Any words of wisdom

[Trisb4u]

The guy actually told me before me and her got together she was shagging someone else and wasn't interested in meeting me anymore. He also knew about the abortion I had with a the previous girl from her and didn't tell her. Some things I have hid from her because I didn't want it affecting there friendship. She trusts him and I trusted her. I just don't like her double standards.

[Cherryz]

How old are you guys?

 

Its like both of you dont communicate well.

About what you need and want or like.

And what is unacceptable/ acceptable for you.

 

Everyone doing his/ her thing.

[Cherryz]

This is not healthy or normal.

 

Your ex do all that stuff but have a issue with your texting?

 

And why did your guys stop cuddle because this dude ddnt like it?

And your ex keep you out of all her activity's, and tell you you wont like how she act with her friends?

This is a mess. There is alot disrespect going on from her site too.

 

Better break up. and go take care of your issues and self esteem, find a sport that you like and go for it. and read self help books about healthy relationships and self esteem.

 

There is no respect here.

Your gf should be open to you and not hide you from her friends.

Same as you should.

But both of you are not respecting each other in big ways and accepting it alot of each other.

[elaine567]

You can't keep hiding stuff from her and lying to her in the hope she won't find out and then when she does find out there is all hell to pay.

The result of this being she then doesn't trust you. BUT why should she trust you when you are caught out lying.

YOU have to start being honest and stop getting into situations that you need to lie about.

 

I think the other girl being pregnant and you lying about it is a huge thing for her and her hanging about with other guys is also a huge thing for you.

I guess none of this is going to work long term.

Maybe time to put a lid on it and move on.

[Trisb4u]

I am 31 she is 25. By the sounds of it the relationship with her ex the father of her kids they had a relationship where you did your own thing. He cheated on her countless times. She is not over her ex and never trusted me from the beginning because I didn't tell her about the girl prior to her. I have been open and honest with other female friends and she has major problems with them. If they text me and I forgot to tell her all hell breaks loose. If I speak to them before her in the morning I love them more etc etc. She doesn't do "talking" face to face she gets to angry or says she doesn't want to show me her emotions. We argue over text messages which I hate. She has dumped me so many times because I'm not meeting up to her expectations like I did at the beginning. She has dumped me and accused me of sleeping with my female friends she knows about solo many times I am on pins I feel all the time. She thinks dumping me teaches me a lesson to improve my ways but all it does it hurt me. She does not give out what she expects from me.

[Trisb4u]

Don't have a choice but to move on anymore. She will never forgive me. I don't blame her.

[Trisb4u]

We had argument before I went on holiday for a week with my family and got accused of ending it to have a holiday fling. While I'm on holiday she founds out an ex I was with for 7 year that I haven't spoken to in 3 and a half years ago was now single so thought I was going to jump off the plane to go see her. She was in a mood with me, ignoring me most my holiday because she was too busy but she didn't get angry which is a blessing. I didn't even know the ex was single.

[Trisb4u]

I understand now that you need to be completely open and honest about previous partners and your past but what about horrible things that an ex partner did to you. Do you need to tell your new partner?

[authenticity]

If you feel like it's an important thing to be completely honest with your partner (I think it is), then yes it is something you should tell your significant other.

[ExpatInItaly]

I understand now that you need to be completely open and honest about previous partners and your past but what about horrible things that an ex partner did to you. Do you need to tell your new partner?

 

I don't totally agree with this. Why would a new partner need to know every detail about your past? I don't mind if someone asks general questions about my relationship history, if I've ever been married, and so on....but I also don't feel it's necessary to get very in-depth unless a past partner is currently in your life (for example, if you share a child or something to that effect) I don't mean we should ever be dishonest, but it's not always imperative to paint detailed pictures of previous relationships.

 

As far as an abusive ex-partner goes, I am very selective about the details. I have done a lot of work (on my own) to move past a previous abusive situation. If it were still affecting me deeply today, I would explain to my current partner what I had dealt with. I didn't feel it was necessary or helpful to spill everything, though I am open to answering questions if he asks. In other words, he knows an ex of mine was emotionally, verbally and physically abusive but I have not gone into detail about what happened on specific occasions.

 

Can you be a bit more specific about what it is you feel you need to share?

[Ami1uwant]

I understand now that you need to be completely open and honest about previous partners and your past but what about horrible things that an ex partner did to you. Do you need to tell your new partner?

 

Unsure how old you are.

 

Generally you talk about those you dated long term, not everyone you date.

 

If you are late 30s and was married, you would talk about 2 people you dated long term and your ex-spouse. You don't get into the gory details of the marriage and divorce early on. Part of thus is knowing you have relationships and knowing what you want in a relationship.

 

In terms of horrible things, hold off on those until later.

 

If you are the victim of sexual assult/rape and this will hinder you open up sexually with someone you need to bring thus up before sex.

[Trisb4u]

I don't know if you seen on my other thread but basically I spent two and a half year single. Met a girl and ended up sleeping with her twice. Knew she wasn't the girl for me so I ended things. She didn't want it to end but I didn't want to use her. Fast forward three weeks I have met an amazing girl I want to have a relationship with. I am not yet commuted to her and haven't slept with her yet. The previous girl is now saying she is pregnant and we have decided to get it terminated. I don't actually believe she it all seems coincidental to me. I have offered repeatedly to go to the scans and such but she always has excuses. Should I tell the new girl?

[Trisb4u]

If it is true and she decides the keep the baby then I would tell the new girl and support the baby. But as it stand it has been decided to terminate the pregnancy which is something that I am not proud of or happy about but I k is its the right thing to do as I want to have a child to the woman I live and want to be with.

[Ami1uwant]

Also......if you don't bring up this past causing hesitancy, then it could be read as lack of interest.

[Trisb4u]

I am 31 and embarrassed by my actions.

[Ami1uwant]

I am 31 and embarrassed by my actions.

 

Tread carefully here. New girl may not react kindly yo you impregnating another girl even if it was not cheating.

 

If old girl terminates the pregnancy, don't tell new girl anytime soon. If she plans on keeping the baby, then you need to tell her.

[Trisb4u]

I do feel so bad. It is the first girl ever that I have slept with and didn't want a relationship. She gave me my confidence back which I am so great full for but embarrassed about because it makes me feel horrible my actions. I don't want to tell her it's so personal right now and might not even be true. So confused.

[Trisb4u]

Anyone else have an opinion please?

[Trisb4u]

I'll try to keep things short as possible.

 

I was single for 2 and a half years feeling really depressed and low from a previous failed relationship. I knew I needed time to myself. I finally started to feel confident again so I asked a female friend called M out on a date. She declined which was fine. Myself, M and another couple went camping as friends which I thoroughly enjoyed. A few weeks go by and I met another girl called E, she showed me a lot of attention and was really caring, something I hadn't felt for a while. We slept together a couple of times but it didn't feel right for me, I knew this girl was not who I wanted to spent the rest of my life with, so I ended it. About 3/4 weeks after ending things with E I met my ex V when out with a male friend of mine called A.

 

My ex V from the start said she wanted to pursue a relationship with me but seemed to be getting to know my male friend A at the same rate as me. I was jealous of this because it was supposed to be me and her building something but they spend soooo much time on the phone laughing and talking.

 

While I am getting to know the new girl V my ex E I slept with was now saying she is pregnant. I didn't believe her but would of supported her if it was true. The decision was made for an abortion. Not something I was proud of or wanted to discuss with me new partner V I was still getting to know. I kept this secret from V which I know is wrong but I did it for the right reasons I feel. I didn't want her painting a bad picture of me as it was something I am not proud of and it was quite a hurtful stressful time. V was my escape. Anyway the abortion went ahead and a few weeks went by and me and my male friend A fell out. He decided to tell V about the abortion. V then labelled me as a liar and a cheat. Then V also found out I asked the girl M (the one I went camping with) out weeks before her. I didn't even know V then. I didn't even think to tell her I asked a girl out before her.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'll try to keep things short as possible.

 

I was single for 2 and a half years feeling really depressed and low from a previous failed relationship. I knew I needed time to myself. I finally started to feel confident again so I asked a female friend called M out on a date. She declined which was fine. Myself, M and another couple went camping as friends which I thoroughly enjoyed. A few weeks go by and I met another girl called E, she showed me a lot of attention and was really caring, something I hadn't felt for a while. We slept together a couple of times but it didn't feel right for me, I knew this girl was not who I wanted to spent the rest of my life with, so I ended it. About 3/4 weeks after ending things with E I met my ex V when out with a male friend of mine called A.

 

My ex V from the start said she wanted to pursue a relationship with me but seemed to be getting to know my male friend A at the same rate as me. I was jealous of this because it was supposed to be me and her building something but they spend soooo much time on the phone laughing and talking.

 

While I am getting to know the new girl V my ex E I slept with was now saying she is pregnant. I didn't believe her but would of supported her if it was true. The decision was made for an abortion. Not something I was proud of or wanted to discuss with me new partner V I was still getting to know. I kept this secret from V which I know is wrong but I did it for the right reasons I feel. I didn't want her painting a bad picture of me as it was something I am not proud of and it was quite a hurtful stressful time. V was my escape. Anyway the abortion went ahead and a few weeks went by and me and my male friend A fell out. He decided to tell V about the abortion. V then labelled me as a liar and a cheat. Then V also found out I asked the girl M (the one I went camping with) out weeks before her. I didn't even know V then. I didn't even think to tell her I asked a girl out before her.

 

Hey there, OP.

 

I participated in your other thread and must admit I'm confused about the timeline.

 

Just yesterday, you stated in your other thread that the decision has been made to terminate, implying it hadn't happened yet and that the new girl didn't know about it.

 

Now you are saying the abortion happened a few weeks ago, and the new girl wants nothing to do with you.

 

Which is it?

[Space Ritual]

I'll try to keep things short as possible.

 

I was single for 2 and a half years feeling really depressed and low from a previous failed relationship. I knew I needed time to myself. I finally started to feel confident again so I asked a female friend called M out on a date. She declined which was fine. Myself, M and another couple went camping as friends which I thoroughly enjoyed. A few weeks go by and I met another girl called E, she showed me a lot of attention and was really caring, something I hadn't felt for a while. We slept together a couple of times but it didn't feel right for me, I knew this girl was not who I wanted to spent the rest of my life with, so I ended it. About 3/4 weeks after ending things with E I met my ex V when out with a male friend of mine called A.

 

My ex V from the start said she wanted to pursue a relationship with me but seemed to be getting to know my male friend A at the same rate as me. I was jealous of this because it was supposed to be me and her building something but they spend soooo much time on the phone laughing and talking.

 

While I am getting to know the new girl V my ex E I slept with was now saying she is pregnant. I didn't believe her but would of supported her if it was true. The decision was made for an abortion. Not something I was proud of or wanted to discuss with me new partner V I was still getting to know. I kept this secret from V which I know is wrong but I did it for the right reasons I feel. I didn't want her painting a bad picture of me as it was something I am not proud of and it was quite a hurtful stressful time. V was my escape. Anyway the abortion went ahead and a few weeks went by and me and my male friend A fell out. He decided to tell V about the abortion. V then labelled me as a liar and a cheat. Then V also found out I asked the girl M (the one I went camping with) out weeks before her. I didn't even know V then. I didn't even think to tell her I asked a girl out before her.

 

 

Sorry, but the added information now makes it clear you simply lack the maturity and life skills to be any type of partner for anyone on a long term basis. I expect that type of behavior out of somebody who is in their late teens or early 20's, where being stupid is a rite of passage.. But into their thirties? Naw..you need to grow up.

[Trisb4u]

I need to improve. What key points are my problem. I know I'm not mature enough.

[Trisb4u]

Any pointers? Can't believe I am that bad but it sounds like I need to take a good look at myself.

[Trisb4u]

Sounds like I need to take a good look at myself. Any pointers please on where u go wrong?

[MysteryV]

Well well well. This is interesting. First off I would just like to clear my name. I am the "V" Tristan is talking about. And what a load of rubbish that has been written in here. You have tried twisting everything and passing the blame onto everyone else other than yourself. You can not be trusted at all. A few reasons of that being...You have took naked pictures of me without my knowledge. You have lied. You have stopped me seeing my friends. You have been driving numerous times pat my house and just today turned up uninvited. Trying to cause a scene around my two young children.

 

Drugs have become the main focus of your life and your priorities were meeting other females whilst I was sat at home looking after my poorly kids

 

Your blaming other people for everything that went wrong other than yourself. I did finish you numerous times in the hope that you would realise that it all needed to change. But when I saw that nothing was working is when I called it a day.

 

Now I have screen shotted everything that has been put on here and think that is in everyone's best intrest that it is taken down. As you wouldn't like being slandered either.