Author Heatemyheart89 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Share Posted March 16, 2016 I texted my ex when drunk. I told him what had been going on in my life( I had been attacked at work ). He basically told me he didn't wanto speak to me or see me again. Then he blocked me I feel so hurt and alone. The pain is very hard to bare. He told me I was a bad person also. I actually love this person who never wants to see me again. In such a bad way. Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 im sorry but you should'nt be texting him. I texted mine when I was sober and got ignored and blocked. GO No contact forever and call it a day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
brothers343 Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Sorry for your pain but he told you what you needed to know. That you mean nothing to him. Lock that statement in your mind and throw away the key. It's time to move on and in time you will. Best of luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 I'm sorry you are hurting. I hope you're safe and that the issue is being handled at work. I read up on your past threads. Hun, you need to stop breaking No Contact. It's only magnifying the bad feelings you have towards yourself. Reaching out to him isn't going to relieve your pain because he IS your source of pain. He can't comfort you when he is what's causing you pain. Accept that it is over and he is moving on. You should move on too, in that since you recognize you have self-esteem issues, now is the the time to look inward and focus on trying to rebuild yourself. I know the pain is excruciating. The only way to get past the pain is to go through it. So, you're going to have to suck it up -- find a support system that will help you through NC -- friends, family or even LS. When you feel like breaking NC, reach out to those that will help you break the urge because that urge will pass if you allow it. Don't react. Talk yourself through it. Find your strength to help yourself. Stay away from the alcohol. It is a depressant. This isn't love you feel. This is co-dependence. It is a blessing that he's shut that door on you. Hopefully it gives you the eye-opener you need to start focusing on loving and investing in yourself. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Sorry to hear that you're hurting. I hope you can now decide to fully accept that there is nothing to be gained by any further contact with your ex. You have power to choose what you will and will not do. Make good choices. Take care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 I really doubt your ex is purposely trying to hurt you. It's probably hard to see, but it sounds like he's trying to help you. You just keep picking at the same scab over and over without ever letting it heal. The moment you break NC, the scab, healing, everything just starts over and you are once again left with an open wound. I'm old enough to have been on both sides of the fence on this issue, so let me explain. Until you have to break someone's heart, you can't imagine how much guilt and hurt is involved on the other side. Every time he makes progress and starts feeling less guilty, you bring him down and make him feel horrible. He can't live in fear that every time he opens his phone there's going to be guilt trip from you that stops his heart. He doesn't have any choice. Either keep you on the line and end up being accused of leading you on, giving you hope, and never giving you a chance to heal or start NC and hope that you can respect it long enough to heal yourself. I think if you dig deep enough, you'll realize that you're holding onto this pain because letting go of it means truly accepting that the relationship is over. The problem with that sort of thinking is that it's already over whether you accept it or not. You can't force people to love you and truthfully, if you truly love someone, you wouldn't want them forced into anything anyway. Besides, do your really think your behavior is attractive right now? You're basically torturing the guy because you want him to hurt like you do. I can assure that never works when you're trying to win someone over. You really, really need to see a therapist. This March marks 4 years since I've started seeing one and my life is so much better for it. I promise you that things do get better, but not magically. You're going to have to put in the work to get the results. Want to stop obsessing about the ex? FIGHT IT. Fight those thoughts one thoughts one at a time. Stop Facebook stalking (that's breaking NC anyway) and get out and live life. If you want to lose weight, lose weight. I lost 20 pounds this year using a Reddit forum and it was super easy and even kinda fun. It's nice to be able wear my old pants again! Life is too short to let relationships and other people determine how you feel about yourself and your life. The only person who can give you self-worth is yourself. If you truly have some issues, work them out because you want to be a better person. Relax, enjoy yourself, do your favorite things, take comfort in your family and friends, play your favorite inspirational (non-breakup) music. Whatever it is, you have to FORCE yourself at first and then it becomes natural. And not that it matters, but this won't be the last time you talk to this guy. Don't let him see you like this. Drop off the radar a while, fix your sticking points, and make him eat his freaking heart out the next time you cross paths. Success is always the best revenge. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 He can't fix you. You are literally putting all of your sadness and loneliness on his shoulders. That's not attractive nor is it his job to fix. Only you can control those things. He had decided he doesn't want to be with you any longer. You MUST accept that. You don't have to agree but for the love of God, give him some space. You are suffocating him and expecting him to try to breathe life back into you. Whatever you feel like sending him, post it here. I guarantee you will feel better and look less desperate. You are in control of everything. Stop sabotaging yourself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Social media is the DEVIL. STAY AWAY from it until you heal. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heatemyheart89 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Share Posted March 16, 2016 Thank you for the replies. You are right there is no point in this contact, especially as he doesn't want it . I am definitely going to get therapy. Can't carry on like this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LostGrl Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Sorry you're dealing with this. My breakup was also six months ago, although my ex is open to some communication,I still unfriended him, but not blocked. I know he cares about me but it's definetely colder and more distant. It hurts a lot. I also went through the 'obsessive' stage with checking FB. Believe me it's not easy to just quit. That being said, FB is all about outward appearances. Liking someone's pic means nothing in the scheme of things. Even after we broke up, my ex would occasionally 'like' my pics, but it didn't mean he wanted me back. I know it's hard but set small goals for yourself. First...stay off FB for a day. Then a few days. Then a week. If you can't trust yourself have someone you trust change the password so you can't log in at all until you're ready to go back on and then change it back. And do NOT create a dummy account either. It will be tempting but don't do it. There is no quick fix except lots and lots of time. Eventually you will feel better. I am still sad but nowhere near where I was. Link to post Share on other sites
LostGrl Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Maybe you can post here every day for support when you feel weak. It will help. I made up my mind to get in shape again within the next 60 days, so that's my focus. We can support each other the next two months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heatemyheart89 Posted March 18, 2016 Author Share Posted March 18, 2016 I was reading some old posts and I saw one about hurtful things our exs have said and there was some' crackers' .After six months, my ex told me that he didn't love me, but he was going to give it three months to ' see if he did' .Lord knows why I stayed with him after that one, deary me. So has your ex said anything awful/ hurtful to you during/after the relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
andie1969 Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 Just a few days before the break up I stopped to get gas on my way home from work. Realized I had left my wallet at work an hour away and was on empty! I had no cash or credit cards. I tried to text him and all I got was a "playing video games with my son, I will text with you another time". NO offer to help at all...I had to borrow $10 from my daughter so I'd have gas to get to work the next day. I always respect his time with his son (who is 14) and never bother him those nights, but geez after dating someone for a year you would think they'd be the first person you could ask for help! I'm sure there are more, but that's the most recent and now I realize he was probably thinking about breaking up then. So why the heck was I even upset at getting dumped by someone so callous?! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaInTheBrine Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 I was reading some old posts and I saw one about hurtful things our exs have said and there was some' crackers' .After six months, my ex told me that he didn't love me, but he was going to give it three months to ' see if he did' .Lord knows why I stayed with him after that one, deary me. So has your ex said anything awful/ hurtful to you during/after the relationship? Yes. My most recent ex told me she loved me after two months together, and I said it back. Then when we were having sex that night I said it again and she didn't say it back, not on Valentine's Day either a couple of days later. Just a few days later I discovered she had given her number out to some guy, was flirting and planning a coffee date with him. I obviously broke up with her on the spot. I'll never forget during the break-up conversation when she tried to accuse us of moving too fast and said "it's kind of soon to be saying I love you, don't you think?". My head nearly spun given that she said it first. I could probably name a couple of dozen awful and hurtful things she said, but that one always blows my mind. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heatemyheart89 Posted March 18, 2016 Author Share Posted March 18, 2016 (edited) I have been looking back at my old loveshack posts about this relationship and also a letter my ex wrote me. The thing is, this relationship was doomed. It was on, off, on, off .It was hell for us both. I feel bad but still , it is a good thing it is over for good. It seems like it just went through the same old pattern, so incredibly draining. I should have listened when he said he couldn't give me what I needed. I feel like it is only now I am starting to accept it is over because he doesn't want anything to do with me. But this is a blessing. I am feeling better. I have a hell of a lot of work to do on myself though. Edited March 18, 2016 by Heatemyheart89 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 *CRAP* I was supposed to pay attention to the stupid/hurtful things my ex said while we were together AND after we broke up?!? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 *CRAP* I was supposed to pay attention to the stupid/hurtful things my ex said while we were together AND after we broke up?!? Haha, right? I'm sure my ex has said hurtful things, but he hasn't said a word of it to me! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
brothers343 Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 Not my ex but my wife told me that she new she loved me with all her heart..... becouse I had hurt her so much. It broke my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Yes. My most recent ex told me she loved me after two months together, and I said it back. Then when we were having sex that night I said it again and she didn't say it back, not on Valentine's Day either a couple of days later. Just a few days later I discovered she had given her number out to some guy, was flirting and planning a coffee date with him. I obviously broke up with her on the spot. I'll never forget during the break-up conversation when she tried to accuse us of moving too fast and said "it's kind of soon to be saying I love you, don't you think?". My head nearly spun given that she said it first. I could probably name a couple of dozen awful and hurtful things she said, but that one always blows my mind. Damn! Sounds like we dated the same girl. I got yelled at for filling up her gas tank, when she was driving us around all day. The list goes on but as Forrest Gump would say, "That's all I have to say about that". Link to post Share on other sites
TunaInTheBrine Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Damn! Sounds like we dated the same girl. I got yelled at for filling up her gas tank, when she was driving us around all day. The list goes on but as Forrest Gump would say, "That's all I have to say about that". You're girl was likely more mature. Mine was 23 and afraid to drive because as soon as she got behind a wheel she got into a car wreck. I like to think of it as a good metaphor for her romantic relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
andie1969 Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 *CRAP* I was supposed to pay attention to the stupid/hurtful things my ex said while we were together AND after we broke up?!? I think the OP meant things the EX said while you were together. Sometimes it helps to put things into perspective when you think back and realize, "yeah he/she wasn't all that after all". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 I think the OP meant things the EX said while you were together. Sometimes it helps to put things into perspective when you think back and realize, "yeah he/she wasn't all that after all". Yeah...I got that...that's why I'd written "...while we were together AND after we broke up?" While I was kinda kidding, I'm very serious: when someone I'm choosing to spend time with starts saying "stupid / hurtful" things at me, our time together comes to an end, real quick-like. Why is someone who *loves* me saying hurtful things? And, why on earth am I paying attention to the hurtful things being said at me by someone who claims to love me? Love doesn't do that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
andie1969 Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Well I guess for some of us, "love" was blind...which is why we find ourselves in this forum. Hard lesson to learn... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 You're girl was likely more mature. Mine was 23 and afraid to drive because as soon as she got behind a wheel she got into a car wreck. I like to think of it as a good metaphor for her romantic relationships. Haha, a bit older. Definitely not more mature. I'd say her maturity level turned out to be that of a pre-teen with the manipulative capabilities of a seasoned undercover cop. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaInTheBrine Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Haha, a bit older. Definitely not more mature. I'd say her maturity level turned out to be that of a pre-teen with the manipulative capabilities of a seasoned undercover cop. Well when you put it that way, they DO sound a lot alike. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts