So humiliated over begging texts

[Steven1]

Yes doing no contact will help you. If anything the more you give in to him and try to speak to him despite everything he's said to you about not wanting to be together etc, you lower yourself to his level, and once he knows that you still want him, he'll play on that eventually.

 

He might wonder why, but it will go two ways in my opinion -

 

1 - He will wonder why but will not act on it and will assume that you, like him, is moving on.

 

2 - He will probably try to get in contact with you after a while if you don't with him, it often turns out to be a stupid complicated game if he's trying to manipulate you, but don't give in.

 

 

You said yourself he treated you badly, hurt you and hurt your son, best advice any and all will give is to cut all contact with him and stay well clear, even if he texts or anything, ignore it , delete number etc.

 

Enjoy your upcoming night out, focus on that, focus on getting back to your work etc and on your son, and in time you will feel better.

 

And speaking of my afore mentioned Gym routine...time to be heading off...lol I'll get back in touch later if you need to ask anything etc. Take care.

[Rachel39]

Thank you for everyone taking the time to message me back it has helped and taken my mind of feeling so bad even if it's been for a lil while

[Satu]

*Just been here getting it all out his helping so much ..... I guess it's saving me texting him it all and having another reason for him to look down on me

 

It's hard as I have all his family on my fab his dad and sisters as we got on so week I have kept them on but just unfollowed them so I don't get any posts

 

Oh and he blocked me and deleted all out pictures the same day I ended it with him so I can't spy on him than God and I deleted my whatsaap the same night so I couldn't see him on line

 

*Thanks for coming here and contributing to our community.

 

Post as much as you like, as often as you like.

 

 

Take care.

[Zahara]

I just feel like I have embarrassed myself and kind of want to gain some self respect back will going nc do this

 

You'll regain your self-respect, you'll find emotional and mental balance and you'll feel at peace. Self-preservation is important.

 

Do something lovely for yourself on your birthday. This is the time to pamper and treat yourself lovingly. Go for a massage, go get your nails and hair done, go on a shopping spree or get dressed and treat yourself to a nice dinner -- do something nice for you. You deserve it.

 

Come here and post whenever you feel sad, weak or feeling the need to reach out to him. Let someone talk you out of it. Create a support circle of friends and family and reach out to them when you feel an urge. Don't react on an urge because if you give it time, it will pass. Just reach out to those that can support you and help you get over it.

[Satu]

Can I just ask do you think he will wonder why I haven't messaged him once I go for a long time with nc I just feel like I have embarrassed myself and kind of want to gain some self respect back *will going nc do this

 

*It will definitely help.

 

 

NC does 2 main things:

 

 

1. It prevents you getting hurt again by the ex.

 

2. It allows you to concentrate on healing without being distracted by the ex.

 

 

 

Take care.

[Rachel39]

You'll regain your self-respect, you'll find emotional and mental balance and you'll feel at peace. Self-preservation is important.

 

Do something lovely for yourself on your birthday. This is the time to pamper and treat yourself lovingly. Go for a massage, go get your nails and hair done, go on a shopping spree or get dressed and treat yourself to a nice dinner -- do something nice for you. You deserve it.

 

Come here and post whenever you feel sad, weak or feeling the need to reach out to him. Let someone talk you out of it. Create a support circle of friends and family and reach out to them when you feel an urge. Don't react on an urge because if you give it time, it will pass. Just reach out to those that can support you and help you get over it.

 

 

 

Thank you that was a lovely message, you are all so kind here and I feel relief that I can post here now instead of wanting to send him all the messages.... It's just day 1 of nc I know it's going to be hard but knowing I have some support here will help me

[Satu]

Thank you that was a lovely message, you are all so kind here and I feel relief that I can post here now instead of wanting to send him all the messages.... It's just day 1 of nc I know it's going to be hard but knowing I have some support here will help me

 

You can do it.

[Steven1]

Thank you that was a lovely message, you are all so kind here and I feel relief that I can post here now instead of wanting to send him all the messages.... It's just day 1 of nc I know it's going to be hard but knowing I have some support here will help me

 

 

Get day one out of the way and the rest is a breeze from then on. First day is always the worst for anything you do.

 

Always said even for the Gym get through the first 20 minutes and you're fine lol.

[Rachel39]

I was in such a bad place in my head today that everything thing was so difficult i tried to go to the gym I stayed all of 20 mins I just walked on the treadmill ...

 

I figured something out his eve that everything g I was doing was to try and get him back and make him see what he's lost, embarrassing I know, but I was loosing myself in the process I was obsessed with it all

 

This eve is the first bit of peace Iv had in my mind for the last 10 weeks maybe it will just be for this eve but it feels nice...

 

It's like therapy been here and I feel at peace for the moment

[Steven1]

Not embarrassing at all, if anything it's good motivation, you are proving to yourself that you are worth 100x more than him.

 

Before me and my ex broke up I was into my fitness but I was never really dedicated to it, now like I said since we broke up it's become religious to go every day. It's giving me the motivation I need in general to better myself.

[Zahara]

I was in such a bad place in my head today that everything thing was so difficult i tried to go to the gym I stayed all of 20 mins I just walked on the treadmill ...

 

I figured something out his eve that everything g I was doing was to try and get him back and make him see what he's lost, embarrassing I know, but I was loosing myself in the process I was obsessed with it all

 

This eve is the first bit of peace Iv had in my mind for the last 10 weeks maybe it will just be for this eve but it feels nice...

 

It's like therapy been here and I feel at peace for the moment

 

That's good. Little steps. But it's going to get you there. One day at a time.

 

We've all done it before. Trying to get an ex to validate us and in the process losing our sense of self and worth. NC is like learning to ride a bike. A few falls and crashes here and there but then it sticks and when it sticks, trust me, you'll keep going. So don't be so hard on yourself. What matters is that you're getting back on the NC wagon and you're going to try again. And this time you have support on your side.

 

There are days you are going to feel good, optimistic, motivated and there will come days when you feel weak, sad and despondent. Those feelings will come in waves but they will pass. So anticipate those days but know that it's a process of you grieving and healing. It's not to indicate you're stagnating or stuck but just you going through the process. Just keep pushing forward.

 

You're going to be fine. It's going to be painful for awhile but know that it won't always be this way.

[drewbee30]

Hang in there. I'm about 2 months out of a 10 year relationship. The major issue being communication. She broke up with me, although the signs were there it should've ended earlier. Anyways I went 21 days w/o contact and was starting to feel a little better, and broke it. I wanted to see her and tell her stuff seeing on how not communicating was our biggest problem. I was fine for a day or 2, than the feelings arose again. Back to NC I went, 12 days this time, and she reached out to me with a simple text. I ignored it that night, but did call her the next day to tell her this needs to stop. She shut me down for 2 years, and even though I saw it coming, I'm not in a place just to switch this right into a friendship. I said I'd like to have a relationship of some sorts down the road with her, but I thought the best thing for both of us is just to go our separate ways for a while. I owned up to where I went wrong over the 10 years, but at the end of the day she broke up with me, she wasn't willing to work on things to make it last. It's her loss not mine. If she wants to get back together, she knows where to find me. I'm back to day 3 of NC and it sucks. I've lost my best friend, but I need to do this for me.

[Rachel39]

Hi it's my second day oif not contacting the ex even though we have been separated 10 weeks.

 

I feel sick today, how I feel is confusing me, I do not miss him or feel the need to contact him today but I have all these thoughts about us never speaking again him moving on so easily and just been able to forget about me like I never existed.

 

How I'm so weak for wanting to be with someone who was able to just walk away from me

 

How all my dreams and our plans for the future have gone, the plans for me to move back home with him once my son had finished his education here... How hebwill have that with someone else now.

 

How he's made me feel like it's my fault for us not working out because I'm apparently too hot headed for him because I spoke my mind and he would never say anything back to me .

 

He said this of his ex who he had a child with that they would of never worked because she was too hot headed and she hated the fact that he would never argue with her .

 

Yet now it's me im the same, he doesn't realise it's him that it's it normal to not discuss things....and people do get frustrated when your trying to talk about problems and you just get nothing back !!

[Rachel39]

I feel so angry inside now that I'm feeling like it's all my fault and that maybe if I would of been different this would of never happened. Is his normal to feel this way...

 

Iv lost my dream and future plans and I'm so sad and angry at the same time and to know he will share this with someone else makes me feel sick....

[TaraMaiden2]

Rachel, stop. Breathe.

 

What are you doing lady??

Quit wallowing, quit panicking, quit fretting and focusing on him.

 

You need to grab your coat, and go out, for a walk, a run, go swimming - anything.

You need to divert that mental energy to somewhere that will do you good.

 

Re-read yesterday's thread. Did you have the shower I advised you to have?

[TaraMaiden2]

Also, rather than creating a gazillion threads with a similar theme, this thread has been created exactly for your situation.... feel free to post and vent there as often as you need.

[Rachel39]

Thank you, I'm going to work soon and the to the gym after so I might feel a lil better thanks

[TaraMaiden2]

If you read the NC Guide in my signature, you will see that it's important to keep yourself busy and do things that enhance your life and make you feel better. Both psychologically AND physically.

Look for new, creative and different pastimes.

But don't start new activities to infill or replace. Do them to self-promote.

 

Read the NC Guide - and take that shower!!

[Rachel39]

Hang in there. I'm about 2 months out of a 10 year relationship. The major issue being communication. She broke up with me, although the signs were there it should've ended earlier. Anyways I went 21 days w/o contact and was starting to feel a little better, and broke it. I wanted to see her and tell her stuff seeing on how not communicating was our biggest problem. I was fine for a day or 2, than the feelings arose again. Back to NC I went, 12 days this time, and she reached out to me with a simple text. I ignored it that night, but did call her the next day to tell her this needs to stop. She shut me down for 2 years, and even though I saw it coming, I'm not in a place just to switch this right into a friendship. I said I'd like to have a relationship of some sorts down the road with her, but I thought the best thing for both of us is just to go our separate ways for a while. I owned up to where I went wrong over the 10 years, but at the end of the day she broke up with me, she wasn't willing to work on things to make it last. It's her loss not mine. If she wants to get back together, she knows where to find me. I'm back to day 3 of NC and it sucks. I've lost my best friend, but I need to do this for me.

 

I feel like Iv lost my best friend too we did so much together and had the same interests ..... Why don't I feel like it's his loss I feel like it's mine and that's what's hurting me so much.

 

.... I was a good girlfriend honest, reliable fun ect but some how I became down and sad with constantly trying to validate myself to him and my worth for me to now feel like he will be glad to be away from me and that's the worst bit for me...

 

Because all he sees is someone that complained about everything.... But he did things without asking me and I wasn't allowed to say anything and if I did I was complaining .... It was alays to do with travel arrangements or him ignoring me infront of his family members and children it made me feel terrible about myself

[drewbee30]

Why don't I feel like it's his loss I feel like it's mine and that's what's hurting me so much.

 

..But he did things without asking me and I wasn't allowed to say anything and if I did I was complaining .... It was alays to do with travel arrangements or him ignoring me infront of his family members and children it made me feel terrible about myself

 

Look at that quote? You don't think you deserve better than that? I deserve a hell of a lot better than the girl who turned into a dud on me for the last couple of years. We both held onto something for too long. It still hurts a lot, but in time I really believe we will all get our questions answered.

[Steven1]

You know yourself you were a good girlfriend so you know you did nothing wrong. As we spoke about yesterday, it's probably been a tad bit easier today, even if it's 0.1% easier, after day 1 , it gets better.

[Rachel39]

You know yourself you were a good girlfriend so you know you did nothing wrong. As we spoke about yesterday, it's probably been a tad bit easier today, even if it's 0.1% easier, after day 1 , it gets better.

 

I think I may of put that earlier on but this evening in seeing things differently and I'm feeling a lot stronger... Right now I'm actually ok with the thought of him. It coming back and accepting that it's over... How odd is that it's like having bipolar!

 

This evening I spent at parents evening with my sons dad who did nothing but hit on me even though he is married to the girl he had an affair with who is in her 20s and its just made me realise that I'm so glad he did that because he set me free

 

So I think maybe in a lil while il think the same about my ex and I'm actually wanting to be single and see who I am Iv been in relationships since 16 and now 39 .... I don't know who I actually am only the girls that's has benn loyal loving and caring and just been in abusive relationships or with people that can't love

[Steven1]

You'll find the right person eventually and there is nothing at all wrong with some time by yourself to enjoy life without having to put anything into a relationship. There's always time for that. A break away from that will give you a clear view and perspective for your next relationship and if anything at least you;ll know some of the early signs to look for if anything is going wrong.

[Rachel39]

Oh and the fact that I feel Iv come across as stalkerish although all I have done is text I haven't phoned him or turned up at his house...it has been enough today to throw in the white flag and say I'm done

 

8 weeks of texting him on and off god I'm exhausted and last night I slept fine because I decided enough was enough now and I'm actually done ! It a good feeling

 

Please dont think I'm crazy if I wake up tomorrow feeling terrible

Edited March 22, 2016 by Rachel39
Add infor

[Steven1]

Lol don't worry, I've had many a day like yours believe me.

 

About 3 weeks ago I was feeling quite a bit better as I had settled into a routine, and I had a stupid dream about my ex that I was helping her study and that was it, but I was with her, when I woke up the next morning I felt horrible again and texted her.