Haven't dated in a decade, 28 and a virgin, consdering suicide

[Bufo]

No woman I've known is particularly attracted to:

 

The desperate

The downer

The loner

The negative viber

The self denegrater

 

If you could use thread terms to describe yourself it is no wonder you have been striking out. Or getting left on the bench.

 

Let me tell you a secret. Time is on your side. Women have time on their side from age 15 or so until age 30 or so. More men are available to them. Then Time catches up. Fewer men are available.

 

You are just getting to an age where the odds are evening up in your favor. I swore off romance from age 22 to about 28. By the time I was 30 and back in the game for a couple of years--deliberately not caring about the outcome of any given first date or relationship-- I found myself being pursued by women my age and younger. Job, no support baggage, no need for psychiatrist, and taking care of myself was all I needed. You work, don't pay child support or alimony, and can take care of yourself physically and housekeeping-wise if you choose. Get that haircut, trim that scraggly beard, go to the gym. Keep your car clean too as well as your abode. Wash those sheets as you never ever want her to see a messed up bed. She simply won't get in it. Ditto for bathroom.

 

Feel free to ask her for her help, even if you already know how to make great pasta and sauce. Doesn't hurt to compliment her, either.

 

I'll stop this lecture now.

[JGF87]

Thank you so much! I just hope JGF could find some hope in it. Wish he would reply. Wondering how he is doing.

 

Than I'll reply. Still no better. I think all my opportunities for love have come and gone. Been going to Meetups and made some friends through it, but nothing more than that. My interests are too nerdy for me to go to mainstream dating groups or sites and not have most girls scared away from me. Getting my own place has also been delayed to November or possibly some time next year for reasons outside of my control, and women are always scared off by guys who still live with their parents. There is really no avenue left for me to look. As motivational as people found your game post, it didn't apply to me, because there's been so sign of progress in getting a date.

 

Just take it easy and relax. Try getting happy again. There is no race. There is no time line. Do not worry if you are still single.

 

Why shouldn't I be worried? This isn't normal. I'm almost 30 and less than 2% of the world population my age are still virgins. I've had plenty of times where I try my hardest to set things aside and live life normally for several weeks, but no approach I take ever changes anything.

 

No woman I've known is particularly attracted to:

 

The desperate

The downer

The loner

The negative viber

The self denegrater

 

If you could use thread terms to describe yourself it is no wonder you have been striking out. Or getting left on the bench.

 

I never talk about these things with friends and strangers and always make it a point to show a positive demeanor with them. Plus I've actually finally gained self-respect and lost a lot of weight since last year, but it hasn't changed this situation.

 

There's nowhere left to look. Everyone at my workplace is my dad's age, everyone in my social circles is already claimed or doesn't seem interested, and dating sites never give me anything. What's left?

[RyanO1991]

Than I'll reply. Still no better. I think all my opportunities for love have come and gone. Been going to Meetups and made some friends through it, but nothing more than that. My interests are too nerdy for me to go to mainstream dating groups or sites and not have most girls scared away from me. Getting my own place has also been delayed to November or possibly some time next year for reasons outside of my control, and women are always scared off by guys who still live with their parents. There is really no avenue left for me to look. As motivational as people found your game post, it didn't apply to me, because there's been so sign of progress in getting a date.

 

 

 

Why shouldn't I be worried? This isn't normal. I'm almost 30 and less than 2% of the world population my age are still virgins. I've had plenty of times where I try my hardest to set things aside and live life normally for several weeks, but no approach I take ever changes anything.

 

 

 

I never talk about these things with friends and strangers and always make it a point to show a positive demeanor with them. Plus I've actually finally gained self-respect and lost a lot of weight since last year, but it hasn't changed this situation.

 

There's nowhere left to look. Everyone at my workplace is my dad's age, everyone in my social circles is already claimed or doesn't seem interested, and dating sites never give me anything. What's left?

 

I'm being totally honest here - I'm 25 and I wish I still had my virginity. I genuinely mean that. I regret losing it to someone who treated me badly.

 

Can I ask what your interests are?

[JGF87]

Still having your virginity by my age is just the most embarrassing thing, though. Even I think other people in my shoes must be losers.

 

I like art, reading, movies, drawing/animation, video games, animals, and hanging out and catching up with friends and family. That's about it.

 

At least I still have the promise I made to myself three years ago to commit suicide when I turn 30 next May if I'm still in this situation...

[RyanO1991]

Still having your virginity by my age is just the most embarrassing thing, though. Even I think other people in my shoes must be losers.

 

I like art, reading, movies, drawing/animation, video games, animals, and hanging out and catching up with friends and family. That's about it.

 

I can understand you might find it embarrassing, but there are lots of people (both men and women) who find that attractive. It shows integrity - saving yourself for someone special.

 

You've got a really broad range of interests there. I think most women would share AT LEAST one of those interests. Drawing and animation is especially unique and very impressive.

[JGF87]

I can understand you might find it embarrassing, but there are lots of people (both men and women) who find that attractive. It shows integrity - saving yourself for someone special.

 

You've got a really broad range of interests there. I think most women would share AT LEAST one of those interests. Drawing and animation is especially unique and very impressive.

But it's not integrity or saving myself. I want to get laid more than anything, but I can't find anyone slightly interested, which is pathetic.

 

Aren't those interests mostly seen as kid's stuff though?

[RyanO1991]

But it's not integrity or saving myself. I want to get laid more than anything, but I can't find anyone slightly interested, which is pathetic.

 

Aren't those interests mostly seen as kid's stuff though?

 

I can understand how you feel. I felt the same way, but I really regret doing it. I met someone who was interested and said she loved me but she just used me. My advice would be to not make the same mistake I did.

 

I don't think those interests would be considered as kid's stuff at all. In fact, I think they're very mature. They show that you're cultured, skilled and enjoy lots of different aspects of life.

[JGF87]

I appreciate your support. Guess there's nothing to do but keep trying (I just signed up for another really interesting-sounding Meetup group). I just wish I could pinpoint what exactly I'm still doing wrong.

[RyanO1991]

I appreciate your support. Guess there's nothing to do but keep trying (I just signed up for another really interesting-sounding Meetup group). I just wish I could pinpoint what exactly I'm still doing wrong.

 

You're absolutely right - keep going to those groups. You'll make friends. And through those friends you'll meet other people. And that network will keep growing.

 

The important thing to remember is that you're not doing anything wrong. I used to ask myself the same question - when I stopped giving a s**t, I suddenly found that people found me attractive.

 

Remember, you're not doing anything wrong. From what you've said, I genuinely think you're a very interesting guy, and others will think that too.

[JGF87]

You're absolutely right - keep going to those groups. You'll make friends. And through those friends you'll meet other people. And that network will keep growing.

 

The important thing to remember is that you're not doing anything wrong. I used to ask myself the same question - when I stopped giving a s**t, I suddenly found that people found me attractive.

 

Remember, you're not doing anything wrong. From what you've said, I genuinely think you're a very interesting guy, and others will think that too.

 

I've made a lot of friends lately, even a girl with similar interests, but nothing has happened beyond that. I don't get the feeling the girl I mentioned is interested in anything beyond friendship.

 

Also, you can't say I'm doing nothing wrong when I'm less than a year away from going a decade without anything. Even though I've developed confidence that I can do it, I'm starting to lose it because nothing is happening.

[NopeNah]

I've made a lot of friends lately, even a girl with similar interests, but nothing has happened beyond that. I don't get the feeling the girl I mentioned is interested in anything beyond friendship.

 

Also, you can't say I'm doing nothing wrong when I'm less than a year away from going a decade without anything. Even though I've developed confidence that I can do it, I'm starting to lose it because nothing is happening.

It's a good thing to have a few girls as friends when you're trying to date. That reason is: they'll have girlfriends whom have gf's,that have gf's. Eventually it'll all work out.

[RyanO1991]

I've made a lot of friends lately, even a girl with similar interests, but nothing has happened beyond that. I don't get the feeling the girl I mentioned is interested in anything beyond friendship.

 

Also, you can't say I'm doing nothing wrong when I'm less than a year away from going a decade without anything. Even though I've developed confidence that I can do it, I'm starting to lose it because nothing is happening.

 

It can be disheartening when nothing seems to happen, but it does take time.

 

What do you think your best traits are?

[victoria88]

Please be aware that life is much more than a private life- people have careers, hobbies, passions, friends, dreams so on...

 

 

I did not read all the answers in the forum but:

 

1) There are women at 32 who are still virgin (they are not accepting it so bad at all, just waiting for the right man).

 

2) Not only 32 and virgin but also they have been rejected (but it is a part of the life experience).

 

3) ALWAYS and ONLY be positive and convinced that everything will be fine. Focus on everything you WANT, not on what you do not want.

 

Good luck!

[Mumbles]

Quite a few posts ago I made a divergent suggestion which you obviously haven't picked up. You're still here, and thats good, equally good, you've made at least a few female connections - this is important for the obvious reasons that others have already covered... even if not a fit for you themselves, they will have their own social circle of girlfriends and maybe one of those will prove suitable for you (highly likely actually). It will also let you start to get more relaxed and comfortable around women - this is tremendously important.

 

You may not fully realise how you might project outwards towards the women that you meet. You might feel that a lot of the anxiety and longing for physical contact is safely bottled up inside, perhaps it is, but I'd be surprised if the girls aren't picking up on it - girls are far more attuned to this stuff than men are as a general rule.

 

I had a prolonged dry spell in my late twenties and if we're going to be honest here, I can admit to myself now that dates I went on and girls I met that might have ended up romantically involved were probably put off - and the reason I think, looking back, is that I had reached a point of no physical contact with women that the rather cliche sounding 'desperation' had set in. Speaking frankly, I was as horny as a ten peckered owl.

 

This can colour everything you do, and you'd be kidding yourself to think that otherwise potential mates won't pick up on this right away, immediately.

 

imho, seriously now, you will benefit from getting this physical drive out of your system. In so doing you will be able to mentally and physically relax a -lot- more around women ... some of them will then have the opportunity to become friends with you, and from there some of those will likely progress further - its the normal and natural way of things and honestly, there is no reason for anyone to be left out of the game.

[JGF87]

Guess I should provide an update.

 

I've continued to make a lot of progress in self-esteem and social connections, and have recently befriended another girl at a Meetup who both shares a lot of geek interests and seems legit interested in chatting and keeping in touch. Even if nothing romantic happens between us (Which seems likely given my track record), I'm going to take one of the most frequent pieces of advice I hear to heart and attempt to socialize with other friends of hers if she's ever open to me joining other group outings (And continue to stick to the same 4-5 Meetups that really suit me instead of continuing to try dozens out).

 

Granted, I've become depressed and suicidal for completely different reasons that aren't relevant here, but I've been expressing those at home, on other forums, and in similar isolated areas rather than among friends. I could still very well be dead by my next birthday in May, the end of the year, or sooner, but the kind of help needed for that issue isn't applicable here and I'm not going to ask for it.

 

The fact that I'm still getting replies recommending stuff that could get me into legal trouble is sending me the signal that I've probably gotten all the replies here that I need, so I'm going to unsubscribe from this thread and go my own way. If I do manage to survive, start a relationship, and remember this site, I'll post an update, but otherwise, this will be the last you hear from me. Best wishes.

[b18c1]

I am 33/m. I am also a single father who has 100% custody and had so since I was 27 (child was a tiny toddler). I have a great career and have a great relationship with my child.

 

I also have not been on a date since I was 27. So 6 years now. No "anything."It seems you should be glad just to have conversations with a lady with a possible indication of being in the "talking" stage. I have not even had that.

 

I feel decent all around in looks but somedays I get a double glanced but other days I don't. So I am about average in looks. On those day's I get double glanced... well ... read #four...

 

I have a few issues.

 

One, my child's mom hated my guts (she resented having a child and took her anger out on me) and in a way, I feel ... "how can I get a lady to like me when I couldn't even get the mother of my own child to like her own child?"

 

Two, I am social butterfly in physical recreational activities but the minute its not, I close up. Even the act of everyone having a sit down with drinks... I have nothing to conversate about.

 

Three, being a single parent is hard. I am a successful one BUT it requires a lot of energy.

 

Four, I can't read social cues anymore. I can tell that a baby is crying for a bottle or when a toddler is hungry but I can't tell whether a lady has any interest in me. I want to emphasize... I can't read any cue's at all.

 

Five, I went through a phase in my late 20's of really just wanting ONE date. That it... just one date. Hearing all the "no's" or "ewww, I am not into men with a kid," vibes... really destroyed me inside.

 

Six, I actually seen a dating coach. I am similar to Elon Musk on how I carry myself. I have a lot of earned respect, career driven and am very dedicated to my responsibilities. These are very unattractive traits and the dating coach tried to turn me into something I was not. All the unnatural behaviors just wasn't "me," and I felt I was walking on eggshells as I had to hide what kind of person who I really was. One mis step... everything feel like dominos.

 

Seven, nobody sets me up with anyone... all online dating failed... friends who are very successful with women have tried to help me, have failed. It hurts badly but its ok.

 

Eight, I was described as a teen to have asperger's by a physician but i didn't go any further. Maybe this is my problem?

 

I am telling you all this to make you feel better and I wish you the best of luck!

[b18c1]

These are my tips that help me to make things more "manageable." I hope it helps...

 

1. It hurts very much to put in so much energy and having all of it fail. Someone once told me to work more when able. Why? Because you get a direct "output for the input you put in." Gym, cooking, earning a wage... anything that involves 1:1 ratio.

 

2. Goal. Have a goal that is tied 1:1 to effort you put in. You have to remind the brain to that everything is NOT tied to 1:+/- 1 ratio.

 

3. Work on becoming successful in something so you can be proud about something.

 

4. Become debt free. Debt free = Less stress

 

5. Stop masterbating. Look into the No Fap community. This might help you tremendously.

 

6. Find a nice tv show to follow. This keeps your mind intrigued.

 

7. SLEEP. Ensure you get the proper amounts of sleep every day.

[JGF87]

Never mind.

[JGF87]

Is there a way to delete this thread?

[Sweetfish]

Is there a way to delete this thread?

 

 

I wish I can contact you bro... is everything good?

[JGF87]

EDIT: I give up.

Edited August 15, 2017 by JGF87

[d0nnivain]

EDIT: I give up.

 

Please don't give up.

 

Please come back & talk to us. You said you were making progress with friends & social connections but then other obstacles came up. How can we help?

 

Please call a suicide hotline or go to an ER. Don't' take your own life.

[Taticake]

I'm turning 29 in May, but my only experience with love, relationships, and dating at all has been dating a girl I randomly met for two-three months in early 2007. Since then, I have been unable to do anything at all. No relationships, no dates, no sex, nothing. I've become increasingly obsessed with this every year for the past six years, have tried dozens of Meetups and dating sites, and nothing has happened.

 

At this point, I'm planning to commit suicide in a few days because I'm embarrassed and ashamed of the way I've turned out. People have told me for years to just act natural and keep living my life, but I know that if I was going to make any progress, something would have happened by now. I've seen dozens of doctors and tried dozens of medications to try and make me think normally, but nothing's helped. Unless someone has ideas for something I haven't tried yet, I'm ready to die alone.

 

Don't do that to yourself you're only 28 dude...you're only a quarter done with life

[JGF87]

Please don't give up.

 

Please come back & talk to us. You said you were making progress with friends & social connections but then other obstacles came up. How can we help?

 

Please call a suicide hotline or go to an ER. Don't' take your own life.

 

You can't help any more. Calling my therapist and talking about suicide had her sic the cops on my apartment the day before trying to go out with the friend I liked. I got locked up against my will with a crazy man threatening to kill the whole hospital. Now the friend doesn't want to date me, and I feel scared reaching out to anyone. My brother hijacked my social media accounts so I can't reach out to friends, when I talk to him he starts telling me I'm a "****ing selfish *******", and I'm scared to call any professional or helpline at all because I know they'll call the cops on me and ruin everythign all over again. This was months ago and nothing's changed. Meds have failed me. Doctors have failed me. Hospitals have failed me. There's no place for me to exist any more. No one can help me any more so I have to go without telling anyone.

 

Don't do that to yourself you're only 28 dude...you're only a quarter done with life

 

I'm 30 now, and I'd probably be dead at 80 if I'm lucky. I'm probably at the halfway point of a guy with a lifespan like myself.

 

I'm sorry for everything.

Edited August 18, 2017 by JGF87

[JGF87]

I can't even masturbate any more because I get so down on myself looking at beautiful women I'll never have. I watch TV and movies and when romance comes up I feel like a failure. I go out for fresh air and see attractive couples a decade younger than me and want to die.

 

Plus I have a damaged nerve, a stomach bacteria, and a sleep disorder that makes me unable to get more than 5 or 6 hours per night. Nothing left to live for. Just everything to die for. Goodbye.