Emotional Affair

[noelle303]

I disagree - mainly because she doesn't yet know who the father may be.

 

 

Selfish would be leading either one of them to believe it is theirs when she isn't positive of who the father is.

 

Until a paternity test is done (if ever) - there isn't reason to have them "think" they are the father.

 

That doesn't even make sense. To get a paternity test done, she needs to tell them that there is a possibility that they are the father. It's not leading them on, it's being honest.

 

And for her child's sake (if she decides to keep it) she needs to have the paternity test done is she's not sure. He/she deserves to know who fathered them and the men deserve to at least be given a choice to know their own child.

[anika99]

That doesn't even make sense. To get a paternity test done, she needs to tell them that there is a possibility that they are the father. It's not leading them on, it's being honest.

 

And for her child's sake (if she decides to keep it) she needs to have the paternity test done is she's not sure. He/she deserves to know who fathered them and the men deserve to at least be given a choice to know their own child.

 

I agree. Pink doesn't have to lead either man to believe anything. She needs to be honest and let them know she doesn't know who the father is and have paternity tests done.

 

Pink to tell Jamie this is his baby (when you don't know that and the timing leads us to believe it most likely isn't his) would be wrong wrong wrong. Isn't there already enough lies and deceit surrounding your relationship with him. Lies to Kevin, lies to his wife, lies to his lawyer and now you have introduced yet another man to this mess without Jamie's knowledge? I don't feel sorry for Jamie but seriously where is there any integrity in this affair? It's all been based on cheating and lies. Please start telling people the truth. Stop piling on the lies.

[ChickiePops]

You know Pink, if you wish to keep the baby - you could potentially cut communication with both men and raise the baby without either of them knowing. It's your body - and if you ultimately wanted a baby - then you'd have that baby.

 

Decide what is best for you knowing it's possible that you may do the parenting on your own. Nothing wrong with that as long as you don't expect anything from either guy. If one is involved then that may be a bonus.

 

But decide what works for you on your own.

 

This is cowardly and selfish. It's NOT just her baby, it's his too.

[S2B]

This is cowardly and selfish. It's NOT just her baby, it's his too.

 

His too...

 

But she doesn't know which guy. So there's really nothing to tell at this point.

 

She doesn't know anything for sure.

[ChickiePops]

His too...

 

But she doesn't know which guy. So there's really nothing to tell at this point.

 

She doesn't know anything for sure.

 

Exactly. And if she says nothing, neither she nor the child would ever know. It's the most cowardly and selfish thing anyone could ever do. Because she's afraid of the reaction, which would last for a few months. If she asks them both to take paternity tests then both she and her child will know for sure.

 

I grew up without a father. My mother is dead, so there is zero chance I'll ever find out who he is. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

 

Or, the best thing she could do would be to terminate the pregnancy.

[pooldog]

I would take a baby over a man any day. I love children and they are a blessing.

 

I would only tell the father if he was stable because you will have to allow visitation. You have time don't rush just take care of you!!

 

 

Well, the last time I slept with Jamie was June 20th. It would be 4 weeks ago. I supposed if it's accurate than it is UK guy's baby. That's basically a week give or take that it could be wrong.

Even if I do decide to tell him, which I probably will... He lives in England, he is a professional. What could he possibly do? We have been getting to know each other but we are both of the realization it's going to go no where. We had fun for a week, we enjoy each other... But I am in Canada and he is in England. He just got out of a relationship and so did I. It's a very complicated and messed up situation. He does have one son also, so the chances of him ever moving here are slim to none.

 

If Jamie finds out I am pregnant he will assume it is his. I have to be the one to tear him apart and say it might not be. The thought of that hurts me beyond belief. We talked many times about starting a family together and buying a house, yearly vacations... I will feel terrible. Part of me wonders if I should just say it is his even if I don't know for sure. I could have Jamie and a family and everything I've hoped for in the last while... But where would my karma be then?

 

Or I raise it on my own.

 

Or I terminate and speak nothing of it to Jamie or UK guy. Could I live with myself?

 

Also Lobe, LOL. I am sorry you will have to catch up on my story when you get back. Unfortunately for me it's my life

 

Hope you enjoy your vacation.

[PinkSunset]

No, UK guy is not married.

 

I woke up Saturday morning and had been bleeding quite heavily I guess because it leaked through everything I was wearing and into my sheets etc. I had a shower and got cleaned up and went into the hospital. I brought the pregnancy tests with me, I don't know why. I guess I just felt like I needed to prove to them I was pregnant.

Once I showed them I was pregnant they took care of me quite quickly. They did an ultrasound and blood tests.

 

They couldn't find anything on the ultrasound. No baby. I spent the whole weekend in the hospital and got home last night.

 

The doctor thinks I had something called a chemical pregnancy and that I miscarried. So now I am basically just having my monthly period.

 

I am so incredibly upset. I know it's probably a good thing but I started to wrap my head around maybe being a Mom. I am so hurt and lost.

 

Guess we will never know who the father was. Need some words of encouragement.

[PinkSunset]

I need to think of this as a blessing in disguise. I really am a mess in my life right now with everything going on. Maybe this is just my wake up call that I really truly needed.

 

I need to really get my life on track and if I want a real family I need to do it with someone that isn't Jamie. He tried calling me last night and I ignored him. It felt good to ignore him.

[elaine567]

I need to think of this as a blessing in disguise. I really am a mess in my life right now with everything going on. Maybe this is just my wake up call that I really truly needed.

 

I need to really get my life on track and if I want a real family I need to do it with someone that isn't Jamie. He tried calling me last night and I ignored him. It felt good to ignore him.

 

I am sorry that you are no longer pregnant but it is a wake up call.

Jamie is your past, not your future.

YOU need a man who will be happy that you are pregnant, not a man who would probably be worried sick that his "infertile" wife would get upset about your pregnancy and stop him seeing his son.

Too many complications there, too much water has flowed under that bridge.

First day of the rest of your life...

[heartwhole]

I'm so very sorry Pink. Take all the time you need to process and grieve. Even though this was a shock and there were so many complicating factors, I think your heart and instincts take over when you find out you are pregnant. Perhaps you can confide in a close friend and do something meaningful like plant a tree or bush to honor your loss.

 

You have a good head on your shoulders and heart in your chest and I know you will learn lessons and make changes in your life in time, but right now all you need to do is breathe and recuperate. (((Pink Sunset)))

[noelle303]

I'm so sorry. Even thpugh the pregnancy wasn't planned, it's still a loss and it's only natural to have all these feelings related to suffering a loss.

 

I normally would never say that everything happens for a reason when it comes to something like a miscarriage, but maybe in your case it truly was something that shook you enough to realize what you truly want and need that Jamie can't give you.

 

You are a smart woman, you're still young and you will get back on your feet. There's still so much time for you to have the family you want and a partner who will make you feel truly happy and proud, not anguished and embarrassed.

 

Hang in there.

[minimariah]

Pink - i'm sorry for your loss. miscarriage is a really difficult thing to go through, so i would advise you to socialize and surround yourself with people who love you. take care of yourself.

[waterwoman]

Sorry pink Take care of yourself x

[heartwhole]

How are you doing today?

[ChickiePops]

Hey Pink. On the bright side, now you don't have to deal with telling either of them anything. Plus, you're still perfectly healthy and young enough to meet someone new to start a family with. Someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.

[PinkSunset]

I am alright. Everything happened so quickly which I am sort of glad for. It didn't have much time to sink in. The doctor told me chemical pregnancies happen this way all the time. Most women are't even aware they are pregnant when it happens...

 

I called Jamie last night and told him. He was mad at me for not telling him I was pregnant, not telling him I was in the hospital... etc etc. I told him that I didn't tell him because I wasn't sure it was his. He completely lost his mind on me. He wanted to know who, what, when, why ... Told me that I am not loyal. I called him a hypocrite, he's the one who was cheating on his wife etc. I was crying and we fought pretty hard. He was crying as well I am sure out of anger and hurt.

 

He told me he was doing everything right and trying to get everything in order so he could be with me out in the open and not hurt anyone. He was getting his life in order for me and for us. He now feels like its all for nothing. I told him if he truly loves me it shouldn't matter I had some fling. I was hurt and trying to end that chapter of my life... He said I cheated on him. That he thought we were still together.

 

I also told UK guy what happened to me and he was extremely supportive about everything. Told me how sorry he was and that he's here if I need him. He already knew about Jamie and when I told him I wouldn't know who the father was anyway he laughed. He said to think of it as a blessing to move forward in the right ways.

 

Completely opposite reactions... Am I wrong for telling them the truth? I had to get it off my chest to one of them... It ended up being both. I hurt Jamie and I feel so badly about it now. Maybe it's best he knows so he can let go of me... He told me he still loved me but it's just too much drama and chaos.

[S2B]

Oh wow - Jaimie sure seems selfish and self centered. You sure you want someone kicking you when you're down?

 

The U.K. Guy seems understanding...

 

Sorry for your pain. Hope you gain clarity.

 

Sorry to say - but Jaimie seems ickier as time goes along.

 

I hope you make decisions that are in your best interest.

[heartwhole]

I'm not one for keeping secrets, so I probably would have told too. You haven't firmly closed the door on Jamie, I think it's safe to say, and I couldn't move forward with considering a future relationship with someone with this as a secret. But that's just me. If you had decided not to tell, I think that would have been OK too. In any event, you did what you felt was right, and that's what matters right now. As someone else said, you can contrast how UK guy reacted with how Jamie reacted. Of course, to be fair, Jamie claims to want a future with you, while UK guy is probably just relieved that the fling didn't turn into a child living across the ocean. But all in all, Jamie comes across as immature and self-centered.

[Lobe]

He now feels like its all for nothing. I told him if he truly loves me it shouldn't matter I had some fling. I was hurt and trying to end that chapter of my life... He said I cheated on him. That he thought we were still together.

 

He told me he still loved me but it's just too much drama and chaos.

 

What a piece of turd.

 

Read what you wrote there, real slow and real careful. I hope you had your bags packed for THAT guilt trip.

 

You were NOT together - you ended it because he STILL treated you like his dirty little secret. Hell - he STILL treats you like his dirty little secret. The drama and chaos started because HE cheated on the woman he took vows with, the mother of his child.

 

He is a manipulative piece of turd who kicked you when you were down. You gave him honesty, a gift he didn't (and still hasn't) given his wife OR you, and I only hope that you are able to remember how good it felt ignoring his calls and in time you will be able to clearly see that he's not a prize.

 

Did I mention he's a turd?

 

Walk away. Find/create a safe and supportive space to heal from your losses. Take care of yourself.

[ladydesigner]

He said I cheated on him. That he thought we were still together.

 

Of course he did... what an a**... I mean a turd!!!

[S2B]

He may be using it as an excuse to go back to his wife.

 

Blaming you so he doesn't have to admit to HIMSELF what a jerk he's been is easier for him than admitting how he's been doing things wrong in his relationahipS - notice I typed relationships - as in plural!

 

I mean REALLY? HE has been the married one and HE expects he can be mad at YOU?

 

Come on Pink - can't you see how mean and backwards he is?

 

Why is that even attractive for one second? It shouldn't be!

[ShatteredLady]

Firstly, I'm so sorry for everything you've been through AND I'm so sorry that Jamie AGAIN didn't step-up & treat you in a compassionate, considerate, kind way.

 

The thing that really strikes me is how easily you seem to be able to find decent men!!

 

You had Kevin...good guy! You went on vacation & met the nice English guy. What are you doing?? You're NOT desperate!!

 

It time to close the door on this whole, horrible section of your life & start again. Please don't look back.

[S2B]

You ok Pink? Been hoping you're alright and healing.

[PinkSunset]

Just wanted to pop by and say hello and let everyone know I am doing okay. Work has been keeping me busy and I've managed to get back into the gym routine. I have much more energy and am feeling good.

 

I got a puppy. Rescued him from a local group. They don't know exactly what he is mixed with but it doesn't matter, he is cute and he is mine. His name is Rocco. He makes me happy and keeps me company when I'm lonely. Plus 1 for not contacting MM.

 

I slept with him twice since the last time I posted. I felt he was the only one who could console what I was going through. He really was there for me when I needed him, and did apologize for blaming me for sleeping with UK guy.

 

However I saw he was on a dating site so I told him it was over for good. He said he never met anyone and only joined because he found out I had slept with someone else. Maybe I was being a hypocrite, maybe I was being unreasonable... It doesn't matter now though. I am done. He hasn't called in 3 days and it's been fine. Rocco and I spend a lot of time outside.

 

UK guy and I talk every day still. He says he has deep and real feelings for me. I can't even imagine having a LD RL. I don't want one. I want someone to hold me at night. I don't know what to do... I feel he is part of my sanity right now.

 

I have gone off of my birth control and am no longer going to take it moving forward. I don't want to sleep with anyone random... In fact I've been contemplating trying to talk with Kevin to see where he is at. I know, probably selfish but... I still care about him.

[Lobe]

Just wanted to pop by and say hello and let everyone know I am doing okay. Work has been keeping me busy and I've managed to get back into the gym routine. I have much more energy and am feeling good.

 

I got a puppy. Rescued him from a local group. They don't know exactly what he is mixed with but it doesn't matter, he is cute and he is mine. His name is Rocco. He makes me happy and keeps me company when I'm lonely. Plus 1 for not contacting MM.

 

I slept with him twice since the last time I posted. I felt he was the only one who could console what I was going through. He really was there for me when I needed him, and did apologize for blaming me for sleeping with UK guy.

 

However I saw he was on a dating site so I told him it was over for good. He said he never met anyone and only joined because he found out I had slept with someone else. Maybe I was being a hypocrite, maybe I was being unreasonable... It doesn't matter now though. I am done. He hasn't called in 3 days and it's been fine. Rocco and I spend a lot of time outside.

 

UK guy and I talk every day still. He says he has deep and real feelings for me. I can't even imagine having a LD RL. I don't want one. I want someone to hold me at night. I don't know what to do... I feel he is part of my sanity right now.

 

I have gone off of my birth control and am no longer going to take it moving forward. I don't want to sleep with anyone random... In fact I've been contemplating trying to talk with Kevin to see where he is at. I know, probably selfish but... I still care about him.

 

Whoa.

 

1) so glad you stopped by - I had a sinking suspicion it was because you were hooking up with Jamie

 

2) awwww! Congrats on Rocco! If anyone I can think of needs a dose of unconditional love, it's you, and dogs are soooo good for that! I vote you put a pair of Jamie's underwear on a cushion so you can teach him his first trick: sic balls!

 

3) Slime bucket once again shows his true colours: goes on a dating site to "punish" you for "cheating" on him?! WTF is that even?

 

4) LDRs are tough, but if there's even a remote chance of something more develop, is there any chance you would want to move to the UK?

 

5) I think you should NOT talk to Kevin, at least for another 6 months, because right now you risk hurting him all over again - you're rebounding from Jamie, recovering from a missed pregnancy, and flirting with UK boy. Don't drag Kevin into this right now. Make sure you're over Jamie first - if you and Kevin got back together and Jamie showed up, would you seriously have the resolve to resist him yet? I'm not sure Rocco can fix that for you.