Personal trainer.... love and friendship

[Shyla88]

Very good luck to you on your marathon run.

 

Is it unprofessional to be a friend to someone who are coaching and training? Surely it's natural to what to be someone's knight in shining armor and to get emotionally involved in their goings on when they tell you about it.

[katiegrl]

Very good luck to you on your marathon run.

 

Is it unprofessional to be a friend to someone who are coaching and training? Surely it's natural to what to be someone's knight in shining armor and to get emotionally involved in their goings on when they tell you about it.

 

Shyla, no there is nothing wrong with being his friend, but read back your original post describing his behavior towards you. The hugging, the cuddling, the massages, play fighting, hand holding, the looking into your eyes telling you he prefers to say "I love you" to your face.

 

Intimating you are a *couple* ..so much so that others noticed as well.

 

All the things he did and said that generated all these feelings in you ... and for you to become confused about these feelings.

 

Not only has he stepped over the bounds of a professional trainer, but he has stepped over the bounds of a *friendship* as well.

 

ALL of it is not only unprofessional as you are a paying client, but unethical, and if he is married, which many of us suspocty he is, immoral as well.

[Shyla88]

Katiegrl I appreciate what you are saying and the time you are taking to talk to me about it. I understand what you are saying... we don't spend alot of time cuddling these things happen as and when not constantly. The hugging is usually if he walks me to my car but he usually works later than I'm there. Again the massages and hand holding are little goodbye gestures. When he said the I love you thing I don't think he was actually telling me he loved me it was just a conversation we were having about how we prefer to communicate our feelings to someone else. He does talk about our relationship as if we are together but maybe that's just the way he is.

[mikeylo]

Do one thing. Tell him you no longer can afford to pay him for his services. Then see his reaction and how many days is he willing to train you for free.

 

It's an old tried and tested ploy to keep unassuming people like you , to keep coming and paying. Many PT bang their clients , nothing new. I've seen them going in the same car and coming back alone and what not! On the floor, it all seems very professional.

 

Tell him your bank account got hacked!

[sc0316]

I find the behavior of your trainer highly disturbing. I do think it's entirely possible you are the only client who maintains such an "unusual relationship" with him, as most others are probably not as vunerable, insecure and naive to fall prey to such disturbing behavior. Not to mention he might not even have that many clients who are both female and much younger.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Shyla88, as you go through life you'll encounter these types of men every now and then. They like attention and touch of other women than they're married to or dating. So, they test a lot of women and the one or ones who seem vulnerable they pursue a pseudo relationship with. Or maybe semi relationship is more the right term.

 

This guy has huge boundary issues and has done this with others before you whether or not he's doing it with someone else at the present or not.

 

When I was a young woman I encountered a therapist who was similar. It was very confusing for me as he seemed very into me and was very touchy feely with me including full body hugs he initiated that lasted until I pulled away from him. It really didn't occur to me that he was abusing his authority as a professional, it just messed with my mind so I quit going to him.

 

I look back now and his behavior is clear to me. And to think I paid him for it is an added insult. No offense but you're paying this guy to mistreat you.

[basil67]

You want to know where a personal boundary should lie?

 

My personal trainer started to confide in my today - in the sense of 'one mother to another mother'. She then realised what she was doing and stopped herself by saying "I shouldn't even be telling you this".

 

She crossed a professional boundary and pulled back when she realised it. A personal trainer should not divulge any personal or sensitive information to you.

[Shyla88]

He doesn't

Why is it disturbing though we are close friends

[Shyla88]

But he's a life coach too so he would divulge personal information to people

[getsmartie]

Very good luck to you on your marathon run.

 

Is it unprofessional to be a friend to someone who are coaching and training? Surely it's natural to what to be someone's knight in shining armor and to get emotionally involved in their goings on when they tell you about it.

 

It's not unprofessional to be a friend, it is unprofessional for him to disclose such personal information about himself. I'm friendly and professional, I think clients that are emotionally vulnerable may misread some of that kindness. For example, I also teach a lot of Pilates, I'm super friendly to everyone in my class. This one particular man was starting to talk to me after class a lot. He'd walk me to my car, he emailed me a lot (someone gave him my email). I asked him to stop, that I was uncomfortable with it. He stopped but soon restarted again. He emailed me something inappropriate to which I responded that he's welcome to come to my class but it will remain professional. There you go, ive shut it down.

 

Why cant you see he's crossing many lines? I think you are way too naive ane vulnerable but for all of us here we see this clear as day.

[katiegrl]

You are a "close friend" who pays him for services rendered.

 

And close friends spend time together outside of where those services are provided.

 

And as a close friend, you would know his marital status.

 

I am sorry Shyla, you may think you are close friends, because that's what he's got you thinking. For whatever reason .... most likely to maintain your business.

 

What you are, is a client. Who pays him for his services.

 

And although you say his hugs and massages, etc are only when walking to your car saying goodbye, that is still inappropriate. VERY inappropriate.

 

His behavior is unethical and unprofessional for a professional/client relationship.... which is what you have.

 

Shyla, I am a paralegal and if any attorney in our firm maintained (and actually) encouraged) the type of RL you have with this guy, he/she would be disbarred!

 

As a paying client, again your relationship should be strictly professional.

 

If you want to stop being a client and go to another trainer, then your RL would be okay, assuming hy is single.

 

But you ARE a client. So it is unethical and unprofessional.

Edited May 2, 2016 by katiegrl

[truth_seeker]

OR....OP is not fit enough for him to want to date or he is playing multiple women and setting op up to be next in his rotation.

 

A little harsher sounding, but more probable than married because it sounds like he has visitation with his kids due to a divorce.

 

he's crossed a line as a personal trainer for sure but i've been members of gyms where the trainers are banging all the women.

Most of those women are married and the trainers are not.

 

Every gym I've been a member of, most of the trainers, managers, front desk people, are having sex with other employees and members.

 

Gym employees are some of the biggest sc-mbags I've ever come across. They are out for themselves. Just low-class, dirty people. One gym I was at this girl employee was sleeping with a sales guy and cheating on him with a manager... then she got with other trainers, members and offered herself to me. I passed on the opportunity and another employee got with her and eventually married her. What a love story.

 

OP - your trainer is sc-m. All he cares about is getting your money and possibly some sex. He could care less about you. Harsh but true.

[basil67]

But he's a life coach too so he would divulge personal information to people

 

A life coach might share things like how he used to be in a bad place and the techniques he used to make his life better. He might talk about the positive affirmations he does on a regular basis and his physical training techniques. But he should not be sharing the personal things in his everyday life.

 

I too, was naive like you and got taken advantage of by a professional who did exactly what your trainer is doing. I was your age and he was also substantially older. I couldn't see it at the time either, but hindsight and life experience has taught me well and I now realise how unethical it was.