Wife playing hard to get? [updated 2016-07-05]

[carnelian]

I agree with these answers. It is past time for serious change.

I hope that your counselor or therapist is male because he is more inclined

to be on your side. My feeling is that women stick together over issues

like this. Don't settle for some shallow counselor who doesn't say much

or mainly repeats cliches and obvious observations. It may be hard to find a

good one.

 

To me, your wife sounds like a girl on a date who decided she doesn't like

you enough to reciprocate affection.

[Mr. Lucky]

A few months ago, she came to me and told me she was pregnant. Side note: it just goes to show that it doesn't take much, not like you have to have sex a ton to have a baby, one time is all it takes. I was kind of enjoying the amount of sex we were having off her birth control, and thought it might have just been the hormones that were messing with her all this time that attributed to an EXTREMELY low libido (2 times every 3 months). Turns out (although she told me differently) it was just because she wanted a baby, really badly. We're now back to our abysmal boring sex life, and we've had sex maybe twice since she told me (about 3 months ago).

 

Just so I understand, this was a planned pregnancy ????

 

Mr. Lucky

[Nony101]

Just so I understand, this was a planned pregnancy ????

 

Mr. Lucky

 

We had been having trouble getting pregnant. We pulled the plug on birth control. So yes, I guess planned pregnancy. I really do want kids, I'm excited for this. I understand your confusion. However, you do have to consider it from my standpoint. When you're used to having sex once month (and even that's being generous), then all of the sudden you're having it multiple times a week, and it's not the usual vanilla boring stuff, I just got mixed up and confused.

 

I kind of quit initiating because I was sick of the constant rejection. I started doing it again, and it worked for a very short period, and now we're back to like month 2 of marriage. I knew by then I was in a sexless marriage.

 

I was pretty addicted to porn before I met my wife. I was able to kick the habit like a year before we even started dating. Unfortunately, the constant rejection and overall just general disinterest in me has caused me to dabble again. I'm not trying to make excuses for bad behavior, but I crave the connection and natural high I get when I have sex with my wife, porn is not even close to the same thing, but it's a lot closer than what I'd get otherwise.

 

If I got a 16th of the action her cell phone or TV remotes got, I'd be a pretty happy camper.

[lucy_in_disguise]

Kinda hard to feel sorry for u when u planned a pregnancy knowing all these issues.

 

The facts as they stand now are: you have a prgnant, morning-sick wife on your hands, and youre complainign that she isnt doing enough chores or suckin ur dcki often enough.

 

Shoulda thought with ur head before knocking her up.

[bubbaganoosh]

I've brought up counseling before, but she didn't seem to keen. I think she likes to pretend that everything is fine. .

 

Bring it up again and let her know that things aren't fine and she's on the verge of being a single mom PDQ if she doesn't go with you to fix the problem. This time tell her in a way that she understands that your not playing games.

 

Let her know that she has a choice counseling or find a lawyer. She has to know your serious.

[Mr. Lucky]

We had been having trouble getting pregnant. We pulled the plug on birth control. So yes, I guess planned pregnancy. I really do want kids, I'm excited for this. I understand your confusion.

 

Confusion? Dismay is more like it considering the corner you've painted yourself into. No easy fixes and, I'd guess, no happy endings (pun intended) for you.

 

You'll have some hard choices to make...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Nony101]

Confusion? Dismay is more like it considering the corner you've painted yourself into. No easy fixes and, I'd guess, no happy endings (pun intended) for you.

 

You'll have some hard choices to make...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Thanks for the help everyone. I've made some mistakes, I've got a lot of thinking to do. I know that I've been really passive, but it's hard not to be when it's the same thing day in and day out.

[oldshirt]

My best friend was also exactly the same as you. Right down to jumping for joy that his frigid, do-nothing, no-sex, self-absorbed wife that wanted nothing to do with him, now wanted to have sex so SHE could have a baby.

 

Then after 4 YEARS of complete abstinence and total rejection, she wanted another one - and again he jumped for joy to have sex again for a week or two until she was knocked up again.

 

She literally did not speak or interact with him at all for several more years until he finally grew some balls and filed for divorce.

 

Since they had minor children the court ordered them to do counseling and she sat there in counseling and accused him of being a sex maniac and a sexual predator and that all he was concerned with was sex. And this was a man who had sex maybe a couple handfuls of times over a dozen year marriage.

 

This is your future. This is what you have to look forward to because you did not reserve your sperm for someone who actually loves, respects and desires you.

 

By knocking her up you have officially driven the wooden stake into the heart of your Sexlife. You have just killed and buried it by your own hand.

 

Some day soon you will be grateful and indebted to all the porn channels available today.

 

In a year or two you will likely be driven to a prostitute or two.

 

An actual affair will seem like an unattainable dream.

 

Some day, you will want to live the life of a real man and the urge to be with a woman who actually desires you will become overwhelming. When that day comes you will need transform yourself and become someone else that has the balls to kick her lazy, frigid azz to the curb, pay her whatever she wants for child support just to be rid of her, and then move on to find a real woman that wants to be with you.

 

My buddy is now 51 years old and has been divorced for 10 years and he still carries scars and insecurities from his time in hell. The sooner you can get out of hell the better off you will be.

[oldshirt]

Thanks for the help everyone. I've made some mistakes, I've got a lot of thinking to do. I know that I've been really passive, but it's hard not to be when it's the same thing day in and day out.

 

Correction, you have a lot of DOING to do.

 

You have already done too much thinking and living in your head already and that passivity and compliance has lead you to this.

 

You need to start taking actions to move forward and make a life for yourself.

[MJJean]

TLDR; You could call my wife lazy. She's now pregnant. I fear I'm going to have to raise this child on my own, because my wife doesn't do anything around the house right now as it is.

 

What can I do to get her to start pulling some weight around here without making her feel like a child?

 

If you want her to be responsible for housework and paying bills once the baby comes along, you have to stop enabling her one way or another. Either by leaving her and forcing her to get her ***** straight or by basically cutting her off and making her get off her duff and do something.

 

But, either way it goes, if you want a decent sex life with someone who actually wants to have sex with you, you aren't getting it with her.

 

Personally, were I you, I'd divorce her and be an involved parent to the child. That way, I'd at least have the option of finding a new spouse I could have a happy marriage and a normal sex life with.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, can you even begin to give advice to a guy like Nony? People here have spelt out in clear terms what his situation will lead to and what he should do to rectify matters. However it has all fallen on deaf ears. I wonder why people like him come to a forum like this one when they have no intention of paying heed to the good advice given to them.

It is all a waste of time. Sad!