General online and other dating discussion

[Gaeta]

Yes it's worth it in the sense that it gives you access to all types of tools to help you find better candidate, send personalized messages, see who viewed your profile etc.

 

I have always paid the basic fee to access those features. It was no more than 15 to 20 a month. If you are serious about meeting someone than invest time and yes, money. It will make a difference.

 

On some dating sites I would not reply to men that were not members. I hated the fact they messaged me counting on the fact I had paid my membership so therefore could write message to them. If you are too cheap to pay your membership than don't come and take advantage of mine.

 

I met my boyfriend on Badoo.

[Yaya0620]

Trust is a must

Edited December 31, 2016 by Yaya0620

[thecrucible]

I wonder if anyone here can give me any hints and tips for my online dating profile? I don't want to post it publicly on here though.

 

I'm back on the dating sites I've been using but doing it differently this time. I used to meet more people from OLD but I'm finding it hard to want to do this because I don't have a lot of free time and don't want to waste it. I'd rather not meet anyone for ages and just meet with guys with a lot of potential in terms of shared interests and being on the same page as me. It doesn't mean I'll get my hopes worked up, I just don't need the 'getting myself out there' practice dates anymore. To me this is more demotivating than anything.

[joseb]

I wonder if anyone here can give me any hints and tips for my online dating profile? I don't want to post it publicly on here though.

 

I'm back on the dating sites I've been using but doing it differently this time. I used to meet more people from OLD but I'm finding it hard to want to do this because I don't have a lot of free time and don't want to waste it. I'd rather not meet anyone for ages and just meet with guys with a lot of potential in terms of shared interests and being on the same page as me. It doesn't mean I'll get my hopes worked up, I just don't need the 'getting myself out there' practice dates anymore. To me this is more demotivating than anything.

 

If you don't have the to waste, don't waste it on chatting to someone online and not meeting for ages. It really is pointless if your goal us to actually meet someone you click with. Meeting for a drink or a coffee on the way home from work takes a few minutes, and you will know straight away if there is any connection or none.

[thecrucible]

If you don't have the to waste, don't waste it on chatting to someone online and not meeting for ages. It really is pointless if your goal us to actually meet someone you click with. Meeting for a drink or a coffee on the way home from work takes a few minutes, and you will know straight away if there is any connection or none.

 

It's not possible for me to do this because I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere pretty much. I have to travel to the nearest city for dates as there's no one in my area. So say if I meet someone in that city for a 1 hr date, I have to add on 1 and a half hours to that for commuting. So it would take me 3 hours just for a quick date. If I did that on weekday evenings, I wouldn't get back from work until about 10.30pm allowing for public transport. That's unless he comes to meet me. I don't really wanna make a guy do that if I'm not sure if I like him.

[SwordofFlame]

It's not possible for me to do this because I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere pretty much. I have to travel to the nearest city for dates as there's no one in my area. So say if I meet someone in that city for a 1 hr date, I have to add on 1 and a half hours to that for commuting. So it would take me 3 hours just for a quick date. If I did that on weekday evenings, I wouldn't get back from work until about 10.30pm allowing for public transport. That's unless he comes to meet me. I don't really wanna make a guy do that if I'm not sure if I like him.

 

I think your best bet then may be to video chat guys before meeting them. I can't say how effective that is because I am one of those guys that would much rather prefer to meet for a quick drink in the city.

[thecrucible]

Hi Everyone, Have tried to put into practice your advice and meet people quickly for a few drinks so I can find out sooner rather than later whether there's anything there. I will hopefully meet a couple of guys soon - they expressed interest in meeting and I said I'd get back to them this week (have just got back from holiday).

 

There's a guy who really piques my interest on online dating. Last message he sent he said he needed to explore the city more and I replied the next day saying "perhaps we could explore together?". I was meaning in a lighthearted way and I dislike endless messages. The reply I got wasn't negative but not out of this world interested either so I'll keep replying but play it a bit more cool.

 

I tend to be rubbish at this kind of stuff. I think over the past 3 years I haven't really been committed to the idea of a relationship so I'd get freak out and fade. But now I've just kind of clicked that I need to be going after what I want so I'm not left in the lurch. I know I'm not being clingy because I don't feel clingy. 3 years of singledom teaches you to be alone.

 

How's everyone else getting on with online dating?

[SevenCity]

If you are happy with only dating her than wonderful ! Being exclusive isn't a marriage or a commitment, it's only agreeing to concentrate on each other. Men that were serious about me always brought up exclusivity early like on 3rd date. I also am in a relationship with a man from France and multi-dating there does not exist. If you like each other enough to kiss than you are 'together'.

 

You can still take things slow. Exclusive does not mean starting to meet family and spending all of your time together.

 

Enjoy.

 

That's so nice. I really think serial dating has cheapened the entire experience. When I was younger there was no such thing. Now it seems to be the norm.

 

I would much prefer to concentrate on one woman and see where it goes but I'm forced into this multi dating scenario and honestly I don't care for it.

 

Kissing 3 girls in a weekend on dates sounds cool but it also turns my stomach.

 

Oh well, when in Rome....

[Redhead14]

That's so nice. I really think serial dating has cheapened the entire experience. When I was younger there was no such thing. Now it seems to be the norm.

 

I would much prefer to concentrate on one woman and see where it goes but I'm forced into this multi dating scenario and honestly I don't care for it.

 

Kissing 3 girls in a weekend on dates sounds cool but it also turns my stomach.

 

Oh well, when in Rome....

 

When I was younger there was no such thing -- Yes, there was. People didn't talk/know about it as much. People weren't having the conversations. Social media and the internet has "highlighted" certain things that lots of people held as "truths".

[basil67]

When I was younger there was no such thing -- Yes, there was. People didn't talk/know about it as much. People weren't having the conversations. Social media and the internet has "highlighted" certain things that lots of people held as "truths".

 

Perhaps it depends on where you live. Anyone multi dating in 1980's Australia would have been dropped because of it.

[SevenCity]

Perhaps it depends on where you live. Anyone multi dating in 1980's Australia would have been dropped because of it.

 

When I was younger there was no such thing -- Yes, there was. People didn't talk/know about it as much. People weren't having the conversations. Social media and the internet has "highlighted" certain things that lots of people held as "truths".

 

Perhaps, but in the 90s, in the US, in my circle of friends we didn't do this.

 

We had many cases of just hooking up with chicks just for sex but not dating multiple women at the same time with no attachments with the intention that it may lead to a serious RL with one.

 

You pretty much knew by the time you kissed. Then again, this was before OLD and you typically knew the girl before hand.

 

Perhaps I was naive back then but I still don't care for the practice.

[Jj66]

Perhaps it depends on where you live. Anyone multi dating in 1980's Australia would have been dropped because of it.

 

I'm from rural area in USA and we certainly didn't have multi-dating. Like the person above said, if you liked each other enough to kiss then you were together. There were no such things as talks of exclusivity. If you kissed someone else you were a two-timer.

 

Then I moved to a larger city where multi-dating is common enough that you have to assume it is happening in order to protect your feelings. I think less than half of the people are multi-dating but it's still a sizable enough minority that you have to assume it.

[Cookiesandough]

It seems common to multidate on O.L.D. Unless you're banking on it working out with the first person who agrees to go on a date with you, there's bound to be some overlap. Why would someone exclusively date a stranger right off the bat vs date multiple strangers until you find someone that you like enough to stop dating others/be exclusive and vice versa? It doesn't mean you're necessarily having sex these people.

Edited January 29, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[SevenCity]

It seems common to multidate on O.L.D. Unless you're banking on it working out with the first person who agrees to go on a date with you, there's bound to be some overlap. Why would someone exclusively date a stranger right off the bat vs date multiple strangers until you find someone that you like enough to stop dating others/be exclusive and vice versa? It doesn't mean you're necessarily having sex these people.

 

A lot people are having sex when multi-dating.

 

I get that it's none of my business, and they have every right, but the thought of kissing a girl who's mouth may or may not have been on some guys genitalia the night before doesn't give me a warm and fuzzy if you know what I mean.

[Jj66]

A lot people are having sex when multi-dating.

 

I get that it's none of my business, and they have every right, but the thought of kissing a girl who's mouth may or may not have been on some guys genitalia the night before doesn't give me a warm and fuzzy if you know what I mean.

 

This is another reason why you should ask for exclusivity if you are into a woman.

[Robert]

< Note from moderation: the preceding 8 posts were moved from a different thread into here. General discussion of dating can be continued in this thread. ~6 >

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

For me multi dating is counter intuitive to what I'm trying to do which is to meet a wonderful person to date and hopefully find a partner. By spending some time with a person you find interesting and attractive, focusing only on them for a few dates to get to know them will lead you both to a decision: carry on getting to know each other or, there isn't enough there to go forward. Then you go and try again if needed. Someone who might be my future partner deserves my sole focus, for me not to be flirty with other men or compare him to others. That's also how I like to be treated. Otherwise it feels shallow and that to the multi dater it's just a numbers game, keep putting chips in and one of them will hit.

[SevenCity]

This is another reason why you should ask for exclusivity if you are into a woman.

 

I let them bring it up. Pushing for an RL before she is ready is a good way to scare her off.

 

Trust me, when they are ready they will say something. If she's not just because you haven't then she's not ready.

[SevenCity]

For me multi dating is counter intuitive to what I'm trying to do which is to meet a wonderful person to date and hopefully find a partner. By spending some time with a person you find interesting and attractive, focusing only on them for a few dates to get to know them will lead you both to a decision: carry on getting to know each other or, there isn't enough there to go forward. Then you go and try again if needed. Someone who might be my future partner deserves my sole focus, for me not to be flirty with other men or compare him to others. That's also how I like to be treated. Otherwise it feels shallow and that to the multi dater it's just a numbers game, keep putting chips in and one of them will hit.

 

This is a wonderful attitude and I wish more women were like you.

 

One of the big reasons guys multidate is it stops us from anxious behaviors that scare women off. Like calling too much, getting worried if she hasn't responded, etc.

 

As a woman, you have MANY more opportunities than a man. You can afford to concentrate on one guy. As a man you tend to take as many options as you can get because you don't know when the next one is coming.

 

I recall talking to a female coworker years ago who was on OLD. She was cute - a solid 5 maybe 6. She would have almost 50 messages a day from guys. So much she would have to set aside dedicated time to go through them all. Most guys don't have those problems.

 

Also, chicks flake out often with OLD (though I've heard guys do as well) so you are forced to hedge your bets.

[thecrucible]

I think first dates with online dating are like first meets so I don't see the issue if doing the first couple of dates with a few people. But if it gets as far as kissing, you really need to focus on one person. If you can't pick between them, you probably don't like any of them enough. You shouldn't take it too far.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

This is a wonderful attitude and I wish more women were like you.

 

One of the big reasons guys multidate is it stops us from anxious behaviors that scare women off. Like calling too much, getting worried if she hasn't responded, etc.

 

As a woman, you have MANY more opportunities than a man. You can afford to concentrate on one guy. As a man you tend to take as many options as you can get because you don't know when the next one is coming.

 

I recall talking to a female coworker years ago who was on OLD. She was cute - a solid 5 maybe 6. She would have almost 50 messages a day from guys. So much she would have to set aside dedicated time to go through them all. Most guys don't have those problems.

 

Also, chicks flake out often with OLD (though I've heard guys do as well) so you are forced to hedge your bets.

 

That scattergun approach is exactly what would make me not choose someone for a first date. I'm cute but in my 40's so I don't get 50 messages a day. I get a few and usually there are 0-1 that will get a response after I delete the "so what are you looking for on here?" And other inappropriate ones. If I agree to go on a date I don't even check messages until I see how the date plays out.

[SevenCity]

That scattergun approach is exactly what would make me not choose someone for a first date. I'm cute but in my 40's so I don't get 50 messages a day. I get a few and usually there are 0-1 that will get a response after I delete the "so what are you looking for on here?" And other inappropriate ones. If I agree to go on a date I don't even check messages until I see how the date plays out.

 

I've used the "What are you looking for" thing to weed out women just wanting a hookup. Good information that it comes across as a ploy for sex!

 

The lack of response to the other guys is exactly why we do the shotgun approach. If I send a message to you which goes unanswered (as most usually do), I am forced to look elsewhere.

 

If your date does not work out and you do message me I'll see what's up with you.

 

With OLD everyone is chatting with more than one person.

[elaine567]

The lack of response to the other guys is exactly why we do the shotgun approach. If I send a message to you which goes unanswered (as most usually do), I am forced to look elsewhere.

 

If your date does not work out and you do message me I'll see what's up with you.

 

With OLD everyone is chatting with more than one person.

 

I see the need for the scattergun approach at the start but I have the feeling that there may be so many flakers and people who lose interest as they acutely sense that they are not the sole focus of attention.

They suspect probably rightly that the person they are speaking to is also holding up a conversation with many others.

 

One has to work really hard to keep one person very interested, it involves concentration and the ability to pay close attention. No-one can do that if they have 3 or 4 or even 10 people on the go at the same time. Conversations become generic, robotic and mediocre, important details get forgotten and the other person naturally loses interest rapidly.

Bonding is difficult to achieve, if someone feels they are on a conveyor belt of suitable matches and are not seen as a person in their own right.

[SevenCity]

I see the need for the scattergun approach at the start but I have the feeling that there may be so many flakers and people who lose interest as they acutely sense that they are not the sole focus of attention.

They suspect probably rightly that the person they are speaking to is also holding up a conversation with many others.

 

One has to work really hard to keep one person very interested, it involves concentration and the ability to pay close attention. No-one can do that if they have 3 or 4 or even 10 people on the go at the same time. Conversations become generic, robotic and mediocre, important details get forgotten and the other person naturally loses interest rapidly.

Bonding is difficult to achieve, if someone feels they are on a conveyor belt of suitable matches and are not seen as a person in their own right.

 

I don't have much of which keep track. Within 3-4 text messages I ask if they want to speak on the phone. If the 10-15 min phone screen goes well I'll ask them out. Then I can remember what was said on the date.

 

I would never blow up her phone or send endless texts back and forth. Next time I speak / text her I'll ask her out again.

 

I think women are often insecure and have gotten used to guys blowing up their phone so much that when they don't it appears the guy is not interested.

 

Perhaps this is coming across as multidating to them?

 

I had this one girl I texted earlier in a day and agreed to speak with her that night. When I called I had to remind her who I was. I should have hung up but she was local so I figured she might be good enough for sex. She wasn't lol.

 

That type of apathy is annoying. I won't put up with that anymore.

Edited January 30, 2017 by SevenCity

[sprotz]

Online dating isn't working if you are male. No one ever responds. I found out the reason. It was because females get bombarded with too many messages for them to handle. In all the 15 years I tried online dating, for some sites, i received only 10 messages in a year, other sites, no messages at all. Is there a site that limits all the excess men bombarding the outnumbered ladies with messages, or at least limits the amount of messages sent to each female per day ?

Also, in real life, I have no problem attracting girls, they often giggle at me, just that I'm too shy to get anywhere near them. That's why I prefer online dating. But it turns out to be a very different story there.