WasOtherWoman Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 (edited) Yup. Life goes on. The question for the OP though is does he want to be a part of it? <snip> The OP's situation sounds quite a bit like my husband's prior marriage. And despite the fact that he actually TOLD her he was leaving, year prior, she chose not to believe him, or take any steps to get herself to be self-supporting, etc. So - i can kind of speak from experience in this situation. The kids (now long grown with spouses and families of their own) acknowledge that he did deserve his time to be happy and honestly appreciated the fact that he sacrificed his happiness in order to be a full-time dad to them and keep them in an intact and happy home. As a result, he was not left out of anything. Life really does go on. When he left, he drew up papers and left and that was that. They never really had any conversation after he left, despite her trying. I think the OP feels that he has done his part, and now it is his turn. That should not cost him being excluded from things and most likely will not. Edited May 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact full quote of moderated post Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 You're a good man who stayed when you felt it was right to stay, and now you're leaving because you know the time is right. You told your daughter because you knew you could trust her and you knew she would support you. She's probably glad the dead marriage is over. People always think that kids are devastated by divorce. But they're not blind and they know when a marriage is bad. My son never wanted his dad and I to get back together. What devastates most kids is the horrible way couples treat each other during a divorce. If people would grow up and stop acting with such hatred and vengeance, things would go much smoother. But even people in bad marriages love to act surprised when the relationship ends. As far as I can tell, you've done nothing but take the high road. The truth is, your wife never deserved you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WantingToLeave Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 There are lots of posters here making incorrect assumptions. One thing I want to make clear is that I am not riding off into the sunset or abandoning anyone. I am going to sign the house over to my wife, because frankly I do not want it. It was the house we lived in when she ran off. It is the house I stayed in with my three daughters and took care of them by myself for a month. It has too many memories that frankly I do not want to remember. After I move, I don't care what my wife does with it. She can sell it, move a boyfriend in with her, rent it out, etc. I don't care. I really honestly don't. I don't care if she starts dating right away. In fact, there is a part of me that wishes she would start looking for my replacement now so that I don't have to deal with her emotional leech-craft as long as I will probably have to. I am moving to an apartment here in the same town, probably no more than five miles from my house. My daughter is going to school at a small university only about eighty miles away. If she needs me I can run up and see her in about two hours. She has a large annuity for college. She will be very well taken care of, have plenty of support, and will be loved as always. My youngest daughter has known for a long time that her mother and I are not on the best of terms. She mentions it a lot, but she only has a superficial knowledge of what went down all those many years ago. I may soon have a sit down with her and lay it all out for her about what her mom did. She is an adult and has the right to hear the truth from me, not just snippets from her sisters. After I move my stuff out I will come back and have a talk with my wife and end it for good. I'm not going to pull a disappearing act. I just want her to sign the D agreement, move on, and hopefully the two of us can stay civil, although I am not hedging my bets. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 Researching the ban of a few members brought me back to this thread and, noting the last post from the starter, which appears to be in response to people attacking his choice and method, and himself, once again, rather than helping him move forward, I'll bump my prior message up for those who may have missed it. Thanks in advance for your cooperation! Folks, I'll state this once. Cease and desist from berating or labeling, overtly or covertly, the topic starter personally or, conversely, lose your privileges to post on our forum. There's been enough of that in this thread and it ends with this directive. You got your shots in; hope you feel proud and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WantingToLeave Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 You're a good man who stayed when you felt it was right to stay, and now you're leaving because you know the time is right. You told your daughter because you knew you could trust her and you knew she would support you. She's probably glad the dead marriage is over. People always think that kids are devastated by divorce. But they're not blind and they know when a marriage is bad. My son never wanted his dad and I to get back together. What devastates most kids is the horrible way couples treat each other during a divorce. If people would grow up and stop acting with such hatred and vengeance, things would go much smoother. But even people in bad marriages love to act surprised when the relationship ends. As far as I can tell, you've done nothing but take the high road. The truth is, your wife never deserved you. You hit it on the head. As I said before, my youngest has always mentioned how little outward affection I have for her mother. She knows her mom cheated back when she was a toddler, but she does not know the whole sordid story. I plan on giving her the PG rated version. She is a good kid, but very vain and superficial. I'm hoping she will grow out of this and become a deeper person than her mom. I really don't know how my wife will react. She will either be calm and resigned or she will fly off the handle and be a drama queen over it. I suspect the latter, but she may surprise me. She may even tell me that she has been planning something similar to leave me. That would not surprise me either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WantingToLeave Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 Researching the ban of a few members brought me back to this thread and, noting the last post from the starter, which appears to be in response to people attacking his choice and method, and himself, once again, rather than helping him move forward, I'll bump my prior message up for those who may have missed it. Thanks in advance for your cooperation! William thanks. I don't feel berated by anyone. I believe in freedom of speech and I actually appreciate the more critical posts. There are people here who are trying to keep me honest and I have no problem with that. They have given me lots to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 After I move, I don't care what my wife does with it. She can sell it, move a boyfriend in with her, rent it out, etc. I don't care. I really honestly don't. I don't care if she starts dating right away. In fact, there is a part of me that wishes she would start looking for my replacement now so that I don't have to deal with her emotional leech-craft as long as I will probably have to. . And that is exactly why it is abundantly clear that you are ready to move on. You are apathetic towards her. However, getting sucked into her "emotional leech-craft" will not bode well for her, you and anyone else involved. You may think you are helping her, but, reality is you probably are not. Have the talk and move on. You cannot help her process and there is significant potential that you will only prolong her healing process by looking like you are offering her false hope of reconciliation. My husband engaged a therapist to assist with how to end his long term marriage and did go to a session with his XW once he told her. At some point, staying engaged can be cruel. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 William thanks. I don't feel berated by anyone. I believe in freedom of speech and I actually appreciate the more critical posts. There are people here who are trying to keep me honest and I have no problem with that. They have given me lots to think about. Your opinion has no bearing on the operation of this web site. Please continue to address your topic and leave moderation of the forum to us. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author WantingToLeave Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 Your opinion has no bearing on the operation of this web site. Please continue to address your topic and leave moderation of the forum to us. Thanks! And with that, I will leave. Thank you all for your input. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WantingToLeave Posted May 7, 2016 Author Share Posted May 7, 2016 This is a continuation from my prior thread. I sat my wife down yesterday afternoon when she got home and told her I was filing for divorce and moving out. So it is done, and I am hugely relieved. I will be moving into my apartment at the end of this month. Till then I will be staying at the fire station at night. I'm moving some belongings into storage today and tomorrow. We have not yet told our two youngest daughters. We probably will tonight. My oldest daughter is coming over to be with the youngest when we do. The extended family and in-laws do not know yet either Link to post Share on other sites
Author WantingToLeave Posted May 7, 2016 Author Share Posted May 7, 2016 This is a follow-up to my earlier thread. I changed my plan and told my wife yesterday afternoon that I was filing for divorce and moving out. I feel greatly relieved, like a thousand pounds of weight is off my back. I'm feeling hopeful for the first time in over a decade. Tonight we will tell our younger two daughters. My youngest knows something is up but her mom is not ready to tell her. The rest of the extended family will follow. The oldest daughter knew before, and she will be here tonight to suppot our youngest. I am moving out at the end of the month and into an apartment a few miles away. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Doublegold Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 Congratulations, I am so proud of you! It is a big brave step you took, and you will be much happier. Having followed your original post, I am impressed with you ability to see living beyond an empty marital relationship. Just because something doesn't last forever doesn't mean it isn't a success. You have children who are loved by you both. We divorced after a long term marriage. Our grown children are happily leading their own lives, and we both are a big part of that! We see one another often, and have a healthy relationship with one another. It can happen! Bravo to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 Well done. What was her reaction? Link to post Share on other sites
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