Woman rejected me because I am white.

[Methodical]

Lol, Gloria, our posts hit at the same time and our thought process was pretty much the same this time.

[mrldii]

The site had nothing for sale...

 

You sure about that? From your own quoted quote, of what the site had actually written:

 

 

 

REJECTION TYPE #3 – TESTING REJECTION

 

An incongruent rejection occurs when you were talking to a girl who seemed into you but then she tells you that it’s a “no-go”. Maybe she’ll tell you that she has got a boyfriend or that you just aren’t her type. This kind of rejection is actually one of the most difficult for guys to deal with because just when you think you are gonna get somewhere with a girl it feels like you got the rug pulled out from under you.

 

My suggestion when you meet with this kind of rejection is to push on and keep going for it anyways. A lot of times this is what I call “fake-rejection” because it’s really just an attempt to see how interested and confident you are. If you give up at the first sign of resistance, you fail the test.

 

So a lot of times pushing through will actually get you the girl, plus as a bonus you will become more confident because you will be training yourself to stare rejection in the face and not back down from it.

 

I remember a time when I went for a kiss with a girl, and she turned away and said “no, we have the same friends, it will be awkward.”

 

I replied “I don’t care about our friends, I care about you, and it’ll be amazing”.

 

And of course we kissed each other ��

 

Women find this kind of dominance very attractive. As I say in many of our premium training courses, “there’s nothing more arousing for a woman than to be desired by a man who she values.”

 

...

 

The devil's always in the details, OP. Just like the details, according to the HR Department, that separate "sexual" from "other" forms of harassment in the workplace.

 

 

Again and still, best of luck to you, OP.

[ashteller]

Well played

[ashteller]

Update.

 

So today at work went really well with this woman, yesterday went good as well. She appears comfortable and even today she was joking with me and actually waited for me so she could open all the key access doors while I was carrying our completed work up. She did not have to wait but she did and tries to move faster then me to get to the door. I try to make her speed up by walking fast with this heavy load. I offered her to listen to a song to and she obliged and she was interested in it and we had small talk. And she was very smiley.

 

See me acting all cool like the rejection hasn't phased me, (even though it deeply has) works. Also treating her the same way as before works too.

 

How about this scenario, I know I was already rejected so it's not about her. But what about being honest with some one openly about my feelings? Like in my OP I said I was into her and want to spend time outside of work to get to know her. What if I would have actually told her my direct feelings? Like, I really like you because your different and there is something special about you and I am interested in spending more time with you.

 

??? Thanks my LS expert peeps!

[ashteller]

Nothing? No comment to my post before this?

[Jabron1]

Nothing? No comment to my post before this?

 

Go and game 20 more women.

 

Trust me. When a 20 year old sexy as hell Italian sexkittnen is texting you, you'll forget all about this women.

 

Go and get more options, and stop messing around with this woman.

[Jabron1]

I really do wonder whether you ever plan on posting anything constructive and helpful or just come on threads to pick fights. The fact that some posters ignore repeated posts from you should be a clue.

 

Or maybe, I'm just posting stuff from a completely masculine mindset.

 

I know it doesn't exist much anymore, so it may seem insane to you.

 

Just a thought LMAO.

 

Like I care if you ignore it. I have more 'likes' than I have posts. And if I didn't, I wouldn't care. What I do works for me in the real world. I don't have the same problems that guys have here. That's because I'm damn high value, and I know it.

 

The more 'people' that ignore, the more 'high value' I am. Supply and demand and all that .

 

I win either way.

 

I'll warn you once: never mistake me for a fool

[Jabron1]

My lenses are clear.

 

No, no, no, no.

 

You are a pronounced feminist.

 

You have never been a young man in the 21st century dating scene.

 

To say that your 'lenses are clear' is quite bizarre.

 

Would you bless your sons decision to date, and adopt a womans' children of a woman like this? How about your brothers?

[HillValley]

It's complicated, I would not say I was struck by cupid but she is definitely different from other woman and maybe that's why I am still stuck because I feel it should have been easy because of both of our circumstances so I am caught off guard and hurt and I suppose I don't like feeling this way nor deserve it. I act all chill at work and around her but she seems the one acting different and it hurts me more and I would like to remedy it and I don't feel ignoring it or a lack of communication is the medication.

 

I am complicated and intricate sorry.

 

This part stuck out to me. You sound like you have the mindset you are owed something by this woman simply because.

 

You call her average but say you think she's beautiful. It's a weird backhanded compliment.

[ashteller]

It's because I am trying to describe her to others as different to how I see her now.

 

Before my infatuation I would not look at her twice and first impression label her a grouch. It wasn't until our interaction with each other that I was liking her personality and attraction started and because of that to me she is beautiful.

 

I am going off the cliche beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Geez she does not even shave the hair off her top lip but I see beyond that. It's hard not to notice though when I watch her lips as she is speaking but I know woman her age start to grow hair there.

 

It's about perspective and me trying to convey an accurate message and picture to cover all bases.

 

 

 

No she does not owe me anything. I thought she would be very interested in a fit younger guy coming onto her would pique her curiosity.

 

When I said about not deserving it, I meant my sadness. I don't deserve to be sad by the rejection, not saying I don't deserve the rejection. Meaning I should accept it, it's just I thought I was sure of myself and like someone else said before she dropped me on my head.

 

I am past that and am now just trying to hold our communication and keep it friendly because she is fun and a great listener. Since we work directly with each other and we always come into contact, especially our hands.

Edited May 14, 2016 by ashteller

[scorpiogirl]

Update.

 

So today at work went really well with this woman, yesterday went good as well. She appears comfortable and even today she was joking with me and actually waited for me so she could open all the key access doors while I was carrying our completed work up. She did not have to wait but she did and tries to move faster then me to get to the door. I try to make her speed up by walking fast with this heavy load. I offered her to listen to a song to and she obliged and she was interested in it and we had small talk. And she was very smiley.

 

See me acting all cool like the rejection hasn't phased me, (even though it deeply has) works. Also treating her the same way as before works too.

 

How about this scenario, I know I was already rejected so it's not about her. But what about being honest with some one openly about my feelings? Like in my OP I said I was into her and want to spend time outside of work to get to know her. What if I would have actually told her my direct feelings? Like, I really like you because your different and there is something special about you and I am interested in spending more time with you.

 

??? Thanks my LS expert peeps!

 

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[scorpiogirl]

It's because I am trying to describe her to others as different to how I see her now.

 

Before my infatuation I would not look at her twice and first impression label her a grouch. It wasn't until our interaction with each other that I was liking her personality and attraction started and because of that to me she is beautiful.

 

I am going off the cliche beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Geez she does not even shave the hair off her top lip but I see beyond that. It's hard not to notice though when I watch her lips as she is speaking but I know woman her age start to grow hair there.

 

It's about perspective and me trying to convey an accurate message and picture to cover all bases.

 

 

 

No she does not owe me anything. I thought she would be very interested in a fit younger guy coming onto her would pique her curiosity.

 

When I said about not deserving it, I meant my sadness. I don't deserve to be sad by the rejection, not saying I don't deserve the rejection. Meaning I should accept it, it's just I thought I was sure of myself and like someone else said before she dropped me on my head.

 

I am past that and am now just trying to hold our communication and keep it friendly because she is fun and a great listener. Since we work directly with each other and we always come into contact, especially our hands.

 

You seem to think that she should be grateful that you, a young man, is interested in her. You're not doing her a favour. I would never date a man 12 years younger than I am because I'm just not interested in younger men.

 

Sorry but you thinking you're better than her and she should date you because she's not attractive but you want her anyway. Move on, guy

[ashteller]

You seem to think that she should be grateful that you, a young man, is interested in her. You're not doing her a favour. I would never date a man 12 years younger than I am because I'm just not interested in younger men.

 

Sorry but you thinking you're better than her and she should date you because she's not attractive but you want her anyway. Move on, guy

 

 

I already moved on, but I can't avoid her we work directly together 5 days a week some days 3-5 hours. I am not saying that I am doing her any favor. I am expressing my sadness because I thought I had it in the bag and I am expressing myself for a, b, c reasons. I am surprised about the rejection, not because I am all that because I am not. Also when I asked her if it was because of the age difference she said no, she does not date white guys.

 

I suppose I will just leave it at that. There is no more going forward with this. I just want to have a healthy work friendship.

[Gloria25]

Update.

 

So today at work went really well with this woman, yesterday went good as well. She appears comfortable and even today she was joking with me and actually waited for me so she could open all the key access doors while I was carrying our completed work up. She did not have to wait but she did and tries to move faster then me to get to the door. I try to make her speed up by walking fast with this heavy load. I offered her to listen to a song to and she obliged and she was interested in it and we had small talk. And she was very smiley.

 

See me acting all cool like the rejection hasn't phased me, (even though it deeply has) works. Also treating her the same way as before works too.

 

How about this scenario, I know I was already rejected so it's not about her. But what about being honest with some one openly about my feelings? Like in my OP I said I was into her and want to spend time outside of work to get to know her. What if I would have actually told her my direct feelings? Like, I really like you because your different and there is something special about you and I am interested in spending more time with you.

 

??? Thanks my LS expert peeps!

 

No, don't tell her your direct feelings. She already was clear to you about her likes/dislikes in men...

 

So far looks like you two are back to having a professional RL w/o her hiding behind a corner when you come around. I think if you try again to escalate it (especially right now), it's not gonna go good.

[TaraMaiden2]

No, no, no, no.

 

You are a pronounced feminist.

 

You have never been a young man in the 21st century dating scene.

 

To say that your 'lenses are clear' is quite bizarre.

 

Would you bless your sons decision to date, and adopt a womans' children of a woman like this? How about your brothers?

 

If I had a son, the decision to date a woman like this, would be his choice - and hers. She would have to agree, wouldn't she?

I have two daughters, and women are just as prone to making decisions which to others may appear inadvisable, bizarre, or unworkable. It's obvious you've never been an older woman on the dating scene, either....

 

My two brothers?

My younger brother is 50, looks 30 and regularly dates women much younger than he is.

My older brother made some unwise decisions and is in a marriage which can only be described as a clusterf**k. He's never asked me my opinion, and I've never given it to him.

It takes 2 to tango.#This young guy is not dancing a tango because she's not playing.

I really fail to see the actual point of your post.

At all.

 

And you use the term 'feminist' like it's supposed to insult me?

Guess again.

Like I've said before, feminists wouldn't even exist if it wasn't for menfolk's warped ideas.

[TaraMaiden2]

I already moved on,

No, you clearly haven't if you are still tabling ideas on how to approach her from a different angle.

 

but I can't avoid her we work directly together 5 days a week some days 3-5 hours.

NC Guide, penultimate paragraph on how to engage with an ex when you have no choice but to see them regularly. I know she's not an ex, but there's been rejection and you actually sound a bit obsessed by her.

 

I am not saying that I am doing her any favor. I am expressing my sadness because I thought I had it in the bag and I am expressing myself for a, b, c reasons. I am surprised about the rejection, not because I am all that because I am not. Also when I asked her if it was because of the age difference she said no, she does not date white guys

.

With so many reasons against you, you're still discussing this....?

 

I suppose I will just leave it at that. There is no more going forward with this. I just want to have a healthy work friendship.

Yes, do leave it.

And read the NC Guide.

[ashteller]

No, you clearly haven't if you are still tabling ideas on how to approach her from a different angle.

 

NC Guide, penultimate paragraph on how to engage with an ex when you have no choice but to see them regularly. I know she's not an ex, but there's been rejection and you actually sound a bit obsessed by her.

 

.

With so many reasons against you, you're still discussing this....?

 

Yes, do leave it.

And read the NC Guide.

 

No, don't tell her your direct feelings. She already was clear to you about her likes/dislikes in men...

 

So far looks like you two are back to having a professional RL w/o her hiding behind a corner when you come around. I think if you try again to escalate it (especially right now), it's not gonna go good.

 

No I wasn't asking or saying to approach her in a different way, I clearly wrote for the future, like when I approach new and different woman.

 

I was trying to get an opinion if my approach was weak. Like I said "I am really into you and would like to get to know you more outside of work."

 

Should have I said "hey would you like to go to ..... and hang out? I'd like to get to know you more. "

 

Or should I have said "I see you are different and special from other woman, that interests me can we hang out sometime? "

 

Or should I use that last approach but end it with "I'd like to take you to ....."

Edited May 14, 2016 by ashteller

[HopeForTomorrow]

Should have I said "hey would you like to go to ..... and hang out? I'd like to get to know you more. "

 

Or should I have said "I see you are different and special from other woman, that interests me can we hang out sometime? "

 

Or should I use that last approach but end it with "I'd like to take you to ....."

 

What difference does it make?

 

Except I would lose the "different and special from other women" part - that would make me roll my eyes.

 

BTW, I too am much more attracted to black men (I'm white), but that doesn't totally preclude ever being attracted to a white man. So it is likely that she just wasn't interested in you in that way. If I were her age I would never date someone that much younger than me, so maybe that's it.

 

I'm wondering if you are sort of obsessed with her because she turned you down and you weren't really expecting that reaction. A bit of an ego blow, perhaps, that she did not think that you were all that and a bag of chips.

[Taramere]

Or maybe, I'm just posting stuff from a completely masculine mindset.

 

I know it doesn't exist much anymore, so it may seem insane to you.

 

Just a thought LMAO.

 

Like I care if you ignore it. I have more 'likes' than I have posts. And if I didn't, I wouldn't care. What I do works for me in the real world. I don't have the same problems that guys have here. That's because I'm damn high value, and I know it.

 

The more 'people' that ignore, the more 'high value' I am. Supply and demand and all that .

 

I win either way.

 

I'll warn you once: never mistake me for a fool

 

Who's talking here? You, or your avatar?

 

The OP's crush on this woman probably speaks of the things that he needs to develop in his own personality in order to gain confidence. From his references to this woman, it sounds as though she's a fairly confident individual who knows who she is and what she wants - and who is managing an imperfect (certainly by the exacting standards of some of the posters on here) life competently.

 

Rather than just dismissing his crush, or getting over it by distracting himself via internet chat with a hot 20 year old Italian girl (or a 45 year old man posing as one), maybe he'll learn something useful about himself, and the things he needs to develop within himself, from it.

Edited May 15, 2016 by Taramere

[Haydn]

Quite a whiff of testosterone around this thread:D

 

Well, i haven`t read the whole thread but OP seems like you should withdraw gracefully from this one.

 

Rejection is not the end of the world. You gave it a go.

 

There will be others.

 

Good luck.

[TaraMaiden2]

Or maybe, I'm just posting stuff from a completely masculine mindset.

 

I know it doesn't exist much anymore, so it may seem insane to you.

 

Just a thought LMAO.

And what an entirely masculine thought it is. No feminine side to you, then....?

 

Like I care if you ignore it. I have more 'likes' than I have posts. And if I didn't, I wouldn't care. What I do works for me in the real world. I don't have the same problems that guys have here. That's because I'm damn high value, and I know it.

But the problem is, it sounds as if you're constantly struggling to prove it.

 

The more 'people' that ignore, the more 'high value' I am. Supply and demand and all that .

 

I win either way.

I really have no clue how to make any sense of that at all.

 

I'll warn you once: never mistake me for a fool

Or... what....?

[ashteller]

 

The OP's crush on this woman probably speaks of the things that he needs to develop in his own personality in order to gain confidence. From his references to this woman, it sounds as though she's a fairly confident individual who knows who she is and what she wants - and who is managing an imperfect (certainly by the exacting standards of some of the posters on here) life competently.

 

Rather than just dismissing his crush, or getting over it by distracting himself via internet chat with a hot 20 year old Italian girl (or a 45 year old man posing as one), maybe he'll learn something useful about himself, and the things he needs to develop within himself, from it.

 

Thank you, amazing point(s)

[jen1447]

Quite a whiff of testosterone around this thread:D

 

More like urine.

 

OP, to repeat - she said no the first time, that counts for all times. Be a mid-level bro to her going forward and set your love sights elsewhere.

[ashteller]

More like urine.

 

OP, to repeat - she said no the first time, that counts for all times. Be a mid-level bro to her going forward and set your love sights elsewhere.

 

Mid-level bro?

[jen1447]

Mid-level bro?

 

Be a 'bro' - friendly etc. - but you don't need to be her #1 friend, and don't be an enemy of course. That's mainly for you bc it'll allow you a dignified exit from the ask and a workable path as coworkers going forward. You don't really have to concern yourself with what she thinks of you too much but no one wants to be seen as Mr. Butthurt or Mr. Orbiter so the bro path is the one for you.