Jabron1 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 (edited) Men get dumped because they make a physical move to fast. Men get dumped because they waited to long to make a move. Do what you want, and don't fret about being 'dumped'. The rest is noise that'll leave you scratching your head. Edited April 17, 2016 by Jabron1 2
devilish innocent Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 I think you're trying to force a square peg into a round hole. You want to find somebody so much that you're trying to make him be somebody that he's not. It shouldn't matter that he's got all the other qualifications if the attraction isn't even there. I don't think intense sparks have to fly on the first date. But in this case, you've given him a month, and there's nothing there beyond what you'd feel for a friend. Continuing to date him would just be leading him on. 5
xxoo Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 Why do you guys think we haven't kissed? Of course he kissed me. It happened on the second date. It wasn't good and I have kept it at pecks every time he tried to kiss me since. It's been a month of this? Yikes. Well, he should've broken up with you by now. He sounds like a bit of a doormat. 4
katiegrl Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 The whole 'he kissed me' 'I kept it to pecks' etc talk suggests it all happens almost against her will. She is flattered he initiates, but in stead of reciprocating she blocks because she feels repulsed. This is going to nowhere. I can empathize though because I had kind of similar experience... Even started 2 treads about the dude I guess it is not uncommon especially with smarter but socially awkward men, I really wanted to date such a man but the flirting game just never worked.. What I don't get is how the heck a woman can continue dating a man she feels repulsed by? Because he is nice and has no baggage? I could see maybe giving it a few dates to see if chemistry develops, but it's been a month for heaven's sake. And OP isn't just not attracted but actually feels repulsed. But yet continues dating him! Not to criticize but she complains that men have issues (baggage, whatevs)? ES, end this, you are mis-leading him and that is wrong and completely unfair to him! 3
katiegrl Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 Also, I could be wrong but I interpreted Woggle's comment to mean: Nice guy, good guy, treats her well = No Attraction or worse repulsion Bad boy, inconsistent, keeps her guessing, won't COMITT = High level of Attraction This seems to have become a pattern. OP wants to be attracted to the good guy, but underlying issues within herself prevent that from happening. Worth exploring. 1
MidwestUSA Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 What I don't get is how the heck a woman can continue dating a man she feels repulsed by? And surely he's picking up on it? 2
katiegrl Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 And surely he's picking up on it? Yeah, one would think. This whole thing sounds like the flip side of the other thread by the chick whose bf wouldn't kiss her or show any sort of physical affection for a month and a half. And while it bothered and annoyed her, she was too scared to say anything. He ended up dumping her. Which is what ES needs to do too. IMO. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 The whole 'he kissed me' 'I kept it to pecks' etc talk suggests it all happens almost against her will. She is flattered he initiates, but in stead of reciprocating she blocks because she feels repulsed. Just turn it around. What if it were your guy posting on here about how he thinks you're such a stand-up lady but he feels repulsed when he has to touch you. Nobody deserves to be on the receiving end of that when they're looking for love, do they? It's not right for either of you. You'll never be happy and it's totally unfair to him. 7
oldshirt Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 We have been dating for a month and I have never felt the attraction. I can tell that he is attracted to me and is always touching me...but even holding hands and him putting an arm around me makes me feel like pulling away. It sucks as I am normally very affectionate and it doesn't take that much for me to be physically attracted. And I actually enjoy spending time and talking to him. There really isn't anything more painful for a man than to be into some chick and have her pulling away and being creeped out. You may think he is a nice guy and you may admire some of his positive traits but your body is rejecting him and that is extremely frustrating and painful for a guy. He is confused and giving it his all because your mouth is agreeing to date him and have a relationship for him, but your body is pulling away from him and giving him the stiff arm. Guys are simple and want to believe what women tell them, but then they get confused and frustrated when women's bodies do something completely different. That is when men start hoop jumping and acting like dancing monkeys to try to get their bodies in congruence with what they are saying. that ends up making the women even less attracted to them and it turns into a viscious cycle. This can only get worse. If you make the mistake of marrying and having a family with him, you will eventually become disgusted with him and resentful. He will be one of these men that write to this forum talking about how you haven't had sex in years and that you may be seeing someone else. 1
RedPurpleOrange Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 If you're not attracted...just stop dating him. But he should KNOW. It's pathetic. About a year after I'd split up with my ex ex, got fully over it all, I did OLD for a month and met a girl I liked. We fell totally in love over the telephone but when we met in person...total sinking feeling. I liked her but she was after a Jason Statham-type...whereas I looked like a bass guitarist in a 70s metal band at the time. It was awkward. I KNEW from the off. It didn't stop us doing some sexy stuff but there was never gonna be a relationship. Just a friendzoning with a few dwindling benefits. So I called it off. That's what he should do. Give it up as a bad job. It sucks, it hurts, but not everyone will find you super-sexy. But many others will. He should find one of those because you're wasting each other's time. 1
oldshirt Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 Should I give it more time? Absolutely not. you have already wasted 3 weeks and a lot of emotional energy. Listen, the very purpose of dating is to spend time with someone and do things with them to see if they are the person that is right for you and the one that you want to marry and have a home and family with. You have now found that this is not that person, even though they have some positive traits that you like. Once you know someone is NOT the one, then you are obligated to dissolve the relationship compassionately so that each of you can go back on the dating market and find people that are a good match for each of you. This was simply a near miss. It happens all the time to everyone. Noone did anything bad or wrong so there is no foul here. It just didn't work out. Stop torturing the man and stop putting yourself in the position to feel awkward and uncomfortable and let this relationship die a natural death with dignity and honor. 5
RedPurpleOrange Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 Exactly. Guy's just gonna get more hurt the more you date. But he really should KNOW. Pecks on the cheek? Pah! 1
Jabron1 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 I liked her but she was after a Jason Statham-type I happen to be a Statham type. I once 'hung out' with a woman that seemed obsessed with turning me into Bam Margera . Don't change for nobody. OP needs to cut this guy loose. People posting are starting to pity him. Would any man here want someone's pity? I sure as hell wouldn't. It's pathetic. Women don't seem to understand that men have something called pride. Can you imagine what he would think reading this? As soon as the word 'repulsed' is used, it's done. 4
RedPurpleOrange Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 Hehe. I wish I still had her number, I'd pass it on. 1
elaine567 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 As soon as the word 'repulsed' is used, it's done. Exactly, there is no coming back from that. Madness to even try. 1
PrettyEmily77 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 The problem is, it's EXTREMELY hard meeting guys that are honest, consistent, smart, want a relationship and don't have much baggage. It sucks that I don't feel even a little bit of attraction. He has baggage - you just haven't seen it. Yes, it sucks - not just for you, for him too. Do the decent thing and break it off, like 3 weeks ago. You are stringing him along, OP - it's not cool. He may be a doormat or he may genuinely like you, who knows, but either way it's now down to you to stop wasting both your times. 2
Woggle Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 Also, I could be wrong but I interpreted Woggle's comment to mean: Nice guy, good guy, treats her well = No Attraction or worse repulsion Bad boy, inconsistent, keeps her guessing, won't COMITT = High level of Attraction This seems to have become a pattern. OP wants to be attracted to the good guy, but underlying issues within herself prevent that from happening. Worth exploring. If you read her history she runs from relationships in general and has a very negative view of them. If she is not cut out for them then find but let this guy go. 1
ChickiePops Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 A big part of physical attraction is chemical..pheromones and stuff. If it's not there, it probably never will be. I had a similar thing happen with my ex boyfriend. We met online and his pics were very misleading..he wasn't particularly good looking and I wasn't even remotely physically attracted..until he kissed me. Then I couldn't get enough of him. If you can't even stand him holding your hand then I doubt you'll ever want to sleep with him.
RedPurpleOrange Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 If you can't even stand him holding your hand then I doubt you'll ever want to sleep with him. I think...I think it's safe to assume the sound of wedding bells is not on the horizon for this pair. Keep it going longer, once you finally tell him, you'll have a grown man staring at you with watery, baby seal eyes. And then you gotta club that wretched thing to death. But I keep saying it...he should KNOW. He really should KNOW. It's not just the OP's fault. 2
katiegrl Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 If you read her history she runs from relationships in general and has a very negative view of them. If she is not cut out for them then find but let this guy go. Agree which is precisely why I believe she has underlying unresolved issues. I have read her history and it is quite clear she has issues with emotional intimacy... Hell, I believe she herself admitted that awhile back. That she really prefers to be alone.... She wants a RL .... but doesn't. Both at play simultaneously. JMO from everything she has posted in all her threads.
Cinnamonstix Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 I am not seeing "repulsion" here. ES, I think if you were completely repulsed, you wouldn't even be considering this guy. There must be a little something there that are hoping will grow. And I can attest to the fact that it can grow - if the mental and emotional connection is spot on AND the kissing and sex are amazing. And I was once one of those people that would have thought that I needed to be strongly physically attracted (from the outset) to fall in love.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 The problem is, it's EXTREMELY hard meeting guys that are honest, consistent, smart, want a relationship and don't have much baggage. It sucks that I don't feel even a little bit of attraction. I feel your pain, as I've found myself in this situation more than once and it's always kind of agonizing. I've never been able to stir up more romantic and sexual attraction than I was feeling naturally, no matter how I tried. Since desire and sex are critical and unique parts of a romantic relationship, that doesn't work for me. I always have strong desire for passionate, satisfying sex, and I'd rather be single with the prospect of finding it, than stuck in a relationship without it. However, I've read stories from some women on this forum who did manage to get more excited about a guy they felt lukewarm toward at first. I just wonder how long they're able to sustain this self-generated excitement.
Cinnamonstix Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 However, I've read stories from some women on this forum who did manage to get more excited about a guy they felt lukewarm toward at first. I just wonder how long they're able to sustain this self-generated excitement. I wouldn't call it self-generated. For me, it was more falling in love with his heart and mind, which to me is true love and creates a stronger bond. Now when I look at him, I think he's adorable and I can't imagine not seeing that face in my life. Though we have an amazing sexual connection, I never would have discovered it if I didn't give it a chance. OP, make out with him! Like full on... make out session. If it's not there after that, then throw in the towel.
katiegrl Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 I am not seeing "repulsion" here. ES, I think if you were completely repulsed, you wouldn't even be considering this guy. There must be a little something there that are hoping will grow. ----- ***And I can attest to the fact that it can grow - if the mental and emotional connection is spot on AND the kissing and sex are amazing. And I was once one of those people that would have thought that I needed to be strongly physically attracted (from the outset) to fall in love. Well she stated later he *did* kiss her and she didn't like it ...... it wasn't good. That said, I do agree though that if that kiss had been good, that would have made all the difference. And things could have grown. But unfortunately it didn't in this case.
katiegrl Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 I wouldn't call it self-generated. For me, it was more falling in love with his heart and mind, which to me is true love and creates a stronger bond. Now when I look at him, I think he's adorable and I can't imagine not seeing that face in my life. Though we have an amazing sexual connection, I never would have discovered it if I didn't give it a chance. OP, make out with him! Like full on... make out session. If it's not there after that, then throw in the towel. Not getting your last sentence. Are you suggesting she fake the desire and passion? Again, they already kissed, she did not like it. Felt zero attraction.
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