d0nnivain Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 We know that a break up is painful. We get it & we empathize. If you get solace from your Church continue to go there. But do talk to your pastor & try to adjust your schedule to avoid running into her. Because seeing her will open old wounds. Hang in there. If you found love once, you will find it again. Meanwhile, rearrange your living environment to reduce the memories of her associated with your space. Box up all of the momentos. If you can't bring yourself to throw them out, do an extreme job of sealing the box up; really make it hard to open. Then store it somewhere inconvenient, a dark corner of the attic or at your parents' house if you don't live with them. Point is: out of sight, out of mind. Surround yourself with positive upbeat people who support you. Keep active. Even if you feel down, take a walk. Just feeing the sun on your face will help. Exercise also produced endorphins. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 My family has been telling me this over and over... if she really loves you, then no matter what, she would still have been with you. Didn't you learn anything from the past? she cheated on you back then... now is different but its the same result. With another guy. What is your say on this? Link to post Share on other sites
EatYourVeggies Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 What is your say on this? She has proved multiple times that she is indeed a cheater. That hurts / sucks. You change what / who she is or what she did too you. Go find one who won't do that. Add "No Cheaters" to your list when shopping around for the next one. Not much else too say really besides that. Link to post Share on other sites
EatYourVeggies Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Double post Link to post Share on other sites
DarkHorizon Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 It does not seem like you are still on the verge of killing yourself, and after several posts directing you to professional help and suicide hotlines, it looks like you are seeing things a bit more clearly today. If that is the case, I wish moderators could close this particular thread so you could open a new one with a less fatalistic title, all things considered. Link to post Share on other sites
Koans Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 1-800 hotline bling Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 Im still having those panic attacks actually... to the point that I wish I could just die. Like just a natural death.. where my heart cant take it anymore and ai would slowly waste away. I get chills everytime and then everytime it hurts so bad, it starts affecting my nerves.. and sometimes I cant properly stand up because of the pain. I feels like now that shes gone, then im left to die real slow with this pain that im having. The first day really made me think of different ways to die without getting hurt like pills or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
surferchic Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Hello Venn are you OK? Have things gotten any better? Know that things like this have happened to us all,so you're not alone. I think you should keep writing your feelings,but also call that suicide hotline ASAP))) .meanwhile go easy on yourself, immature females always react rather than discuss first. If her first action is to going out dating more guys, think about what that says for her anyway... You don't need that negative energy. Fear not, you will get through this! Keep posting to let us know how you're doing.. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 My family has been telling me this over and over... if she really loves you, then no matter what, she would still have been with you. Didn't you learn anything from the past? she cheated on you back then... now is different but its the same result. With another guy. What is your say on this? My take on this is your family is wise. Let her go. This relationship was dysfunctional and now it's over. Stop trying to resurrect something that wasn't working to begin with. If you are still having these overwhelming physical reactions, see a doctor. Link to post Share on other sites
sowhynot Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Hang on in there, one second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. You don't need anyone else to make you feel ok, you just need yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 I try... I try to make myself happy... at morning I would jog, do exercises, play games with friends... but along the way... its like 50% of my mind is on doing those duties... and 50% of my mind is always thinking about her... doing these activities relieve the pain... and when I am doing nothing, it hurts like hell. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Venn sounds to me like you just need to keep going. Eventually it gets better. But right now just keep going. Keep up with friends, family, keep going out, keep up the excersise... Just keep going. I tell you what. Every time you think of her drop and do 5 push ups. Eventually you will be so sick of doing push ups in random places that you will stop thinking about her and move on. Glad you came back and that you are OK. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 I try... I try to make myself happy... at morning I would jog, do exercises, play games with friends... but along the way... its like 50% of my mind is on doing those duties... and 50% of my mind is always thinking about her... doing these activities relieve the pain... and when I am doing nothing, it hurts like hell. Why don't you cling to the fact that she "only" occupies 50% of your thoughts and take it from there? It sounds like progress to me. Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 I try... I try to make myself happy... at morning I would jog, do exercises, play games with friends... but along the way... its like 50% of my mind is on doing those duties... and 50% of my mind is always thinking about her... doing these activities relieve the pain... and when I am doing nothing, it hurts like hell. Dude, it is going to hurt for a while. No doubt about it. It hurts whether you're in your twenties or in your sixties (sometimes worse because people have spent the majority of their entire LIVES investing in ssomeone.) Have you ever hurt yourself? Stubbed a toe, burned your hand, torqued a muscle, etc? Did the pain stay forever? Yeah it hurt like hell when it happened. The answer is NO and like those things above, this too SHALL PASS. That is the law of ALL things. Let me tell you this, every mile you run, every weight you lift, book you read, joke you share, and BREATH you CONTINUE to breath through the pain, is an investment on the future. The exercise will keep you healthy and attract someone else who may be way beyond this YOUTH you're hung up on, books bring you knowledge, jokes create intelligent wit, and continuing to breath.... Well son, that is what will make you a GIFT to someone in the future when the fates open up and you come into their life like a lightening bolt. This WILL happen. No doubt about it but you gotta be here, now, in your life, to someday enter theirs. Don't rob them or the people around you of your gift as you nurse a HEALING wound. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 "Well if you didn't look for another woman you could've had the chance." -I wonder why some people are afraid to tell me this part of the truth ;'( Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 "Well if you didn't look for another woman you could've had the chance." -I wonder why some people are afraid to tell me this part of the truth ;'( Are you saying you cheated? I don't understand this comment. Sod women for the moment. Just concentrate on getting you in a good place again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 no... we really broke up officially by September... I tried to fight for her for 3 weeks and gave up. Someone told it to me. If you really loved her, then you should have at least contacted her, not that you really force her back into the relationship but keep tabs on her, call her if she was okay, text message her, how she is doing fine. What I was doing was telling her to come back when she needed space. Now when I stopped, another guy came in, and also just out of the blue, I also had a fling for myself also. Both of us had flings... instead of me going for another girl, this person said that I should have realized my real feelings and continued to fight for my ex... but I became serious with that other girl I courted and now my loyalty badge that she sees from me is now gone and she finally realized "ah. so Ven can replace me after all". The part where she always pushed me back when I courted her back according to my friend, was just a response of what she saw on my Facebook of me flirting with another girl... If I didn't do that, then she would have given me the chance... that's what my friend said... Someone was brave enough to tell me that... ;') Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 "Well if you didn't look for another woman you could've had the chance." -I wonder why some people are afraid to tell me this part of the truth ;'( Well, reading your story it is a pretty common one. So many in long term relationships take people for granted, want other things, pursue other goals and it is only when the finality of that "special" person walking out of their life for good happens, that it all sinks in. So when she called it a day, your world collapsed. Only it hasn't, has it? YOUR gf is not "special" she is just an ordinary girl - the world is full of ordinary girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Jasejasejase Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Ven .. You need to not think about the what ifs and maybes. It will kill you. It's easy for me to say ... Im doing to exact same right now. The past is so painful. But what's gone is gone ... We just both need the courage to face the future, face forward Im with you mate 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 by ordinary yes she is just an ordinary human being... but it's where her efforts in love is where it shines. She's caring, She's beautiful, friendly, God Fearing. She always encourages me to read the Bible, she conducts Bible studies for me, is always the first one to call, she spreads her info about me about how much she loves me to her friends... and its like a 60-40 effort... few women are like that... only once in a blue moon. Like a needle in a haystack... only me and my ex know what really happened in the story. My parents and other friends don't know much about our relationship... that's why they can only comfort me about what they know. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Relationships tend to run their course, this one did, and she ended it. She found someone else and so did you. Your new relationship didn't pan out, so you tried to get back with your ex again, but she doesn't want to try again and has already moved on. If indeed she was SOOO wonderful, why were you bored, why did you not feel like putting the effort into your relationship, why did you not want to spend the time with her, why was your heart not in it? YOU are looking back with rose coloured spectacles. YOU grew apart, the fizz went out of the relationship and it is only now that she is unavailable that you want her again. We always want what we cannot have. She knows that and it is one of the reasons why she moved on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 It's because back in December, She said she has already "moved on" and said " I will never let it happen that we will be together again. Your family probably hates me already for seeing that Facebook pic of me and that guy even though we're not in a relationship. And you've also got a fling yourself"... when at that time she has not really moved on at all... only in February. It' like making me regret why I was not able to read her "real" movements at that time... when I kind of feel that she doesn't want to go back with me is because she discovered that I got a fling.. the first I ever had... though at that time we already separated at September... And now when I courted her back in February she says that even though if I didn't look for a new relationship, she wouldn't go back with me still. But that's already in February when I showed to her that "she was replaceable". So in short... she is saying that there really is no chance. But the way my church mates said it, and how this other new friend who "hurt me with the truth" said it, there is a big chance that we could have gone back together... If the family issue was resolved back then, it could be resolved now... show how loyal I was and then show how I changed for the better... just like how I always upgraded myself in the relationship every time we would get back together... only this time, I forgot to upgrade myself and fight for her and instead looked for a new relationship... according to my new friend, "at that time your ex discovered a fling, for me, there is still a chance... only that it has become very little and that it's going to take a long way... especially that there was that new rival of yours that has come.... well everything is already too late anyway because you went into a new relationship... it's like you already gave your rival a big chance to steal your ex from you." Why I acted like I was not interested? It's because in the back of my mind I was like, nah maybe we'll be back together... so I let it slide... only to see that someone else is courting her do I want to fight again... because I thought that she would never leave me... only she was able to. I also forgot to mention that she has a calling to become a pastor... I just didn't tell it here because this is a love forum... not a christian love forum. In our religion, if one becomes a pastor, they must also marry someone who is a pastor. I do not have the calling and is also the reason why I let go... maybe she will find her new lover when she goes to Bible College... I did not agree with the guy she is entertaining now because this guy is not even a Christian... this is the part where it also really hurts... because she replaced someone who has less spiritual relationship with God... she only loved the guy because he is better than me in terms of taking care of her. Also the hindrance of her not having the relationship with this guy is because he is that he is not spiritually matured... but she loves him. Well they will end up being lovers one day anyway and have to accept the fact that she replaced me with someone better but less spiritual life... It's like from the song called "only know you love her when you let her go". Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 I.. she only loved the guy because he is better than me in terms of taking care of her. That is how it tends to work. People love to be loved and so they love back in return. Easy to do nice things for people who are nice to you. One sided relationships are usually doomed, she felt she was the only one putting in the effort, so she bailed... Lesson learned, you either break up with people you truly feel "meh" about or if you do love them, then you step up to the mark, put in the effort and make them feel loved, else they move onto pastures new. "“There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t even jump puddles for you." It's like from the song called "only know you love her when you let her go". - yes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 she must have also lied about the part when I asked her about if my efforts were enough and she said "Of course your efforts were enough... I will never forget them ;')"... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 she must have also lied about the part when I asked her about if my efforts were enough and she said "Of course your efforts were enough... I will never forget them ;')"... What efforts? The effort you made when you were with her or the efforts you made once you lost her? Link to post Share on other sites
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