Write your letter here....

[Cloudcuckoo]

Op you wrote in your letter to ow that you dont consider her anymore. You clearly do and its understandable. I was thinking, maybe to get to the next step of your healing you could in the very least consider forgiveness...for you...not for her...you dont owe it and she may not deserve it but I saw a special on parents going to the prison and telling the person that killed their child they forgave them.

Forgiveness is powerful and so hard.

But I wonder if you could..for you.

Its rhetorical so no need to answer or explain if you cant. Just wanted to say this.

 

I don't consider her....

 

A trigger periodically is not a consideration.

 

Forgive?

 

I don't think so...

 

Your hair would curl if you knew the half...

 

But Thankyou for your observations privategal. Most thought provoking.

[ladydesigner]

Dear MOW,

 

I made the mistake of fighting for WS. You really deserved him.

 

I am sorry

 

xo

 

 

OMG all these posts just made me lol today.

[ladydesigner]

I don't consider her....

 

A trigger periodically is not a consideration.

 

Forgive?

 

I don't think so...

 

Your hair would curl if you knew the half...

 

But Thankyou for your observations privategal. Most thought provoking.

 

I am not a forgiver of a**holes either. There is a meme I really like it goes like this:

 

Forgive and Forget

I am neither Jesus nor do I have Alzheimers

[Betrayed&Stayed]

Over the years I've sent/left a few notes to the OM sporadically. The most recent went like this:

 

[OM's name]

 

GFY!

 

[My name]

[Joie]

I am not a forgiver of a**holes either. There is a meme I really like it goes like this:

 

Forgive and Forget

I am neither Jesus nor do I have Alzheimers

 

I love this....

 

I have no plans to 'forgive her'. Right now I am striving for no longer wishing that random meteors fall from the sky and land on her.

[Arieswoman]

Privategirl #25,

 

I was thinking, maybe to get to the next step of your healing you could in the very least consider forgiveness...for you...not for her..

 

You are of course entitled to your opinion, but I respectfully disagree.

 

IMO forgiveness is for those who say they are sorry and try to make amends, my exH's OW failed on both counts. (As did he )

 

Ladydesigner,

 

Forgive and Forget

I am neither Jesus nor do I have Alzheimers

 

^^^^ now that's really funny

[wmacbride]

The ow in our case was one of those types of people who will forever see everything bad in her life as being someone elses fault.

 

She is someone who prefers married men, and then when the A invariably fail once they get to know her, she blames that on the wife, and the disordered behavior starts.

 

The irony of it is that it's that behavior that makes the mm run for the hills.

 

We lived in a very small community and the time, where everyone knows everyone else. She had just been posted in for a few weeks when the A between he rand my H started. A while after it was over and I was talking to some friends of mine who didn't know about the A, her name came up, and she had gone through a couple of other mm since then.

 

Funny how she she acts so confident and self assured, as down, I really think she either

(a) hates herself and is trying to boost her self esteem

 

or

 

(b) feels entitled to do as she does and feels entitled to do it because it makes her happy

 

I know she doesn't like women much.

[Cloudcuckoo]

The ow in our case was one of those types of people who will forever see everything bad in her life as being someone elses fault.

 

She is someone who prefers married men, and then when the A invariably fail once they get to know her, she blames that on the wife, and the disordered behavior starts.

 

The irony of it is that it's that behavior that makes the mm run for the hills.

 

We lived in a very small community and the time, where everyone knows everyone else. She had just been posted in for a few weeks when the A between he rand my H started. A while after it was over and I was talking to some friends of mine who didn't know about the A, her name came up, and she had gone through a couple of other mm since then.

 

Funny how she she acts so confident and self assured, as down, I really think she either

(a) hates herself and is trying to boost her self esteem

 

or

 

(b) feels entitled to do as she does and feels entitled to do it because it makes her happy

 

I know she doesn't like women much.

 

Similarly, I don't think my husband's concubine cared much for other women either.

 

She certainly didn't have any respect for her gender, nor friended women who were her equals.

 

Apparently, she kept a circle of acquaintances whom she considered 'less accomplished and physically inferior' to herself, simply in order to elevate her status.

 

As you rightly conclude macbride, the confidence was a smoke screen for insecurity and fragile ego.

[tracey86]

I don't consider her....

 

A trigger periodically is not a consideration.

 

Forgive?

 

I don't think so...

 

Your hair would curl if you knew the half...

 

But Thankyou for your observations privategal. Most thought provoking.

forgiveness is for you not the op. if you continue to write letters it shows you are stilling holding on to the hurt and bitterness of what happened. as a person who has been the cheater before, been cheated on before and soo much more i can tell u. when the ow is going through it shes enjoying herself and she aint worrying about you. her life goes on if she gets him or not she'll move on to the next. when your marriage is broken your trust & pride wounded that takes time as the wife of a cheater to move on in your other relationships

[Cloudcuckoo]

forgiveness is for you not the op. if you continue to write letters it shows you are stilling holding on to the hurt and bitterness of what happened. as a person who has been the cheater before, been cheated on before and soo much more i can tell u. when the ow is going through it shes enjoying herself and she aint worrying about you. her life goes on if she gets him or not she'll move on to the next. when your marriage is broken your trust & pride wounded that takes time as the wife of a cheater to move on in your other relationships

 

Oh I understand the fundamental purpose of forgiveness...its more that I don't feel it, and again, I started this thread because of other material I had been reading and hadn't seen a place here offering the opportunity to 'write a letter' from either side.

 

I was always well aware that my husband's other woman could care less about his wife and family, that much is blatantly obvious.

[wmacbride]

Forgiveness can be a great and wonderful thing, but it is not the be all and end all.

I think there is a misconception that a bs who chooses not to forgive is sitting around endlessly thinking about the ow and scheming to find new ways to get back at her.

While that may be true sometimes, in others, it's not. It's more like you don't think of them very often, but if you do, you find haven't forgiven them, and that's okay. That doesn't make someone a bad person or some sort of black souled monster. It makes you a human being.

 

One good point that a heard made one time is that it is costing you more mental and emotional energy and making you feel bad because you can't forgive, that's okay.

 

Sometimes, the person you need to forgive the most is yourself. Stop thinking about it and move on.

 

For example, I don't follow the ow on social media, I have never tried to get back at her, and in spite of how it might seem, I don't think about her that much at all. I am not angry with her and if I saw she was physically hurt and needed help, I would certainly give t to her, the same a I would anyone else.

 

Beyond that, no. I haven't forgiven her. I'm not all sweetness and light, but I'm fine with that.

[jnel921]

The OW isn't deserving of any words... but I wouldn't mind sending her a personalized picture postcard of my H kissing my butt...lol

 

Pictures tell a thousand words....

[Cloudcuckoo]

The OW isn't deserving of any words... but I wouldn't mind sending her a personalized picture postcard of my H kissing my butt...lol

 

Pictures tell a thousand words....

 

They certainly do, and that would say so much without a word!

[Arieswoman]

I changed my mind about writing a letter.....so here's a brief note.....

 

I stole this one from somewhere else, so apols if I don't give credit to the original author.....

 

" Dear OW,

Your left leg really misses your right leg...

 

yours truly

 

Your vagina"

 

[Cloudcuckoo]

I changed my mind about writing a letter.....so here's a brief note.....

 

I stole this one from somewhere else, so apols if I don't give credit to the original author.....

 

" Dear OW,

Your left leg really misses your right leg...

 

yours truly

 

Your vagina"

 

 

 

Oh my! I'm sitting in my garden on this gloriously sunny morning laughing like a loony, all to myself while my little dog stares at me and the neighbours probably think I've finally lost my mind completely!

 

That was funny!

 

Just the sort of giggle one needs on a quiet Sunday morning!

[ashley1992]

Hi guys, as the thread suggests to write the letter here; so here it goes!

 

Dear F**ker!!

 

I regret everything I have build & experienced with you over the past 6 years. I'm glad I realised your a low life scum bag for sleeping with prostitutes! After all that u still hid it & acted like u didn't do anything! you should have received an Oscar for your performance.

 

As much as I'm hurt to the core & haven't slept or eaten.. I'm glad I didn't marry your ugly face! I know the break up has only been a couple of weeks and I know u still are having sex with her!

 

Nice to know she's f**king you and (5)other men a night! U had a great girl at home who was closer to your mother than u ever were. Words cannot describe wtf u made me feel.. no genuine sorry or remorse! Blamed all ur actions because u said u were too sad ur uncle died???

 

your delusional! I'm sorry I loved you so much & one day I will be over this! wishing you all the best with your prostitute and small penis which never hit me right anyways!

 

Adios A**hole!!

Edited April 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[Dyn80]

Dear OP

 

I know your an empty person inside. My wife has told me so. Your manipulative, controlling, and even your ex has confirmed my suspicions of you being a mentally unstable person who thinks destroying families is just a game.

 

The fact is my wife is confused, you are a smooth talker and charming. You love bombed her hard and gave her so much attention that she fell for your games. The fact is I know my wife will never fall in love with you, ever. You suck to much as a person. One day my wife will wake up from this and realize what everybody knows about you already. You don't have nothing to offer, you got no money, no prospects, live in a small apartment, and most importantly your emotionally bankrupt. Oh and you should pay your ex back the money you owe her.

 

And you may have exposed my wife for what she is. Only time will tell if she is worthy to come back to me. But I am in a better place now. I got me and my kids and life will go on for me no matter what. Because I am a happy guy, I care for people in my life and looking back on this time you may have pointed me in the direction I have to go. Thank you!

[clever_clogs]

Dear husband's former affair partner,

 

I found being a new mother very difficult. Nothing had prepared me for the loss of control I would feel over my life. Going from being a successful career woman one day to being a disheveled wreck with barely enough time to brush my teeth each day struggling alone with a screaming baby, with no adult company, hit me harder than I could have predicted. Husband was caught up with the demands of work. New project, new staff, large budget and coming home late after a difficult day to a crying wife and a screaming baby wasn't easy for him. Your willing ear was probably all that kept him sane.

 

And later when it wasn't only your ear that was willing, the guilt he felt added to his stress. I really didn't think we would make it. If I could have left the child in the skip and gone back to how it was before, I would have. I just wanted it all to stop. Your friend told me husband had become "very close" to you. I wasn't worried. Dealing with the other issues was much more pressing. When I heard from husband's assistant that you were "probably" having an affair, I didn't dwell on it much. It was only later, visiting his parents, listening to him grumbling in the car on the way home (the baby sleeping for once) about his parents' relationship, that it struck me. I needed to do something if any of us were going to get through this intact. I signed up for a baby and parent group, and I looked for daycare so that I could return to work. I visited husband at work with baby in a stroller because I was so excited when I found a part-time job, I couldn't wait until he got home from work to tell him. Everyone in the break room made a big fuss of baby. You looked uncomfortable and went back to the office early. I didn't know who you were, then. I just thought you didn't like babies.

 

That night I asked husband who you were. He looked a bit surprised. He told me which one was you, the one that got up to go. I asked if it was you he was having an affair with. He started crying, and we spent all night talking. We had both been so unhappy, so stressed. Neither had told the other. We both just expected the other to see, to realise, but we couldn't because we were too overwhelmed with our own misery. He felt awful about you, too. How sad and lonely you were, how much you offered for so little in return. He said you had avoided him after you had left the break room, he thought you knew it was over and were sparing both of you the finality of saying it. I didn't think of you after that. I started my new job. Baby started day care. Husband became more relaxed as the new staff settled into their roles and he could hand over tasks. We spent time together as a family and we bonded again, as a couple and as parents with baby. It had taken a long time to get there and I was rather surprised we made it.

 

I remembered you the other day. I had forgotten husband had once had an affair. It hadn't been a big deal at the time, and we were all so relieved when baby went to daycare and I started my new job that it was quickly forgotten. We told no one, though some people at husband's work had known. At some point you must have left, but no one told either of us. Husband changed jobs too, a few times since then, so he has lost touch with people he worked with back then. It was a surprise seeing your name on Facebook, "people you might know". I recognised the name but couldn't place it, and I looked at friends we had in common and it was only looking at your list of where you had worked that I realised where I knew your name from. I asked husband if he remembered you. It took him a while, too, and then he looked very sad. He is very close to our eldest now, barely remembers those awful early days.

 

Your Facebook doesn't say if you have a partner now. I hope you are happy. You were there at a point when husband needed someone, and you were someone. I don't know how things would have happened if you hadn't been there. I wish I had been able to take the time back then to notice you, to notice more. If only briefly, you mattered to husband, and mattered in our lives. I wish I could have noticed you, not just in your leaving. I hope you are at peace.

[CheaterWhisperer]

OW (Make no mistake - you will never be Dear to me),

 

I bet you thought you were getting yourself a real prize when you threw yourself at my husband of 25 years after meeting him at a funeral, and he took the bait. I guess you thought you were entitled to be happy since you had been alone for a few years, with no thought to the destruction you were contributing to causing of our family, our young son's calm, stable life, and to me. I imagine my ex husband painted me to be some kind of a monster who didn't give him enough affection. (The truth is we got along great and laughed all the time - we never fought or even disagreed.) So I'm guessing you lent him a sympathetic ear and gushed all over him how sexy and amazing he is.

 

You must have thought you had it made when you made him that ultimatum that if he didn't hurry up and divorce me, you were done, and he took the bait again. Did you think you'd move in with him in our beautiful family home with the pool in the lovely neighborhood, and his son and I would just disappear like we never existed? I think you must have. Did you think you'd just inject yourself into his life and his family like you were always there and I wasn't - as if you were the one who was there when each of his parents died? As if you were the one who was the matron of honor at his sister's wedding? As if you were the one who took care of his alcoholic father in his later years after he fell yet again and neede a place to recover where he could be supervised and nursed back to health because he refused to let a paid professional he didn't know do that? As if you were the one who sat with his father when he was under Hospice care and dying, because his own son couldn't deal with doing that? And they would just accept you with open arms because he loved you now, and you were the one who was making him happy? I think you must have.

 

I bet you thought that because you'd landed yourself an airline pilot, you'd now get to travel with him to exotic destinations and live the glamorous life, while being showered in diamonds and furs and dinners in fancy restaurants because he makes so much money, and naturally he'll want to give all his time and money to you once his ex-wife and son are out of the picture.

 

Little did you know that this is the reality: He'll be gone. A lot. More than half the time. And you'll be alone in that craptastic neighborhood you live in across town, where you know no one, and the neighbors aren't particularly friendly or nice (one of the many reasons we moved out of there 12 years ago). And when he gets home after a long trip, he'll need about a day and a half to recover, and won't want to go on a romantic trip to the Bahamas or Keys like you imagined, because he's just been struggling to get some sleep in hotels for three days and just wants to be home to get caught up. And once he's recovered, he'll want to see his only son, who is the one person in the world other than himself who he might actually love. So sorry - he and his Mom didn't just disappear like we never existed. As much as I would love to take him and leave this wretched state and never lay eyes on his cheating father again, I can't take him away from his father and friends and school that he loves - you see, this is what it is to be unselfish. I know that's hard for you to imagine. So we're still here. And we will be until he goes to college in five years. By the way, he's on one sports team after another, which his Dad encourages him to do, so your boyfriend will be spending a lot of time taking him to and picking him up from practices and games and meets, and you're not welcome there, because our son doesn't want his friends to know why his parents aren't together anymore. Did your boyfriend mention all this to you when you were planning your life together? I'm going to guess not. Did he mention that when he's not recovering and spending time with his son the couple of days he's home per week, he'd really like to keep up with his tennis? He's a club member, and likes to play at least twice a week. Then there's the napping. When he's not sleeping for 12 hours to recover from his last trip, spending time with his son, or playing tennis, he'll be napping. Usually for at least three hours every day. Hope you like napping too! It may be the only time during the day you get to spend any time with him. If you don't, you'd better be as quiet as a church mouse so you don't disturb him, lest you get his snarky little comment later about how "something" kept waking him up.

 

I wonder when you two even have time for the sex that was so great in the beginning, he blew up his family and his wife's and son's lives for it.

 

Hope you're really secure in yourself, because as difficult as all of that is to live with, here is your biggest problem: You are living with a cheater. You know first hand what he is capable of. I did not, and so the thought that he would ever take up with a pretty flight attendant or Brazilian girl never entered my mind. And you are neither of those. You are a 53-year old woman who's overweight (did I mention he's also a Fat Shamer - but I bet you're finding that out) and has partial dentures. From the texts I found between you back around D-Day, I can also deduce that you have zero sense of humor - something he values highly in others - and frankly aren't all that smart. Do you truly believe with all your heart that he would never cheat on you? If you do, then you're even more of a fool than I've imagined. How does it feel to wonder every time he goes away if he'll fall in love with someone else who's better than you are? I wouldn't know that, because I was a fool enough to have trusted him all those years. You have started from a place of distrust, and based a whole relationship on a lie. I wouldn't know what that's like, either.

 

He told me recently that the two of you argue a lot - about your weight, and I imagine about how little time he's willing to spend with you - that it's been a "rough road" over there. Forgive me if I don't feel a shred of pity for either of you, and in fact, feel more than a little satisfied knowing that. I wondered for the last year where the justice was - how was it that he could just abandon us and go live the Life of Riley over there with some new person, as if he doesn't have any parenting responsibilities - like a 20-something starting out fresh, while I'm a 50-year-old divorced, single Mom of a teenage boy who the men ain't exactly going to line up to date. But now I realize - the justice is that the two of you got each other - a couple of selfish cheaters who don't give a crap about anyone but themselves. Not exactly the kind of person I'd want at my side in my old age. And now, I won't have to. Congratulations. He's all yours.

[Ladyjane14]

OW (Make no mistake - you will never be Dear to me),

 

I bet you thought you were getting yourself a real prize when you threw yourself at my husband of 25 years after meeting him at a funeral, and he took the bait. I guess you thought you were entitled to be happy since you had been alone for a few years, with no thought to the destruction you were contributing to causing of our family, our young son's calm, stable life, and to me. I imagine my ex husband painted me to be some kind of a monster who didn't give him enough affection. (The truth is we got along great and laughed all the time - we never fought or even disagreed.) So I'm guessing you lent him a sympathetic ear and gushed all over him how sexy and amazing he is.

 

You must have thought you had it made when you made him that ultimatum that if he didn't hurry up and divorce me, you were done, and he took the bait again. Did you think you'd move in with him in our beautiful family home with the pool in the lovely neighborhood, and his son and I would just disappear like we never existed? I think you must have. Did you think you'd just inject yourself into his life and his family like you were always there and I wasn't - as if you were the one who was there when each of his parents died? As if you were the one who was the matron of honor at his sister's wedding? As if you were the one who took care of his alcoholic father in his later years after he fell yet again and neede a place to recover where he could be supervised and nursed back to health because he refused to let a paid professional he didn't know do that? As if you were the one who sat with his father when he was under Hospice care and dying, because his own son couldn't deal with doing that? And they would just accept you with open arms because he loved you now, and you were the one who was making him happy? I think you must have.

 

I bet you thought that because you'd landed yourself an airline pilot, you'd now get to travel with him to exotic destinations and live the glamorous life, while being showered in diamonds and furs and dinners in fancy restaurants because he makes so much money, and naturally he'll want to give all his time and money to you once his ex-wife and son are out of the picture.

 

Little did you know that this is the reality: He'll be gone. A lot. More than half the time. And you'll be alone in that craptastic neighborhood you live in across town, where you know no one, and the neighbors aren't particularly friendly or nice (one of the many reasons we moved out of there 12 years ago). And when he gets home after a long trip, he'll need about a day and a half to recover, and won't want to go on a romantic trip to the Bahamas or Keys like you imagined, because he's just been struggling to get some sleep in hotels for three days and just wants to be home to get caught up. And once he's recovered, he'll want to see his only son, who is the one person in the world other than himself who he might actually love. So sorry - he and his Mom didn't just disappear like we never existed. As much as I would love to take him and leave this wretched state and never lay eyes on his cheating father again, I can't take him away from his father and friends and school that he loves - you see, this is what it is to be unselfish. I know that's hard for you to imagine. So we're still here. And we will be until he goes to college in five years. By the way, he's on one sports team after another, which his Dad encourages him to do, so your boyfriend will be spending a lot of time taking him to and picking him up from practices and games and meets, and you're not welcome there, because our son doesn't want his friends to know why his parents aren't together anymore. Did your boyfriend mention all this to you when you were planning your life together? I'm going to guess not. Did he mention that when he's not recovering and spending time with his son the couple of days he's home per week, he'd really like to keep up with his tennis? He's a club member, and likes to play at least twice a week. Then there's the napping. When he's not sleeping for 12 hours to recover from his last trip, spending time with his son, or playing tennis, he'll be napping. Usually for at least three hours every day. Hope you like napping too! It may be the only time during the day you get to spend any time with him. If you don't, you'd better be as quiet as a church mouse so you don't disturb him, lest you get his snarky little comment later about how "something" kept waking him up.

 

I wonder when you two even have time for the sex that was so great in the beginning, he blew up his family and his wife's and son's lives for it.

 

Hope you're really secure in yourself, because as difficult as all of that is to live with, here is your biggest problem: You are living with a cheater. You know first hand what he is capable of. I did not, and so the thought that he would ever take up with a pretty flight attendant or Brazilian girl never entered my mind. And you are neither of those. You are a 53-year old woman who's overweight (did I mention he's also a Fat Shamer - but I bet you're finding that out) and has partial dentures. From the texts I found between you back around D-Day, I can also deduce that you have zero sense of humor - something he values highly in others - and frankly aren't all that smart. Do you truly believe with all your heart that he would never cheat on you? If you do, then you're even more of a fool than I've imagined. How does it feel to wonder every time he goes away if he'll fall in love with someone else who's better than you are? I wouldn't know that, because I was a fool enough to have trusted him all those years. You have started from a place of distrust, and based a whole relationship on a lie. I wouldn't know what that's like, either.

 

He told me recently that the two of you argue a lot - about your weight, and I imagine about how little time he's willing to spend with you - that it's been a "rough road" over there. Forgive me if I don't feel a shred of pity for either of you, and in fact, feel more than a little satisfied knowing that. I wondered for the last year where the justice was - how was it that he could just abandon us and go live the Life of Riley over there with some new person, as if he doesn't have any parenting responsibilities - like a 20-something starting out fresh, while I'm a 50-year-old divorced, single Mom of a teenage boy who the men ain't exactly going to line up to date. But now I realize - the justice is that the two of you got each other - a couple of selfish cheaters who don't give a crap about anyone but themselves. Not exactly the kind of person I'd want at my side in my old age. And now, I won't have to. Congratulations. He's all yours.

 

That's a great letter. About the worst thing you can do to a cheating husband is stand aside and let him have what he thinks he wants.

 

Well, that, and dating all his single friends down at the tennis club... just to prove you can.

[Cloudcuckoo]

Cheater whisperer, my dear Mummy always had some old adage she would pull out for any situation, God love her, and I was reminded of this one for you!

 

'Every dog has their day darling, and yours is fast coming, so don't cry because it's over. Smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse'........

[ladydesigner]

Cheater whisperer, my dear Mummy always had some old adage she would pull out for any situation, God love her, and I was reminded of this one for you!

 

'Every dog has their day darling, and yours is fast coming, so don't cry because it's over. Smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse'........

 

:lmao: ahahahahahahaha

 

That kind of stuff does bring smiles to the surface.

[Girlfromcali]

OW (Make no mistake - you will never be Dear to me),

 

I bet you thought you were getting yourself a real prize when you threw yourself at my husband of 25 years after meeting him at a funeral, and he took the bait. I guess you thought you were entitled to be happy since you had been alone for a few years, with no thought to the destruction you were contributing to causing of our family, our young son's calm, stable life, and to me. I imagine my ex husband painted me to be some kind of a monster who didn't give him enough affection. (The truth is we got along great and laughed all the time - we never fought or even disagreed.) So I'm guessing you lent him a sympathetic ear and gushed all over him how sexy and amazing he is.

 

You must have thought you had it made when you made him that ultimatum that if he didn't hurry up and divorce me, you were done, and he took the bait again. Did you think you'd move in with him in our beautiful family home with the pool in the lovely neighborhood, and his son and I would just disappear like we never existed? I think you must have. Did you think you'd just inject yourself into his life and his family like you were always there and I wasn't - as if you were the one who was there when each of his parents died? As if you were the one who was the matron of honor at his sister's wedding? As if you were the one who took care of his alcoholic father in his later years after he fell yet again and neede a place to recover where he could be supervised and nursed back to health because he refused to let a paid professional he didn't know do that? As if you were the one who sat with his father when he was under Hospice care and dying, because his own son couldn't deal with doing that? And they would just accept you with open arms because he loved you now, and you were the one who was making him happy? I think you must have.

 

I bet you thought that because you'd landed yourself an airline pilot, you'd now get to travel with him to exotic destinations and live the glamorous life, while being showered in diamonds and furs and dinners in fancy restaurants because he makes so much money, and naturally he'll want to give all his time and money to you once his ex-wife and son are out of the picture.

 

Little did you know that this is the reality: He'll be gone. A lot. More than half the time. And you'll be alone in that craptastic neighborhood you live in across town, where you know no one, and the neighbors aren't particularly friendly or nice (one of the many reasons we moved out of there 12 years ago). And when he gets home after a long trip, he'll need about a day and a half to recover, and won't want to go on a romantic trip to the Bahamas or Keys like you imagined, because he's just been struggling to get some sleep in hotels for three days and just wants to be home to get caught up. And once he's recovered, he'll want to see his only son, who is the one person in the world other than himself who he might actually love. So sorry - he and his Mom didn't just disappear like we never existed. As much as I would love to take him and leave this wretched state and never lay eyes on his cheating father again, I can't take him away from his father and friends and school that he loves - you see, this is what it is to be unselfish. I know that's hard for you to imagine. So we're still here. And we will be until he goes to college in five years. By the way, he's on one sports team after another, which his Dad encourages him to do, so your boyfriend will be spending a lot of time taking him to and picking him up from practices and games and meets, and you're not welcome there, because our son doesn't want his friends to know why his parents aren't together anymore. Did your boyfriend mention all this to you when you were planning your life together? I'm going to guess not. Did he mention that when he's not recovering and spending time with his son the couple of days he's home per week, he'd really like to keep up with his tennis? He's a club member, and likes to play at least twice a week. Then there's the napping. When he's not sleeping for 12 hours to recover from his last trip, spending time with his son, or playing tennis, he'll be napping. Usually for at least three hours every day. Hope you like napping too! It may be the only time during the day you get to spend any time with him. If you don't, you'd better be as quiet as a church mouse so you don't disturb him, lest you get his snarky little comment later about how "something" kept waking him up.

 

I wonder when you two even have time for the sex that was so great in the beginning, he blew up his family and his wife's and son's lives for it.

 

Hope you're really secure in yourself, because as difficult as all of that is to live with, here is your biggest problem: You are living with a cheater. You know first hand what he is capable of. I did not, and so the thought that he would ever take up with a pretty flight attendant or Brazilian girl never entered my mind. And you are neither of those. You are a 53-year old woman who's overweight (did I mention he's also a Fat Shamer - but I bet you're finding that out) and has partial dentures. From the texts I found between you back around D-Day, I can also deduce that you have zero sense of humor - something he values highly in others - and frankly aren't all that smart. Do you truly believe with all your heart that he would never cheat on you? If you do, then you're even more of a fool than I've imagined. How does it feel to wonder every time he goes away if he'll fall in love with someone else who's better than you are? I wouldn't know that, because I was a fool enough to have trusted him all those years. You have started from a place of distrust, and based a whole relationship on a lie. I wouldn't know what that's like, either.

 

He told me recently that the two of you argue a lot - about your weight, and I imagine about how little time he's willing to spend with you - that it's been a "rough road" over there. Forgive me if I don't feel a shred of pity for either of you, and in fact, feel more than a little satisfied knowing that. I wondered for the last year where the justice was - how was it that he could just abandon us and go live the Life of Riley over there with some new person, as if he doesn't have any parenting responsibilities - like a 20-something starting out fresh, while I'm a 50-year-old divorced, single Mom of a teenage boy who the men ain't exactly going to line up to date. But now I realize - the justice is that the two of you got each other - a couple of selfish cheaters who don't give a crap about anyone but themselves. Not exactly the kind of person I'd want at my side in my old age. And now, I won't have to. Congratulations. He's all yours.

 

This is a GREAT letter!

 

I can't believe he left you for a 50 -year old fatty. What is wrong with him?

 

Gee these people..she's probably a horrible woman to do this. Well, maybe just weak and dumb, who knows? I bet you're going to find someone great and the two of them end up being miserable in their old age.

[trippi1432]

Dear OW(s),

 

I thank you for taking men off my hands that didn't deserve me or the children I had with them. I am truly sorry that one of you had to give your child up for adoption, you were young and naïve to think he would ever be a good father.....he hasn't been for near 29 years now. For that OW, it's good to know that she finally straightened her life out and got married.....however her life will be haunted, it depends if her child looks her up.

 

For OW #2, I would like to tell you personally that I am sooooo thankful that you needed my husband more than me. I know the first years were probably really hard for you going through your own divorce and moving your husband out while moving mine in. You have no idea the weight you lifted off my shoulders that are now yours. I was, myself, at a precipice that if he didn't change his ways of pot-smoking, drinking and gambling, I didn't know if I could even go on with him, but you came to his rescue. You deserve him better than I ever will. I apologize for the pre-nupt, I'm sure it was disappointing............but I do hope you got one like I did since he decided to catch a financial earner like me. If not......guess this is your last marriage...good luck.

 

Cloudcukoo, great thread, thank you for starting it.

[Cloudcuckoo]

Dear OW(s),

 

I thank you for taking men off my hands that didn't deserve me or the children I had with them. I am truly sorry that one of you had to give your child up for adoption, you were young and naïve to think he would ever be a good father.....he hasn't been for near 29 years now. For that OW, it's good to know that she finally straightened her life out and got married.....however her life will be haunted, it depends if her child looks her up.

 

For OW #2, I would like to tell you personally that I am sooooo thankful that you needed my husband more than me. I know the first years were probably really hard for you going through your own divorce and moving your husband out while moving mine in. You have no idea the weight you lifted off my shoulders that are now yours. I was, myself, at a precipice that if he didn't change his ways of pot-smoking, drinking and gambling, I didn't know if I could even go on with him, but you came to his rescue. You deserve him better than I ever will. I apologize for the pre-nupt, I'm sure it was disappointing............but I do hope you got one like I did since he decided to catch a financial earner like me. If not......guess this is your last marriage...good luck.

 

Cloudcukoo, great thread, thank you for starting it.

 

I like your finesse trippi...