Why do women marry?

[GorillaTheater]

I was drunk when I proposed, and she was drunk when she accepted. On top of that, we were practically kids. Who the hell knows what we expected out of marriage at that point?

 

 

I wouldn't recommend our path as sound methodology. But on the other hand, our 33rd anniversary is coming up.

[MissBee]

I'm reading all these threads where sex lacks and/or stops in marriages. Also, others where women want men to talk about their feeeeelings all the time, but when she puts her job, kids, etc over spending time with him, oh, he needs to get over it already.

 

Didn't we have one thread where the average tine for sex is like 5 - 7 minutes? Ok, why can't you simply do that for your husband?

 

Why is it so hard to make time for your man? When you were dating, you moved heaven and earth to make yourself available and cute for him. So, somehow that isn't a priority anymore?

 

I don't know why men even bother to get married anymore if the utter contempt for him is what he'll be signing up for...a prison sentence if you ask me.

 

Sounds like you're addressing a particular person.

 

I am giving you the credit by assuming you cannot think WOMEN as a whole do what you're describing...because of course that wouldn't make any sense.

[dreamingoftigers]

You might be surprised how often it does.

 

It could be a cultural thing, but here, many women do household tasks that might be considered by some to be masculine, and many men do a lot of the cooking, cleaning and other tasks that some may see as feminine.

 

When it comes to both spouses working, in many cases, it's done out of necessity. Sometimes, it's not what a couple planned for, but it's what ended up happening. For example, out in Alberta, the economy received a lot of input from oil shale extraction. when that sector crashed, many men were thrown out of work, and their skill set was not always easily transferable. They went from earning, in many cases, a six figure income to struggling to find work. Those who were lucky enough to have a wife who works at least have that to fall back on.

 

If someone is fixated on how men and women need to follow "traditional" roles in a marriage, it may well be doomed to fail or at least be a recipe for unhappiness.

 

 

Ha. Most of us out here get that the Gravy Train can stop and start anytime. Lots of professional women here.

 

I ran a cleaning service and took care of their houses.

 

Lots of Type-A personalities out here too. So if something needs to be done, it isn't uncommon among my age group to just YouTube it etc.

 

I'm more than happy to do my own fluids on my car etc. I can pretty much tell whatever screws up on it too.

[dreamingoftigers]

Well thats great, ...I just hope you had enough sense not to soil your house dress...

 

What ever happened to the house dress anyway?? I guess no one wears them anymore......All the women in my family wore them back in the day...Id have figured they'd make a comeback....

 

TFY

 

House dress?

 

With more women than men being the bread winner of the family in the USA, why do these ridiculous stereotypes refuse to die?

[wmacbride]

I came across this, and it made me think of this thread.

 

(1950)

 

Even back then, marriage was seen as a partnership

 

 

(1951)

[Liam1]

I was drunk when I proposed, and she was drunk when she accepted. On top of that, we were practically kids. Who the hell knows what we expected out of marriage at that point?

 

 

I wouldn't recommend our path as sound methodology. But on the other hand, our 33rd anniversary is coming up.

 

That's good to hear, Gorillatheater. Happy 33rd anniversary.

 

There are actually studies that show that arranged marriages between compatible spouses work out just fine and love develops between the two that is just as strong as a relationship that starts out with infatuation.

 

You and your wife are likely compatible and that is what has kept you two together so long.

[BlueIris]

I came across this, and it made me think of this thread.

 

(1950)

 

Even back then, marriage was seen as a partnership

 

 

(1951)

 

You got me started on these- they're great! Here's another one:

 

My mom and dad married at this time, 1952, and I can see a lot of these traits in them and in their marriage.

[Got it]

Not much, other than most women would find that man unappealing....Oh...they'll say its great...As long as its not them or their man...

 

I can see it now...

 

Guy says..."Ok, hun...Ill make a grilled cheese sandwich for us, while you go out and lay on your back in the freezing cold and change out the greasy and nasty starter motor in the pickup truck, I'll watch you from the bay window, just in case the jack fails and the truck falls on top of you....."

 

Happens every day, right??

 

TFY

 

How many guys, outside of the baby boomers, go out and fix their vehicle? Not many and, statistically, less millennials have cars let alone drivers license .

[Got it]

I don't know why this topic continues to be hashed over ad nauseum. None of this is addressing why women marry about about how poor wittle men have it with a clear lack of actual experience in said topic.

 

I don't know, I can't help but thinking the lady doth protest too much. Maybe some green envy poking up.

 

My marriage works, we continue to figure out who does what and always open to reassessing them, right now we are on the front line dealing with a refluxing baby with limited sleep, and know that we are putting in our all and leaning on each other to make it through.

 

Not perfect but we are partners and happily in love. And we are traditional in some areas, not traditional in others, but completely us. Which I think is the most important piece.

 

Why not actually try and be in a long term committed relationship and then come back on how best to do things.

[thefooloftheyear]

House dress?

 

With more women than men being the bread winner of the family in the USA, why do these ridiculous stereotypes refuse to die?

 

It was a joke.....

 

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

How many guys, outside of the baby boomers, go out and fix their vehicle? Not many and, statistically, less millennials have cars let alone drivers license .

 

You're wrong...too busy to bother giving all the reasons why, but ill just say that there is actually a BIIIIGGG world out there, where people HAVE to fix their own cars or they will be stuck walking....You know,,,,no money to pay someone to do it...

 

I know its hard to comprehend .....

 

TFY

[MidwestUSA]

You're wrong...too busy to bother giving all the reasons why, but ill just say that there is actually a BIIIIGGG world out there, where people HAVE to fix their own cars or they will be stuck walking....You know,,,,no money to pay someone to do it...

 

I know its hard to comprehend .....

 

TFY

 

The baby boomer cut off is about right tho. My H is on the edge (1967) and can do anything. And everything. As can my brother.

 

My stepdaughter's fiancé? Worthless. 31 and can't make a grilled cheese sandwich much less change the oil in a car. Guess who gets the phone calls?

 

Your joke would have gone over better with the proper term - mumu.

[thefooloftheyear]

The baby boomer cut off is about right tho. My H is on the edge (1967) and can do anything. And everything. As can my brother.

 

My stepdaughter's fiancé? Worthless. 31 and can't make a grilled cheese sandwich much less change the oil in a car. Guess who gets the phone calls?

 

Your joke would have gone over better with the proper term - mumu.

 

 

While I don't totally disagree, the stuff you guys are referring to is more common among those kids that have had a lot of stuff handed to them...At that point, why bother, when your parents have been carrying you your whole life..

 

That being said, do you really think some 27 year old kid in rural North Carolina(or Michigan) is paying shop rates of 100+/hr to replace the alternator or the radiator in his 97 Chevy Pickup?

 

Nope....

 

TFY

Edited May 2, 2016 by thefooloftheyear

[MidwestUSA]

While I don't totally disagree, the stuff you guys are referring to is more common among those kids that have had a lot of stuff handed to them...At that point, why bother, when your parents have been carrying you your whole life..

 

That being said, do you really think some 27 year old kid in rural North Carolina(or Michigan) is paying shop rates of 100+/hr to replace the alternator or the radiator in his 97 Chevy Pickup?

 

Nope....

 

TFY

 

Yea, I'll give you the geographical and socioeconomical differences.

 

And yea, this kid had everything handed to him/done for him. Only child as well. His mom died Sunday and I'm afraid SD is now totally on the hook. He was taking his laundry around the block to mom when SD didn't do it. The day she miscarried, he was pissed that she didn't make dinner.

 

Unbelievable.

[Sub]

I'm a 40-year old from the Northeast, and I learned to change my alternator by watching a YouTube video. Doesn't make me handy, necessarily. I do a great grilled cheese, too. (Did not learn that on YouTube.)?Point being, the 27-year old from rural North Carolina isn't better at knowing his role in a M than I am because I learned to make a grilled cheese for my kid the same way he learned to change an alternator.

[RecentChange]

Its pretty off topic at this point... but maybe I can tie it back.

 

Another reason to marry? Division of labor.

 

I remember my dad saying "I am glad you found someone to share your life with. Life is made easier with a partner at your side".

 

My guy is 35, and has been working on cars since he was a teenager. His friends are the same, "gear heads" - first, they didn't grow up with silver spoons, and working on their own cars was a necessity, then it grew into an interest. I know many guys in the 20's - 30's that know how to work on cars. This weekend was a "car tune up" weekend, fluids and bulbs changed, broken window lifter replaced, tires rotated, all that fun stuff.

 

I did the bulbs and door dissembly, then left to go grocery shop for the week (remember I cook dinner every night )

 

Together, we have a partnership. Four hands are better than two. Together the car work got done quicker, the food purchased - and by the time I came home, he had the living room vacuumed.

 

These are all things that would need to get done if there was just one of us - but instead there are two. We share our burdens, responsibilities, and delights!

[Jabron1]

Its pretty off topic at this point... but maybe I can tie it back.

 

Another reason to marry? Division of labor.

 

I remember my dad saying "I am glad you found someone to share your life with. Life is made easier with a partner at your side".

 

My guy is 35, and has been working on cars since he was a teenager. His friends are the same, "gear heads" - first, they didn't grow up with silver spoons, and working on their own cars was a necessity, then it grew into an interest. I know many guys in the 20's - 30's that know how to work on cars. This weekend was a "car tune up" weekend, fluids and bulbs changed, broken window lifter replaced, tires rotated, all that fun stuff.

 

I did the bulbs and door dissembly, then left to go grocery shop for the week (remember I cook dinner every night )

 

Together, we have a partnership. Four hands are better than two. Together the car work got done quicker, the food purchased - and by the time I came home, he had the living room vacuumed.

 

These are all things that would need to get done if there was just one of us - but instead there are two. We share our burdens, responsibilities, and delights!

 

...but you don't need marriage for that.

 

In fact, I'm not exactly sure if marriage serves any purpose whatsoever. It's become basically redundant and devalued.

[RecentChange]

Sure - thats why earlier I asked if long term relationships also counted, the "complaints" of the OP do not really have much to do with the legal paper work, but a long standing relationship.

 

She seems to think that:

 

Marriage = no sex.

Marriage = not prioritizing him

 

I don't know why men even bother to get married anymore if the utter contempt for him is what he'll be signing up for

 

I can tell you a piece of paper doesn't make any difference in my 15 year relationship.

 

But, in the US, marriage DOES make sense for a number of legal reasons. Health insurance, taxes, medical directives, real estate ownership, inheritance rights etc. Its "easier" for a married couple to navigate these things than an unmarried couple.

[Got it]

You're wrong...too busy to bother giving all the reasons why, but ill just say that there is actually a BIIIIGGG world out there, where people HAVE to fix their own cars or they will be stuck walking....You know,,,,no money to pay someone to do it...

 

I know its hard to comprehend .....

 

TFY

 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2014/10/14/the-many-reasons-millennials-are-shunning-cars/

 

Forbes Welcome

 

It's not just young people who don't know how to fix things any more - Telegraph

 

Hmm, really. Not according to the multiple articles.

[Phoenician]

Gloria,

 

Why women get married ?

 

it is definitely a question that is hard to answer !

 

When I raised this question to my wife , she answered with honesty and shocked me ; it was the most cruel honesty she ever declared ; she said

I expected that you will be the same type of men I see around me in my family since my childhood :

 

- A man who are ready to serve his wife , which meant for her ; a man who wouldn't argue over her needs ; her desires , her love to get things , the moment she desire things no matter how much efforts and cost are incurred.

 

the argument started because lately i separated the budgets ,as over 18 years of marriage , no matter what i do , wasn't enough to please her .

 

 

I am responsible on paying all expenses of the house ; she has a full time helper that she pays for her ( the only expense she is responsible for ),I pay everything else ; yet she feels hurt because I don't trust her to control the whole budget , i.e my earnings.

 

she feels depressed because She is not able to do more shopping with my money, which im spending on family , kids , her earnings are not enough .

 

she feels that I am not trusting her , and she feels down ...

Edited May 2, 2016 by Phoenician

[Phoenician]

I wrote a letter and gave it to her :

 

"A wife from my perspective is not a worker no , she is not just a partner ; she the source of feminism , empathy , charm and love , she is venus Godess of beauty and charm .

 

she makes her husband feels like a king when he succeeds; and shares his failure by supporting him .

 

she takes care too of the garden called marriage ; and workds hard with thorns then enjoys the output.

 

she is happy when he builds a wall , even if it is inclined, but you are never happy , nothing is enough for you ..

 

You never saw me your man , because a husband for you is someone who does everything to please only his wife ; he shouldn't argue , he shouldn't have desires that are different than yours .

 

forgive me my lady ; I can not be that man , I can not lie anymore to you .

 

yes I love you alot , and staying in this marriage for 18 years proves it ; but I can no longer give and you deprive me from even the right to disagree with you ;

 

I miss that young lady who would jump from happiness if I get her a present ; who hugs me with charm every time i get back home .

 

I miss a wife who is ready to give once in a time ; not only take and take and take .

 

I miss the beautiful lady who would wear the best she has and invite me to bond with her ; not the one who goes outside like a bride and tell me not to touch her because I will ruin her look .

 

I can no longer be the man you want ; been a doormat for years providing services , assuming that you will be happy ...but no , there is something always incomplete in my work , that makes you unhappy ..."

 

My wife is a sample of a lady who wants to be controlling the marriage as much as I do ; however , she doesn't want to get her hands dirty or scratched while working in the garden .

 

she is the sample of many women today ; but I won't generalize...

[Got it]

Foundation is everything and definitely advise not rushing into a marriage without a long duration of dating.

[thefooloftheyear]

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2014/10/14/the-many-reasons-millennials-are-shunning-cars/

 

Forbes Welcome

 

It's not just young people who don't know how to fix things any more - Telegraph

 

Hmm, really. Not according to the multiple articles.

 

 

Hmm...

 

Get out and see the world...People that don't have money fix their shyt....They have to....They have no choice...

 

But I am quite sure the self righteous, "Ivory Tower" people that wrote those articles are as naive about this as you are making yourself out to be..

 

 

TFY

[Sub]

I respect a guy who can fix his own "shyt". But is it some sort of badge of honor that he's doing it because he doesn't have the money? Parents have a dual responsibility to provide for their kids. If a guy's working his ass off to put food on the table and everything else, what does it matter if he can't fix his own car?

[wmacbride]

Foundation is everything and definitely advise not rushing into a marriage without a long duration of dating.

 

 

This is true a lot of the time, but sometimes, you only have to know someone a short period of time before you decide they are the right one for you.

 

I don't man any of that "soul mate, instant connection' stuff, as that isn't always a strong foundation for a marriage. It's really hard to explain.

 

I can only speak for myself, but marriage isn't all romance, and I blame a lot of the belief that it is on "disney-fication" and kids who are overly coddled by their parents, raised to believe they are the be all and end all and everything else should be dropped when it come to their needs.

 

Kids who grow up believing they are the centre of their parents lives seem to grow up believing their marriage should be that way too, and when you add a belief in the disney "happily ever after" crap into the mix, what chance does a marriage realy have?

 

The honeymoon ends eventually, and you are left with romance that can ebb and flow. It needs nurturing, and if you think that someone else is going to do that for you, you're sheer out of luck. It's great when both spouses realize that and each nurtures the relationship,but when only one feels that way, it can be a really heavy burden for them to carry.

 

To answer the op, I got married because I wanted to. We knew each other a few days and decided we wanted to get married. 20 years later, we are still together. I won't flatter myself to say I have been a perfect wife, and we have been through some hard times, just as most married couples have.

 

I think most people, be it a male/female, male/male or female/female couple choose to marry for similar reasons. They love their intended spouse, and feel their life is better with them in it than without.