oldshirt Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 Oldshirt is right, confrontation is a huge mistake. Your only advantage here is stealth. Shut down your feelings, and get yourself and your children to a safe place. Everything else is irrelevant. I'm bouncing this post back up for the youtube video. Smile and wave boys, smile and wave. Whatever you do, do it until it comes to complete fruition and don't anything but smile and wave until what's done is completely done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtHusband Posted June 17, 2016 Author Share Posted June 17, 2016 It's done/ got tickets / all going back next month... She has to talk to my lawyer back home, the same one I spoke to last yr. Ahe knows everything and I will arrange it... I can't talk to my wife. Last night she flared up.. I said what if I went back just with the kids without you .. And she got very angry and said do that and I'll divorce you.. Next it was 'go back alone and get my money' I started thinking if it goes this way it would be a case of ' give me my money back or no kids and as soon as I do she would kris ably divorce me'... I should be the one threatening her ass to divorce not the other way around.. And when I mentioned going without her ( cause it's cheaper etc ) she said 'cause daddy doesn't like mommy'. I stayed calm and brushed it off ... But I don't like the way she tries to manipulate the kids.. That would be the future and daddy would be the blame for everything.. How can she say that when meanwhile she's the one emailing her married friend and wants to take him camping..... The lawyer is a tough no nonsense woman and she advised me to seperate and take the kids ... Of course we will be back home.. But I want her to outline in detail how I feel and how much I had to suffer and endure... My wife needs a reality check.... Unfortunately this is the only way... I will look after the kids and explain in terms they understand .. I won't demonize their mother or say anything bad... My wife will probably be balling and play the victim card... But there is no other way and mentally I am a wreck and can't endure the relationship .. Walking on egg shells, the unfaithfulness, total lack of remorse, no concern for my well being...does not love me and tells me .. Threathens me with divorce or losing my kids... Just can't go on.... I hide it well and am positive and happy with the kids.. But depression anxiety .. I am heading for a mental breakdown .. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtHusband Posted June 17, 2016 Author Share Posted June 17, 2016 (edited) It's done/ got tickets / all going back next month... She has to talk to my lawyer back home, the same one I spoke to last yr. She knows everything and I will arrange it... I can't talk to my wife. Last night she flared up.. I said what if I went back just with the kids without you .. And she got very angry and said do that and I'll divorce you.. Next it was 'go back alone and get my money' I started thinking if it goes this way it would be a case of ' give me my money back or no kids and as soon as I do she would divorce me'... I should be the one threatening her ass to divorce not the other way around.. And when I mentioned going without her ( cause it's cheaper etc ) she said 'cause daddy doesn't like mommy'. I stayed calm and brushed it off ... But I don't like the way she tries to manipulate the kids.. That would be the future and daddy would be the blame for everything.. How can she say that when meanwhile she's the one emailing her married friend and wants to take him camping...FFS .. The lawyer is a tough no nonsense woman and she advised me to seperate and take the kids ... Of course we will be back home.. But I want her to outline in detail how I feel and how much I had to suffer and endure... My wife needs a reality check.... Unfortunately this is the only way... I will look after the kids and explain in terms they understand .. I won't demonize their mother or say anything bad... My wife will probably be balling and play the victim card... But there is no other way and mentally I am a wreck and can't endure the relationship .. Walking on egg shells, the unfaithfulness, total lack of remorse, no concern for my well being...does not love me and tells me .. Threathens me with divorce or losing my kids... Just can't go on.... I hide it well and am positive and happy with the kids.. But depression, anxiety .. , not to mention heartbroken, no security, no future , enduring not living,, I am heading for a mental breakdown .. Edited June 17, 2016 by HurtHusband Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtHusband Posted July 7, 2016 Author Share Posted July 7, 2016 Ok this time next week we will be back in IRE : in this country I have no chance but at home I have some chance. A hotel is booked for a week. I am thinking about how things might play out and how I will seperate from her. Talking to another lawyer who has more experience with family/Hague cases. I agree mediation is a costly waste of time and money unless she is genuinely remorseful. Family courts are closed for the entire month of August ( except in exceptional cases according to the mediator) what route will she take? The goal is to stay there long enough and avoid her filing a case to have them returned... If returned, I will have no legal rights to see them. There is a ton of stuff on the bet and this countries reputation is mud.... I know sharing custody with her in my home country could be a rough ride too... But I have to make a stand and I am doing the right thing for my kids.... Link to post Share on other sites
happyman64 Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 Good Luck HH. You have no other choice. Let us know how everything turns out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtHusband Posted July 25, 2016 Author Share Posted July 25, 2016 Ok I am back home for 4 weeks with my wife and two kids for a 'holiday'. I have talked to some people with experience of separation/custody battles in my home country. It's kind of bleak, in my country we do have shared custody unlike in J¥&@& however if your ex is unreasonable she can mess you about/ prevent you from seeing your child and alienate the child against you. I spoke to one man with four children all grown up now. He spent years and thousands in solicitors fees fighting his ex in the courts. He talks to two of the children the other two won't have anything to do with him ( probably been brainwashed so much against him.) He is remarried and happier now. I tried to convince my partner to stay here for a year. Good free schools, a house, cleaner environment, etc. Her tone changed and she got very defensive and said we would need to plan for months and have to go back first. She also said "you can stay here and do whatever you want and we'll see you every six months or meet you in Singapore". It's pretty clear she does not give a hoot about me, I am just the meal ticket and she does not like being with me.. I have the following choices.. 1. Go on the run. Move elsewhere in Europe than hopefully on to Australia. Being a single dad is not easy. The kids will love and be attached to whichever parent they are with. Eventually find a new partner. I can't separate in my home country with the kids as I assume she will phone the police and accuse me of 'abducting the kids'. I will end up getting caught and in jail. ( although probably not for long / it's 24 hrs here / it's 28 days without being charged in her country ! ) 2. Actually talk to her and say 'you don't love me, so if your this unhappy let's separate and co-parent and do the best we can for the kids. In this scenario, we both go back. I still want the kids to go to the expensive international school cause it's an English Christian school all the way up to HS and the best environment for my two bi-racial kids. However if we separate I can't pay the monthly fee on her apt or her monthly cc bill her nails/clothes/etc Plus my own rent. It's just impossible. I don't know how she will react to this. She would cut out the kids schooling rather than her spending whereas I will work for the kids schooling.. * Also she is the gatekeeper, she may promise the earth here and once back there change her tune completely. I have a US friend who's wife went back with his four kids 2 yrs ago for a 'holiday's and than just stayed and cut off communication. And they were married in the US and the kids were born there. He used The Hague treaty but they don't enforce it. They agree he's in the right but no police in her country will physically grab four screaming children from their mother. And if the kids refuse to leave their mother that is also taken into consideration ( after two years of being coached and told it's all daddy's fault what do they expect? ) So he has spent all his money and is no closer to seeing his kids two yrs later. Before she went back, he had an 'agreement' with her signed by an attorney as their marriage was 'toxic' according to him. However he obviously loves his kids and assumed she would honor this agreement and put the kids before their own marital troubles. My wife only has her mother who is fairly hands off so I reckon she would be overwhelmed and need my help. I do know two men who separated amicably in j¥&@8 and they help with raising their kids. But about 60% of separations result in one parent having zero to little contact again. So do I jump of the deep end or try for diplomacy and hope she will be rational and realistic. Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 After everything you've gone through with her do you seriously believe she is capable of being rational and realistic? Do you believe that's even possible?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtHusband Posted July 25, 2016 Author Share Posted July 25, 2016 No I don't / I just think maybe I can't win and have to accept the possibility that I might not see much of my kids or possibly not at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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