relationship (as most single guys in your age range are). You've been exchanging messages with a nice lady who seems to share many interests and seems nice, when suddenly she tells you she may not be around for long.

 

Sure, any of us can be hit by a bus any day, there are no guarantees in life. But for most people that is a small chance, a freak event. You're telling them that they are probably going to be bereaved sooner rather than later, that they will probably not be growing old with you, that the odds of losing you are much higher than the odds of being hit by a bus. Yes it's true that any relationship is a gamble, it can be ended by death at any time -- but you're telling them that your odds are much narrower than most.

 

Most guys who are looking for a long-term relationship, would choose not to take that gamble. And for the record it would be the same if the genders were reversed.

 

The ones that do carry on contact are the ones who aren't looking for a long term relationship. The FWB, ONS seekers, etc. The non-serious guys who don't want to become emotionally involved.

 

Sorry I don't have a solution to this. But hopefully have helped explain why you're seeing this trend.

[ChocolateRain]

No, but I think it's very much linked to your problem, that men your own age don't want to date you.

 

Ok once again ... first to the sad part ( violins playing LOL ) My biggest fear is dying alone and yes my last wish would be to die peaceful in someones arms ...

 

Now the dating part ... it is not that men my age dont want to date me . i would absolutely have no problem !!!!

 

i have went on '' some '' RL dates and let's say i did not tell my Date the issues right away . i take this with much humor so please no one read to deep into it ...

 

One guy in particular chased me down for so long begging me for a date . He is /was my age range . Very handsome man i might add and normally i dont go for the '' looks '' but i ended up giving him a chance .

 

We went out a few times and each time he looked at his phone ( LOL dont they all ) he placed it on the table and told me to NEVER EVER EVER look at his phone and he said * i trust you & i have to use the Loo * ... coming back he gave me the run down how pretty i was and he had a crush on me for the longest blah blah blah

 

i am not into FB but i googled his name and BiNGO !!!! Married hhhh

i went on quite a few dates like that .

 

My point is ... why go through all this chase , wasted time , lies ,deceit , Miles Traveled , wasted money on food etc etc you catch my drift ?

 

On Top of it all, he got mad because i snooped on him and blamed i had trust issues sorry but hhhhh .

 

When all the cards were on the table he insisted that he fell deeply in love with me and he never loved his wife BUT circumstances yeah same ol' same ol'...

 

Other men my age are quite honest and tell openly that they are looking for just sex which is okay and i can accept the honesty but sex aint all and everything ...

 

Then you have those ( and now we get to the OLD sites ) that use Sites where you pay a fee to find a partner which seems legit ...

To my ( and other females i know ) disappointment many men pay to meet a partner but end up wanting sex or again .... are married and look for sexual adventures !!!!

 

 

 

 

You've explained it very well from your side. We have all tried to put ourselves in your position reading your post, but have you tried to put yourself in the guys position?

 

Imagine you're a guy looking for a long term relationship (as most single guys in your age range are). You've been exchanging messages with a nice lady who seems to share many interests and seems nice, when suddenly she tells you she may not be around for long.

 

The OLD sites i have used are mostly those for ppl with disabilities and where all can read and make a choice to talk or not to talk i leave it up to ppl . i dont approach i wait till i get approached .

 

To my surprise again it is mostly the younger guys who are often more open to talk about it then men my own age . i can completely understand the issue that you have mentioned that many have a problem with and that is fine .

 

But the ones that choose to want to talk are either wrapped up on FB with 1000 other women ( this goes for a lot of people illness or not ) .

 

My issue is OLD Sites in general why so many go through all this

Mumbo Jumbo creating Profiles , pay money for it , hours and hours of texting , basically waste ppl time and their own ? Seeking ? Looking for serious relationship ? looking for soulmate ? etc etc

 

in reality just looking for a cheap thrill . My illness is secondary because many women/men i know have the same issues ...

 

Sure, any of us can be hit by a bus any day, there are no guarantees in life. But for most people that is a small chance, a freak event. You're telling them that they are probably going to be bereaved sooner rather than later, that they will probably not be growing old with you, that the odds of losing you are much higher than the odds of being hit by a bus. Yes it's true that any relationship is a gamble, it can be ended by death at any time -- but you're telling them that your odds are much narrower than most.

 

Most guys who are looking for a long-term relationship, would choose not to take that gamble. And for the record it would be the same if the genders were reversed.

 

Rarely , i get negative responses ... but i do understand your point !

 

The ones that do carry on contact are the ones who aren't looking for a long term relationship. The FWB, ONS seekers, etc. The non-serious guys who don't want to become emotionally involved.

 

True, many do...

 

and again it was my experience that some mature young men wanted to pursue a relationship with me and some still have kept contact with me till this day .

 

Maybe it is a cultural thing ( ??? ) , when i was living in America it somehow wasnt that big of a deal for a older woman to have a younger man but in my Birth country it is still frowned upon .

 

Personally , i prefer same age or older ...

 

Sorry I don't have a solution to this. But hopefully have helped explain why you're seeing this trend.

 

maybe the solution is to be patient and as the saying goes * if it is meant to be it will be *

 

thank you for your input

[Emilia]

surely if you took into account the other person, a casual arrangement would be more suitable?

 

By the time you get to your 40s, you have been through many disappointments if you are single AGAIN and most people who honestly want a relationship probably want to settle down with that person. They don't want to be back to square one 3, 5, 8 years down the line when they are older.

 

I think it is completely understandable that a person who wants a life long partner wouldn't look to date someone with a terminal illness. They probably don't want to date someone with depression or other non-life-threatening illness let alone cancer.

 

If your aim is still have sex and fun then perhaps as I said a casual arrangement would be a fairer option.

[Emilia]

As for OLD in general, yeah it's horrible, I'm not a fan. It's a lot of work and really quite horrible. I can't imagine treating dating like a sport.

[SmartDude]

When I was in my early 20's I was just too shy and backwards to be able to date women. So I went without any love or affection from women for many years. This can have a profound effect on a man. For me, I had no choice but to become stronger within myself. A beautifull thing happened because now I know that whatever happens, being alone is just fine, there is no pain accociated with not being in a relationship anymore. Might feel that desire at times but it does not cause pain and destruction in my life the way that it used too.

 

Thankfully, I adjusted and was able to be in long term relationships in my 30's. Being in love is great but now I realize just how few women I could truly be compatible with in life. Being totally alone is not neccecary and neither is a monogamous relationship for my happiness.

 

Younger women are becoming a good match for me these days because of things we have in common! What could an older guy and young woman have in common? I will tell you..

 

Younger women like me because I can provide a healing escape from the harshness/insensitivity that younger guys are some times guilty of. Being an older guy I am less possesive of a woman's sexuality, and able to see a time when the younger woman I am with is no longer with me, and thats fine. It almost makes the relationship "safe" in a way by having that low level of risk and commitment. There is quite a bit less of a chance for either person to get hurt in my opinion. And because younger women generally also do not want to be tied down to some one with a signifigant age gap ,and want to have experiences..its a good match.

 

By the time a guy is late 30's ,he has spent years of his life focusing on how to make ONE woman he is with happy. I feel like I have done my share of loving in a monogomous style and now I simply don't desire that. Freedom is more important and all the love I need, I can get from friends who also share my perspective. Because its not just about sex! Its about becomming a good lover and having good ethics and wanting to make the people you are with happy. Sex and affection are included yay!

 

Women my own age who are in the same "relationship phase" that I am in would be a great find. but they seem to be rare? Either that or they are doing exactly what I am doing and having fun with younger. Women in their 40's often want serious commitments within a short time frame. Then they want to say I am not a man if I don't give in to their demands and change of lifestyle. Just to suit their needs for comfort. Sorry but no!

 

Women in their 30's are sometimes 10x more serious than women in their 40's though, because they do have a desire for a family. So it is a mixed bag there. Much prefer to stay around 10 years younger when I can which seems to be the sweet spot.

 

So in summary: Men in their 40's realize who they are and what they want. The burning desire to have a monogamous relationship may be taking a back seat to other pursuits and interests in life. Many have just got out of the long-term relationship/marrige of their life and they want an f'ing break from that altogether. Men in their 40's are often on a quest of redescovering who they are, because they lost themselves at some point within their long term relationships.

[Taramere]

my reason for moving to a warmer country ....

 

a few years back i was diagnosed with cancer and a '' lovely '' Doctor has told me that at the most i live but 5 more years and i will kick the bucket . he said dont plan anymore and enjoy yourself .....

 

I am so sorry to read this.

 

Dating has always been a bit of a cattlemarket, and I should imagine online dating is even worse. For me, I just form connections with people through everyday life - and if one of those connections were with a man and we fell in love then great, but I have no interest in trying to manufacture a situation like that by hanging out in meatmarkets either online or offline. I worry that for somebody in your situation, having cancer, the usual meatmarket nature of hook up environments would feel ten times more soul destroying. Friendship borne of just connecting with people, without necessarily looking for romantic relationships to emerge from them, might be a lot more emotionally and psychologically rewarding....and who knows where it could lead?

 

I wouldn't necessarily write off the younger men who show interest in you. I mean sure, these relationships often don't work out...but relationships with guys your own age or older aren't guaranteed to work out either. I would agree that the ideal is probably to find somebody around your own age with whom you have shared values and a connection.

 

However, a man your own age might be going through a bit of a midlife crisis, trying to regain youth etc. You being in your 40s too might be too much of a reminder of his own ageing realities that he'd rather forget as much as possible...whereas younger men deal with a rather different set of demons. So maturity in a woman can be something a younger man will admire and appreciate rather than feel depressed by.

 

What's your support network like? You mention having moved to where you are now relatively recently. Are you able to get out and about much? Is the location a reasonably friendly one that's conducive to you becoming part of the local community?

[Emilia]

Women in their 40's often want serious commitments within a short time frame.

This is the only part I found surprising in your post.

[Gloria25]

When I was in my early 20's I was just too shy and backwards to be able to date women. So I went without any love or affection from women for many years. This can have a profound effect on a man. For me, I had no choice but to become stronger within myself. A beautifull thing happened because now I know that whatever happens, being alone is just fine, there is no pain accociated with not being in a relationship anymore. Might feel that desire at times but it does not cause pain and destruction in my life the way that it used too.

 

Thankfully, I adjusted and was able to be in long term relationships in my 30's. Being in love is great but now I realize just how few women I could truly be compatible with in life. Being totally alone is not neccecary and neither is a monogamous relationship for my happiness.

 

Younger women are becoming a good match for me these days because of things we have in common! What could an older guy and young woman have in common? I will tell you..

 

Younger women like me because I can provide a healing escape from the harshness/insensitivity that younger guys are some times guilty of. Being an older guy I am less possesive of a woman's sexuality, and able to see a time when the younger woman I am with is no longer with me, and thats fine. It almost makes the relationship "safe" in a way by having that low level of risk and commitment. There is quite a bit less of a chance for either person to get hurt in my opinion. And because younger women generally also do not want to be tied down to some one with a signifigant age gap ,and want to have experiences..its a good match.

 

By the time a guy is late 30's ,he has spent years of his life focusing on how to make ONE woman he is with happy. I feel like I have done my share of loving in a monogomous style and now I simply don't desire that. Freedom is more important and all the love I need, I can get from friends who also share my perspective. Because its not just about sex! Its about becomming a good lover and having good ethics and wanting to make the people you are with happy. Sex and affection are included yay!

 

Women my own age who are in the same "relationship phase" that I am in would be a great find. but they seem to be rare? Either that or they are doing exactly what I am doing and having fun with younger. Women in their 40's often want serious commitments within a short time frame. Then they want to say I am not a man if I don't give in to their demands and change of lifestyle. Just to suit their needs for comfort. Sorry but no!

 

Women in their 30's are sometimes 10x more serious than women in their 40's though, because they do have a desire for a family. So it is a mixed bag there. Much prefer to stay around 10 years younger when I can which seems to be the sweet spot.

 

So in summary: Men in their 40's realize who they are and what they want. The burning desire to have a monogamous relationship may be taking a back seat to other pursuits and interests in life. Many have just got out of the long-term relationship/marrige of their life and they want an f'ing break from that altogether. Men in their 40's are often on a quest of redescovering who they are, because they lost themselves at some point within their long term relationships.

 

Agreed...

 

Most men finally grow into their own skin and are in a better place in life by 30. So, I wish guys would stop feeling so pressured to have dated/bed 100 women by 21.

 

Back in the day, when life expectancy was very short and people didn't have options, yes, everyone married young and had kids. But gosh, were they really "happy"? Or like me growing up in a third world country without a celphone - you don't desire what you never had and found happiness in other ways (like listening to adult contemporary music late at nite on a crappy radio).

 

And yes, like my last FWB (who at 43, was handsome, in shape...a "catch") guys who are dateable and not wallowing/wasting away in bad marriages out of fear of loneliness, have options and while he didn't want kids and all that, upon hi divorce from the Ice Queen, didn't wanna be tied down to me or anyone.

 

I was watching SNL two weeks ago (Drake was on) and that female comedian on the news portion, was talking about how older people take better care of ourselves and I think that unlike our ancestors who at 50 (like my neighbors) are overweight, tired, and about to kill over - us "older" people have more vitality, don't wanna be tied down, and that's what some guys younger than us are looking for.

 

I saw a cougar dating site commercial - where the cougar was highlighting the positives of us older women. We know what we want, are sometimes in better shape than younger women who are just buying time instead of eating right/being active, and we're not pressuring guys to spend money on us and/or give us kids...so again, something a 20s guy might be leaning more towards at that point in his life.

 

I don't know, I'm already into my current guy but hold back cuz I know it can't last...but, I'm hoping to get as much enjoyment out of us for the time it does go on. I rather do that than pretend I want kids and some guy to rescue me so that I can get married. I also don't wanna get with just any guy to keep a side of my bed warm. I had a lovely supervisor years ago, 50s, had like 10 years to retire and she was thin, hiked/biked. Not a vixen like me, but healthy and vital for her age. She married a guy who just retired, had a hearing aid and back problems. Plus she had to beg our company to reassign her to where he wanted to go cuz since he was retired and bored, he wanted to be closer to his kids. So, she couldn't do the things she enjoyed with him (biking/hiking), he could pass for her grandfather in looks, and her trying to manage work and be available for him was stressing her out...I rather have the arrangement I have with my current guy over that misery anytime. If I'm that lonely, I got my dogs, family, friends, and a social life.