Author Heatemyheart89 Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 I have been reflecting this week and reading my old posts and also others posts on here. I am not new to the love shack. What I am reading is posts in which people are suffering and suffering badly. It is horrible because the truth is in very many cases, time heals. No contact is such a blessing. My friend got dumped around the same time as me, her ex never contacted her and she is over it. Me? I am a wreck still. Most of the time these relationships are honestly not worth salvaging. Especially if you have been dumped over and over. The dumper is showing you that there are limitations to their love. If you went back, would it really be as dreamy as you hope? It takes longer to heal when there has been some kind of trauma involved ( abuse, cheating etc. ) so give yourself a break if you are finding it hard. The only option we have is no contact and focusing on us. It is SO hard. The truth is, the majority of us will love again and I certainly want to be in a better position next time. Anyway just thought I would share my ramblings. Have a good day 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heatemyheart89 Posted April 4, 2016 Author Share Posted April 4, 2016 I am trying so hard but I can't get my ex out of my head or think straight. He is always with me on a subconscious level. I am ( was ) 3 weeks n/c reminding myself he wants nothing to do with me then i unblocked him on whatsapp. He had unblocked me , but as soon as he saw II had unblocked him he blocked me again. I feel pathetic. I am desperate to keep full n/c but I keep ruining it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 It's only been 3 weeks. Getting over somebody takes time. You need to clock him. Also come up with people to call instead of him & things to do on line, like come to LS, instead of searching for him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel39 Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 It's not easy .... I'm 3 months in on Thursday have contacted him so much nothing from him but then left it two weeks. I went away for the weekend and had a night out the first time in 3 months as Iv been so heartbroken... I actually got a lot of attention and gave my number out.... ( knowing nothing would come of it ) it was practice ! I texed him asking if I could pick up my stuff so I'm picking up my stuff tommorow eve from his, I want to be with him he doesn't me I'm hoping tmrw he might change his mind when he says me .... But I'm also getting my stuff as if not I need to close the door and move on.... I can't do that knowing all my things are at his and even though he doesn't want me I would feel so bad dating other guys with all my things at his. I don't want my life without him and miss him everyday but at the same time my life can not stand still so 3 months on I want him still but I have to now close the door after tommorow Don't be too hard on yourself it's only early and is for me too ... Il hold on for so long as I'm a fighter but as soon as I'm done I'm gone and that's it... That's why Iv been trying so hard to see if we could sort things out 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heatemyheart89 Posted April 13, 2016 Author Share Posted April 13, 2016 (edited) Caring / thinking about someone who doesn't see you in the same way is EXHAUSTING.I really want an end to these thoughts,to be out of the woods, I want to be free! I can't seem to stop the thoughts, and I get a physical pain when I think of him. It seems that it is now I am getting closure/accepting that it is over completely.There is some light at the end of the tunnel and I am starting to think it being over, us not talking is for the best. Edited April 13, 2016 by Heatemyheart89 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heatemyheart89 Posted April 24, 2016 Author Share Posted April 24, 2016 I am so frustrated that I am thinking about my ex still. I can't wait for this to stop. I want to be indifferent. Ahhhh. Link to post Share on other sites
Souldier1234 Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 (edited) Dear one Know that all of us here, at one time or another, have been where you are and have felt the discomfort and pain you are currently experiencing. The concept of time is gonna sound funny from me, why? Because the source of your pain that you feel, comes from the thought of you going back into the past of what happened to you and in-visioning a bleak future of what will happen to you. And every time you think of and go back or forth, you feel a reaction in your body, a sense of pain like you are being hurt or you just got kicked somewhere on your body. This is your mind hurting you. Don't get me wrong, your mind is terrific at solving problems and is intelligent. But living through it will cause you great suffering at this moment. We need to learn to use our minds as a tool, rather than a place we live in when we feel alone. You are searching for healing but it isn't in you mind, it is in a different time. Not the past or the future, but the present. Right now as you are reading this, you will focus on these words and focus on the fact that, now is the time to focus on YOU. Now is the time to get busy, get busy doing something, anything, get busy asking yourself: What do you want to achieve for you life? What makes you happy? Why were you happy single but miserable now. Why do you need the validation and affection from another person for you to find peace, to find happiness, to find your Being. You don't! You have not loss your self worth, it is in within you. You have not loss your self respect, you just need to look inside you. You have so much love inside of you, you just stopped seeing it and believing that it was with you all along. Like Satu said in one of his quotes on this thread. "Grief is a noble thing, but it should not become permanent, or a settled state of being" Don't fall victim to any power struggle that your ex or anyone will try to inflict onto you. Power over others is weakness disguised as strength. True power is within, and it is available to you now. Live today. Do it Now! Take care Dear one Edited April 26, 2016 by Souldier1234 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heatemyheart89 Posted April 27, 2016 Author Share Posted April 27, 2016 Dear one Know that all of us here, at one time or another, have been where you are and have felt the discomfort and pain you are currently experiencing. The concept of time is gonna sound funny from me, why? Because the source of your pain that you feel, comes from the thought of you going back into the past of what happened to you and in-visioning a bleak future of what will happen to you. And every time you think of and go back or forth, you feel a reaction in your body, a sense of pain like you are being hurt or you just got kicked somewhere on your body. This is your mind hurting you. Don't get me wrong, your mind is terrific at solving problems and is intelligent. But living through it will cause you great suffering at this moment. We need to learn to use our minds as a tool, rather than a place we live in when we feel alone. You are searching for healing but it isn't in you mind, it is in a different time. Not the past or the future, but the present. Right now as you are reading this, you will focus on these words and focus on the fact that, now is the time to focus on YOU. Now is the time to get busy, get busy doing something, anything, get busy asking yourself: What do you want to achieve for you life? What makes you happy? Why were you happy single but miserable now. Why do you need the validation and affection from another person for you to find peace, to find happiness, to find your Being. You don't! You have not loss your self worth, it is in within you. You have not loss your self respect, you just need to look inside you. You have so much love inside of you, you just stopped seeing it and believing that it was with you all along. Like Satu said in one of his quotes on this thread. "Grief is a noble thing, but it should not become permanent, or a settled state of being" Don't fall victim to any power struggle that your ex or anyone will try to inflict onto you. Power over others is weakness disguised as strength. True power is within, and it is available to you now. Live today. Do it Now! Take care Dear one Thank you so much for your reply Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heatemyheart89 Posted April 27, 2016 Author Share Posted April 27, 2016 So I am n/c ( 2 and a bit weeks) after several slip ups. This time my ex explicitly said he didn't want to speak to me/see me again, I agreed it ended on an ok note. I will respect that. It feels different this time, I really don't want to bust his boundaries. I frankly have nothing left to say to him, who would want to talk to someone who doesn't want to talk to them anyway?I've stopped seeing if I am still blocked ( I know I am). This feels final. However, I don't feel I have reached the acceptance stage. I am still clinging onto some kind of hope he will contact me in the future. Is there a way to get rid of this? I am trying to tell myself the brutal truth over and over to see if I can get rid of these thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 It might help you to know (if you didn't already) that getting over a heartbreak is EXACTLY the same as getting over drug addiction in Cold Turkey. It's been 2 weeks. No wonder you feel the hollow in the pit of your stomach, as if you've had a vital limb amputated, as if you're in mourning. It's no wonder you feel this way. You're coming off an emotional dependency. It's fine. Everyone is emotionally dependent when they're neck-deep in a relationship. The most important thing is to priorly develop the attitude that if this 'substance' were removed, we would still be able to get on with our lives, unhindered, and contented with the way we deal with and handle our lives. Not many people 'in love' know how to do this, which is why we have forums/boards like this one. Because this is where you come, to demonstrate the skills you have, and lean on people for the skills you haven't. Cold turkey sucks. But it does have a beginning, a middle and an end. I can't evaluate more than you can, whereabouts on that scale, you are. But I can promise you - there IS an end. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heatemyheart89 Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 I am 3 weeks n/c ( split last year though so not 3 weeks after b/u) and now I have realised he isn't ever going to come back. We likely won't see each other again ( unless he initiates and I am exceptionally weak). This is all in my hands and he only live on in my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heatemyheart89 Posted May 26, 2016 Author Share Posted May 26, 2016 I am still struggling with the idea we will never speak again and he is glad about this. I don't know why I can't stop thinking of him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 Folks, this is the coping forum, where members post as part of their grieving or healing process from loss. Hence, beyond the required civility and respect, a modicum of care and empathy is encouraged. Save the sarcasm and tough love for other forums and sites, it's not welcomed in our coping forum. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Liam1 Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 I was with my ex on and off for a year. I loved him but we had problems and did not see eye to eye a lot of the time . I tried hard to make it work but he could not give me what I needed..It has been 6/7 months since I was with him. We have met up in that time / texted etc. But he has now basically cut me off.He says he cares about me and that I should get counselling for my depression/low self esteem. Since I have realised it is really over , he doesn't want to see me /talk to me I have regressed massively. Before it was him who broke n/c. Now I know he won't I have been excessively stalking him on fb, started thinking of him again & I feel rejected. Like a delayed reaction. I am not coping well mentally at all, my friends have heard this rubbish over & over. I can't see an end to the pain, I can't see me meeting anyone else. Anyone had this ?Any tips? Did therapy help ?I am thinking of deactivating /deleting fb while I get a grip of myself. You will get over it, and you will meet someone else. I can not tell you when, but I can tell you that you will get over him. When you finally move past this, you will probably tell yourself "what the heck was I thinking" Everyone who has ever broken up with someone feels as you do for awhile. It's normal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heatemyheart89 Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 You will get over it, and you will meet someone else. I can not tell you when, but I can tell you that you will get over him. When you finally move past this, you will probably tell yourself "what the heck was I thinking" Everyone who has ever broken up with someone feels as you do for awhile. It's normal. Thank you Liam 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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