! Do I break up with him??

[Gaeta]

He just broke up with me over txt. I txt him saying to let me know when he's free to talk and he said that I had my chance the other night and that he's done with us and its over.

 

Cant believe it. I dont know what to do or say I'm in shock.

 

Shows you how he cared very little about your feelings. He is breaking up to punish you for not replying to his texts and calls.

 

Don't answer anything, nothing at all.

 

He is being passive-aggressive. He wants to control the situation.

 

Do not say 1 word to him.

[avocado_12]

Shows you how he cared very little about your feelings. He is breaking up to punish you for not replying to his texts and calls.

 

Don't answer anything, nothing at all.

 

He is being passive-aggressive. He wants to control the situation.

 

Do not say 1 word to him.

 

How could he end it over a txt message??? I'm so angry and hurt how could he do that to me after what he did. I know I acted immaturely and shouldnt have ignored him but this is uncalled for, i was upset and dont feel i deserve this.

 

What do I do now just cut him out me life and never speak to him again??? I cant believe he has done this. I thought he txt me the other night saying he's done in a fit of rage but he meant it. Why am i being punished like this its so unfair

[Gaeta]

How could he end it over a txt message??? I'm so angry and hurt how could he do that to me after what he did. I know I acted immaturely and shouldnt have ignored him but this is uncalled for, i was upset and dont feel i deserve this.

 

What do I do now just cut him out me life and never speak to him again??? I cant believe he has done this. I thought he txt me the other night saying he's done in a fit of rage but he meant it. Why am i being punished like this its so unfair

 

I am very sorry you are feeling this upset :-(

 

We see the real face of a person through disagreements not when everything is dandy.

 

He is turning the table on you. He made a mistake, he betrayed you 5 seconds after the facts but he refuses to look at his actions. Instead he is turning the table on you and making you the bad guy. That is being manipulative.

 

Yes it's unfair but there is nothing you can say or do to make him see how unfair he is that is why there is no point at all in replying to him. Let him simmer in his ignorance.

[katiegrl]

I am not surprised he broke up with you, although I am sorry you're hurting ...

 

But seriously, while you have a right to feel a bit betrayed he divulged something confidential, your reaction was way over the top IMO.

 

He saw a different side of you, and got turned off.

 

Next time, if something like this happens with a different guy, instead of scolding him, hanging up on him when he tries to explain, and then ignoring him, you remain calm and talk it out -- hear HIM out and then explain how revealing something said to him in confidence, was wrong, you felt a bit betrayed, and would appreciate it if he kept things shared between you ..... to himself and you will do the same. Explain, again calmly, how that is important to foster and maintain TRUST.

 

Some guys, sad to say, really are clueless about stuff like this. If, after telling him this, he breaks a confidence again, you end it. The trust is gone.

 

No scolding, no hanging up on him when HE tried to explain, no ignoring, no histrionics, no going "ballistic", that is very immature, and over-reactive, and no doubt turned him off.

 

Again, sorry you're hurting, lesson learned.

Edited May 5, 2016 by katiegrl

[katiegrl]

I am very sorry you are feeling this upset :-(

 

**** We see the real face of a person through disagreements not when everything is dandy.

 

He is turning the table on you. He made a mistake, he betrayed you 5 seconds after the facts but he refuses to look at his actions. Instead he is turning the table on you and making you the bad guy. That is being manipulative.

 

Yes it's unfair but there is nothing you can say or do to make him see how unfair he is that is why there is no point at all in replying to him. Let him simmer in his ignorance.

 

Exactly! How SHE handles conflicts and disagreements too, not just him.

 

Scolding, going ballistic, hanging up on him when HE tried to explain, ignoring him..... come on, in what world is this considered acceptable behavior?

 

No he is not punishing her, he got turned off by how SHE handled this.

 

And broke up with her.

 

News flash: they were *both* at fault, him for revealing something shared in confidence, and HER for how she responded to it.

 

The end.

[Gaeta]

Exactly! How SHE handles conflicts and disagreements too, not just him.

 

Scolding, going ballistic, hanging up on him when HE tried to explain, ignoring him..... come on, in what world is this considered acceptable behavior?

 

No he is not punishing her, he got turned off by how SHE handled this.

 

And broke up with her.

 

News flash: they were *both* at fault, him for revealing something shared in confidence, and HER for how she responded to it.

 

The end.

 

I agree he saw her true face as much as she has seen his.

 

That being said he was the one who started this whole mess though with his betrayal a split second after she had asked him to keep it a secret.

 

At the beginning of her original post she says they are both stubborn and are guilty of both bickering.

 

There is probably a lot more to this story.

[katiegrl]

I agree he saw her true face as much as she has seen his.

 

That being said he was the one who started this whole mess though with his betrayal a split second after she had asked him to keep it a secret.

 

At the beginning of her original post she says they are both stubborn and are guilty of both bickering.

 

There is probably a lot more to this story.

 

We all make make mistakes and yeah this one was a doozie.

 

But to his credit, he DID try to explain his position, but she hung up on him and then ignored.

 

It's possible that had she heard him out, and then explained HER position, calmly, rationally, he would have understood and apologized.

 

We will never know though because she hung up and then ignored.

 

Agree there is probably a lot more to this story.... there usually is.

Edited May 5, 2016 by katiegrl

[Larryville]

Agree there is probably a lot more to this story.... there usually is.

 

That goes for almost every thread on here. I would bet 99% of what you see here there is FAR more going on that will almost never be divulged. Just like in life, when couples fight it is almost never about the issue at that particular moment but something that was done prior… people tend to hold on, internalize, the irritation builds and then at some point blow up so the issue of the moment gets blown out of proportion.

[avocado_12]

Hi guys!

 

I just wanted to post an update on whats happened, so he called me yesterday after sending the message and i remained calm and said I was sorry he felt that way and wouldnt argue about his decision. Then I could tell he instantly regretted it!!! He came to see me as soon as he got off the phone and we sat down and talked and he was like i dont wana walk away from this and he apologised for how he handled things he was just angry. So after hours and hours of going back and forth and discussing everything we finally came to the conclusion that we wanted to make it work and were gona try.

 

Ive promised not to ignore him and put the phone down like that and to deal with it in a more constructive manner and he's aware of where he went wrong and that he shouldnt have said anything. I really do feel like we have overcome it and feels like a turning point as in I feel closer to him and that we have gotton to know each other more and learn about each other. I feel good about it and just hope that its a learning curve for us and we improve as individuals but also towards each other. Fingers crossed!

 

Thanks for all the advice and feedback guys!