Emotional Affair

[PinkSunset]

Is he in a hotel now Pink?

 

When did he say he was actually getting that divorce filed?

 

I just worry for you - that he may be still future faking - and you will feel really hurt if he continues in the marriage.

 

Why is he so mad? Mad you are looking out for YOUR best interest? He should feel supportive of you IF he plans to actually get divorced.

 

He has his second appointment with the lawyer next week. He is supposed to pay his retainer and work on a separation agreement to serve his wife with.

He is hoping that by giving her space this weekend she will somehow accept what's happening and hopefully agree to separate. He said it's not likely she will agree to anything and that she is mostly likely going to drag this out as long as she can.

He is checking into the hotel tonight.

 

And maybe you will find someone else. But if he is truly divorcing bc its best for him and not bc of you, then what difference does it make. Ultimately he is doing this for him bc the marriage is so awful right? Or at least thats the narrative you both want

 

Its very clear he wants a guarantee if he divorces that you will be his landing spot as well as meeting all his needs during the grueling divorce process. But keeping yourself concealed and a secret the while time.

 

I hope you see how this is a raw deal for you and a very comfortable deal for him.

 

I agree it sounds like he wants me there as his landing pad, and also it sounds like he is only doing this because of me. Another reason why I am stepping back... I again told him last night to do it for him and being happy in his life, not for me. He said if it wasn't for him falling in love with me and remembering what happy feels like, he doesn't know if he would be doing this. He got used to the way everything was and was accepting that was his life. How sad.

[PinkSunset]

Was he at home during this 3 hr phone call?

 

Did you ask him if his wife moved back to sharing his bed? Or if they have had sex at all?

 

He was at his office. Normally he would be with me during this time but I won't see him.

 

I did ask, he said that no way in hell would he have went to her bed that night and that it's been a year since they slept in the same bed or had sex.

I guess I was off on the two year assumption...

[JulieEverette]

Its not that sad. Whats sad is children dying of cancer, people who are truly alone, abuse, finding out youve been lied to and betrayed. Those thimgs are sad

 

A successful attractive man with a nice house, young son, financially secure wife and girlfriend on the side. That is not sad

 

You are so consumed with this idea of sad poor helpless Jamie.

[ChickiePops]

He was at his office. Normally he would be with me during this time but I won't see him.

 

I did ask, he said that no way in hell would he have went to her bed that night and that it's been a year since they slept in the same bed or had sex.

I guess I was off on the two year assumption...

 

Pink you've truly got to stop taking everything he tells you as gospel. There is every chance in the world that he's lying about any number of things to you.

 

Once he has divorce papers and his own place, lease signed, that's when it'll be safe to explore a relationship with him. Until then, trust nothing.

 

All you've seen of him so far is that he cheats on his wife. You have no reason at all to trust him.

[S2B]

Stay strong Pink.

 

You look out for you!

 

He can look out for himself! He could be filling out all those papers now - it's a lot! Why didn't he get the papers last week? Can he download them from the county web site and start getting them filled out? No retainer needs to be paid for that!

 

He is either gonna DO this or he's not!

 

Pulling back a bit may be useful - to guard your heart and to allow him room to get done what needs to be done!

 

He literally could have gotten the divorce papers filled out in that 3 hour timeframe he spent with you on that phone call.

 

It's probably free to get the forms and a few hundred dollars to file them at the courthouse.

 

IF he really wants to get that divorce - nothing will stop him. He would be spending all his extra time and energy making sure he fills out the forms.

 

I think the more you stay away the more time he has to spend on getting it filed.

 

Let's see if he actually stays in that hotel this weekend. Don't make it easy for him to spend the whole weekend focused on you - that just means he's not spending his time/energy getting the divorce filed.

[stilltrying16]

He has his second appointment with the lawyer next week. He is supposed to pay his retainer and work on a separation agreement to serve his wife with.

He is hoping that by giving her space this weekend she will somehow accept what's happening and hopefully agree to separate. He said it's not likely she will agree to anything and that she is mostly likely going to drag this out as long as she can.

He is checking into the hotel tonight.

 

 

 

I agree it sounds like he wants me there as his landing pad, and also it sounds like he is only doing this because of me. Another reason why I am stepping back... I again told him last night to do it for him and being happy in his life, not for me. He said if it wasn't for him falling in love with me and remembering what happy feels like, he doesn't know if he would be doing this. He got used to the way everything was and was accepting that was his life. How sad.

 

This has to be a hard time for you, Pink. Kudos for staying strong. Please take comfort in the fact that you needed to ask the difficult questions, and you needed to keep a healthy distance at this stage, and you did both.

 

If it's possible, could *you* get out of town this weekend? Do something you love to do and invite a girlfriend to join you. And if you can't get away this weekend, make plans for every single moment. Gym, Netflix, Farmers' Mkt whatever- ordinary daily things. Just a change in pace and focus.

 

Sending you hugs ((((((((((PinkSunset))))))))))! Happy weekend.

[JulieEverette]

He is supposed to pay his retainer and work on a separation agreement to serve his wife with

 

Pink I am curious do you live in a state where separation is required before filing for divorce? Or a state where legal separation exists? Or a state like CA where its pretty quick and easy to get a divorce? I guess Im confused why he is serving her with a proposed separation agreement as opposed to filing for divorce?

 

Make sure you educate yourself as to the specific requirements in your state for divorce so that you cant be easily misled about whats happening or not happening or how long its taken. Usually online you can find overviews of specific states laws

[onemanband]

pink it seems like you are a very good women ,do you like the person you have become since being with jamie is he changing you for the better or do you feel you have lost your true self?

[PinkSunset]

Pink I am curious do you live in a state where separation is required before filing for divorce? Or a state where legal separation exists? Or a state like CA where its pretty quick and easy to get a divorce? I guess Im confused why he is serving her with a proposed separation agreement as opposed to filing for divorce?

 

Make sure you educate yourself as to the specific requirements in your state for divorce so that you cant be easily misled about whats happening or not happening or how long its taken. Usually online you can find overviews of specific states laws

 

I live in Canada. You have to be separated for a full year before you can file for divorce.

Separation means NOT living together, so he needs to move out as soon as possible to get this going.

 

 

pink it seems like you are a very good women ,do you like the person you have become since being with jamie is he changing you for the better or do you feel you have lost your true self?

 

I feel like this whole situation has changed me, yes. I don't know for sure if it's a good or a bad change but thank you, I am trying my best to stay a good person.

I don't like feeling like I have to sneak around and that is how I've felt almost all along during this.

Edited May 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed commercial link ~T

[PinkSunset]

This has to be a hard time for you, Pink. Kudos for staying strong. Please take comfort in the fact that you needed to ask the difficult questions, and you needed to keep a healthy distance at this stage, and you did both.

 

If it's possible, could *you* get out of town this weekend? Do something you love to do and invite a girlfriend to join you. And if you can't get away this weekend, make plans for every single moment. Gym, Netflix, Farmers' Mkt whatever- ordinary daily things. Just a change in pace and focus.

 

Sending you hugs ((((((((((PinkSunset))))))))))! Happy weekend.

 

I'm going to do everything I can to keep myself occupied. I have a lot of work to do so I might just come into the office and put my head into it. It's hard but I can do it

 

Thank you for the support!

[SoulCat]

I think you took my tale as an OW success story.

 

It was, for just over a couple of years. My Ex H And his OW found out the butterflies didn't last in real life. They broke up after 3 years. They were just not compatible in real life.

 

Just a cautionary tale, real life

Edited May 13, 2016 by SoulCat

[S2B]

What happened over this weekend Pink?

[OneMoreBW]

I'm so sorry for you. I saw the exact situation MANY times before. You left Kevin in order to make things easier for Jamie. You will be Jamie's OW for years to come because you love him so much. The more you get involved with his problems, the longer you will get stuck with Jamie. He WON'T leave his wife. If he is in such a bad situation with his wife, wait for him to deal with this by himself. Otherwise you will be his OW and this is what he wants. He will settle down and get comfortable with the situation as he wont deal with divorce and have you. This is what you will be: the other women.

Don't get involved with this. In 2, 4, 10 years you will realize that your a secret in someone else life, you'll spend beautiful years in a relationship that has a dead end, you will miss the opportunity to have your own family with Kevin or any another single guy.

I truly feel sorry for you.

Edited May 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language~T

[OneMoreBW]

He's mad because he had plans to spend time with you having free sex.

Wait for his divorce to be a reality.

[PinkSunset]

My weekend went surprisingly well besides a few ups and downs

I spent most of my time in my office working, trying to keep my mind off of things.

I went for a run and ended up hurting my knee so I've been limping since yesterday. I have "Runners knee" and it HURTS! I have to try and keep it elevated and I am on an anti-inflammatory. I guess there goes any hard activities for a while.

MM stayed in a hotel all weekend. I tried not to talk to him much and told him I was busy although I did visit him at the hotel on Saturday night and we sat and talked for a bit. We didn't do anything physical, just a hug when I left. He keeps saying that he doesn't want me to be involved etc.

I told him that eventually she will find out, even if he waits until they are officially divorced before he tells her and lets it be known that we are together. She knows me, knows who I am. He gets that part, but I guess he doesn't want her to know about the "adultery" part.

He isn't sure it would be classified as adultery because we haven't made it physical. Does anyone know? He doesn't go back to lawyer until Thursday.

 

When I spoke to him this morning briefly to update him on my knee, he mentioned that he thinks his wife has someone spying on him, LOL. I did laugh but I honestly think she might do something like that.

He said he's seen the same car 3 times in the last two days and that it was parked at the hotel over the weekend. He said he's sure it followed him to work this morning. I think maybe he is being paranoid now but who knows?

 

He hasn't been home since Friday so maybe she thought he was staying with a woman? Who knows. He is going home tonight so hopefully she has agreed to separate.

[PinkSunset]

I'm so sorry for you. I saw the exact situation MANY times before. You left Kevin in order to make things easier for Jamie. You will be Jamie's OW for years to come because you love him so much. The more you get involved with his problems, the longer you will get stuck with Jamie. He WON'T leave his wife. If he is in such a bad situation with his wife, wait for him to deal with this by himself. Otherwise you will be his OW and this is what he wants. He will settle down and get comfortable with the situation as he wont deal with divorce and have you.. This is what you will be: the other women.

Don't get involved with this. In 2, 4, 10 years you will realize that your a secret in someone else life, you'll spend beautiful years in a relationship that has a dead end, you will miss the opportunity to have your own family with Kevin or any another single guy.

I truly feel sorry for you.

 

Please don't feel sorry for me. I put myself here and I am doing my best to work through it. Right now Jamie has done almost everything he said he would. Things are looking good for divorce and I am creating a comfortable boundary while stepping back slowly so he can deal with it alone.

 

Maybe I am being unrealistic with my hope I don't know.

Edited May 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[PinkSunset]

He's mad because he had plans to spend time with you having free sex.

Wait for his divorce to be a reality.

 

I have never had sex with him and don't plan on it until things are settled with his wife.

What is "free sex"?

[ChickiePops]

Can you really blame his wife for having someone spy on him? He IS cheating on her. It's not crazy for her to be suspicious and to ask for someone to look out for her. Her scummy husband sure doesn't.

 

She's not your enemy.

[sophinla]

what is there to "LOL" about on a woman paying for a P.I. to investigate on her cheating husband? She has kids to protect, she needs her husband to be faithful to her and devote his energy and resources to her and their children, not scheming behind her back with another woman against her family.

 

It is nothing to "LOL" about. It is a really sad situation for a wife and a mother. P.I.s are really expansive and it's got to be emotional draining and heart breaking to go down that path. No one should wish anyone to be in such a situation, let alone laugh about it.

 

If she did find something and comes out the other end with better child custody arrangements and better alimony payments, I say good for her, she might have something to "LOL" about her cheating husband, and rightfully so.

[S2B]

He thinks he was followed to the hotel and then had you visit him there?

 

 

He says he's separating yet he is going back home tonight? Why? That would send a message that he's returning home to her - to the marriage.

 

You know - it looks like he's pretending to separate but isn't actually doing it. Why would he return home? Has he looked into renting his own place? Why didn't he spend the weekend finding a new place to move to?

 

What was theconversation on Saturday night like? What is his plan and when is taking action on his plan?

 

It "looks like" his plan is to return to his wife.

 

Be careful Pink - I think this guy is going to disappoint you in a big way - looks like he's playing games with both women.

[PinkSunset]

Can you really blame his wife for having someone spy on him? He IS cheating on her. It's not crazy for her to be suspicious and to ask for someone to look out for her. Her scummy husband sure doesn't.

 

She's not your enemy.

 

what is there to "LOL" about on a woman paying for a P.I. to investigate on her cheating husband? She has kids to protect, she needs her husband to be faithful to her and devote his energy and resources to her and their children, not scheming behind her back with another woman against her family.

 

It is nothing to "LOL" about. It is a really sad situation for a wife and a mother. P.I.s are really expansive and it's got to be emotional draining and heart breaking to go down that path. No one should wish anyone to be in such a situation, let alone laugh about it.

 

If she did find something and comes out the other end with better child custody arrangements and better alimony payments, I say good for her, she might have something to "LOL" about her cheating husband, and rightfully so.

 

I LOL because I find it hard to believe. I was not laughing at her or the situation she may feel she is in. If she actually hired a PI then I commend her because she obviously has a good intuition of what might be going on.

 

She can afford a PI easily. I doubt she will get alimony, that doesn't fly much here in Canada unless you're a millionaire and your wife is a SAHM.

He is more than willing to pay for his child and wants joint custody. I don't see how him having an affair is going to effect his custody arrangements.

[PinkSunset]

He thinks he was followed to the hotel and then had you visit him there?

 

 

He says he's separating yet he is going back home tonight? Why? That would send a message that he's returning home to her - to the marriage.

 

You know - it looks like he's pretending to separate but isn't actually doing it. Why would he return home? Has he looked into renting his own place? Why didn't he spend the weekend finding a new place to move to?

 

What was theconversation on Saturday night like? What is his plan and when is taking action on his plan?

 

It "looks like" his plan is to return to his wife.

 

Be careful Pink - I think this guy is going to disappoint you in a big way - looks like he's playing games with both women.

 

There were a lot of people going in and out of the hotel. Unless this "PI" (if that's even what it turns out to be) took pictures of every single woman going in and out of that hotel there is no way they'd know.

 

He said he noticed the car on the weekend but just thought it was coincidence until he saw it on his way to work. I still think it's just paranoia.

 

He is going back tonight to discuss the divorce and separation with her. He is giving her a chance to come to some kind of mutual agreement to go to the lawyer with. He is expecting it to turn into a fight though. She said she will fight him tooth and nail (Why?!?!?)

He did look for houses to rent over the weekend. He said he looked at a place but I don't know if that's true. He showed me a place on kijiji that he likes. SO far this is it.

 

I'm starting to take everything with a grain of salt like I was advised to. I can't keep going on words... I told him this as well.

[NTV]

There were a lot of people going in and out of the hotel. Unless this "PI" (if that's even what it turns out to be) took pictures of every single woman going in and out of that hotel there is no way they'd know.

 

He said he noticed the car on the weekend but just thought it was coincidence until he saw it on his way to work. I still think it's just paranoia.

 

He is going back tonight to discuss the divorce and separation with her. He is giving her a chance to come to some kind of mutual agreement to go to the lawyer with. He is expecting it to turn into a fight though. She said she will fight him tooth and nail (Why?!?!?)

He did look for houses to rent over the weekend. He said he looked at a place but I don't know if that's true. He showed me a place on kijiji that he likes. SO far this is it.

 

I'm starting to take everything with a grain of salt like I was advised to. I can't keep going on words... I told him this as well.

 

 

 

Maybe coming clean to his wife would make you feel better? More honest? At the very least less likely to fall for his lies again, right?

[S2B]

So...IF he plans to talk to her about divorcing her - why wouldn't he still stay in that hotel?

 

It doesn't make sense! When I planned to divorce my exH I changed the locks and made sure he could be with me.

 

Going back home sends a clear message that he's returning to her.

 

Are you sure you heard him correctly? His actions aren't matching his words.

[PinkSunset]

Maybe coming clean to his wife would make you feel better? More honest? At the very least less likely to fall for his lies again, right?

 

He has always said if she ever finds out that both of our lives would be made hell and that he would probably never see his son. I think after a while though he is realizing that her threats are just that, threats... She really has no pull when it comes to their son, except for the money she can put into a nasty lawyer to keep him in court and drain his money. He also thinks she will turn their son against him. I am sure it would be even more so if she knew about us.

 

He wants it to go as smoothly as she will allow for the sake of his son. I think exposing his affair won't help that.