Gaeta Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Yes, I do love him. But the new information that has come to light has made him appear incredibly seedy to me, so I'm very upset. It's a notion I didn't have before, being blessedly ignorant. Numbers in triple digits to me suggest something just isn't right there and something to be on guard about. It's not a technicality, it's a major difference in our value system. A value system that dates before you. About you let the dust fall down a little before making an impulsive decision AND have a discussion with him. Men tend to exaggerate their sexual experience between them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Yes, I do love him. But the new information that has come to light has made him appear incredibly seedy to me, so I'm very upset. It's a notion I didn't have before, being blessedly ignorant. Numbers in triple digits to me suggest something just isn't right there and something to be on guard about. It's not a technicality, it's a major difference in our value system. This is a guy you've been with for two years that you've had a wonderful relationship with. So shouldn't you be judging him based on who he is as a person and how his relationship with you has been? Seems a bit unfair to hold his past against him. I think the real problem lies with your own insecurity OP and none of that has anything to do with him. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 3) I am jealous because I assume he had a much more fun, confident and lively youth than I did. And that maybe I should have taken all those opportunities that were offered to me. Maybe then I would understand more. Although you can't understand it today, this is the major risk to your long term relationship. His "number" is meaningless. What might happen that after a few years, while having a crisis or distance between you two, your suppressed jealousy will raise it's head, your curiosity will take control, and YOU WILL BE HE ONE WHO MIGHT CHEAT ON HIM WHILE TELLING TO YOUR SELF ALL THE EXCUSES YOU WROTE HERE TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER WITH YOUR POSSIBLE CHEATING." I'm saying that not because i know you, but I've seen this process happen too many times, and these things have started at the same point - one spouse feels the lack of balance with the other partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Eeeek! Gross! *shivers* I don't know if I could handle that... (he's probably lying though, lol) Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladyvino Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 This is a guy you've been with for two years that you've had a wonderful relationship with. So shouldn't you be judging him based on who he is as a person and how his relationship with you has been? Seems a bit unfair to hold his past against him. I think the real problem lies with your own insecurity OP and none of that has anything to do with him. Of course it's insecurity! I don't want to be 101 on anyone's list. Would've thought that was obvious. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Yes, I do love him. But the new information that has come to light has made him appear incredibly seedy to me, so I'm very upset. It's a notion I didn't have before, being blessedly ignorant. Numbers in triple digits to me suggest something just isn't right there and something to be on guard about. It's not a technicality, it's a major difference in our value system. How old is he? 100 is a big number, but 100 before 30 years old? 40 years old? 50? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Of course it's insecurity! I don't want to be 101 on anyone's list. Would've thought that was obvious. PM me your soon to be ex boyfriends number... In all seriousness while I think you are mad. I also think you are doing the right thing. You are not going to get your head round this and it will cause a lot of arguments later. Good luck OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladyvino Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 How old is he? 100 is a big number, but 100 before 30 years old? 40 years old? 50? Before 30 years old, he's 27. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Yes, I do love him. But the new information that has come to light has made him appear incredibly seedy to me, so I'm very upset. It's a notion I didn't have before, being blessedly ignorant. Numbers in triple digits to me suggest something just isn't right there and something to be on guard about. It's not a technicality, it's a major difference in our value system. And that is the reason that men give for dumping/avoiding women with high numbers too. The "disgust" factor kicks in and after that, it is usually unworkable, no matter how good looking or great or wonderful they may be otherwise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 OP, do you know if he's the sort who'd be proud of his number, or ashamed? Not to be confused w/whether or not he'd want to share that w/you, just like if among friends he'd boast or keep it to himself. Reason being that proud ppl almost always inflate the number, and ashamed ppl are likely to lighten it. (Due to social norms it usually tends to be men who inflate and women who deflate, but not always.) Anyway if he's a proud inflater, his number's probably not really 100. Also just fwiw, numbers are relative - their meaning depends on the values of the person perceiving them. To some 100 wouldn't be all that many, for others >1 is too many. Link to post Share on other sites
Ara-bella Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Of course it's insecurity! I don't want to be 101 on anyone's list. Would've thought that was obvious. This list is irrelevant and you don't apply because you're the woman he loves and has been committed to. I once struggled with the same insecurity as you, and I felt like I couldn't go on in a relationship with a boyfriend who had way too much fun when he was younger. Really, when I'd bring it up, he'd feel so guilty and even apologize for his past. In hindsight, I was a serious jerk for that! I never bring it up anymore because it's just not relevant to our current relationship. It's not fair to hold that against a partner who has treated you right. Eventually, you do get over it. If you don't get over it, break up with him - for his sake. Everyone deserves unconditional love and your love for him is compromised to the point you're already thinking of separating with him, because of his past. On top of that this will cause arguments in the future stemming from your own jealousy. At the very least, do talk to him, and he'll probably reassure you that those women were nothing to him and I hope that's enough for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Well, you've been together two years, recently moved in together, so his sexual milieu happened from whenever he started in his teens until 25, presuming monogamy with yourself. In my generation, such behavior was known as 'sowing one's wild oats' before 'settling down'. Of course, men generally married earlier so the numbers were often a bit different/lower. If you don't feel he's 'settled down' or do feel his past proclivities incite doubt about current behaviors, then moving on could be a healthy choice. I'd also consider his relationship history and family milieu in the decision making process. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Of course it's insecurity! I don't want to be 101 on anyone's list. Would've thought that was obvious. So once again, how is that this problem? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Before 30 years old, he's 27. If he started having sex 10 years ago then that's 1 woman per month for 10 years. Nothing to throw yourself off a bridge. Anyway, try to be honest with yourself. I think it has more to do with your jealousy than anything else. Not that you're jealous of those women but I think you are jealous he lived his life as he intended, had all the fun he wanted, and now he can settle down. He's ready for his next phase. You're not. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladyvino Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 So once again, how is that this problem? I don't think I ever said in this thread it was his problem - it was always my problem and I even listed in the OP what my problems were. I approached this forum to have those addressed and if anyone would feel the same way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladyvino Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 If he started having sex 10 years ago then that's 1 woman per month for 10 years. Nothing to throw yourself off a bridge. Anyway, try to be honest with yourself. I think it has more to do with your jealousy than anything else. Not that you're jealous of those women but I think you are jealous he lived his life as he intended, had all the fun he wanted, and now he can settle down. He's ready for his next phase. You're not. I think you're right. Maybe I need to "live" a bit more and take those opportunities/chances to allow me to reach that level of tolerance and understanding and grow along the way. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I think you're right. Maybe I need to "live" a bit more and take those opportunities/chances to allow me to reach that level of tolerance and understanding and grow along the way. Well, if you want to. But most likely in a couple of years time you'll still be single with a higher "number" wishing you hadn't thrown away the best relationship you ever had just so you could get some crappy meaningless sex with other guys. But it's your choice... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I think you're right. Maybe I need to "live" a bit more and take those opportunities/chances to allow me to reach that level of tolerance and understanding and grow along the way. That takes a lot of self-awareness to admit that. At the end of the day, going forward with this relationship, he'd be the one taking a chance on you (feel you have not lived enough) - not you taking a chance on him. Link to post Share on other sites
ontar Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 At least he's experienced and knows how to please you sexually. There's always a bright side, sometimes you gotta dig for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladyvino Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 Well, if you want to. But most likely in a couple of years time you'll still be single with a higher "number" wishing you hadn't thrown away the best relationship you ever had just so you could get some crappy meaningless sex with other guys. But it's your choice... It could be the best time of my life for all I know. My boyfriend said he had the time of his life doing it and enjoyed every second. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 It could be the best time of my life for all I know. My boyfriend said he had the time of his life doing it and enjoyed every second. Off you go then. You pays your money, you takes your chances. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I can only imagine how different this thread would be if a man was saying he just found out his 27-year-old gf had had ~100 previous partners ... I think OP came on here for support, and not to be told how wrong she is. Smh 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Off you go then. You pays your money, you takes your chances. Pete there really is no point stressing. If you could persuade OP to give me her guys number I could do with an experienced boy toy to warm my feet on and as you went and got yourself matched up... Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Isn't life amazing. OP started this thread holding against her boyfriend having had meaningless sex. Then justified breaking up with him because her last 2 boyfriends had the same past and they ended up wanting the single's life again. Now she is about to do to boyfriend what her 2 exs did to her, break up with him to have meaningless sex, which was what she held so strongly against him in the first place. OP: You go and do what you have to do. I am glad you realized it's all about 'YOU' and not about your boyfriend. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladyvino Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 Isn't life amazing. OP started this thread holding against her boyfriend having had meaningless sex. Then justified breaking up with him because her last 2 boyfriends had the same past and they ended up wanting the single's life again. Now she is about to do to boyfriend what her 2 exs did to her, break up with him to have meaningless sex, which was what she held so strongly against him in the first place. OP: You go and do what you have to do. I am glad you realized it's all about 'YOU' and not about your boyfriend. Good luck. 1. No I didn't. 2. No I didn't. 3. This is an alternative view I'm exploring. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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