Why do women marry?

[Gloria25]

My son is over 30 and well established in a highly successful career. I got to stay home with him until he was in pre-K. We actually didn't 'need' two paychecks but even back in the 80's I was smart enough to know that staying home and not working anymore - in essence, making myself completely financially dependent on my husband - was not a smart thing to do.

 

I didn't say every single woman on earth works because she has to - I said a good majority of women probably have to work because the household needs the extra income. So you're suggesting that women who have to work outside the home shouldn't be allowed to have kids and should get a canary instead?

 

While you're certainly welcome to your thoughts and opinions on a woman's role in marriage - as we all are - S_A above brings up a very excellent point. Go read some of the infidelity message boards and see HOW many women are stuck with lying cheating verbally or emotionally abusive husbands because they've chosen to live the lifestyle you're advocating. They've got 3 or 4 kids, they haven't worked in 8 or 10 years, and are completely dependent on their husbands. They're literally trapped - no longer marketable on the job market, unable to support themselves and their 3 or 4 kids on their own even with child support (and for some some, alimony if applicable). The cost of daycare for 3 or 4 kids is so high that the average woman couldn't afford it unless she was a top earner.

 

So these women are trapped.

 

We were all young and idealistic at one point in our lives, but with age and experience comes wisdom. You'll come to see that not all husbands who cheat do so because the WOMAN dropped the ball. There are tons of serial cheaters out there who would cheat no matter what their wives did for them. There are plenty who are merely sexually bored and crave the variety of being with different women - and unless a woman has the ability to physically morph into a different woman every night, shes going to get cheated on no matter WHAT she does. There are those who simply have poor boundaries and no self control and if the situation fell in his lap, he'd give into temptation.

 

There are men out there that once their wives give birth to a child, they can no longer see her as a sexual partner. Again, not the woman's fault, but she's going to have to deal with being with a cheater because of it.

 

Make no mistake - there are also plenty of men out there who simply think it's their birthright to bed as many woman as they can simply because they're male.

 

Your idealistic theory that if a women basically enslaves herself to a man and lives her life to cater to him is NOT a foolproof recipe to keep a man from cheating. I'm sorry, but it's not.

 

Then if women "choose" to go to work, then why complain that the kids and house need tending to?

 

That's why I started this thread.

 

Boggles my mind why women even bother to get married when what being a "wife" is the last thing on their minds; they see their husbands as controlling freaks trying to enslave them, so they must go out and work.

 

Yes, some husbands are crappy, but that's not what this thread is about. But still even with crappy husbands, it boils down to the woman making a poor choice. This woman on the radio was talking how before she had two kids with her husband, she ran across an email to his ex, where he said throughout his honeymoon he was thinking about the ex. Mind you, the wife is upset cuz years into the marriage and two kids, he still has strong communication and ties with his ex. So, who's fault is it here? She knew he was a jerk and still made two babies with him.

 

Women aren't helpless victims - especially now a days. They have a choice in who they marry. Now women like in places like the Middle East (I mean that figuratively - not literally) don't have a choice when it comes to marriage.

[BC1980]

Gloria, honestly, you come off as bitter and unhappy that you aren't married with kids. So you make threads that attack women who are married or the institution of marriage in general. I think it's some kind of defense or coping mechanism. You seem obsessed with women who are married and how they are doing it wrong or how you would do it differently. I'm not saying all of this to hurt you, and I might be wrong. But that is how you come across to me.

[serial muse]

Then if women "choose" to go to work, then why complain that the kids and house need tending to?

 

That's why I started this thread.

 

Boggles my mind why women even bother to get married when what being a "wife" is the last thing on their minds; they see their husbands as controlling freaks trying to enslave them, so they must go out and work.

 

Yes, some husbands are crappy, but that's not what this thread is about. But still even with crappy husbands, it boils down to the woman making a poor choice. This woman on the radio was talking how before she had two kids with her husband, she ran across an email to his ex, where he said throughout his honeymoon he was thinking about the ex. Mind you, the wife is upset cuz years into the marriage and two kids, he still has strong communication and ties with his ex. So, who's fault is it here? She knew he was a jerk and still made two babies with him.

 

Women aren't helpless victims - especially now a days. They have a choice in who they marry. Now women like in places like the Middle East (I mean that figuratively - not literally) don't have a choice when it comes to marriage.

 

Wait, what?

 

People don't get married because they suddenly want to do housework. They may enjoy the idea of fulfilling that role in their relationship, but that is hardly an accurate definition of "wife". Nor is it accurate to mischaracterize women who choose to work as doing so because they fear enslavement by their male overlords. What nonsense is this? Many women work because they are skilled at something and like to do it. It really doesn't need to be any more nefarious than that. I do not understand the need to condemn people you don't know for doing things they aren't doing because they made choices you wouldn't make. That is the definition of a strawman argument, and it's grossly facile.

[katiegrl]

 

This isn't the Middle East - where women are forced into arranged marriages.

 

 

Right. And this isn't the 1950s either where women were discouraged from working outside the home.... but instead encouraged to stay home and become the proverbial stepford wife. The perfect little suzy homemaker to hubby and kids.

 

My mom did that... only to have dad divorce her after 15 years to marry HER best friend! Who was also an attorney!!

 

Meanwhile my mom had no work experience, no skills, cause just like you suggest, she stayed home to take care of her husband AND the five kids HE wanted!

 

She finally landed on her feet, but it was very difficult for those first few years after dad left.

 

In any event.... good job attempting to set us back 50+ years!!

[Jabron1]

In any event.... good job attempting to set us back 50+ years!!

 

Isn't that the point though?

 

Marriage is an antiquated institution.

[serial muse]

Isn't that the point though?

 

Marriage is an antiquated institution.

 

So is farming, but we adapt.

 

Which is the point. Humans are eminently adaptable, and most of our social institutions have been in flux for centuries. There is nothing inherently wrong with adaptation. Meanwhile, this sepia-toned view of 1950s-style marriages is false because they themselves were an adaptation from various earlier eras, stretching back into the mists of time. The bottom line is that if you think marriage is going to be bad for you, then just don't bother with it.

[Sub]

Isn't that the point though?

 

Marriage is an antiquated institution.

 

Very much besides the point. People still choose to get married. Whether or not someone thinks it's antiquated is irrelevant as to why they do.

[katiegrl]

Then if women "choose" to go to work, then why complain that the kids and house need tending to?

 

That's why I started this thread.

 

Boggles my mind why women even bother to get married when what being a "wife" is the last thing on their minds; they see their husbands as controlling freaks trying to enslave them, so they must go out and work.

 

Yes, some husbands are crappy, but that's not what this thread is about. But still even with crappy husbands, it boils down to the woman making a poor choice. This woman on the radio was talking how before she had two kids with her husband, she ran across an email to his ex, where he said throughout his honeymoon he was thinking about the ex. Mind you, the wife is upset cuz years into the marriage and two kids, he still has strong communication and ties with his ex. So, who's fault is it here? She knew he was a jerk and still made two babies with him.

 

Women aren't helpless victims - especially now a days. They have a choice in who they marry. Now women like in places like the Middle East (I mean that figuratively - not literally) don't have a choice when it comes to marriage.

 

Well speaking personally re my own mom and dad. Yes dad left her after 15 years, but that doesn't mean MY MOM made a poor choice in marrying him.

 

They fell and in love with each other and had many happy years. My dad was very successful, and treated my mom very well for many many years, as well as the kids HE wanted.

 

And instead of blaming the woman for supposedly making a poor choice, which is absolutely ludicrous because when she chose him, they were in love and he was treating her like GOLD, and in her eyes the perfect choice... how about placing some blame on the man for not living up to his role as a husband, which might range from becoming, after many years, verbally and sometimes physically abusive, or in my mom's case, it was my dad who chose, after 15 years to step outside the marriage and have an affair, with my mom's best friend!!

 

WTF you expect women to be physic, and to predict how their husbands will turn out years later? People change Gloria or has that notion not ever entered your mind?

 

No guess not, let's just blame the woman for making a poor choice YEARS earlier.... when he was madly in love with her and mostly likely treating her like gold.

[Gloria25]

Isn't that the point though?

 

Marriage is an antiquated institution.

 

Oh, so the shack-ups, and "roommates/partners" thing going on now a days is better than that "antiquated institution"?

 

I just think it's sad that women spit on nurturing (cooking, cleaning, mothering) and see it as some form of enslavement through "marriage"

 

I enjoy cooking. Actually, today and Sunday I rocked in the kitchen. Puts a smile on my face to "feed" my family.

 

BTW, I do landscaping, car maintenance/repair, and handiguy stuff (plumbing, electric, HVAC). I also have degrees and am a kick butt professional....gosh darn, how dare I lower myself to that of a barefooted and pregnant slave would have to do (cooking, that is).

[serial muse]

Oh, so the shack-ups, and "roommates/partners" thing going on now a days is better than that "antiquated institution"?

 

I just think it's sad that women spit on nurturing (cooking, cleaning, mothering) and see it as some form of enslavement through "marriage"

 

I enjoy cooking. Actually, today and Sunday I rocked in the kitchen. Puts a smile on my face to "feed" my family.

 

BTW, I do landscaping, car maintenance/repair, and handiguy stuff (plumbing, electric, HVAC). I also have degrees and am a kick butt professional....gosh darn, how dare I lower myself to that of a barefooted and pregnant slave would have to do (cooking, that is).

 

Again, WTF? Who are you even suggesting says this sort of thing? Lots of women like to cook, and do so proudly, regardless of their married state. Some of them even clean and love being mothers. Maybe they work too! Wowzers, that happens? Yes, yes it does. This is getting increasingly bizarre...

[Sub]

Gloria, who are these women you're referring to?

[Gloria25]

Well speaking personally re my own mom and dad. Yes dad left her after 15 years, but that doesn't mean MY MOM made a poor choice in marrying him.

 

They fell and in love with each other and had many happy years. My dad was very successful, and treated my mom very well for many many years, as well as the kids HE wanted.

 

And instead of blaming the woman for supposedly making a poor choice, which is absolutely ludicrous because when she chose him, they were in love and he was treating her like GOLD, and in her eyes the perfect choice... how about placing some blame on the man for not living up to his role as a husband, which might range from becoming, after many years, verbally and sometimes physically abusive, or in my mom's case, it was my dad who chose, after 15 years to step outside the marriage and have an affair, with my mom's best friend!!

 

WTF you expect women to be physic, and to predict how their husbands will turn out years later? People change Gloria or has that notion not ever entered your mind?

 

No guess not, let's just blame the woman for making a poor choice YEARS earlier.... when he was madly in love with her and mostly likely treating her like gold.

 

Entering into marriage just waiting for your husband to mess you over isn't the answer either.

 

Also, you don't know what actually went on between your parents. I asked if you had a frank and candid convo with your dad, and appears he gave you a generalized response. And what other response did you expect? Unless you had parents like mine that battled it out in front of us, you have no idea what really was going on between your parents and probably out of privacy and to spear you pain, they'll never tell you.

[Gloria25]

Gloria, who are these women you're referring to?

 

Not yours cuz if I'm correct, you have the perfect wife/marriage. And good for you.

[Jabron1]

Very much besides the point. People still choose to get married. Whether or not someone thinks it's antiquated is irrelevant as to why they do.

 

Disagree.

 

Marriage is an antiquated institution that was built and fit for a bygone era.

 

That changes the relevance of marriage, and changes why people do it.

 

It's a completely relevant point to make.

 

And as far as I can make out, the answer to the question 'why do women get married?' is that it isn't even a logical decision - rather an emotional one.

 

Good luck with that

 

Oh, so the shack-ups, and "roommates/partners" thing going on now a days is better than that "antiquated institution"?

 

As it relates to the current state of marriage? Hell yeah, it's better.

[Sub]

Not yours cuz if I'm correct, you have the perfect wife/marriage. And good for you.

 

No. Nothing is perfect. And saying who you're not referring to doesn't answer the question of who you are referring to.

[Gloria25]

So is farming, but we adapt.

 

Which is the point. Humans are eminently adaptable, and most of our social institutions have been in flux for centuries. There is nothing inherently wrong with adaptation. Meanwhile, this sepia-toned view of 1950s-style marriages is false because they themselves were an adaptation from various earlier eras, stretching back into the mists of time. The bottom line is that if you think marriage is going to be bad for you, then just don't bother with it.

 

If us moving away from farming and the land was a good thing, then where is all this organic stuff and farmers market flare coming from? We eat crap full of hormones, pesticides and by the time it reaches the supermarket from the mass-produced companies, it's on the verge of spoiling.

 

Same for values that we used to have towards marriage and family. People diss stuff that they think can change with time. A man, child's needs don't change cuz this is 2016.

[Sub]

 

And as far as I can make out, the answer to the question 'why do women get married?' is that it isn't even a logical decision - rather an emotional one.

 

Good luck with that

 

Ah, yes. Because women do everything based on emotion and don't use logic in their decision-making. Talk about something from a bygone era.

[Gloria25]

Disagree.

 

Marriage is an antiquated institution that was built and fit for a bygone era.

 

That changes the relevance of marriage, and changes why people do it.

 

It's a completely relevant point to make.

 

And as far as I can make out, the answer to the question 'why do women get married?' is that it isn't even a logical decision - rather an emotional one.

 

Good luck with that

 

 

 

As it relates to the current state of marriage? Hell yeah, it's better.

 

Oh, please elaborate on how things are better?

 

We have children, in alarming rates, stuck with "depression"

..yet these so-called psychologista blame sports, after school activities, and schoolwork. No one dares conduct a study on their family structure and home life.

[Jabron1]

Ah, yes. Because women do everything based on emotion and don't use logic in their decision-making. Talk about something from a bygone era.

 

Who said that? You just going to snipe, or add something relevant?

 

Still waiting to hear a reason for the relevance of marriage.

 

And no, 'love' isn't a logical reason.

 

'Government incentives' aren't either.

[Jabron1]

Oh, please elaborate on how things are better?

 

We have children, in alarming rates, stuck with "depression"

..yet these so-called psychologista blame sports, after school activities, and schoolwork. No one dares conduct a study on their family structure and home life.

 

All that stuff happens with or without marriage.

 

Modern marriage isn't a cure for these problems - it's the cause.

 

The difference between you and me, is that I accept the way things are, and adapt. You are mourning over something that is long since dead.

 

It's a bit futile IMO.

[amaysngrace]

Oh, please elaborate on how things are better?

 

We have children, in alarming rates, stuck with "depression"

..yet these so-called psychologista blame sports, after school activities, and schoolwork. No one dares conduct a study on their family structure and home life.

 

What? They're some of the first questions they ask. "What's your home life like? Who lives with you? How do you all get along?"

 

You sound like you have no idea what you're talking about sometimes Gloria.

[katiegrl]

Entering into marriage just waiting for your husband to mess you over isn't the answer either.

 

Also, you don't know what actually went on between your parents. I asked if you had a frank and candid convo with your dad, and appears he gave you a generalized response. And what other response did you expect? Unless you had parents like mine that battled it out in front of us, you have no idea what really was going on between your parents and probably out of privacy and to spear you pain, they'll never tell you.

 

Actually I do know how it went down with my parents.... my dad shared lots with me, we were super close and remained closed until he died two years ago may he RIP.

 

And guess what.... they were BOTH to blame. How's that for a novel concept?

 

But what does any of that have to do with MY MOM having chosen poorly?

 

That is what I can't wrap my head around.

 

Why it's all the woman's fault, from the get go?

 

From choosing poorly, to choosing to get married, to choosing to have ten kids, to choosing to become a cold, unaffectionate frigid bytch who pushed her husband into cheating on her.....

 

Why is this all on HER?

 

Again can't wrap brain around that. It takes TWO to make a marriage and TWO to break it.

[BC1980]

Oh, so the shack-ups, and "roommates/partners" thing going on now a days is better than that "antiquated institution"

 

Up until maybe 100 or so years ago, marriage was viewed as more of a financial or business arrangement for the most part. Divorce wasn't acceptable or even legal in many cases. It was also almost impossible for a woman to earn a living on her own. Women had few options, and marriage was a way for women to have protection and be financially supported. A lot has change for the better IMO. If someone is "shacking up" and it works for them, what's the problem? To each his own.

[Jabron1]

What? They're some of the first questions they ask. "What's your home life like? Who lives with you? How do you all get along?"

 

You sound like you have no idea what you're talking about sometimes Gloria.

 

Agreed.

 

It's fairly well documented that kids from broken homes are far more likely to be involved in crime, have mental health issues, fail in school, have drug problems, and a myriad of other issues.

[Gloria25]

All that stuff happens with or without marriage.

 

Modern marriage isn't a cure for these problems - it's the cause.

 

The difference between you and me, is that I accept the way things are, and adapt. You are mourning over something that is long since dead.

 

It's a bit futile IMO.

 

And the Roman Empire fell too...

 

I'm praying people stop being so selfish and self-centered and see the damage the lack of a nuclear "home" and family is doing to our youth and society.

 

I mean, I don't get why/how people won't do/see the link here...and that's why I started this thread. I'm reading stories about affairs, betrayals and asking people (women) to seriously ponder why they got married...cuz, yes, I agree with you that this "modern marriage" crap is why we have a lot of chaos in marriages and homes, IMO.

 

Also, I'm asking women, cuz women have the power in relationships....period. They have control over the sex, primary custody of kids, etc. Women are more complex than men. Most divorces are initiated by women.