ltjg45 Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 I think he was taken aback that I was mad about what he had said. Combine that with him hating to fight (so do I) and he was dejected and at a loss for words and just wanted to get off the phone. It remains to be seen how he's going to act. We haven't spoken yet. First of all, you did the right thing by being mad at him for what he said. He basically disregarded any feelings you may have for your issues and even stated that what you said had no meaning to him when he said he is going to bed, ending the argument just like that. Also, since he did it in such a way, it made me question how much he really likes you. No man who adores his woman would respond in such a way and, even if he did, would be quick to apologize afterwards. Personally, if you stopped trying, I don't blame you. At his age, there is no excuse for his actions. I wouldn't accept that from my age group right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 14, 2016 Author Share Posted April 14, 2016 Misunderstandings happen, but being able to move past them in a healthy way is important. He doesn't sound like he's overly great at conflict resolution or communication. I'm thinking the same... I've spoken about ex's with girlfriends, but only once the relationship had evolved a level of understanding and trust. My ex's were a big part of my life and taught me a lot about myself and relationships. I have nothing but kind things to say about them, despite us not working out as a couple. Be wary of people who walk around with resentment in their hearts over past slights. Holding a grudge is an extremely unhealthy habit to have. Yes, this is how it feels to me... like he's carrying resentment in his heart and actually wants to hold onto a grudge. I know that people don't always have to have good things to say about their ex and that's okay, but I honestly just don't want to hear about it either way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 14, 2016 Author Share Posted April 14, 2016 First of all, you did the right thing by being mad at him for what he said. He basically disregarded any feelings you may have for your issues and even stated that what you said had no meaning to him when he said he is going to bed, ending the argument just like that. Also, since he did it in such a way, it made me question how much he really likes you. No man who adores his woman would respond in such a way and, even if he did, would be quick to apologize afterwards. Personally, if you stopped trying, I don't blame you. At his age, there is no excuse for his actions. I wouldn't accept that from my age group right now. Hmmm, I think you may be right. I don't know, I'm confused! Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 There are several things I could say, but for the sake of brevity, I'll just say this... I dunno...he sounds like a boy....maybe you need a man..... Regards. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 Hmmm, I think you may be right. I don't know, I'm confused! It's all part of the journey Pops. You'll get a lot of opinions on here, but only you really know the guy and what he's like. Just don't be afraid to pull the plug on something that isn't working for you. If he won't admit he's sorry, won't at least try to smooth things over and respect your discomfort with the topic, then those are red flags and should be noted. Personally, I'm just glad to see you back there out 2 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 That's totally possible. I will know soon. I also know that people often don't know what else to talk about except their past relationships (that and they've developed the habit of talking about that with other women). So now he knows I don't like it so we'll see. If he was hurt badly and hasn't recovered or gotten over it, then I can see him wanting to vent and using you as his therapist. He shouldn't be with you if he isn't over her... he should be sorting these issues out with a therapist. For your own sake, you should leave him. You deserve a man who is emotionally available. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 I'd just tell him, when you are together again, and not arguing, that his ex is not a topic for conversations from now on. If it's just a habit of his, maybe introduce a fine for any time he mentions her. Then change topic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 With hold the sex, that'll work - us guys are simple creatures and very easily controlled with the right equipment. Seriously though, I had someone new come into my life and she asked about past relationships. I remember telling her about the ex that first brought me here, but I know that there are no feelings towards her. No love or hate. Just nothing. She easily picked up that although I'd been badly burnt, there was no remaining scars. It was just conversation. Your guy is clearly not there yet and sadly maybe he won't be for some time. Just because one starts dating doesn't mean they're healed. Often we do it to help us heal, thinking that if we get under someone, we'll get over someone else. Stand your ground Pops and do what is best for you. As much as you want this to work, he has to want it too, which means he will have to understand what he's doing and the issues he has. It's all fixable, but may take some effort. As much as you wanted this bus ride to be a smooth one, sadly every journey hits a few bumps in the road. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 Well, the clinginess and moving too fast wasn't the source of the problem yesterday. It was something else. Missed your reply before. The thing is, when people are moving too fast if often means there is some other underlying issues with them. I would say the same about overly clingy types. So while you don't see the moving too fast or clinginess as the problem, I see it as the warming sign about problems to come... From memory, I think you spent only two days on OLD. maybe time to see what else is on there... spending time with this guy, who you don't see a future with and who has lots of issues carries a lost opportunity cost... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 Update: He hasn't talked about his Ex again, since that incident. I did meet one by chance this past weekend though. That was awkward. :| This past weekend he said to "let me know if I'm doing something wrong". I guess he just didn't like that I was angry. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Update: He hasn't talked about his Ex again, since that incident. I did meet one by chance this past weekend though. That was awkward. :| This past weekend he said to "let me know if I'm doing something wrong". I guess he just didn't like that I was angry. Are you still enjoying the ride? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 Are you still enjoying the ride? Lol it's still fun at this point. We actually don't see each other that often. Only once a week or so due to work schedules and obligations, so maybe it'll last for a while. We'll see what happens. Lol Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Lol it's still fun at this point. We actually don't see each other that often. Only once a week or so due to work schedules and obligations, so maybe it'll last for a while. We'll see what happens. Lol K. Hopefully, he does not become obsessed with you and get his heart broken. Sounds like a possibility. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 20, 2016 Author Share Posted April 20, 2016 K. Hopefully, he does not become obsessed with you and get his heart broken. Sounds like a possibility. I seriously doubt he will become obsessed and get his heart broken. I think he would be content with things continuing on as they are indefinitely. I don't foresee him pushing for more or even bringing that up, he just loves having a GF/relationship and that's it. If anything it's his MOM that will be pushing for more and bringing up uncomfortable topics. But if I break up with him, yes, he will be hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 Since I am assuming that by the beginning of this thread you are doing online dating for the first time ever, I say GOOD LUCK. And that deserves to be in all caps. I'm sure all reading this will know what it is I speak of. But as you are going out on your very first internet date ever (perhaps it will be over by the time you read this), don't have sky high expectations. Just don't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 I seriously doubt he will become obsessed and get his heart broken. I think he would be content with things continuing on as they are indefinitely. I don't foresee him pushing for more or even bringing that up, he just loves having a GF/relationship and that's it. If anything it's his MOM that will be pushing for more and bringing up uncomfortable topics. But if I break up with him, yes, he will be hurt. To your GF/relationship comment, does that mean you two are a couple now? I thought it was just NSA or FWB... You met his mom? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 20, 2016 Author Share Posted April 20, 2016 To your GF/relationship comment, does that mean you two are a couple now? I thought it was just NSA or FWB... You met his mom? Yes I met his mom. We are GF/BF, whatever that means.... So, I guess we're an item now. I know that was quick (2 weeks) but I just couldn't resist him. He's so cute and fun and sexy and free. But we have some major incompatibilities that I know will cause problems that preclude anything long term. So, I guess I'll just go along for the ride and enjoy it and let the chips fall where they may. I'll post here as things unfold. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 Yes I met his mom. We are GF/BF, whatever that means.... Woo-hoo, Popsi's got a boyfriend! You go girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 Yes I met his mom. We are GF/BF, whatever that means.... Dude! That means, like jen said, you got a boyfriend! lolol congrats! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 21, 2016 Author Share Posted April 21, 2016 Woo-hoo, Popsi's got a boyfriend! You go girl. Dude! That means, like jen said, you got a boyfriend! lolol congrats! Right?! Thank you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 Sorry to be the naysayer and all but I still do not like this guy... Sorry Pops but I am not excited about this. I think there is better out there for you and I also think you deserve that better... Wish I could be more excited about it because I really want you to find love but... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 21, 2016 Author Share Posted April 21, 2016 Sorry to be the naysayer and all but I still do not like this guy... Sorry Pops but I am not excited about this. I think there is better out there for you and I also think you deserve that better... Wish I could be more excited about it because I really want you to find love but... You're probably right, Toodles, but I'm having fun right now, so I'll just stay with it so long as it's good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 You're probably right, Toodles, but I'm having fun right now, so I'll just stay with it so long as it's good. OK as long as you are and as long as you are comfortable to end it when it needs to... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 22, 2016 Author Share Posted April 22, 2016 He pees sitting down! Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 22, 2016 Share Posted April 22, 2016 He pees sitting down! Just to pee? Link to post Share on other sites
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