Emilia Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 There is always a reason why people ask within a handful of posts whether they should break up. They come here with that thought in mind already. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I can only imagine how different this thread would be if a man was saying he just found out his 27-year-old gf had had ~100 previous partners ... I think OP came on here for support, and not to be told how wrong she is. Smh Whether you're a male or female. 100 partners over 10 years is still 1 partner per month. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I can only imagine how different this thread would be if a man was saying he just found out his 27-year-old gf had had ~100 previous partners ... I think OP came on here for support, and not to be told how wrong she is. Smh I know! A man judged for screwing anything that moves? Whatever next! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Whether you're a male or female. 100 partners over 10 years is still 1 partner per month. Actually it's .83 per month. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 1. No I didn't. 2. No I didn't. 3. This is an alternative view I'm exploring. You won't convince anyone on here that you didn't come on here first to talk about how you held against your boyfriend having had meaningless sex in his past. Please! I don't want to dig it out but somewhere in this thread you mentioned having had boyfriends before with promiscuous past that ended up breaking up with you, that's why you felt the urgency to break up with your boyfriend because you feared he'd end up this shallow man missing meaningless sex. A forum is not the best place to say something then turn around and say 'I didn't say that'. It's black on white on here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 OP a way to look at it is this. If you're stuck in the past, you'll never have a future with anyone. All you can really do is live in the present and judge your BF based on how he's been with you. He's treated you well, never cheated on you, and you say you love him. So with the right woman (you), he's succeeding. Finding true romantic connections is rare and it can take a lot of trial and error. Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 How do you 100 is even remotely accurate? People do exaggerate greatly, especially if they're joking. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 OP a way to look at it is this. If you're stuck in the past, you'll never have a future with anyone. All you can really do is live in the present and judge your BF based on how he's been with you. He's treated you well, never cheated on you, and you say you love him. So with the right woman (you), he's succeeding. Finding true romantic connections is rare and it can take a lot of trial and error. She's not ready to settle. They also just have moved in together and I think she is feeling some pressure she's not ready for a life of togetherness, not with him anyway. This news came at the right moment, she can use it to break up with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 How do you 100 is even remotely accurate? People do exaggerate greatly, especially if they're joking. When asked by the shocked OP the bf said "almost", so I guess pretty accurate. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I think you're right. Maybe I need to "live" a bit more and take those opportunities/chances to allow me to reach that level of tolerance and understanding and grow along the way. If you want to do this for you, great. But increasing your number just to feel more connected to higher-number men may have dicey results. I'd say the number 1 double-standard that women on LS complain about is that high-number men seem to prefer lower-number women. My sense has always been that there are a lot more low- or moderate-number men than high-number ones, anyway. Is that not what you have found? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 (edited) It could be the best time of my life for all I know. My boyfriend said he had the time of his life doing it and enjoyed every second. To preface OP you can do whatever it is you want. Just wanted to give you my BTDT advice. I spent the last several years without someone special and the emotional connection that comes with it. I would date multiple men, a few women, and have done some kinky things. The 'what if', passion, etc. is fun and I enjoyed my single time. It was a great time in my life and I took some opportunities to explore some things. I have a BF now and we are both in love and he is totally on board about exploring everything with me. Having sex with the emotional connection and exploring ourselves is just so much more amazing than the meaningless sex sex to me. I would take sex with my BF anytime over several cute boy toys. I know this is just some stranger on the internet's opinion but I wanted to share that even if someone enjoys meaningless sex they can still enjoy LTR sex more. Also the meaningless sex is so often crap. Many of those guys don't care about pleasing you or won't be there long enough to learn. Sex with someone yo care about who wants to learn your body and build on that is so much better IMO. Edited February 24, 2016 by Miss Peach Link to post Share on other sites
soleilesquire Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I can only imagine how different this thread would be if a man was saying he just found out his 27-year-old gf had had ~100 previous partners ... I think OP came on here for support, and not to be told how wrong she is. Smh So many likes and amens I couldn't possibly type them all 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 There is always a reason why people ask within a handful of posts whether they should break up. They come here with that thought in mind already. And they usually go off and do it anyway regardless of any advice or thoughts. I guess its just seeking validation rather than advice. Link to post Share on other sites
soleilesquire Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Whether you're a male or female. 100 partners over 10 years is still 1 partner per month. And everyone has their own values. Yours and someone else's do not have to match, and that doesn't make either of you wrong. The arrogance of suggesting that something is wrong with the OP's values is problematic. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 And everyone has their own values. Yours and someone else's do not have to match, and that doesn't make either of you wrong. The arrogance of suggesting that something is wrong with the OP's values is problematic. I never said there was something wrong with her values. If she values low numbers than she odd to keep her own number low and shop for men with low numbers. Which is not what she's been doing. It's not the point any longer as OP has now admitted she wants out so she can have meaningless sex herself as she feels it's missing in her life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 How do you 100 is even remotely accurate? People do exaggerate greatly, especially if they're joking. Especially men. But even if he's lying she is safer to assume it's the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
OXS550 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 The number discussion is such a downfall. I myself have told exes in the past because they just had to know. It leaves you wondering if you're fighting a game against the 99 others. I don't know why anyone answers that question, but he did. And men love to brag, not realizing we are causing you pain. The number is irrelevant because its you and him. Don't obsess over it, ask details or ask if you do things better then the others. Sex doesn't define who he is or who you are. Its the added bonus you share with someone you care about. Every time you think of that number redirect your thoughts to something else and keep it out of your subconscious. Just because he slept with several doesn't mean you cant be the final. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 The number discussion is such a downfall. I myself have told exes in the past because they just had to know. It leaves you wondering if you're fighting a game against the 99 others. I don't know why anyone answers that question, but he did. And men love to brag, not realizing we are causing you pain. She didn't ask the question, he was outed by a mate. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunlight72 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Guys brag, they take it when they can get it because sex is sex... making love on the other hand with that emotional connection is for them out of this world.Do us a favor, and don't profess what "men" do. I am a man. I don't take it when I can get it, and know many, many other men who do not either. Thank you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunlight72 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 As to the OP, I would be very uncomfortable as well, and think you state some good reasons in your original post. Please consider this nugget that has helped me resolve my life into a much more emotionally healthy one... I feel that people make 2 kinds of decisions. Logical - objective, made after reviewing technical evidence/theories. These can be swayed by other logical information. Emotional - personal, made with the gut and intuition. Can almost never be swayed by other logical information. If you have an emotional realization (for instance that knowing your boyfriend's number of sex partners makes you feel icky, or like you two are not on the same team), it is unlikely that that feeling will go away by reviewing facts and statistics. Pay attention to your gut. Certainly there are important times logic can be a better tool to resolve a situation, but I think you are seeking to share your heart (at least) with this man. Logic can't make your heart open up to him. Best Wishes, Sunlight 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MoreAmore Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 His number of partners, if they haven't increased since y'all have been together, is only his past. I don't get people who judge people on their number of partners. It does not mean a person is more likely to cheat on you. It doesn't mean that he/she has an STI - and those can be tested for, and decided on if it exists. I would just let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I think you should cancel this relationship if this goes against everything you ever wanted in a partner/believe in/your values. Him not telling you, says to me he has no integrity. It's quite shameful that you found out from another source like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I'm always incredulous when I read the threads here and on other forums about inconsiderate and selfish partners who walk through people when they want something. Then I read responses here and it makes perfect sense why so many end up in sub par relationships where they are hurt and exploited. Womaniser men are not nice, they sleep with women knowing fully that many would want more. You don't get to sleep with that many without working out how to play them. The naivety on this thread is astonishing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Do us a favor, and don't profess what "men" do. I am a man. I don't take it when I can get it, and know many, many other men who do not either. Thank you. Thanks. Was about to say that! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
loveflower Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Do us a favor, and don't profess what "men" do. I am a man. I don't take it when I can get it, and know many, many other men who do not either. Thank you. Thank you for letting me know that are many men out there who don't. Otherwise, I know for certain I will be single for the rest of my life! wondering why some men who will do anything that moves vs some men who don't? Link to post Share on other sites
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